there's an ocean in my body
there's a river in my soul
Sam let his hand be taken; as pathetic as it was he craved the touch, even when it was given as a comfort, a consolation, a 'I'm sorry, but-'. He looked at Loren's fingers in his own and tried for just a moment to imagine what it might be like to have the same gesture in a warm domestic setting, a touch to go with the thousandth 'I love you'; that dream was beginning to slip further away.
"It makes sense. After what happened...I couldn't expect you to be." He shook his head, more trying to remind himself more than Loren. "Though..." Loren's comment about 'a drunken mistake' made him want to say something more and there was a silent second as he hesitated over it. Eventually deciding to go ahead (it was difficult to decide if Loren had actually done something wrong, but Sam felt he was owed at least the chance to be listened to), he lifted his head to look Loren in the eyes as he spoke.
"I'm not...saying this because I'm jealous or I want you to myself, but...do you think maybe it's not helping, jumping between so many people? I...I tried to do a similar thing, after Nate cheated on me...though admittedly I was far less successful than you." He laughed awkwardly, embarrassed at his failures. "It's...I don't think it's healthy. If it were just for fun then it wouldn't be a problem but...it feels like you're trying to...fix yourself. It won't...it won't work." He stroked Loren's knuckles, hoping he had not gone too far.
"It makes sense. After what happened...I couldn't expect you to be." He shook his head, more trying to remind himself more than Loren. "Though..." Loren's comment about 'a drunken mistake' made him want to say something more and there was a silent second as he hesitated over it. Eventually deciding to go ahead (it was difficult to decide if Loren had actually done something wrong, but Sam felt he was owed at least the chance to be listened to), he lifted his head to look Loren in the eyes as he spoke.
"I'm not...saying this because I'm jealous or I want you to myself, but...do you think maybe it's not helping, jumping between so many people? I...I tried to do a similar thing, after Nate cheated on me...though admittedly I was far less successful than you." He laughed awkwardly, embarrassed at his failures. "It's...I don't think it's healthy. If it were just for fun then it wouldn't be a problem but...it feels like you're trying to...fix yourself. It won't...it won't work." He stroked Loren's knuckles, hoping he had not gone too far.
if I see a sign in the sky tonight
No one's gonna tell me it's a trick of the light
SAMuEL
