Paradise Found

ashe All the dreams that I’m chasing break my heart then replace it. love is all that I have, so let me love who I want Gods, the way he looked at her as his fingers pushed into her hairs, as he traced her jaw… Hope. It was hope she found when he looked at her, smiled at her like that. It wasn’t right, couldn’t be - she would end up crushing that hope and she wouldn’t even try. When Ashe had first begun connecting with people, she hadn’t understood just how much of a mistake she was making. Ashetta Yla, Assassin in Blue, greatest assassin Northwind had ever known… And she was so fucking naive. She’d had no idea what real life was outside of the Guild. She’d had no idea how hard it would be to adjust to things like love from people who had never been broken like she had. She had never been shown anything beyond her hyper-controlled time with her father. Nothing beyond this, that she had been lead to believe had been a lie the entire time. Things like love and hope and connection were things she destroyed without even realizing she was until it was too late. Alistair had spoken the truth: You are incapable of such things. Only pain drives you, pain and anger, and misery are the trinity...your truest loves, and your heart, soul, and body belong to them. But Kalt’s eyes were shining down at her, and he was smiling as if she had never left him in those cold dungeons for execution, as if she hadn’t spent two years putting him behind her, forcing herself to hate him and forget him for things he had never done. Her eyes searched him, looking for the hesitation that should have been there, the anger, the hate, the hurt. She thought to break the moment right then. Step away and make the excuse of wanting to take a look around, because she did want to know more about this place.. But his hand just found her waist and drew her to him with a gentle guidance, and then as he spoke…  her breath left her all at once. Fuck. That was the last thought she managed before his lips were on hers. Sparks and embers ignited in her veins as his mouth slanted over hers, deepening the kiss until her legs threatened to give out beneath her. Her heart strained and raced as she leaned into him, parting her lips for him, tasting him, breathing him in until her head was spinning. Her hand tightened over his back, and gods this wasn’t like being drunk on the rafters and realizing she didn’t want him to go. This… this was wildfire. Raw and utterly consuming. Kalt broke the kiss, and Ashe’s breathing was ragged as her chest rose and fell in an uneven rhythm. She kept herself leaned forward and into him, brow-to-brow as she fought to regain her breath, herself. At some point when their lips had been joined, she had near molded herself against him, and she could feel his heart beating against her. ’It’s impossible to truly hate someone when you’re in love with them.’ It echoed in her head, and she began to tremble. This was wrong. Selfish. Wasn’t it? Her eyes opened, and she was staring at his chest as if she could see the heart that beat beneath. She had asked her mother if she was allowed to want what she didn’t deserve. Love. She had felt more love than she ever thought she would in her entire life in three years, and she had experienced heartbreak, pain, absolute terror she never knew existed. She had hurt people. People had been killed for loving her. She had opened the door to her blackened soul for someone that she should have pushed away, and he had suffered for it. She had found friends that loved her, family. Real family. Gods, and she had fucked up, she fucked up so many times and ruined it all, crushed it. Would they hate her more now, for this, for… for whatever this was? Ashe tilted her head to look up at Kalt, her eyes searching his face. She had suffered too. He had. They had suffered through more than anyone should ever have to, should ever be able to. This… hurting people, hurting herself.. Is this was she was going to do with her second chance? Her crusade was over, and the collateral damage in her quest to end their Master was immense… but it was done. She was left with this life, this worthless fucking life that did so much more bad than good, kept doing bad because it was all she knew. She was taken back to her conversation with her mother then, and something seemed to click into place as she looked up at those crystalline eyes. Would her mother hate her for this? The men she called her brothers? What would they think of Kalt? One of her hands moved to the back of his neck, small fingers curling into the hair at the nape of his neck, the other fisting into the fabric of his uniform where it rested on his chest. She wanted to be better. Maybe she didn’t know how, didn’t even know where to begin. Maybe she didn’t deserve this, maybe she didn’t deserve to feel love again after what she did to Alistair. Maybe she deserved to burn in the blackest depths of the five hells for who and what she was, for everything she had done and failed to do. Fuck that. Ashe leaned up and her mouth crashed into Kalt’s, and lightning burst from her in a powerful pulse outwards - through her, into him, out into that water and grass and earth and the world around them - and she kissed him without restraint, deeply, openly.. full of want and need and hope.