Strange Days

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

It's difficult to know just how his answer will be taken considering the state Sunjata is in, between what they'd just done, the alcohol, and the murky darkness all of this had started in. To Nate's relief though, his words seem to be enough, seem to soothe the hesitation, the breath that still hesitates in Sunjata's lungs.

Turning the question around though, undoes everything from before, the ascended stilling because the attuned does, both of them caught for a moment. A moment just long enough for Nate to consider taking it back, before a hand moves down to cup his cheek, and his answer comes. A brow raises in response to the first question, more concerned about the attitude than the answer itself. The rest of it though, brings some life back to the smile on Nate's face, as he leans in to meet Sunjata's kiss in the middle. He is more than happy to let the other man take control for a moment, not stopping him when he pulls away.

He can't leave well enough alone though, has to pick at the answer, concern in those electric blue eyes. "It does still matter." Nate insists softly, a part of him screaming to stop, to quit while he's ahead, while he's got what he wants. "I... don't want you to feel like you owe me for something, I guess. Just because I've been around, or because other things have been shit." that was how he'd gotten into his relationship with Sam, to start with, and look at how that had turned out.

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today

SUNJATA

the flood

i can't believe that you could just say
that "the answers unlock this gate"

Perhaps the answer isn’t the best. And when he leans forward, thinking it’s the ends, a soft chaste of a kiss pressed to the other man’s lips. He pulls away, hand still at Nate’s jaw as his thumb strokes along the cheekbone there. And he hums softly at the response, the electric fire within Nate’s eyes as it meets stormy steel. And he realizes now, how it sounds, feeling a sudden need to back track. A moment of pause, of chewing on the inside of his cheek as he watches Nate’s face.

A deep inhale of a sigh. “That’s not what I meant.” He begins, stumbling over his tongue, pausing a moment to take it along his lower lip as he thinks about his words beforehand. “I mean, I do owe you. To an extent.” He thinks about the marriage before he pauses again. “But. I do want this, I just know people are going to give me hell for it.” A slight frown to that, thumb drilling along the Ascended.

“But at this point I’m not sure how much more I care about it.”

'cause if you knew his name, not a thing would change
you'd still be wishing you were blessed

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

The moment they had had, warm, content, easy, has faded almost completely now, worry and misunderstanding replacing it. Nate keeps a careful watch on the other mans face, taking in every little shift, then the sigh. The first words ease some of the tension in Nate's throat, a grip that he hadn't even noticed relaxing. Whatever time Sunjata needs to get his words in order, he can have, Nate's patience near endless at this point, for this topic. He just wants them to be on the same page.

Though it doesn't have the best start, Nate reserves any shift for when the other man is done speaking, wanting to make sure he understood before responding again. The more Sunjata continues, the more Nate's hands begin to move again, smoothing down the attuned's back, rubbing soothing circles where the fingers can reach. "If... you don't care, then there's not really a problem, right?" A smile crosses his face, Nate leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of the frown, pulling back after a breath to laugh softly.

"Honestly, this is more on me than you." Nate points out. "If someone won't let it go, you can just tell them that, right?"

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today

SUNJATA

the flood

i can't believe that you could just say
that "the answers unlock this gate"

The stillness of Nate is sharp and stark against Sunjata’s own anxieties. And when he finishes his comments, grows quiet, still, unsure. He can feel Nate’s hands begin to stroke along his back, and it distracts him from the intensity of his stare. His focus is pulled away only briefly when Nate speaks, eyes dropping to his lips as he considers it, mulling over the implications of what he’s said. His own lips form a frown and Nate leans forward to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth, a quiet hum of consideration leaving him.

His fingers slip back into raven hair, mulling it over even further. “Only a problem if they can’t let it go. Which, by the way, isn’t entirely your fault either.” He hums quietly. “Maea and I were on a break while I figured some shit out. I didn’t… well, you might have been the subject of the start of that argument. But. I didn’t know.” He trails off a bit, glancing away from Nate to anything else. He didn’t know what kind of feelings the Ascended had, what it might have been like for him either. “The problem is that they’ll think I’m moving on too soon. Do you see?” His accent is a lot thicker here, trying to get to the point of what people would think, why he shouldn’t and yet should still care.

'cause if you knew his name, not a thing would change
you'd still be wishing you were blessed

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

”Well, no. If they have the issue with it, that’s on them.” Nate agreed, with a short laugh. The mention that Maea and Sunjata had been on a break was news to him though, and it showed in the way his head cocked, his brow lifting in a question he wasn’t quite sure how to ask. ”I’m... sorry to have caused an argument. Was it the bite?” Then another beat of quiet confusion. ”What didn’t you know?”

The dilemma the attuned brought up silenced him again, Nate licking his lips as he tried to work out what to say, how to help. ”It... might be soon. They might be right.” A half shrug at this, Nate not actually sure what to say. It is soon for the other man, on the heels of death, a disaster. The only person who can say if it’s too soon is Sunjata himself. ”It’s not something you have to go through right away, if you don’t want to.” If the other man wanted, Nate would wait until he was ready, until enough time had passed.

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today

SUNJATA

the flood

i can't believe that you could just say
that "the answers unlock this gate"

He listens for a moment before a low hum leaves his throat. “Might have been the bite.” He rumbles with a quiet sigh as he recalls the drunken argument between Maea and him, a muscle feathering in his jaw. “She… Wanted me to settle.” And he had, with her, but at the end of the day he doesn’t know how long it would have lasted. He doesn’t think he could have, fully at least. After all, he’d kissed her when he’d been married. A frown flickers across his lips briefly before he shakes his head, pulling him out of it.

But he focuses on what Nate says next, fingers curling into raven hair as he lets him pull him out of swirling thoughts, drunk hazes. “I’ve always coped this way.” He offers quietly, perhaps a bit shamefully. Maea hadn’t understood. Hotaru had, perhaps Nate might too. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t want you to think that’s all this is. Because it’s not. Not that.” He’s not sure he’s even making any sense, but he’s trying.

'cause if you knew his name, not a thing would change
you'd still be wishing you were blessed

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

Nate hums, the sound a little uncomfortable, a little guilty even. Which, actually only opens the door for more guilt, for not waiting as long as he should have before saying something. Though, when would he have had another moment? ”Settle... like marriage, or?” He prompted, trying to think about the marriage to Phoebe, to alleviate some of the uncomfortable feeling in his chest.

His head tips back, into the fingers running through his hair, eyes searching Sunjata’s face while he explains. As the shame begins to flood over the other mans face. ”I get it. I... was a little bit messy after Sam kicked me out. As you know.” A grin spread over his face, trying to lighten the mood back up. ”Not just coping? I...” Nate hums, tapping his fingers against Sunjata’s skin, and changing his words. ”I don’t think that. I... don’t know what it is, but I know it’s not that.”

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today

SUNJATA

the flood

i can't believe that you could just say
that "the answers unlock this gate"

The talk of marriage has his hand stilling a small amount and he quickly shakes his head. “No. No, I don’t think so.” He half mutters, head tilting a small amount. “If it weren’t for the marriage with Phoebe I don’t think I’d have gotten married at all. Ever.” One of the many things he hadn’t wanted. “Just. To only be with her. And there was you. And—” He hums a small amount, losing his train of thought before shaking his head again.

But Nate tilts his head back into the touch and Sunjata begins to move his fingers again, spotting the smile given back to him, the fingers tapping against his skin. “Okay.” He finally manages, seceding to Nate because he’s described it better so far than he can. “It’s more than that I think. It’s just hard to look at right now.” Hard to feel anything other than guilt, anger, shame, sorrow, self-destruction. Nate’s an outlet for him right now, that line to the light he so desperately clings to, one filled with so much promise in comparison to everything else.

'cause if you knew his name, not a thing would change
you'd still be wishing you were blessed

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

Nate's hands keep moving, even as he seems to stray along every wrong topic, even as Sunjata pauses. Gentle circles, at the base of the attuned's head. "Well there go all my plans." A soft chuckle, the words obviously rumbled as a joke, to break up the seriousness, the heaviness of past mistakes and regrets. They really have strayed a far way in just a few moments. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drive a wedge in anything." Though he's not entirely sure how he could have been involved, unless the bite at Maea's check up had affected her more than he thought. Or... maybe she'd heard about what happened in the smugglers caves.

Fuck, maybe it made more sense than he'd first thought.

It helps the gnawing feeling in Nate's chest to be distracted, by the conversation shifting, by Sunjata's fingers moving again. "You don't have to look at it right now, you know. I just... don't want to push past a line you want to stay behind, y'know?" Just because Nate had said he wouldn't be pushed away didn't meant the other man had made the same decision, and moving too fast, too far, was one of the easiest, most common ways he lost the people he wanted to keep around the most.

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today

SUNJATA

the flood

i can't believe that you could just say
that "the answers unlock this gate"

He leans into the touch, the circles at his neck. “Mmm, well.” He muses somewhat on the subject of marriage. “Married once, engaged twice. Kind of makes it not attractive, huh?” Stormy eyes flutter closed at the touch of Nate, not as warm as everyone else he’s been with but it’s probably good considering he’s a furnace right now. He cracks open one eye to look at Nate with the answer he gets. “You didn’t. She just… Didn’t understand, I don’t think.” A vagueish answer given. How Maea hadn’t understood the idea of an open relationship, of having fun with others without it becoming a more emotional attachment. Perhaps she was right in a sense — with the earlier love confession.

It starts to give him a headache.

So he leans into the touch a bit more, fingers still roaming through Nate’s hair, along his neck, pressing lightly along his jaw. The idea of lines, boundaries, reminds him so much of how he was with Maea — tiptoeing them and stepping over them and breaking them left and right. A deep, heavy inhale expands his chest and he angles his head a bit closer to nuzzle Nate’s cheek and neck again. “No lines drawn, Nate.” He’s not sure why he should start having them now.

'cause if you knew his name, not a thing would change
you'd still be wishing you were blessed

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

As Sunjata's eyes closed, Nate shifted, meaning to pull him in closer, to stretch and shift and rearrange how they're pressing together. "I imagine it loses some of the appeal when you're being forced into it." The words are more thoughtful than anything else. Really, Nate had never thought too much about the subject, never thought it would be something he'd be able to seek out, but it's accessibility hasn't made it more attractive now. "What was there to understand? Or, not understand, I guess." This is more than likely a subject he should leave alone, but it hits too many of Nate's buttons for him to be able to.

Nate expects his next question to take some thought, a moment of reflection, but the sigh, and the response actually come much sooner than he'd thought. And, it's not quite what he'd expected either, though that's much easier to rationalize, somehow. Instead of questioning it, Nate smirks, rubbing his cheek against Sunjata's warmly. "That's an awful lot of power to give me you know." He warns, the hand on Sunjata's back slipping down to cup his ass and squeeze, as if warning him why.

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today

SUNJATA

the flood

i can't believe that you could just say
that "the answers unlock this gate"

“Exactly.” He rumbles with a small shake of his head. He’s a bit too drunk to go into the specifics of it all, anyway. So he’s somewhat glad for the subject shift, until Nate asks him to elaborate, and he can’t help the slight shift of his body as he aims to nestle in closer to Nate. “The idea that if you bit me, that I wouldn’t stop you while with her.” It’s a bit softer of an admission, lips curling a small amount. “Monogamy hasn’t exactly been my strong suit since I arrived here.” No, nearly every relationship he’s been in he’s almost fucked it up one way or another.

But with the next question, head burrowed next to Nate’s, he feels the Ascended brush his cheek against his own, his hands drifting lower to his ass as he hums to that. “Don’t forget that I’m powerful too.” He whispers against Nate’s neck, before shifting to where Nate’s on his back and Sunjata can hover over him, peering down at the Ascended with a smirk and a wink.

'cause if you knew his name, not a thing would change
you'd still be wishing you were blessed

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

Nate is glad to let talk of marriage drop as well, though what they move to is no gentler on emotions. Sunjata shifts against him, trying to get closer still, and responds, softly. The combination of words and action sends Nate's mind spiralling, first with a burst of smugness, then deep guilt. So he has to ask, has to know. "Would you have?" It's not going to be a useful answer, is going to hurt no matter which way it goes, but Nate can't help himself. "I've... kind of noticed that." The words come with a quiet understanding, Nate's tone carefully free of any judgment. After all, one of those betrayals to monogamy had been with him.

"How could I forge-" The words, the immediate snark back is interrupted by Sunjata moving them, Nate letting himself be rolled more out of surprise than actual willingness. Not that he's complaining, when he has a handsome face to look up at. "I know you're powerful." As he continues his thought from earlier, one of his hands moves, slipping to cup Sunjata's cheek for a moment before moving down to tug at a wrist, pulling it to cup Nate's face in the same way. "I think I know how to push your buttons a little better." The ascended leans in, kissing at the palm he'd pulled close, then letting his teeth sink into Sunjata's wrist, a rumbling groan leaving him as he does.

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today

SUNJATA

the flood

i can't believe that you could just say
that "the answers unlock this gate"

“No.” Sunjata begins with a small hum. “Hence the argument.” A tilt of his head, a knowing look. A small nod granted soon after for the confirmation of a noticed pattern — after all, Nate had been the one to help Sunjata end his marriage, in less than honorable circumstances. But he’s shifting Nate then, interrupting whatever comes out of that sly mouth. A small smirk crossing his face at the sudden upper hand.

It’s easy for him to give Nate the control to pull his hand toward him, cupping his cheek while he leans into Nate’s own hand. A dark brow raises in some thought to the meaning of the comment, but it doesn’t take long for him to find out. One arm braced against the bed above Nate’s shoulder. The other, suddenly finding fangs buried into a scarred wrist, a resounding groan leaving Nate with the sensation. And Sunjata shudders, nearly giving into collapsing onto the man beneath him. “You prick.” Sunjata rumbles, though there’s nothing but amusement in the accusation, trembling and shuddering above Nate, burying his face into the man’s neck.

'cause if you knew his name, not a thing would change
you'd still be wishing you were blessed