Strange Days

- NATE -

but who am I to say?
let's all just run away

Feeling arms squeeze him back does nothing but increase the flow of tears, forcing out more emotion than Nate has ever let another person see in his life. Well... that's not true, not really, but the only other people who would have seen this are long dead, in another world. He doesn't expect the response, but he does close his eyes when it comes, the words, the apology hurting more than it should. "No you... you don't have to say sorry, I..." But the words are cut off, swallowed down with a clumsy tongue, because Sunjata is moving, and whatever he needs is more important to Nate in this moment than whatever he needs to say.

The words were already unexpected, but the eye contact, the press of a cheek against him is almost too much. It's obvious, in the way his jaw shakes, the way he swallows against nothing, that he's fighting to not pull away now. He's pushed his way through so much else, he can force himself to be vulnerable with Sunjata. Can force himself to actually lean into his trust. And it shouldn't feel so much like looking into a mirror, but it almost hurts more to see all the hurt he's feeling reflected on the other man's face. It's not a surprise, it's just hard to be literally face to face with it.

More than anything else, he appreciates the difficulty Sunjata is having, the struggle to get the words out, and he holds his tongue until he's sure the other man has said what he needs to, leaning back into the hand in his hair. "I get it. I... fuck, believe me, I do." There's a laugh so dry and humourless it seems like it hurt Nate to get it out, and a hand shift to cup Sunjata's jaw, brushing against his face like Nate isn't sure how to touch something so important. "I'll... I'll talk you back from the edge whenever you need. And..."

He has to pause again, has to try and swallow down everything, so he can get his words straight, so he can make sure he's saying what he wants to. "I meant... every single thing I said. Okay? Everything." Even the kind of shitty things, though Nate doesn't think the attuned will hold it against him. "I want to support you, and... I..." He stops to swallow again, to press his forehead against the other man. He could stop here, he thinks. Could keep some things clenched behind his teeth, in his fist and never let them out. "I love you, Sunjata. I do." It's not a time for confessions, but it's clicked in his head, and he has to say it before he can't.

grab your saints and pray
and we'll burn this world today