thousand times I've fallen

Lonely shadows following me
Lonely ghosts come a-calling

She grabbed his arm and he stopped. Staring down, there was no anger in his eyes. No frustration or cold calm. Only that same void, like a bone deep weariness he wouldn't - couldn't - shake off.

"Help me with what?" he asked, tone so even as if this was just a conversation like any other. "Ease the pain? Make everything better? Make me forget?" For a moment, just a brief instant, Korbin's eyes focused properly on Kiada. But then he shook his head.

"There is nothing you can do, Kiada. Without Weaver, there is nothing left that I care about. I have no reason to go anywhere or do anything. Let your healers waste their time on some other dying fool. I. Don't. Care."

He withdrew his arm, almost gently. In two steps he had reached the door and pulled it open, and made to close it behind him, not caring if it slammed in her face or if she got caught in it. The noise from the bar hit him like a sledgehammer, too loud and too close; without stopping for anyone he stalked out of the room, meaning to shift and fly off as soon as he got to the front door.

Thousand voices dead at my feet
Now I'm gone, now I'm gone, now I'm gone

KIADA you kneel and say your prayers with shaking hands and a mouth full of metal but the blood in your mouth tastes nothing “To talk about it.” She says with that very same sharpness to her tone. “You can’t forget. Nobody is asking you to.” Gods knew she never forgot them. Not her brother, not her siblings, not her companion. Hell, not even her father wherever he was. She couldn’t forget them. But he continues on, continues to say that he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies, and it rears some ugly unforgiving head within her as she lets her gaze narrow on him, as he removes his arm from her grip. She’s half tempted to let him do it, but she knows better than that. She knows there’s people that would befriend him, who would be a part of his life, that would make up his family just as she had found. But he has to get there first. The door slams shut and she closes her eyes for a brief moment, sighing so incredibly sharp that Auni flinches before she's trudging up the stairs to head to the door as well, finding the front door open and him beyond it, following him with her gaze because she’s sure he won’t make it very far. nothing, like holy wine as it drips from your tongue during confession and your hail mary feels h o l l o w in the face of all that r e d

KORBIN

Leave my loneliness unbroken!
- quit the bust above my door!

Unfortunately, she was right. Once outside in the biting cold, Korbin shifted into his raven form and leaped into the air. Where he was going he didn't know. Just off, it didn't matter. As long as he remained outside, the cold would get to him, and then it would all be over. Just... end. And if Weaver was let down in some afterlife or other, then let it be so. He couldn't do this without her.

But he managed all of two wingbeats before the pain became too much. The ribs were broken, not just fractured, and whatever they translated to in this form it fucking hurt. Like a torn wad of black rags the raven drifted, tumbled, crashed into the snow by the side of the road and was left sitting there, wings splayed and beak open. Just breathing, the beady eyes dull and listless.

It was pathetic, and he knew it. But damn, not even the loss of prestige managed to get to him. There was only the pain. Bodily, mental, soul deep.

A small sound was let from the throat of the bird, broken and lost. Too wounded to even scream and rage at the world.

Quoth the Raven,
"Nevermore."

KIADA you kneel and say your prayers with shaking hands and a mouth full of metal but the blood in your mouth tastes nothing She watches him, all of the two wingbeats before he’s diving toward the ground again and she’s already moving. A huff of a sigh in a puff of white against the cold slips from her, boots crunching against the snow as she goes to crouch beside the raven, wincing internally at the sorrowful croak that escapes him. Korbin… She offers softly through the attuned bond, her frustration beginning to fade away as she reaches down to scoop up the raven, to fix his wings into a more comfortable position as she goes to cradle him against her chest. And then she’s marching back toward the Kraai, skipping the office space down below to bring him to her room, up the stairs to the very same that he’d let her pick from. The room is warm at least, and she sets him on the bed, moving away to give him space as Auni bleats softly as the Luxere makes his way to his makeshift bed, blue eyes focused on the bed. nothing, like holy wine as it drips from your tongue during confession and your hail mary feels h o l l o w in the face of all that r e d

KORBIN

Leave my loneliness unbroken!
- quit the bust above my door!

He didn't reply. It was hard to say if he even heard her at all. The raven pecked at her hands and hissed menacingly when she touched the wings, but even that was half-hearted. Lackluster. He didn't even have the energy to finish himself off. Pathetic. Lame. How Weaver would laugh...

But she wouldn't.

Korbin paid no heed to where he was brought this time. When he was put down on the bed, all he did was shuffle around a bit until the pain lessened somewhat, and then he tucked the beak in under a wing. Closed himself off, and withdrew as far back into the mentality of the bird as he could get. Clearly not dying, or he would have been shifted back... but it was not for lack of trying.

Quoth the Raven,
"Nevermore."

KIADA you kneel and say your prayers with shaking hands and a mouth full of metal but the blood in your mouth tastes nothing He pecks at her hands – but she’s seen worse, already her hands covered in scars from blades and other tragedies she’s been caught up in. It does little to curb her attempts at wrapping himself in his wings, of pulling him to her chest and tugging him along. She’s seen so much worse than anything he could do to her. So she makes it inside her room, clicking the door shut behind her, setting him atop the bed and finally ending up taking a seat across from it, watching as he goes to hide himself away from her. She doesn’t mind, she’s done the same hasn’t she? At least the last time she’d had Deimos there to give her that wall to hide behind, that mask and shelter she so desperately wanted. And so she says nothing, simply waits for the knock of the healers when they arrive, opening the door and remaining on the inside of it as they rush over toward the raven. Her arms fold across her chest, fiddling with the ends of her hair before she runs a hand through the long dark tresses, exhaustion lingering on her face. nothing, like holy wine as it drips from your tongue during confession and your hail mary feels h o l l o w in the face of all that r e d

KORBIN

Leave my loneliness unbroken!
- quit the bust above my door!

The bird didn't look up until one of the healers reached out a hand for it. Then it shuffled aside, pecked with that cruel beak at them, and hissed. A warning, a refusal.

He wanted no healing. Wanted no help, or magical removal of the dark pit that churned within. He knew they could, and refused to let them near.

There was no point. No meaning. Every breath was empty and void, a cruel joke wrought by gods who used mortals as naught but pawns in their schemes. He wanted no part in it. Was done trying. Done picking himself up, done fighting an end that would come no matter what he did.

Korbin used to have reasons to be strong, to go on. But now the last one was gone, and the coaxing words of these meddling fools rolled off him like so much water. The raven kept pecking at the hands that tried to touch him, until finally they gave up, shaking their heads at him and at Kiada.

There was no helping someone who didn't want it.

Quoth the Raven,
"Nevermore."

KIADA you kneel and say your prayers with shaking hands and a mouth full of metal but the blood in your mouth tastes nothing She watches him peck and hiss at the healers, watches the way they try before giving up. And she can’t blame them, really. She’s not sure why she’s even trying so hard — but she is. She’s doing whatever she can in order to help him, even if it wasn’t everything, and perhaps that’s the hardest part. She doesn’t know what will help him, she hardly knows what helped her. All those thoughts about how it should have been her when Ru’in died come to mind, and she swallows them down hard. Try to get some rest. You’ll need it. Inevitably for the next attempt — but she won’t leave him alone. Not yet, anyway. She stands from her seat to blow out the candles at the side of her bed, moving to the desk again and keeping one lit, grabbing a parchment and a quill, scribbling down what all had happened today — hoping it makes it to the Grounds, but likely knowing it won’t. nothing, like holy wine as it drips from your tongue during confession and your hail mary feels h o l l o w in the face of all that r e d

KORBIN

Leave my loneliness unbroken!
- quit the bust above my door!

Sleep would not come. Even if he would have relished the oblivion of it, the small chance to revel in forgetfulness, his thoughts kept churning. Twisting in upon themselves, tying a barbed knot of hopelessness and despair. Weaver's face kept coming back to him. All the things she had said and done. The way light would catch in her eyes and hair, how her smile could convey a million meanings at once. The grace and strength she used in wielding that bulky scythe of hers... He never once defeated her in a spar. With or without weapons.

He missed her. It had only been hours since he last saw her, but already the absence of her was eating at him. It only grew, the reality of it. And as the immensity of his loss crushed down on Korbin, the numbness of him turned into pain. Sharp and stabbing, unbearably potent, like daggers plunging repeatedly into his chest. The raven gasped and shuddered, trembling with shock; it poured down the bond, unintentionally. Raw, bleeding agony and a bottomless black pit of grief that opened its maw to swallow him whole.

Quoth the Raven,
"Nevermore."

KIADA you kneel and say your prayers with shaking hands and a mouth full of metal but the blood in your mouth tastes nothing She’s writing, the quill moving across the parchment in easy strokes, before suddenly she can feel what he’s sending down the bond. Whether or not it’s intentional doesn’t matter to her, not as she hears the creature on the bed shudder and gasp, as the shock of the pain reaches her like shooting daggers so forcefully that the quill drags across the paper in a sharp line and she flinches. It’s a yawning void she knows all too well herself, and she thinks of all of those that she’s lost, of all of those that are a portal away, so far from her. She misses them, misses everyone and everything as a tether – that yawning void growing in her too. And she has to turn away from him to hide away the burning in her eyes, the pain that she’d share with him if she could, but knows he doesn’t need. Of lost siblings, of a lost and presumed dead twin, of everything. So she puts the quill away, back into the ink pot, before she instructs Auni to keep an eye on him and she slips out of the room for a break. nothing, like holy wine as it drips from your tongue during confession and your hail mary feels h o l l o w in the face of all that r e d

Lonely shadows following me
Lonely ghosts come a-calling

The raven did not stir as she rose and left the room. It showed no sign of noticing that she was gone at all. With the head tucked back under a wing, all its focus was turned inward, staring dazedly at the swirling vortex of emotions... wishing he could drown in them.

And he was, wasn't he. Shut off from the world, refusing to play along with it. Shrugging off the help of those people who offered it. He didn't want it. They were not Weaver, and their words were hollow and empty. Just noise buzzing in his ears.

The luxere made no sound, but its gaze was more of the same thing. Useless pity for someone who didn't need it. They should waste that energy on some other fool who actually wanted to keep going. Korbin was a lost cause.

Better just give up.

--------

- FIN

Thousand voices dead at my feet
Now I'm gone, now I'm gone, now I'm gone