(o) colorful shadows

Pain seems to pore from every angle of his expressive face, and her own crumples as she hangs on every sorrowful word. "Then...who raised you? You weren't alone all that time, were you?" Perhaps in some ways she can understand his mother's plight, if it was in her very nature to move and never cease. But the mother's heart within her balks at the idea. How alone had he been in those initial years? Had he ever found the support he needed, some sort of replacement for the framework his mother's love should have been? Had she ever visited him in her journeys, if only to try and impart upon him the inherent worth he held?

Hotaru is unaccustomed to being so taken in by a stranger's tale, used to holding back, aware of how easy it is to lie and embellish. It makes it easier to detach when he takes her up on her offer, and she has the grace to not comment upon or stare too long at the shadows that haunt the prisms in his irises. "Oh, thank you," she titters at the compliment, cheeks flushing slightly in the shadow cast by the high sun as a hand flattens a few folds in her dress. "I have a friend who can store some extra materials for me, so I suppose I'll find you when our days are both amenable to such a thing." Expression soft and unassuming, unwilling to entrap the man in a harsh deadline and scare him away. Kellan's frame is exquisite, and she is eager to dress and fit him. It only helps his case that already she feels like giving him all the gifts and sweetness the world has failed to supply him with.

Such thoughts make it easier to reveal such deep, hidden memories to him. He has no knowledge of the woman she used to be, the faults and flaws that haunt her in the sanctity of her own mind. As he shares his own untarnished tale, she pays him the same due attention, and gives a small wistful laugh. "Well, I'm afraid this place is not nearly so interesting in terms of ruling. It's more for show than anything. All we have is our memories to sustain us." Hotaru has moved on from the desire to reclaim such a noble seat. It has little use here in this world, and she's not sure it would welcome her back in quite the same way.

Hotaru

Hotaru's gentle concern slipped beneath the defenses he'd already lowered, and the empathy in her expression touched Kel's wounded heart like rain to the desert. "I wasn't alone," he hurried to reassure her, an unexpectedly powerful urge to ease the pain from the expression of the nymph-like beauty at his side. Warrior queen though she was, her kindness meant even more to him than her flawless pedigree. "My mother fostered me to her closest friend. A dryad of the Guithair Grove." His smile returned, softer but still sad. "They... were more than friends, I think, when they were younger. But she took me in and loved me like her own. I grew up with more cousins and aunts than most. Even a few uncles," he added, a touch ruefully. "Male dryads aren't very common, but most of the Grove treated me like one of their own." In spite of being half-human; a sticking point for a few that he'd never been able to overcome. "And mother came back to visit a few times every year, to tell me stories and teach me about being anemoi... well, half," he amended with self-conscious honesty.

Her kindness extended to more than a willing ear; the offer of material goods, clothing that would help him fit in better, seemed almost too good to be true. Even so, he had to start trusting someone sooner or later, and she had enchanted him with the silk that wrapped her regal core of steel. The coral glow of her cheeks had him looking away self-consciously, even as he curled his fingers loosely against the hem of his tunic, a quiet yearning for the pink pipestone he had once ground to make a shade that would almost do the rosy hue justice; a light watercolor wash over the simple charcoal lines he would have used to capture the elegant lines of her face... he could never afford the jade that would do her eyes justice, but maybe malachite...? He blinked, realizing that she'd made a suggestion, and he nodded hurried agreement, knowing that he'd make time for whenever she asked it of him.

"Once a queen, always a queen," he said shyly, listening to how her laugh echoed and chimed within the cathedral, creating a bittersweet harmony with the music of the wind. "At least, where it counts." He tapped his chest, stumbling over the right words but hoping she understood what he meant. "Thank you for telling me. Did you have... was there a consort? Or... did you have children?" Cautiously asked, he hurried to add: "We can talk about something else if that's... if you don't want to." If it was too painful, too prying, he hoped to reassure her, wanting to know more about her but not to open old wounds.

The discordant beat of her heart settles at his assurances, unexpectedly relieved. It's still not a life she would ever wish for her own child, but Kellan appears to harbor no ill will. It is his opinion that matters here. "I'm glad you were not alone. I can't say I understand your mother's choices, but you seem to have grown into a fine man nonetheless." At least so far as she has seen. Roots and history aside, however he was reared does not matter so much as the end result.

His distraction is only noticed in some distant part of her hummingbird mind, constantly active and sharply aware. The rest is consumed beneath the haze of her own flushed cheeks, internally blaming the cast of light over the water, the heat of the day, finding any excuse aside from being enchanted by his presence. Though it does not bolster her for long, laid low by his shy compliments yet again within moments. "Thank you," she responds softly, eyes bright with gratitude that her lips cannot share, flitting to the gesture of his hand against his chest. For all his lack of familiarity with her type of ruling class, Kellan seems to understand what matters most. That though she is forgotten and meaningless now in this land, she can never fully shed those gilded robes. "Consorts...of a sort," she agrees, voice going a bit stiff and stilted. "I had many children whom I loved deeply. Many not of my own blood that I brought into my family. But their fathers never stayed." Old heartbreak echoes like rain in a cavernous pit in the valleys of her words. His offer of another topic is not an escape she chooses to indulge in. She may be ashamed that she could never keep her beloveds at her side, but Hotaru will not turn cheek against her own flaws. "No matter how I loved them, how I asked them to stay for their children at the very least if not for me, it did not seem to matter." Giving a hoarse clearing of her throat, she summons a smile, focusing instead on her children. "The time never came for my children to succeed me to the throne. But I would have been immeasurably proud if any of them had."

Hotaru

Her praise brought forth a shy smile of pleasure and pride. To be called a 'fine man' by a woman such as Hotaru sent a thrill through him, and gave his self-confidence a much-needed boost. Her attention and her compassion for him made him feel like he had worth again; a sense he had sorely been lacking since his arrival on Caido. Not just beautiful and kind, but an accomplished ruler and warrior taking the time to speak to him and care about his life? He was growing increasingly afraid that she was a dream, though by far the sweetest one he'd had in recent memory.

There was a danger in sitting so close to her in that small cathedral by the sea. Her eyes were different colors, he realized with a start. Only her left eye was the green he'd been searching his pigments for. The other was a grey like lightening storm clouds over the ocean, just before the sun emerges. He could get lost in those eyes if he stayed too close for too long, and he almost did before he remembered her pedigree, one so much prouder than his. Surely she'd had someone at her side... lovers, consorts, a harem of beautiful men and women at her every beck and velvet call?

Kel had asked as much to remind himself of his place as to learn more about her, but he regretted it almost instantly at the unhappiness in her voice and carriage as she answered. He'd been afraid that she had left loved ones behind, but her tale was as sorrowful as his - more, for he had never truly felt abandoned, however unusual his upbringing. He couldn't imagine anyone leaving her, especially not with the connection of parenthood to bind them, and he could only swallow hard against the knot of emotion in his throat. On impulse and a desire to offer comfort he reached out to her again, fingertips brushing a fold of her dress once more. "I'm sure they were proud of you, too. They still would be, if they could see you here," he tried to reassure her.

Kellan's attention is both steady and intense, like laying too close to a fire pit and feeling the burn against your skin, but unwilling to turn away from it into the cold of the night. Just as mesmerizing as those flickering flames which have captivated humans since the dawn of their species. Hotaru cannot say what it is about him that is so entrancing. From an impartial standpoint, there is little that stands out about him upon first glance. Yet nevertheless she feels she could whittle away the hours listening to him speak of a world she'll never know, see the flush against his cheeks, barely discernible in the shadows as she offers him the smallest of kindnesses.

If he is captivated by her eyes, she cannot say the same does not happen to her in turn. A hawk's eyes, golden and brilliant, but gentle and soulful just like -

Her heart stutters in her chest as the name surfacing in her mind slams to a halt mid-thought. It is terrifying, that he reminds her so much of one of her past lovers, and yet she finds her lips parting nonetheless. "You remind me of one of them. My beloveds. You have...a very gentle soul." Perhaps she would have been embarrassed by such a forthright admission any other day, but instead all she can feel is that chest-gripping fear, though it does not show on her face. Terrified as ever of love, of companionship, even if he is not remotely close enough to her to offer it up into her hands. Suddenly scared of letting him any closer. Instead grasping to the topic change for dear life. "Thank you. I like to think they would be." Not daring to mention that Ru'in, at least, would not. Or so she thinks. He had been murdered before she had even been brought here, and nothing she does now can change the fact that she'd been too late twice. Instead, she reaches out more boldly than he, laying her hands gently overtop his hand which gently brushes against her dress.

Hotaru

Her control was far better than his, honed by distant courts and political intrigues he could only imagine from the tales of wandering minstrels and bards. He did not know her well enough to see beyond the beauty of the queen to the mortal woman within, having only what she gave to him - and glad for that much, taking solace in her patient kindness and the simple conversation that meant more to him than he could have known. She was a lofty star to his humble tallow candle, but rather than being cold and distant she gave him warmth and hope.

Dangerous, to become too attached too quickly, and yet he could not look away or break the spell of this golden afternoon, wrapped in the cathedral's song and the lapping of ocean waves upon the strand.

Amber eyes fell to parted lips, but the words that came out brought a flush of uncertainty to his cheeks as he ducked his head shyly at the honor she bestowed. "I... but he... was he one of those that left you, too?" he asked, soft voice stricken as he sought to balance the compliment he barely knew how to accept and the history that had already been revealed. Compared to a lover, but also to one who might have abandoned this graceful queen, Kel found himself caught between pride and chagrin.

He might have said more, focused back upon her children, but her hands claimed his and he glanced up from beneath dark bangs in startled pleasure, the shy smile flashing across his face once more at the gift. "Will you tell me more?" he asked impulsively, wanting to bring the smile back to her face again and chase away the ghosts of past lives and lovers. "More about... about who you are now? Your shop and... and guild? What things you enjoy about this world?"

It's likely not the compliment to him that it is to her, even with her own terrified reaction aside. After all, he only knows what she has told them of these men. "Yes. But it does not mean he didn't share the same spirit, one that I admired long before I ever loved." When he'd been no more than her friend, her confidant. Yet another soul beneath the protection of the crown. "His actions don't make it less of a compliment. I'm sorry if it seemed that way." Part of her, still hurt and defensive after years of time between those abandonments, wants to hiss that she would never let anyone close enough to do that again anyway, that he need not sorry about the comparison. The larger part knows she's too foolish and romantic to hold fast to that vow. If how quickly she befriends this man is any indication, already her walls are too low.

It's an honorable, humble thing, to ask after her own stories instead of telling his own. The water grows closer to their feet, but Hotaru intends to stretch their time together as far as she can. "Quote a vague question, I don't know where to start," she teases, eyes alight with dancing amusement. "My shop is for fabric working, tailoring, and glassblowing. Both are quite popular in the Grounds, but magic can achieve it just as easily if not more so." She's certainly not special in her field, but it brings her peace to work with her hands and help her newly found fellow citizens. "My guild is a bit more of a secret." Smirk far more prominent this time as she leans back against the cool structure, a relief from the heat against her bare shoulders. "I enjoy many things here. The people are hard-working and kind, the land itself is beautiful..." she trails off with a loose gesture of her hand at the water before them. "Meeting people like you. It may not be home, the one I made. But if I could make it once, why not again?"

Hotaru

He hesitated at her reassurance, cautious still at the comparison but taking comfort in knowing that she had meant it well. It was not in Kel's nature to assume that one as beautiful and experienced as Hotaru could ever feel romantic attachment to one such as him; her kindness was more than he would have dared to ask, and her friendship was all the gift he dared hope to earn, knowing so little of each other as they did yet. He gave a small shake of his head, thumb moving beneath her fingers to tentatively brush against them where they rested on his hand. "No, I... you give me too much honor. I misunderstood..." He shrugged a little helplessly, not liking to put into words that it was easier to believe the worst of himself at times. It wasn't an attractive personality trait, and there were times when he was able to bury it, confident in himself and his own worth in spite of his mixed heritage.

Confidence had been in short supply since arriving on Caido, though, and doubts had risen and redoubled in the wake of losing friends and family and all things familiar to him. The timidity that had plagued Kel as a child had returned in force, and he wished he could show Hotaru a better side of himself.

Those doubts went hand-in-hand with wariness and a mistrust that others only wished to use and discard him. It had happened already within Kaiholo, his ignorance of the local customs making him easy prey to hucksters, con men, and thieves. He should have been more guarded even now, but Hotaru's regal beauty and gentle empathy had soothed his fears and calmed his heart more than any other he had met in this strange world, and he ached for a connection to make the place a little less lonely.

The water didn't bother him, though he feared for his companion's beautiful clothing. Amber eyes glanced worriedly from the slowly thinning strand to Hotaru, but she seemed calm and willing to stay and so he relaxed beside her once more, glad to stay as long as she was willing. His lips quirked at her teasing, but she offered more detail and he drank in every word. "Where did you learn to make glass?" An eager question, curious as to how a queen had learned such a craft. The mention of her guild being a secret gave him pause, but only for a moment. Jiao had been similarly skittish about her ship and crew, and he had no right to either woman's secrets, so he simply nodded acceptance.

Though he did wonder at the smirk, a peek behind the angelic facade to the warrior who had protected her people on another world.

He had not had as much luck with kind people as she had, but given the current company he found he could nod, smile returning - along with a bit of blush as she mentioned meeting him among the list of enjoyable things. "If anyone can do it, you can," he encouraged warmly, believing in her strength. It took a strong heart to be as compassionate as Hotaru had been with him, and he didn't doubt her ability to build her kingdom anew, even if it was a far smaller and cozier demesne than her previous realm.

Whatever force it is that lies behind his eyes, unknown and foreign to her, seems intent on having him withdraw away from her words and compliments. In a way it is frustrating, for while Hotaru is certainly a proficient liar she values the impact of honesty, and his self-esteem seems to twist her words into something that causes him more pain than joy. But she recedes nonetheless, not wanting to push too far or make Kellan uncomfortable. It would only do further disservice to the compliment she is trying to impart. At least she can gently squeeze down upon the fingers that brush listlessly up against her own, trying to settle his nerves. "I believe I will be the judge of how much honor I give you, and whether you are worthy of it in my own mind," she stares firmly, though her tone remains mild. He does not have to accept the compliment, but Hotaru knows she is not wrong in what she decided to say.

Doubt and crippling levels of self-worth are not beyond her. Though an affliction more focused on her childhood, even now there are missing links in the chain of her armor. Even now she finds herself unworthy of those her heart longs for, a burden upon her friends and family as her own power slowly grows. But she has no way of knowing this winding pattern of his thoughts, though she may suspect their course. So instead she lets him sink into his silence for a moment, not pushing the subject.

"In a land before here. With enough heat and patience, it is not so difficult a skill to learn. But glass is always in great demand." Slowly she has learned to make smaller, more delicate things. Far more difficult of course, but worth it for the increased sale price they fetch. His words have returned to a certain level of forthrightness, and she laughs and pats his hand, grateful for the faith in her. "Then you can as well, Kellan. I have faith that you will make, if not find, another home here. It is a rough start, but a new one nonetheless."

Hotaru

She didn't let go, holding his hand tighter for all that he had caused such a misunderstanding with his baseless fears, and her remonstrance managed to be both firm and gentle at once. He glanced up, amber eyes a little startled at her calm determination, and wondered if Hotaru realized how regal grace came so naturally to her. "I... then... thank you," Kel stammered, feeling the betraying blush of embarrassment - and no little pleasure - start to darken again, so that he quickly looked away.

But he carried her gift of worth with him as he did, feeling it bolster his confidence a little in spite of his own doubts.

A queen and an artist; a woman of many talents and many lives, worthy of ballads in her honor. He had no such skill with words, but given some paper and a bit of charcoal... well. He knew he could never capture the warmth of her, or the way she slipped from mischievous to queenly to comforting with the ease that the wind changed its tune through the cathedral, lilting and magical.

"We never had much, in the Grove," he admitted. "The dryads shaped and hardened sap for our window panes. Mostly... mostly glass was a thing of humans. Or other Hidden, I guess." Not that he'd been invited into the homes of many other Hidden, halfbreed that he was. But his ravenkin friend's cottage had windows of thick glazed glass, too, modest as it was.

Hotaru's laugh brought the smile back to his face, earnest and glad to have brought her some joy. "I... thanks," he said shyly, to the encouragement as well as the pat to his hand. "I'll try. If I can meet more people like you then... maybe I can." Friends, family... all that he had taken for granted in his life and still mourned the loss of. No one could take the places of those people, but maybe... maybe he could find a way to start moving forward again, instead of clinging to a past that was gone beyond his reach. Hotaru gave him hope, and inspiration to do more than just mope and drift along Fate's currents.

There is little else to say as his wide-eyed countenance betrays the guileless heart beneath. "You're welcome." Bestowing a benevolent smile to drive home the assurance that her compliment is true and sincere. Even in the shadows of the cathedral his blush is a hue of rose on tanned skin, but Hotaru does not comment upon it, lest he spontaneously go limp and slide off into the ocean to drown in his mortification. She conceals a smile at the idea.

"Perhaps when you are comfortable with the portals I can show you my shop and teach you how to make something small." No inflection of question, allowing him to take it at face value and accept or deny without hurting her feelings. Instead she merely smiles, tilting forward to let the sun hit her face for a moment before she places her hat back over her head. Standing smoothly and turning, the waves dancing across her toes and dampening the sheer fabric of the bottom of her dress. Extending a hand, she smiles beneath the shadowed brim. "Then we'll start here. Walk me home?" And, whether he will take her hand or not, she will walk back out into the sun with the cathedral's song echoing at her back.

- FIN

Hotaru