He figured living was just easier

everything i knew is turning into ruins in your shadow

"More and more I'm learning that's the thing about faith in the gods...It isn't for us to justify the things they do. Either you believe them above human notions of right and wrong and realize that we're just toys in this sandbox of theirs, or...you try and fight them on it." His shoulders shrugged, his tone making it clear which side of things Remi believed himself to be on. "Well, I'd be here. I didn't take a portal to get to Torchline like you did." The Alchemist corrected with a small grin.

Raising his brows at that, considering Sam's expression to see if that was meant to be some poorly worded joke, eventually, he shook his head. Like him, the bookmaker wasn't always the best with words. At least Remi could forgive him that, now. "No, she's not." He replied softly.

"This life? No. I imagined Ronin and I would have died a long time ago at the hands of some monster we picked a fight with. But all this?" He looked around as if expecting to see physical manifestations of all that he'd accomplished and endured. "And yes, I am. That I chose myself, so I suppose I expected it in some capacity."

THE ALCHEMIST

i thought that i'd be ready
but falling isn't steady once you let go