Maybe I've officially lost it.
Maybe I'm laying back in a hospital bed, with doctors poking and prodding me, an O2 mask giving me fresh air to breathe, and those heated blankets they use in hospitals draped over me.
Maybe I've completely snapped. Did I dream about going to Antarctica? About vet school? Finishing up normal schooling by the age of 13?
How much of this is reality and how much is a dream? What is going on?!
I focus on breathing again, as that seems like a good achievable goal right now (and also something my rising anxiety levels are making me stupidly struggle with)
Breath in, OK, I'm still in snow.
Breath out, OK, I'm definitely not in Antarctica anymore.
Breath in, those mountains look very unaccommodating.
Breath out, if I keep wandering I'm sure to find shelter eventually, right?
A noise interrupts my thoughts, a noise I have definitely heard before and yet did not expect to hear. You see, only certain birds live on Antarctica (I know, I know, I'm not on Antarctica anymore), and they don't usually caw so much as screech - the noise I heard was definitely a caw.
I stop my trudging, I stop all movement with the hopes of hearing the noise again and being able to identify its whereabouts, but it would seem that whatever made the noise decided not to make another one.
I begin to breathe again, and turn my head about, pivoting slowly to get a full 360 view on my surrounds. The landscape is mostly pale, powdery snow. Mostly.
I squint, and see what my mind wants to tell me is a raven, but that's just so damn impossible I can't quite accept it as reality (yet). I keep looking at it, watching its movement in the pale, overcast skies above, its dark plumage giving me something to focus on while my mind tries not to succumb to the idea that maybe I really am insane…
I squat down, resting, eyes trailing after the bird's path in the sky, and focus on maintaining my breathing at a normal rate so as not to give in to the rising tide of anxiety bubbling up within me.
Maybe I'm laying back in a hospital bed, with doctors poking and prodding me, an O2 mask giving me fresh air to breathe, and those heated blankets they use in hospitals draped over me.
Maybe I've completely snapped. Did I dream about going to Antarctica? About vet school? Finishing up normal schooling by the age of 13?
How much of this is reality and how much is a dream? What is going on?!
I focus on breathing again, as that seems like a good achievable goal right now (and also something my rising anxiety levels are making me stupidly struggle with)
Breath in, OK, I'm still in snow.
Breath out, OK, I'm definitely not in Antarctica anymore.
Breath in, those mountains look very unaccommodating.
Breath out, if I keep wandering I'm sure to find shelter eventually, right?
A noise interrupts my thoughts, a noise I have definitely heard before and yet did not expect to hear. You see, only certain birds live on Antarctica (I know, I know, I'm not on Antarctica anymore), and they don't usually caw so much as screech - the noise I heard was definitely a caw.
I stop my trudging, I stop all movement with the hopes of hearing the noise again and being able to identify its whereabouts, but it would seem that whatever made the noise decided not to make another one.
I begin to breathe again, and turn my head about, pivoting slowly to get a full 360 view on my surrounds. The landscape is mostly pale, powdery snow. Mostly.
I squint, and see what my mind wants to tell me is a raven, but that's just so damn impossible I can't quite accept it as reality (yet). I keep looking at it, watching its movement in the pale, overcast skies above, its dark plumage giving me something to focus on while my mind tries not to succumb to the idea that maybe I really am insane…
I squat down, resting, eyes trailing after the bird's path in the sky, and focus on maintaining my breathing at a normal rate so as not to give in to the rising tide of anxiety bubbling up within me.
Chulane
sxc.hu
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