From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
I accepted the comforting embraces of the deer creature, coming to the conclusion that she definitely wasn't just a deer - but I'm sure that'll all be revealed in good time.
Funny, isn't it, how just before, I wanted all of the answers, and how now, after having received just a handful of answers, I was more than happy to let them come trickling in at their own pace. I think it was my mind's way of filtering out the *need-to-know-now* information from the *it'd-be-nice-to-know* information.
I can't help but nod in agreement with Loren's words, OK with the fact that their telepathic chatter seems to have muted itself (for now, I can only assume).
"Yes," I confirm as I nod, taking in a deep breath, doing my best to find some comfort in his words. You're not insane, just the world around you is.
"Thank you," I add, realising just now how ungrateful I must seem, albeit I am dealing with a pretty huge life-changing event, I hope they can forgive me (they seem pretty forgiving so far). I continue breathing, the anxiety trickling through my body in the form of a nervous muscle spasm here or there, though I still have many layers of clothes on.
"Can you… I just would like to know, was the other voice I heard… was that your raven?"
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
It amounted to a 'shut up and sit down', and any other time Korbin would have been incredibly offended. But a new glance at the wild look in Chulane's eyes kept him from retorting, and somewhat grudgingly he conceded to Loren to keep doing his job.
The raven settled in to preen his feathers instead. Let the conversation flow through his mind like so much background noise, and tried to tell himself he didn't find it comforting to hear anything against the backdrop of silence the curse had swept him in.
Something Chuy said made him look up sharply though, unable to keep quiet. "I'm not his anything," he corrected, with quite a bit more bite than intended. Dark feathers ruffled as he shifted, agitation making the large corvid step back and forth on the back-rest in some agitation.
All in all, the raven looked mightily offended by the notion.
In retrospect, Loren probably should've employed some cautious editing in his translating. However, as he sighed, he knew that wouldn't be fair to Korbin. The healer could only really worry about one person at a time, though, and right now Chuy needed the Launceleyn a lot more than the raven did.
Throwing Korbin an amused glanced, Loren let out a huff of laughter. Looking back at the newcomer, the healer shook his head. "No. Korbin is his own person. And trust me, he is a person. I know he looks like a bird right now but...well it's complicated. I'll explain it all, trust me. Regardless, I am definitely not his anything." Pausing, he nodded belatedly. "But yes, to actually answer your question that is his voice."
Holding up his hands, palm up, he continued to smile reassuringly at Chuy. "No need to thank me, I've been in your shoes." Loren took a deep breath, trying to gather his scattered thoughts.
"Right where was I. Caido. This world might not be like the world you came from and...you might not be exactly the same as you were before." Tone soothing, he tilted his head to the side. "It's why you can hear our voices in your head."
Pausing to let that sink in, he straightened up a bit. "Everyone in Caido is special in their own way. Some of us can call up spirits or even gods. Some of us have had our bodies augmented. Some of us have magic." A sparrow appeared in one of his palms, and an orb of water in the other. Holding them long enough for the newcomer to get a good look, he dismissed them eventually.
Then the healer took another deep breath. "And some of us are close to nature, and as a result have been blessed with certain gifts. Including the ability to shift into other forms." With that, he shifted into a honey badger, settling in on all four paws, making sure to kept his gaze trained slightly away from Chuy so as to appear as non-threatening as possible. And the ability to send and receive telepathic messages.
light is precious in a world so dark begin at the beginning
tell a story. make some light
Korbin admonishes me rather sharply, and looks like a bird sulking. I want to express my apologies, but then my attention is pulled elsewhere, and silence prevails over me as I look to Loren.
Occasionally I nod, like when he confirms that it was Korbin's voice I heard earlier. But mostly I just watch, trying not to look too much like a stunned fish out of water as I absorb everything this man (Mage? Wizard? Warlock? Deity?) has to say. I watch his demonstrations with quiet surprise, though I am not just surprised at the fact that magic is literally a thing and it is happening right in front of me.
I am surprised because, of all things, I feel a quiet, but steady thrum of excitement within me.
To learn that I myself may have been changed by the journey I was unwittingly, unwillingly taken on, is probably the best news I could have expected. I mean, at least I wasn't dead, right?
Anticipation rises as Loren demonstrate his various techniques, and then he speaks of shifting, of his body actually morphing into other forms, and I (without disturbing Astra on my lap) lean forward so as to be sure not to miss anything.
A veterinarian's dream is to know exactly what it is a creature goes through, exactly what they experience, from their sharpened senses, to their instincts and size. To learn that such a thing isn't just possible, but to see it demonstrated right before my eyes, is news that, honestly, thrills me.
"Whoa," I breathe the exclamation out, admiring the transformation demonstration that has occurred before me, looking at the space where a man once stood taller than myself and then directing my gaze down to where a honey badger now exists. I hear his message, I welcome it this time, and while I haven't a clue as to how to reply in any other way except vocally, I do so with the first proper full-mouthed grin on my lips: "That's fucking awesome."
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Korbin wasn't sure if he thought Loren was taking this too quickly, or not quick enough. The demonstrations might have been a bit excessive, but surprisingly, Chulane took them well. More than well, in truth. He kept waiting for the screaming, the fainting, the refusal to accept any of this... but all the guy did was look intrigued.
Then Loren changed into his badger form, and the raven gave him a grumpy look. "So much for not shifting," he snarked, making no attempt to exclude the newcomer this time. Perhaps Chuy was less of a mess than he'd thought. Or maybe he had descended into the numbness of shock by now.
Again the reaction was different from what Korbin had expected, and he regarded the man with speculative eyes. "I have the same gift," he told Chulane, his mental voice dry and matter-of-fact. "But I'm deaf. So if I shifted into myself, I won't be able to hear you. Loren is translating for me now."
He saw no reason to pretend that his deafness was anything but permanent. Had no way of knowing whether it would wear off... and there was a tone of resignation to how he said it. Frustration, annoyance... but also acceptance. Grudging or not.
Chulane was taking all this remarkably well. Korbin, less so: the hunter's sarcastic comment wasn't particularly helpful at the moment. Unfortunately, Loren had less control of himself than he liked while shifted. Which was why he rose to his feet, turned to the raven, and snarled. Why did you bring him here if you weren't going to let someone else handle it? That was for Korbin's mind only, at least.
Still glaring at the hunter, the healer made sure to keep his mental voice far more reasonable when he spoke to the newcomer. It helped when Astra lifted her head and bleated unhappily and the Launceleyn. If you think that's awesome, then I've got some good news for you. His words were tinged with a bit of amusement. I think you can shift into an animal as well.
Finally Loren turned to face Chulane. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to reach inside yourself. You should feel something, something that feels like a part of you that wasn't there before. Tap into that. Let yourself change. The healer's instructions were delivered gently. As she spoke, his companion hopped off the newcomer's lap and settled on the ground instead.
04-24-2020, 05:04 AM (This post was last modified: 04-24-2020, 05:06 AM by Chulane.)
Acerbic, harsh, angry tones reverberate around me, through me, as Korbin's anger evidently gets the better of him. Apparently this sort of thing is something I'll have to get used to since apparently I can hear them now.
Or - wait, what?
My adrenaline levels have been on and off a lot recently, the random, anxious muscle spasms as my body lets itself down only to rev itself back up again cause me to shiver, despite the warmth of the room and the deer upon my lap.
I've been in emergency situations before. I've dealt with high-stress situations before. I can get through this. Right?!
I want to reply to Korbin, but, now with the knowledge of his deafness (and on an empathetic level, I now understand why his emotions are the way they are), I simply nod numbly, hoping that my apologetic expression and genuine concern convey enough that I'm sorry - I wish I knew - I want to help -
Then Loren drops a bomb on me and that's when my brain starts jumping from thought to thought rather quickly again. I want to question him, to doubt him, to deny him, it's impossible, I want to say, and yet…-
I shiver, not just from the nervousness in my muscles this time, but from a cooler patch on my lap - the beautiful Astra has evacuated her position upon me, and I am left feeling a bit lost, adrift, though my body hasn't moved at all.
I do my best to take in what the honey-badger-man has to say-think, and I again focus on my mental strength to force a sort of calmness over me. I see the chaos of everything that has happened, and I remember my friends calling me a Vulcan - a logical mind amidst the shitstorm that is life.
I find clarity within myself. I recognise something… different. Not foreign, exactly. Just… undiscovered.
I don't know exactly how much time has passed - likely about half a minute - where I have been sitting still, silent, tall, my focus not on any of the others in the room, but elsewhere - within.
And then it happens.
It's a smooth, quick process. This surprises me, more than anything else at the moment: just how fast I can shed my old body, the one that has been me since I was born, the one that has taken me from infant to child to boy to a (young) man. No longer does tanned skin wrap itself around me, or messy hair grow from my scalp. No longer do my long legs drape over the edge of the chair, my arms resting upon the armrests.
It is a strange sensation, overall. But not completely unpleasant.
First, I seem to shrink, or perhaps my limbs seem to fold in on themselves a bit, as my mass becomes less (though I suspect the power behind the tight muscles that become apparent increases), and my vision becomes sharper, and everything changes.
I take a deep breath in, my new and improved olfactory senses revealing a whole new world to me that I never knew existed before. I twitch - this time, I twitch my tail, an extremely overly long appendage that appears to have grown. I am still sitting upon the chair, though now my posture is that of a feline, with my front paws placed flat before me, and my haunches crouched down behind them. I tilt my head as I look at myself, and recognise the creature that I have become with some ease (I'm a vet, remember), clouded leopard.
"Cool," I "say", though I haven't quite realised that's what I've done. My internal emotions are oddly calm, despite everything that has occurred, and scientifically, logically, I know it's because I am probably suffering from some level of shock - but also, I have just realised something that every vet on (my) planet would want to experience, and I cannot help the deep satisfaction that outweighs everything else in this moment.
I look to the other three in this room, seeing them in a new light with my feline-vision and senses, wondering idly what else they might have in store for me. First thing's first, however: "Korbin," I address the raven as directly as I can, not really knowing how to 'aim', so just pushing my thoughts out there. "Thank you for your help. I hope I can repay you in kind one day." I hope the sincerity of my words is apparent, the genuine gratitude obvious, to them.
I stand, flexing muscles that weren't configured that way just before, an odd amusement at how I must look bubbling up within me as I deftly hop down from the chair to stand before the honey badger. I stretch my newfound body, flexing all of my toes and paws, feeling these strange new sensations, watching from the corner of my eye as my muscles ripple down my spotted pelt. With a soft mental chuckle, I look to the honey badger with the same gratitude in my eyes.
"I appreciate your help too, Loren," I offer, my emotions hinting at the certain despair I would have been in had I not been fortunate enough to meet these fine men.
"If I may be so bold - I'd love to know more. Whatever you have to teach me, I am willing to learn." Though exhaustion is no doubt evident, I urge myself to stay focussed, to greedily absorb whatever they have to offer me, to learn and grow and hopefully deal with the fact that this is it - this is my life now.
ooc: I once again must plead forgiveness for the absolute WALL OF TEXT
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Well he wasn't angry, really. More peeved. But the badger shift always seemed to make Loren more testy than usual, and the response was a snarl that would have raised eyebrows, if he had any.
"My, look who's getting cranky. Past your bedtime, old man?" he quipped back, relishing this chance to tease the Healer. The raven sidestepped in some mockery, half raising the wings and clapping the beak at the badger in a quiet 'come and get me then'.
He honestly didn't pay too much attention to Chulane. Since the man wasn't freaking out, Korbin didn't see why he had to coddle him, or do anything but what he usually did. He did react when the man shifted however. The raven all but jumped at the sight of the big cat, instinctively recognzing a predator when it saw one... not that he was worried, mind, since few things actually hunted adult ravens, but... He was glad for his wings all the same.
"Don't mention it, kitten," he drawled back as he was addressed, a faint amusement lacing through his thoughts. "We don't leave anyone on the Tundra if it can be helped, Outlander or not. Welcome to Halo." There was a vast irony in his tone, that probably wouldn't be fully understood unless one knew how vehemently he usually denounced outsiders. Loren might appreciate it though...
As for more information? The raven looked the big cat over sceptically. "Sure you can handle more? You've had a rough day."
Not up to him to decide, of course. Loren was the healer, he might be the better judge.
At Korbin's snarky response, Loren let out another snarl. Isn't a bit hypocritical for you to call anyone else cranky? It came out as a distinctly annoyed grumble. As the raven challenged the honey badger, though, he actually found himself jumping off his chair and stalking towards the hunter.
Then Astra's startled and slightly distressed bleat distracted the healer. As she fled to hide behind a chair, he turned to face Chuy, who had, wonder of wonders, shifted. Immediately, the Launceleyn forced himself to calm down, and to focus on the newcomer. Don't mention it. I've been in your shoes.
Not liking the way the larger predator approached, Loren bared his teeth and growled. Annoyed at the way the instincts were getting the better of him, he shifted back into human and reclaimed his seat. Astra hopped into his lap, and he stroked her absently as he considered what else, if anything, to tell Chuy.
Finally, the healer sighed. You're taking all this remarkably well. There's more but it's...not great. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but...there is at least one more thing you should know.
Taking a deep breath, he looked away from the newcomer, an unhappy expression on the Launceleyn's features. The portal...the thing that brought you here? It's...it's a one way trip. His thoughts were twinged with regret and sorrow, and he had to force himself to look back at Chuy. I'm sorry. I know how difficult that is.
light is precious in a world so dark begin at the beginning
tell a story. make some light
It doesn't dawn on me until after the fact that I have transformed into quite the predator. It is probably strange, just how comfortable I immediately am in this new skin - and I think, with my mind being so scientifically-wired, I was too distracted by the sheer newness of my heightened senses to immediately understand the impact my change had on the mood in the room.
"Hah," I lace the sarcasm on thick as I respond to the raven's titling me kitten. A small huff of breath is pushed from my nostrils, a scoff, as I am not annoyed by his words, but amused in a please-don't-call-me-that-again kind of way.
Great sadness fills me as I watch Astra scamper away from me, as I watch the honey badger react with tension and ultimately shed his furred body and return to the human who greeted me before. I want to apologise "-Oh, Astra, I'm sorry, I didn't reali-" I push through the bond, though I don't know whether she hears it - was Astra an attuned as well? Somehow, I think she is something different (I had not heard her thoughts, she has behaved so differently to the others in the room thus far), and yet, I hope she hears my message, in some way or another.
I keep my spotted form for now, an inner battle daring to rage within me as I war between wanting to be polite to Korbin, and salvage what remains of Astra's kind opinion of me. I resume my place upon the chair, my tail swinging through the air, balancing my tightly knotted body as it configured itself back into a sitting position. I try not to get distracted with looking at my own giant paws, or even my twitching tail - I wrap it around myself, for both security and an attempt to let myself focus.
And focus I do.
Loren's words don't hit me all at once. You see, I have what some would call an unhealthy way of dealing with my emotions. I compartmentalise - it has allowed me to deal with emergency situations in a calm, effective manner whilst in the moment, only to almost drown in the waves of fucked up emotions at a later date. I've done it all through my life - some psychologist would probably diagnose me with PTSD for it, but again, that sort of thing just isn't something I am mentally equipped to deal with.
"Oh, I -" I begin, an attempt to formulate some kind of reply, before the first wave hits me.
One way trip.
No going home. No more veterinary science. No more family, friends, animals..
No more Antarctica. No more Australia. No more Earth.
I breathe, blinking slowly, before bowing my head down into my oversized paws and shutting my eyes.
This is it. This is… life, now.
If I were wearing my human skin, I'd be crying, no doubt. I fucking hate crying - and I realise I had already done it, if extremely briefly, in front of Korbin, when I was first transported onto the tundra, and again when the sight of the city became visible on the horizon as we were journeying here. Frustration builds up within me, and without realising it, it probably floods the attuned-bond as well. Frustration at my own lack of power, of not knowing how to fix this, of feeling so inept -
And then the sadness, the sorrow, the sheer depression came. It weighed down on me, and I find myself laying down, letting it all wash over me.
So much for handling this well.
"Sorry, Korbin, but I need a drink," I offer dully, before essentially doing what I did before except in reverse - I focus on my human form, and allow it to change me.
And then, I am back, human, my face in my hands. I slowly sit up straighter, and reach for the mulled wine that I had placed to the side earlier, and take a deep yet barely satisfying drought from it.
"Well, that's a bit shit," I summarise, doing what I do best and deflecting. Tears make my eyes a bit misty, but I blink them away and look at my now-empty cup. "Got a refill?"
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Korbin didn't reply ti the badger. Turned away from it entirely with a certain smugness when Loren aborted the spat, and returned focus to the newcomer. The raven just watched the leopard from its perch, felt the turmoil in its emotions through the bond. Absently he wondered how he would react if he was jerked from his home and dropped in a different world, where nothing was familiar.
Probably not so different. Possibly worse, given what he would lose.
"I don't see a reason to apologize to me," he eventually thought, as Chulane shifted back. He did look very much like someone in need of drowning.
Korbin shot a glance at Loren. Both wanted to shift and not. Wouldn't mind a drink himself, but would still be deaf and unable to respond to conversation. In the end, he remained a bird, content to let the Healer pick up the pieces of this.
At Chuy's concern for Astra, Loren sent a pulse of reassurance to both her and the newcomer. It's okay. She was startled, that's all. Once she realizes it's you, and that you mean her no harm, she'll come around. Indeed, she was already poking her head out and bleated at the leopard, more curious than afraid.
Having already shifted back, the healer watched Chuy carefully. For now, the Launceleyn ignored Korbin, although the raven wasn't doing anything particularly annoying at the moment. When the newcomer asked for a refill, Loren nodded and collected the cup.
Pouring more wine into it, he brought it back over to Chuy. Placing it down in front of the newcomer, the healer laid a cautious, but gentle hand on Chuy's shoulder. "I know how hard this is. From personal experience." Voice tight with pain, the Launceleyn swallowed. Then he took a deep breath. "But I promise you that we will help you through this. Whatever you need."
light is precious in a world so dark begin at the beginning
tell a story. make some light
What a curious ability, this Attuned bond was, that I might be comforted by the literal emotional strength of others, that others might share their feelings, their deepest and most true selves through this empathic and telepathic connection. It is a lot to take in, and yet, I find it natural, ultimately, I allow myself to fall in the embrace of emotions that Loren beams out.
It is a sign of how exhausted I am that these things do not trouble me as much as they normally would. It is not just physical exhaustion too - usually I only allow my emotions to be shared so openly when I am mentally and emotionally drained as well (which I definitely am).
I accept the refill gladly, holding the cup in both hands - I don't often numb pain with alcohol, but until I had time to learn more about this place, it was a ready and available solution I was willing to partake in. I take another long sip, not as deep as before though - I pace myself a bit more now, the effects of my last draught evidently settling in, as a general numbness soothes mental and physical body.
The generosity of those I find myself in company with is almost as overwhelming as everything else - in my profession, where I am the one providing comfort and help to others, I didn't often find myself on the receiving end of it (in fact, I would avoid wherever possible because I hate it, I hate this feeling of helplessness, of needing attention and assistance).
I breathe in deep as Loren's hand falls on my shoulder, not pushing it away, just letting it be. It's hard to accept help, and yet, I cannot deny my definitive need for it.
"A place to rest for the night would be great," I murmur after a beat of silence, of thoughts whirling. "I… don't know how I'll ever repay you. But I intend to." I followed up my request with assurances, hoping I convey clearly that I regret any inconvenience my predicament has placed them in, and my sincere desire to ensure they are not impacted long-term for it.
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
He was not needed here. This much became increasingly clear. Korbin had known it, really. Had counted on Loren to take care of the situation - it's why he'd brought Chulane over in the first place - but as he sat there and watched the two interact, talk, communicate, he felt it.
There was no role for him to play in this anymore.
Perhaps he deserved it, for acting the way he did. No doubt they didn't really mean to exclude him. This was Chuy's party, really, he the main star. No doubt Loren was tired of translating for him too, just as much as Korbin was of constantly having the Healer's voice droning on in his head.
But try as he might, the boy couldn't quite keep it from stinging all the same, to be ignored.
The raven remained quiet, and gradually withdrew from the conversation. It huddled down on its perch, tucked the beak in beneath a wing, and looked for all the world like it was asleep. Only the absolute stillness of his walled off mind suggested it was not entirely true.
