From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
The rainy season. The shitty season. The season where damp steals the life from sick children and storms spell certain death for their broken mothers who decide to take a swim. The season where you generally drink yourself into a stupor more nights than not, locked in your house or sequestered at the Hanged Man.
Not this year, though, because this year you have a house guest, and a girl you want to impress, and a kid who's taken a shine to you. It's a weird fucking year in the Book of Zephyr.
So might as well add a chapter on praying and round out the bizarre.
You have no real wish to see a god. It isn't why you're here. But you've spent too long trying to drown Ray out, and your kid deserved better than that. So you show up, wet from the rain and clutching an old stuffed dragon that's clearly been well-loved but is now a little moth-eaten in one hand, and a bottle of whiskey in the other because unlike your whole fucking family, old habits do die hard.
"Hey... whoever. Whatever. Look. I don' want any trouble or any god shit, k? Just, I dunno, give me a sign that he's okay. That both of 'em are."
He has no wish to see a god. He doesn’t want any of this god shit.
But sometimes - just sometimes - fate throws a curve ball, and the god shows up anyway.
It starts with a soft laugh; a giggle, almost, boyish and young. Then the stuffed dragon is simply... gone from Zeph’s hands, though he might see it wiggling a little behind the statue he stands before.
Before he can focus on it too clearly, though, he’s splashed with water, and a pair of big brown eyes peep out with the dragon. ”Pa, you swore.” The boy laughs again.
LUDO
Braved the forests, braved the stone
Braved the icy winds and fire
Braved and beat them on my own
Fuck this god shit. Fuck it. You're out. You're turning around and walking away and not engaging, not even acknowledging. Let it keep the dragon and its splashing water and its giggles and that voice and those eyes, you're fucking gone--
You sink to your knees in front of the shrine, the bottle falling aside. A sound tears painfully through your stomach and up your chest until it claws its way out of your throat, as much a laugh as a sob. "Yeah, Sunbeam. I did. Don't tell yer ma." This is some Mort-cunted god shit your rational brain howls, and you know you have to leave right the fuck now. Get the fuck up, turn the fuck away, nope right the fuck out of here before you drown.
You don't move.
You're desperate to touch him, can feel your fingers tingling on your thighs. You grip down on the muscle, tight enough to hurt. Jerking your chin at the dragon, you attempt to keep the gravel from your voice. "Mauna's been missin' ya." You're not real. "He wanted t'come visit. T'see how ya... how you're doin'." You can't be real.
Your mouth is dry as coral on the shore. Maybe you're drunk. Or high. Or both. Maybe you've finally lost your mind. It was only a matter of time.
”I won’t, Pa. It’ll be our secret,” the boy assures him with a grin, continuing to sneak out from behind the statue, all dark curls and freckles, the dragon clutched to his chest. I’m doin’ okay. I miss you, though. An’ Mauna. An’ I get real cold, Pa. Like I can’t breathe for bein’ cold.” A shuddering little breath leaves him, and he shuffles out in full before the dock worker.
”You’re drinkin’ again. Ma will be mad.” Ray is looking at the bottle now, wiggling bare toes on the sand. ”Can we go fishin’? I’ll stay in the shallows, I promise.”
LUDO
Braved the forests, braved the stone
Braved the icy winds and fire
Braved and beat them on my own
You remember every moment of it. Every time he cried in the night, every shiver. You and El would pull him against your chests and still he would shiver. You remember watching him waste away from a robust boy to a skeletal thing, his breath crashing through his lungs like a trapped bird.
You remember when his breath escaped and his soul flew free on a rainy night, leaving a shell behind.
"C'mere, Sunbeam. I'll warm ya up." Opening your arms for your son as you always do. There will never not be a space for him close against your chest, even as a ghost. Again you make that pitiful half-laugh, tears burning your eyes. "We can go fishin' or do whatever ya want. Hell, we can swim down to the underwater city an' meet the mers, like ya always wanted. Just... lemme hold ya, first."
He’s smiling as he pads across the sand, fitting snug against a chest that has held him so many times and also not enough, gone too soon to properly hug back. ”To go an’ see the mers?”
The boy’s smile is a bright and audible thing, fluttering from him, muffled against Zeph’s broad shoulders. ”I’d like that, Pa. A lot. We can watch the ships too, an’ collect shells, an’...” It goes on, the list, the child chattering on as they do in a voice Zeph remembers all too well.
”I’m not a ghost though, Pa,” he says eventually though, a bit quieter. A bit sadder. ”Just a memory. You know that.”
LUDO
Braved the forests, braved the stone
Braved the icy winds and fire
Braved and beat them on my own
Gods, you could hold him until you freeze beneath the sky, turn to stone and stay here forever with your son in your arms. His voice is both wound and balm, stabbing needles into your skin and covering the punctures with salves. It's like having a scar opened and knit, opened and knit, opened and knit.
It hurts, and you don't know how you could ever want anything else again.
And then there's the worst of it, the part where the wound tears open and doesn't fucking close. "No, no no no," you murmur fervently, clutching him closer to your chest. "Don't talk like that, Ray. Yer here, an' ya can stay an' be here. We can go swimmin' an' see mers an' I have a new friend for you to meet. You don't gotta go again. Please. Please."
You can't lose him a second time. You don't know if you'd survive.
”Pa, I’m already gone.” The boy sounds smaller now, quieter, and Zeph will feel him wasting in his arms like a bag of too fragile bones. ”Thank you, for coming to visit me. An’ for bringin’ Mauna. I’ll tell Ma that you came. I think she’ll be happy.” With a rattling sigh, he sags further against his father.
”Come visit more often, ‘kay? We can talk for longer next time. Maybe we’ll go for a swim, like Ma did.” This last part is a whisper, before Zeph is suddenly holding nothing at all. The toy is gone, as is Ray, leaving the dock worker, as before, with nothing but his own grief and his own longing.
LUDO
Braved the forests, braved the stone
Braved the icy winds and fire
Braved and beat them on my own
A sob rings out from your throat as your arms collapse on empty air, and gods if it isn't so much worse the second time around. You'd grown so accustomed to the empty space where your son is supposed to be; much like your arm it's become an ache, something to live with, to endure. Something you power through and never look at very hard because if you do it'll fucking cave in and collapse. It's a wound that's scarred over in time, not healed but capable of being ignored.
So what the fuck did you expect to happen, coming here with a dragon and a prayer?
Fucking god shit. Fucking god shit.
"I'm never coming back," you snarl at the statue, fury suddenly making you ugly, contorting your face into a monsterous mask. Anger at the world, for taking your son. Angry at the gods, for dangling him before you.
Angry at yourself, because deep down you know. You'll be back and back again, desperate for a vision of your lost child. You're an addict now, Zephyr. Question is how you intend to survive between now and your next hit.
