A sharp intensity has pervaded me, taken hold, as the instincts, the feral incarnations of this wild beast, this carnivore, thrive on the emotions, the raw and real storm that fights for freedom, that finally has permission, has an outlet, a way to discharge. I find accuracy easily now, putting trust in my feline shift to simply act, to have faith in the instincts that come with it, no longer fighting the emotions that drive it, but not yet at the stage where I can silence them. They writhe and toil, rising and falling like an ocean tide within me, all of the things that I have ignored, squashed and locked away, unwilling to face the pain, the suffering, the sadness and sorrow.
But I face it now, and if I were human there would be tears burning behind my eyes, welling and falling down my cheeks. This form does not know tears or crying, it only expresses itself through its motions, its instincts taking over, dominating, at long last.
I press her to the ground, my victory over her summoning a wave of triumph, of joy, which joined the rest of the tumultuous passions and sentiments churning within me. She is swift to react, her strong legs pushing me off, and they connect, knocking me off as they level against my chest and forelegs. I use the motion to carry my jump further, now leaping away again, letting some distance stretch between us, as the churning, roiling and toiling waves within me rises and falls. I am breathing heavier than when we started, not just from physical exertion, but from the emotional toll, that is no doubt evident on the bond. I catch my breath, and I look to Kia, as I once again try to wrangle down and control these things that scare me so.
'Sorry,' I murmur through the bond, eyes blinking as they look away, the intensity of it, the intimacy of it, intimidating my logical mind, terrifying it. 'How… how do you deal with… I struggle to find the words for it, and instead stand, all four paws on the ground, my gaze drifting to look somewhere between my front paws, as the sorrow, the darkness, the depression and grief rise once again within me, rendering me silent once more, and now unmoving as well.
But I face it now, and if I were human there would be tears burning behind my eyes, welling and falling down my cheeks. This form does not know tears or crying, it only expresses itself through its motions, its instincts taking over, dominating, at long last.
I press her to the ground, my victory over her summoning a wave of triumph, of joy, which joined the rest of the tumultuous passions and sentiments churning within me. She is swift to react, her strong legs pushing me off, and they connect, knocking me off as they level against my chest and forelegs. I use the motion to carry my jump further, now leaping away again, letting some distance stretch between us, as the churning, roiling and toiling waves within me rises and falls. I am breathing heavier than when we started, not just from physical exertion, but from the emotional toll, that is no doubt evident on the bond. I catch my breath, and I look to Kia, as I once again try to wrangle down and control these things that scare me so.
'Sorry,' I murmur through the bond, eyes blinking as they look away, the intensity of it, the intimacy of it, intimidating my logical mind, terrifying it. 'How… how do you deal with… I struggle to find the words for it, and instead stand, all four paws on the ground, my gaze drifting to look somewhere between my front paws, as the sorrow, the darkness, the depression and grief rise once again within me, rendering me silent once more, and now unmoving as well.
Chulane
fridooh & whimzi @ deviantart
