you had a heart, it's been gone since they left you
He nodded. The isolation of his homeland was something he knew well, and had been very comfortable with. Until the portal opened, his world had been very small and easy to comprehend, and Korbin had been content to live out his days without ever seeing anything else. Halo was harsh, but it was beautiful too, and he truly loved it. To him, the isolation was a welcome return to something he knew. A much needed reprieve from the onslaught of newness that assaulted him at every turn.
Safrin listened to his request, his attempt to phrase the problem, and found it heartening that he wasn't summarily rejected. It really wasn't the kind of thing he should run to the gods with, and normally he wouldn't have either. Now that she was here though... he had to try.
"No," he admitted, holding back a wish to sigh. "I could give you a hundred reasons why I get angry, or frustrated, but it's only excuses in the end. Me, trying to put words on something I don't have the words for."
Brushing off the hat, he pulled a gloved hand over the head. Even here, even now, he felt the anger bubble and roil beneath the skin, a furnace without outlet, a volcano waiting to erupt. A darkness just waiting to take over, that he was increasingly helpless to contain.
"I wouldn't trouble you with it, if it was just a bit of anger. But I... I don't trust myself anymore.
"I... killed a man." Closing his eyes, he had to push the words out to get them over his lips. "A cannibal, sure, but a man all the same. They keep saying it couldn't be avoided, but I don't think that's true. If I had been calm, and thinking clearly, there would have been another way to get out of that situation. If I hadn't been so caught up in my own internal fireworks, I...
"And I keep getting lost in that feeling. That moment. The other day, I hurt my own sister because I lost control." It still made him shudder, how his thoughts had just slipped away into another place, his eyes seeing something that wasn't there.
Twisting the fleece-lined hat between his hands, Korbin looked down at it, tried to make sense of the turmoil inside him. But the truth was, there was no sense to it. None that he saw, at least.
"I'm not.. asking for myself," he said. "Not just, anyway. But for everyone who has to stay cooped up with me during the whole of Deepfrost. Already I've hurt too many with words alone; the thought of what might happen if I stay like this, it chills me to the bone."
Safrin listened to his request, his attempt to phrase the problem, and found it heartening that he wasn't summarily rejected. It really wasn't the kind of thing he should run to the gods with, and normally he wouldn't have either. Now that she was here though... he had to try.
"No," he admitted, holding back a wish to sigh. "I could give you a hundred reasons why I get angry, or frustrated, but it's only excuses in the end. Me, trying to put words on something I don't have the words for."
Brushing off the hat, he pulled a gloved hand over the head. Even here, even now, he felt the anger bubble and roil beneath the skin, a furnace without outlet, a volcano waiting to erupt. A darkness just waiting to take over, that he was increasingly helpless to contain.
"I wouldn't trouble you with it, if it was just a bit of anger. But I... I don't trust myself anymore.
"I... killed a man." Closing his eyes, he had to push the words out to get them over his lips. "A cannibal, sure, but a man all the same. They keep saying it couldn't be avoided, but I don't think that's true. If I had been calm, and thinking clearly, there would have been another way to get out of that situation. If I hadn't been so caught up in my own internal fireworks, I...
"And I keep getting lost in that feeling. That moment. The other day, I hurt my own sister because I lost control." It still made him shudder, how his thoughts had just slipped away into another place, his eyes seeing something that wasn't there.
Twisting the fleece-lined hat between his hands, Korbin looked down at it, tried to make sense of the turmoil inside him. But the truth was, there was no sense to it. None that he saw, at least.
"I'm not.. asking for myself," he said. "Not just, anyway. But for everyone who has to stay cooped up with me during the whole of Deepfrost. Already I've hurt too many with words alone; the thought of what might happen if I stay like this, it chills me to the bone."
- ever feel you grew up too fast?
Korbin
