you had a heart, it's been gone since they left you
She was right, of course. Anger was as healthy as fear, joy, and sorrow. He had no qualms with the emotion in itself... it was the way it overran him and made him act like a rabit ursur that made things problematic.
Her focus in listening was gratifying. Korbin still felt he was asking her help with something he should be sorting out himself, but the kindness of the goddess settled his embarrassment, and he found himself thinking both deep and clear about the questions she asked of him, doing his best to penetrate to the core of the issue.
"The things... I can't control," he replied after a moment's consideration. "The intrusion of others into my home and my life. The insistence of strangers to be let into my confidence, to become my friends." He thought of Loren, of Chulane, of Jigano and Sunjata. Of the Outlanders that ruled his home - he never met most of them, but their mere presence still irked him - and he thought of Amun. They all sauntered up and initiated conversation, and were shocked when he didn't smile and treat them as welcomed guests and friends never before met.
He thought of Weaver too, and the conflicting things she said and did. "The way some expect me to act... even when they say I'm free to do as I wish. That I'm supposed to try even though I'm not even sure what I want to do. Lately, I haven't even been able to do the things I want to, which... hasn't made anything better." He bit his teeth together around the burn of frustration, hands growing rougher with the hat, as if it was something that had offended him.
"It's just a futile struggle though, isn't it? I can't control what others say or do, and I'm not supposed to. So far, all the council I've gotten has been about accepting the way things are, and... I mean, it sounds reasonable, doesn't it? But that just makes me angrier, like I'm supposed to roll over like a good dog and let everyone trample all over everything I care about, doing nothing."
It was growing into a rant, and part of him was horrified at how much a petulant child he sounded. Yet control was ever elusive, and the words just spilled out, unstoppable like a river or the tide.
Her focus in listening was gratifying. Korbin still felt he was asking her help with something he should be sorting out himself, but the kindness of the goddess settled his embarrassment, and he found himself thinking both deep and clear about the questions she asked of him, doing his best to penetrate to the core of the issue.
"The things... I can't control," he replied after a moment's consideration. "The intrusion of others into my home and my life. The insistence of strangers to be let into my confidence, to become my friends." He thought of Loren, of Chulane, of Jigano and Sunjata. Of the Outlanders that ruled his home - he never met most of them, but their mere presence still irked him - and he thought of Amun. They all sauntered up and initiated conversation, and were shocked when he didn't smile and treat them as welcomed guests and friends never before met.
He thought of Weaver too, and the conflicting things she said and did. "The way some expect me to act... even when they say I'm free to do as I wish. That I'm supposed to try even though I'm not even sure what I want to do. Lately, I haven't even been able to do the things I want to, which... hasn't made anything better." He bit his teeth together around the burn of frustration, hands growing rougher with the hat, as if it was something that had offended him.
"It's just a futile struggle though, isn't it? I can't control what others say or do, and I'm not supposed to. So far, all the council I've gotten has been about accepting the way things are, and... I mean, it sounds reasonable, doesn't it? But that just makes me angrier, like I'm supposed to roll over like a good dog and let everyone trample all over everything I care about, doing nothing."
It was growing into a rant, and part of him was horrified at how much a petulant child he sounded. Yet control was ever elusive, and the words just spilled out, unstoppable like a river or the tide.
- ever feel you grew up too fast?
Korbin
