[Training] (SE) Kiss the Canvas

with heaven on my mind, and hell, well i believe

It's easy to laugh at the joke, especially one that he'd set up, but the words that come after mean so much more, in so many ways that Nate doesn't have the words for. Easier to chuckle, and stay pressed in as he is, hoping that it carries across even half as much as what he wants to say. Moments like this never last forever, even if this one has stretched longer than it really had any right to.

Sunjata has to challenge him, because of course he does, and Nate has to rise to it, because of course he does. It's who they are. "I don't need any more incentive than the chance to carry you, dikbek.." The didn't mean he would say no to learning new things though. Nate rises into a kneel, pulling Sunjata up with him as he rises to his feet, then ducking down again and hoisting the attuned onto his shoulders. It's a little awkward, but not actually difficult, which is the important part.

The first real challenge is the ropes, but it's managed, the lowest one stepped on to hold it down, the upper two lifted, as high as Nate can manage without shifting Sunjata too much. After that though, it's easy to get to the stairs, the challenge he had actually expected. Again, the solution is a little awkward, a little precarious feeling as Nate shuffles up the stairs sideways, the easiest way to fit them through the passage. He stumbles and sways once or twice, but manages to regain his balance both times, emerging into the upstairs unscathed. "Where the bed?" Nate turns back and forth, showing off now that they're close to the goal, that he's past the hard part.

in the stage lights, come down, breaking over me

NATE

we must always be willing to be more savage to the angels

rip up their flesh and reveal them to be nothing

That’s what Sunjata does – he challenges, even if he gives in at the tail end. He gives into Nate, because he knows that the Ascended can handle it. He knows that Nate can deal with it. And that’s all he needs at the end of the day. Still, he doesn’t expect Nate to actually take up the challenge – and there’s a gleam in his eyes as he focuses on his lover, shifting a small amount with quiet hints of a sharp intake of breath when his leg is jostled a bit too much, but he can’t help the tension in his body when Nate succeeds in lifting him and hefting him over his shoulder.

And what a fucking weird feeling it is. It sparks some sort of strange reaction within him – so used to his feet planted on the floor, on him being the stronger of them, and when Nate just picks him up and hoists him over his shoulder as if it isn’t too big of a deal and that he’s not awkwardly shaped or tall as fuck, Sunjata clings to the Ascended and can’t help the bout of surprised laughter that continues to rack through him.

It certainly can’t help Nate’s plight any, but they manage to make it up the stairs and some of the swaying and what not only sparks more snickering and snorts, Sunjata focusing on what he can to try and calm it. “The room you hate.” He manages through another set of snickering, but content to let Nate deal with it regardless. “With the bats.” He tacks on, falling into another series of chuckles.

how willing you must be to kill angels

and how willing they must be to let you do it

SUNJATA

with heaven on my mind, and hell, well i believe

At the very first bout of surprised laughter, Nate starts laughing along, only adding to his slight struggle. It's a ridiculous situation though, he can't help it, and apparently, neither can the attuned, giggles (because what else could they be described as?) following them all the way to the top of the stairs. Nate manages to hold it back long enough to sigh, sagging suddenly, as if he's only just grown aware of the weight he's carrying. "Of course it's the bat room." Comes the whine, laughter returning quickly on the heels of it, Nate shifting Sunjata a little and preparing for the second flight of stairs.

This time on the stairs is a little more scary than the first time, Nate having to actually pause, halfway up, and readjust his grip, leaving Sunjata without support for one dizzying second. Not in any danger of falling, necessarily, much as it may feel like it, but less secure than anyone would like. They make it though, somehow, and Nate wastes no time shuffling directly to the bed room, twisting to drop his load on the bed, then sink down after him. "There," he huffs, triumphant, and quietly smug about it, "satisfied with your trip?" Another bout of laughter leaves him on the heels of the question, Nate rolling to throw an easy arm over Sunjata, to lean in and press his lips against his ear, his jaw, whatever he can reach at this angle.

in the stage lights, come down, breaking over me

NATE

we must always be willing to be more savage to the angels

rip up their flesh and reveal them to be nothing

Nate’s laughter with his own only sparks more and more of the snickering and series of childish, boyish laughter. And with it, Sunjata finds no real fear of being dropped or anything – if he does, he doesn’t need his legs to shift into something with wings and ensure that he doesn’t end up splayed down the stairs possibly making the injury to his leg worse. So yes, of course it’s the bat room – and had Sunjata been thinking clearly (read, sky missing a perfect fuckin opportunity) he might have tempted to shift into said bat, just to add more insult to it.

But he doesn’t, and he doesn’t even cling harder to Nate with the dizzying moment of the readjustment of his grip – because he trusts Nate to not drop him (even if he’s surprised immensely at the fact that he’s managed to do this at all though he doesn’t question it). So he instead focuses on remaining still as possible, the snickers and chuckles the only movement that come from the attuned that aren’t directly caused by the Ascended. And soon enough, his back finds the bed – plush and nice in comparison to the shit they’d thrown out the window, and the grin that crosses his face is crooked and boyish as he fights to catch his breath for a completely different reason – reaching up to rub at his cheek before Nate’s there, pressing kisses against his ear. “I gotta be honest in saying there was a bit too much turbulence for my taste.”

And so, Sunjata, far more content than he was at the bottom of the boxing ring, reaches for Nate again to pull him in, propping himself up on his elbow and stretching out his leg (the wounded one) a small amount as if for show. “I guess I owe you a story, huh.” He manages, tilting his head back a bit to try and scan the Ascended, amusement lingering in the lines of his face.

how willing you must be to kill angels

and how willing they must be to let you do it

SUNJATA

with heaven on my mind, and hell, well i believe

It's unfortunate that Nate is right by Sunjata's ear, because the complaint about his service makes him snort, a hiccup of laughter bubbling out of him. He let's the laughter run it's course, leaning back as he did, and licks his lips as he gets a hold of himself again. "I'll keep it in mind for next time." Arms move to wrap around him again, pulling him close, Nate moving with them eagerly, knowing it's only a matter of time before he moves and looks over Sunjata to make sure he isn't too hurt. Really, that should have been the first thing he did, but he'd never been one for priorities.

"I guess you do." Nate says easily, glad for the softness they have right now, but not sure how much he wants to test it. It would come again though, another moment made tender. Really, it seemed to happen more and more often. And he wants to know everything he could about his partner, wanted to be trusted with the stories, the darkness, the blood spattered chapters in Sunjata's past. "You can tell me while I look over your leg, huh?" So saying, he sat up, pulling away reluctantly and moving to sit on the other mans right side.

He grabs Sunjata's right hand as well, lifting it up to his lips like his kiss could heal the bruised knuckles, if he just devotes enough attention to it. They can't, unfortunately, and Nate drops the hand gently, reaching out instead to run his hands along either side of the place he'd kicked. There's a blur in his vision, his eyes brightening, glowing, and the spot shining again, like it had when he'd first noticed it. At least here, it gives him a spot to devote his investigation to, now that he has some idea of what the glowing means.

in the stage lights, come down, breaking over me

NATE

we must always be willing to be more savage to the angels

rip up their flesh and reveal them to be nothing

The hiccup of laughter only sparks more of a playful, childish grin to splash across Sunjata’s face, letting Nate move back momentarily before he’s pulling the Ascended in again – however brief it might be. And brief it is, though Sunjata’s not entirely complaining when Nate decides to devote the time to focusing on fixing up the parts that he’d helped fuck up with the attuned. So saying, he leans back a bit, fully onto his back now as Nate rounds to the other side of the bed, reaching one arm up behind his head as he focuses on watching Nate inspect him, pausing momentarily for his thumb to stroke along Nate’s cheek with the tender kiss to his knuckles, before his hand is back on the bed.

“I don’t really remember how young I was. Probably around eight or nine, I think.” Somewhere around there, before too much trauma had hit, but just enough to make him wary of things. “Anyway, those trees I mentioned before. I used to like to climb them. And that year, the Trial was held like, right next door. So little me made a bet with Saartjie that I could climb the tree and if I was successful then I’d get out of braiding her hair for the next week.” His hand comes up to wave a small amount as he recalls it, a small hum of laughter leaving him with it. “Which I thought was a great deal back then. Whatever. So I climbed up the biggest tree and tried to kind of spy into the Trial. Mom didn’t say anything about it when we asked, and my father just kept telling me I’d find out, so I thought it was… not what it was.” Shoulders rise and fall in a shrug.

“Well, I found out, and ended up losing my balance.” Was it from the shock of seeing the events that happened? Was it a mix of that and being absolutely stunned that this was something to be praised, something he had to do one day too? “Fell out of that stupid tree and broke my leg.” He hums, a bit quieter at the end. “Had to take me to the doctors and I had to have surgery to fix it so it’d grow right.” His gaze lingers along Nate’s face – imagining that the Ascended could imagine the depths went through to try and prevent any sort of weakness from being shown in the Senzaok family, natural occurrences and stupidity included. “But I did get out of braiding Saar's hair for the rest of the month.”

how willing you must be to kill angels

and how willing they must be to let you do it

SUNJATA

with heaven on my mind, and hell, well i believe

The thumb stroking along Nate's cheek pulls a sound almost like a purr from the ascended, his head leaning into the touch and his eyes focused on the attuned with a burning intensity, belied by the softness of his smile when he drops the hand. It's another moment that doesn't last long, Nate's hands moving to smooth down Sunjata's leg, fingers exerting just enough pressure that he would be able to tell if there was something seriously wrong, either by the feel of it, or the complaint it would be sure to pull from the other man.

While his hands worked, his focus stayed locked on Sunjata, this story seeming to be a little more cheerful than most, despite the fact that Nate knew it ended in a broken leg. Eight or nine sounded like the perfect age for inadvertent bone breaking, but it couldn't be that simple. It wasn't until the Trial was mentioned that Nate's brows pulled together, though a smile managed to flash over his lips at the bet, and he couldn't stop his comment. "Just a week?" He laughs, about to continue when Sunjata does instead, though it doesn't stop him shaking his head.

By now, Nate's hands have fallen still, a cool weight around the other mans leg. Eight was too young to see anything like what Sunjata had described as the Trial, and the only real surprise was that worse hadn't happened. He tries to aim for levity when he responds, voice lighter than he feels. "At least you went to a doctor and had it taken care of." This is another one of those things he can't quite connect with fully, the refusal to show weakness more of a defense mechanism than an enforced lifestyle for him. But he knew something of the kind of people who seemed to have no flaws, the hell they went through to seem like that. And it hurts, somewhere deep in his chest, to know there's nothing he can do to help that pain, no action he can take, no way to defend someone from a memory, much as he might want to.

"A month?" Nate laughs, grabbing onto the last bit of humour like a life preserver and clinging to it, to keep the dark cloud, the anger and sadness and everything else at bay. "Guess it really was worth it then, huh?" Just like that, his fingers are moving again, though unless Sunjata has given any indication that something is terribly wrong, they move up to wrap around the attuneds hips, Nate leaning in to press a kiss against the other man.

in the stage lights, come down, breaking over me

NATE

we must always be willing to be more savage to the angels

rip up their flesh and reveal them to be nothing

In his young age, Sunjata wasn’t really one to make good deals. No, it was something he had to learn with time – and for Saartjie he was always weak when it came to standing up to the boundaries he’d made. She’d ask for him to braid her hair, akin to bright blue puppy eyes, and the incessant continued questioning until Sunjata grew worn out enough of trying to ignore her requests and caved. But he explains the situation, the scenario, acutely aware of Nate’s hands on him, the slight hum and hiss of pain as Nate rubs along the spot where he’d broken it.

But nothing was broken now, at least if the small little metal bar that helped the bone heal had anything to say about it. So instead, he focuses on Nate – his steel gaze never leaving the Ascended’s face, a soft smile crossing his face at the comment even if it does dreg some of those darker thoughts back up. But somehow? It wasn’t… Dark to talk about, it didn’t cause a spiral. It was what it was, and he had Nate here and a pretty damn good life to not have to shatter and break over the things he’d survived. “We had an inhouse doctor for the more minor things.” He offers easily. “But they had to get the surgeons to come in to fix it. I fractured it pretty bad and they had to put in a little metal bar.” He offers with a light smile to that as Nate’s moving up.

His hands find the Ascended again, roaming along his side gently, his other hand finding dark raven hair. He gives into the kiss Nate places, but the hand in Nate’s hair continues to move – fiddling a small amount with the long tresses there until Sunjata pulls away and gives a rogue smirk. “But... In all fairness, I am quite good at braiding.” He offers, flicking the makeshift braid into Nate’s peripheral vision and using his other hand at Nate’s side to pull the Ascended in closer.

how willing you must be to kill angels

and how willing they must be to let you do it

SUNJATA

with heaven on my mind, and hell, well i believe

There is a hiss, a retraction, but it's nothing really worrying, in Nate's mostly professional opinion. Just a sore spot, that he runs his fingers over again, trying to soothe instead of prod. "The more things change, the more they stay the same, huh?" He jokes softly, shifting up until he can hold Sunjata's face in his hands. It's clear by the initial look on his face that he's trying to be tender, but it's somewhat ruined by the way his brows pull together in a wince of sympathy at the mention of the bar, a breath sucked in between his teeth.

Hands in his hair focus Nate back again, leaning in to press a kiss against the man beneath him, a low rumbling hum leaving him at the feeling of fingers moving through his hair. He pulls away as Sunjata does, angling his head as much as he can to see the small braid that's been woven in. "Can't believe you did that without looking." He mumbles, arms moving to wrap around the attuned's shoulders as he's pulled in even more. "You should do more." It's as much a request as it is a statement, though Nate doesn't move to make it easier. On the contrary, he shifts up more, pulls Sunjata in against his chest.

There might be words for what he want's to convey, but Nate doesn't know how to get them out, doesn't know the best way to say them. It just feels important to try and get out, while they have this time, this moment. The closest to words he can get is I'm here for you, you're not going anywhere, but it's not enough, not by a long shot. A hug, if this clinging can be called that, is as close as he can get, and maybe, if he holds hard enough, it could be enough to keep things from breaking apart again, because it's only a matter of time. The embrace lasts a long moment, made longer by the kiss that follows it up again, Nate trying to press through the last of everything he's thinking.

And after, Nate slips back down to press his face in against Sunjata's neck, still an awkward angle, but maybe, hopefully, a little better for braiding. Or just having fingers play with his hair. He's not really picky at the moment.

in the stage lights, come down, breaking over me

NATE

we must always be willing to be more savage to the angels

rip up their flesh and reveal them to be nothing

His head is held between Nate’s hands, and his steel gaze looks up to see the Ascended as the words leave his lips, causing some quirk of a smirk to cross Sunjata’s face. “Maybe I’ve always had a thing for those that could fix me when I inevitably fuck myself up.” He jests, the smirk shifting to something crooked. “Luci fixed me up far too many times.” A hum of a laugh to that, before he’s leaning into the kiss, his hand sifting through the dark hair and braiding it quickly before he’s flicking it into Nate’s peripheral.

And there’s a bit of a softer smile to that as he shifts a small amount, giving Nate the room he needs to wrap his arms around his shoulders. “Oh?” He questions, letting his fingers roam through the dark hair a bit more, picking and prodding at pieces to add to it. But it’s ruined as soon as Nate’s pressing him against his chest, and Sunjata does nothing but cling to the other man, burying his face into Nate’s tattooed chest.

There are absolutely words for this, and yet Sunjata can’t quite find them in him, not yet anyway. But that always was the case wasn’t it? Why did he constantly have to feel so anxious? Was it because he was afraid that everyone he’d ever talked to in that regard would simply be taken from him? Yes. But did that make it any different if he said it versus something like this where he showed it?

The answer is no. And he wars within himself, trying to debate while he feels Nate’s pressure applied wherever he can – he can feel it in the embrace from Nate even if he can’t say it either. And maybe, just maybe it’s time for Sunjata to swallow down on his fears, his anxieties, the swirling terror in his gut. And after a few moments, when Nate pulls away briefly and replaces it with a kiss, Sunjata pulls himself out of the stupor the moment Nate’s head is on his chest, his face against his neck – a much easier angle to work with as his fingers resume their explorations in dark raven hair, and a few more braids pop up.

He pulls his other hand up to continue on the other side as well, until he swallows down the anxieties once more, a flush of red to the back of his neck as he takes a deep inhale, almost shaky. Almost. “Hey, Nate?” He questions, a quiet hum of his voice, pausing in the braiding to nuzzle his head against the Ascended’s, sure that Nate could probably hear the fucking thundering of his heart in his chest. “Ek het jou lief.”

how willing you must be to kill angels

and how willing they must be to let you do it

SUNJATA

with heaven on my mind, and hell, well i believe

It's strange to Nate how vast the yawning in his chest feels with his arms wrapped around the other man, how much wider it gets when arms wrap around him in turn as well. It's only more tempting to dip into now, a siren song in his soul, promising something new, something more meaningful than anything he's been able to build, to hold on to before. And, annoyingly, there's a voice that feels like it outside himself, saying how it's poetic, in a way, to find comfort, to find a home in the arms of someone else broken in the same ways. Fracture lines fitting together into something more stable.

Pressing against Sunjata's neck brings him back out of the swirling, emotional place he'd dipped into, his eyes closing as fingers start to move through his hair. Nate presses in closer, enough that he can actually feel, dimly, the flush creeping down the other man's neck, can hear his heartbeat pick up until it's rabbit fast, but he doesn't move. Not until his name is called, a hum answering it as fingers fall still, as he leans up just enough to press against the stubbly rub of Sunjata's face. The translation in his head takes a moment, as it usually does, but Nate goes over the words in his head again and again, making completely sure he isn't making a mistake.

There's nothing else it can be though, unless there's some kind of really strange and cruel slang he doesn't know. And when he moves this time, it feels like he's moving through water, like he's fighting to keep every motion steady as he rises, pulling away so he can look the other man in the eyes, something vulnerable in his gaze, in the set of his jaw, in the way a smile can't quite cling to his lips properly. There's a moment where he doesn't say anything, trying to find words, trying to make it more than it is, though it doesn't need his help. And Nate seems to realize that quickly, let's his grip on everything loosen slightly, just enough that he can respond. "I love you too."

In another life, he'd been quick to love, quick to say it, but it's different here. This is different. It's only the second time he's said it to the other man at all something that's going to change very quickly, but already it weighs more because of it, feels like something real in his chest, instead of something you said to keep people from leaving for the last few weeks.

in the stage lights, come down, breaking over me

NATE

we must always be willing to be more savage to the angels

rip up their flesh and reveal them to be nothing

He’s positive that Nate can hear the thundering in his chest, but he’s quietly thankful that the Ascended doesn’t comment on it – not when he’s pushing through the weight of the awkwardness in his gut to focus on what he wants to say, while he still has the courage to say it. His heart thunders, shifts, is that nausea burning in the back of his throat? It’s too late, however, as the words are uttered – in Korofi, because its easier for him to say it there, perhaps it holds more meaning that way because he knows Nate can translate it.

But it’s the seconds after, as Nate indeed does begin to translate it that has Sunjata immediately regretting any and everything he’s ever done – almost wishing he could take it back as the seconds span on and feel like eternities, a held breath as it burns in the back of his throat, as his lungs feel like they might collapse – especially when Nate begins to move. Still, he’s not a coward, and he meets Nate’s electric blues with a soft steel of his own, his own quiet mask of the fucking terror that grips him in his gut.

Has he made a mistake?

But he spies the vulnerability in Nate’s gaze, finds it akin to his own as the mask begins to melt away and reveal those shadows hidden deep within, a storm to the clouds within them. But it isn’t until Nate’s voice rumbles, a softness to them that has Sunjata exhaling that held breath, feeling his heart continue to thunder and his body silently thanking him for giving his lungs another mouthful of breath. It replaces any of the worries he felt, even as the anxiety still lingers, Nate has to know how hard that was, but how right it seemed to be… Right?

Even if something terrible happened to Nate, at least he knew that Sunjata loved him. And at least Sunjata knew it was reciprocated, and it only has Sunjata clinging to the Ascended more. His arms lower to wrap around Nate a bit more, settling the Ascended atop him almost like a blanket of sorts, tilting his head up to press a kiss to Nate’s lips – as if sealing the deal because he’s trash with words and has no idea what to say. Once again, replacing them with body language because that’s all he knows.

how willing you must be to kill angels

and how willing they must be to let you do it

SUNJATA

with heaven on my mind, and hell, well i believe

Seeing the stark fear in Sunjata's face is almost as bad as being able to feel it, in his heartbeat, the anxious swallows. It tugs at Nate's heart to see, even if he understands where it's coming from. Really, he would have been content to never hear the words from Sunjata, would have been content to feel it in the lingering touches, the strangely easy domesticity they have when no one else is around. This though, almost has Nate at a loss, a million doubts suddenly rising in his mind, insidious voices shouting at him.

As soon as he speaks though, as he puts his reciprocation into the air, Nate can feel the other man's fear slip away, and nothing else seems to matter. Nothing but the two of them, in a moment that wasn't perfect, but that felt more right than anything else he'd experienced in a long, long time. Maybe ever.

Nate has to restrain himself a little, just to keep from squeezing Sunjata too hard. He'd managed to not break anything yet, and though it would be appropriate to come out of this with a broken rib, it would put a little bit of a damper on the confession, the reciprocation. His enthusiasm bleeds over into the kiss though, pressing into it too eagerly, too hard at first. He can only reel in one thing at a time though, and the kiss grows longer, and longer, until Nate can feel the breathless tremble in the man beneath him, until he has to rise up. The break is long enough for a breath, and then he's pressing in again, another kiss, just as long as the first.

When Nate finally pulls back properly – that is, long enough to let Sunjata catch his breath – he doesn't go far, kisses pressed against every part of the other man's face he can reach. And when he's done with even that, Nate leans in, so they're cheek to cheek, so when he whispers another "I love you." it only reaches Sunjata's ears. Now that it's out, it's the only thing that feels appropriate to say, the only thing that even comes close to encompassing everything. "You're... gonna hear it a lot now. If you're okay with that." A low chuckle accompanies the almost nervous words, Nate's arms squeezing again.

in the stage lights, come down, breaking over me

NATE

we must always be willing to be more savage to the angels

rip up their flesh and reveal them to be nothing

The fear shrinks, and it’s soon replaced by a feeling that has Sunjata both absolutely feeling somewhat awkward and yet full of a huge amount of happiness he can’t quite budge or shift. And so he reciprocates everything Nate does, a small thank you in the only way he knows how, to squeeze the Ascended back, harder than he would anyone else, but just to ensure that Nate felt it too. The kiss is something to focus on, in the almost excitement that seems to radiate from Nate that has Sunjata giving into it even more.

Until of course, he can’t, and his face is soon patchy and red, his chest tight with the need for air, reluctantly pulling away because he could only get so much air through his nose to satisfy his aching lungs. The break is appreciated even if reluctantly, and Nate’s back again until the same pattern repeats and Sunjata momentarily thinks he might be able to see stars if he kept his eyes closed tight enough. But now he can finally catch his breath instead of tiny gulps here and there, and he lifts his head a small amount to give Nate all the room to pepper him with kisses wherever the Ascended chooses to, while Sunjata continues to run his fingers through raven hair, effectively undoing those simple and easy braids he’d put in.

His lids close when Nate’s cheek is pressed against his own, and he nuzzles into it a small amount as the words reach his ears — quiet and just for him — and it soothes as well as any other balm to his aching and wounded heart. One arm wraps around Nate’s middle, the other tightening in his hair as he exhales a soft sigh, hot breath raking across Nate’s shoulder. “I want that.” He says softly. Because now that it was there, it was less frightening, less… Awkward for him to admit or agree to. And maybe it’s because in Korofi, he’d only ever started to admit it when he joined the resistance, when he’d watched families say it easily to one another as if it were expected and yet meant all the same.

He never heard his father say anything close to the words. And for his mother? He’d only heard it the first time when he’d won the trial and holed himself in his room for a month, when she’d begged him to try and pretend that everything was okay when absolutely nothing was.

This felt right, and he was content to remain this way, wrapped up and comfortable, despite the bruises and the twinge to his leg. He’d be alright, and even better than that, because he has Nate there with him. “I love you too.”

how willing you must be to kill angels

and how willing they must be to let you do it

SUNJATA