From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
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Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
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05-18-2020, 06:21 PM (This post was last modified: 05-18-2020, 09:27 PM by Weaver.)
how can you rise
if you have not burned?
She sighs slightly. ”I hope it doesn’t matter. Oh, but if Zariah tricked the Eirachi...” The realization hits her suddenly. Had Zariah tricked the Eirachi, and would it matter? She’d gotten a child, whether that child was actually Zariah and Neron’s or not. Maybe the Eirachi didn’t really care where the child came from, so long as she got one. Or maybe she would be furious. There may be only one choice, outside of execution, when it came to what she could do with Neron and Zariah both.
She listens to him, and she wants to tell him that nothing he could have done would have mattered. ”Perhaps that would have stopped the cultists from attacking, but that would not have stopped the Eirachi. That you had no control over. She would have sent something else to our gates, and I have no idea if that foe would have been better or worse.” She pauses, her voice a little harder, though the hardness is not directed at him. It is the Warden voice that she has found with far too much ease. ”Is there anything else I ought to know, though? Things you have found out in the Tundra?”
As he speaks of the shadow of his family, she listens, kissing him briefly when he is done. ”Very selfishly, I do not want you to leave.” Her voice is quiet now, raw in the honesty of those words. Maybe that would change, but she has grown so used to him being there that she cannot quite imagine her life without him. The idea of it feels like a yawning chasm that she would never be able to cross.
"If Zariah tricked the Eirachi, do you really think she would've spared the Arcane Academy?" This time, Loren's hands clenched so hard his nails drew blood from his palms. "We can try to confirm, but I have to believe that if we strip Zariah of her position, then any further retribution would fall solely on her." His voice came out in that low and murderous tone that he reserved for Zariah.
Sighing, he nodded at Weaver's words. "Doesn't stop me from torturing myself with what ifs." Glancing up, he met her gaze. "The mageglass I found was in the Fangs. There was a whole wall of it, and I have no idea where the rest of it went." That idea troubled him, and his veins chilled as fingers of fear crept down his spine. "Other than that, we dealt with the exiles in Whitebrim, and the Ascended built a shrine in the Fangs."
Kissing her briefly, he smiled faintly, though it didn't reach his eyes. "Who said anything about leaving?" Still holding her hands, he brought them to his lips, brushing them against her knuckles. "I am stubbornly going to stay here, even if it makes me and everyone around me miserable." It wasn't entirely a joke.
05-18-2020, 09:26 PM (This post was last modified: 05-18-2020, 09:27 PM by Weaver.)
how can you rise
if you have not burned?
Only if the trick hadn’t yet been discovered. Though she doesn’t say it. In the end, Zariah would not be here, and none of them had any clue what the truth was. ”Zariah is running out of places that will take her,” she says instead. The Hallowed Grounds would not have her. Halo would not have her, even stripped of her titles, if Weaver is being honest. Perhaps the sun of Torchline would do her some good.
”You are no good to me or Halo if you torture yourself and spiral again, Loren. Find a way.” The words are kind, but firm. She cannot afford to lose him. ”Who else knows about the mage glass?” she asks, concern sparking at the idea of so much of it potentially in the hands of others. Other enemies, particularly. ”Also, do you know anything about monks living in The Fangs?” She asks, recalling Jigano’s tale. They didn’t seem like a threat, but still, she is curious to know more if there is anything else to know. ”Exiles. What a nice way to put it. What is left, if anything, in Whitebrim?” She is not particularly concerned about the shrine in The Fangs. If they wanted to worship in the mountains, let them.
The soft kiss to her forehead and her knuckles somehow steady her. Despite everything, at least there is some tiny bit of good to be had. ”Good. Because it does not make me miserable.” She stays pressed against him, voice soft, everything slowly draining from her. The adrenaline that had kept her going through the fight. The anger that had given her the courage to stand and declare herself Warden. Her mind too quiets, if only a bit, though that is the best she can hope for right now.
"It might just be the Greatwood at this point, since Remi hates her even more than he hates me." Once upon a time Loren would've said that with a twinge of sadness, but now his voice just held a weary acceptance.
Shaking his head at Weaver's words, he pinched his nose. "I know better now than to turn to booze and warm bodies. Well not more than...you know what I mean." He gave her a slightly awkward look. "Just don't expect me to...be normal for a while, okay? Assuming I even know what normal is." Indeed, he already looked defeated, hunching in on himself.
"Kiada and whoever she's told and Neron and whoever he's told. I have no idea who that might be." Frowning he shook his head at the mention of monks. "I don't know anything about that." His expression didn't get happier when the subject turned to Whitebrim. "It's Korbin's term. And we cleared out everyone we could find in the mine there, but didn't check the town itself."
As she responded to his declaration that he was sticking in Halo, he shifted, throwing one arm over her shoulders again and pulling her in snug. Reaching up, he began to comb through her hair with his fingers, too exhausted to think of anything further to say.
Weaver does chuckle at that. ”Well that ought to be interesting. I am sure the Fae will welcome her with open arms.” Though her humor is still flat, she can only imagine how that will go for Zariah. The woman better hope the Ascended open a portal soon. ”Speaking of Remi, I hate to drag up more bad memories for you, but I need to know what you did. I cannot be ignorant of that story with you on Halo’s council.” After all, she’d likely need to meet with the other region’s leaders at some point, and she needs to know what to expect.
”Not more than my warm body?” she asks, and though it is not suggestive as it would normally be, she does manage a smile, a hand coming to his cheek. ”None of us will be normal for a while. Or perhaps ever again. We will certainly not be the same.” How could they be, after all they have been through?
”Perhaps we need to go investigate that mageglass when Flowerbirth rolls around. Maybe without the cultists we will have some better luck getting to it. Though probably not, because nothing is ever easy. And she will need to ask Kiada and Neron who they told. For all they know, there are yet more cultists waiting in the mountains for them. ”And maybe check the town.” She lets out a breath, running her hand through her hair. ”Fuck.” The word comes out with another sigh.
As he tucks her close, she leans against him, pulling her legs up and over his so she can snuggle against his chest. There’s nothing else to say, when the topics of Halo die down. No, that’s not true. There is so much to say, but she doesn’t know how to say any of it. Probably it doesn’t need to be said. She doesn’t want to think about how scared she’d been watching him fight the cultist leader, or wondering where Korbin was and if he was even alive. She doesn’t want to think about those she lost and moreover, all the things she nearly lost. She just wants to move past it, but that would be no easy thing to do.
"The Fae pit isn't that bad. Better than she deserves, really. When Weaver asked Loren what happened with Remi, the healer sighed and scrubbed his face. "You're just asking me all the tough questions tonight, aren't you?" It was clear he didn't want to talk about this.
However, he was too tired to protest. "The short version is that I broke his heart, took his friendship for granted, and was partially responsible for the death of his daughter." His feature twisted into a grief-filled mask.
"The longer version is...complicated. I met him back in Northaven, and was smitten. Unfortunately, it was illegal for men to be with other men there. I was a duke, so there was more leeway for me, but he was a commoner and he was terrified of being caught. Of doing anything out of line, really." Shaking his head, he bit his lip.
"Eventually, he caved, and we fooled around a bit. Not much, but the fact that it happened at all was important." Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly. "Then we came to Caido and it...broke me. I disappeared for a year, hiding where no one could find me."
Rubbing his palms on his thighs, he looked down at his lap. "In that year, Frey took his love for me, and Ludo took his memories of me. He also was with several people, but never stopped pining after me. Or so I've been told. Ronin had a child, but Ronin died. So Remi took care of her. Then Ronin was resurrected, and he and Remi fell in love and got married." He paused to let all that sink in.
"Which was around when I came back. Unfortunately, Ronin was blighted, which caused him to begin losing his mind, and meant Remi was alone. I...fucked up when I came back. Badly. Tried to pretend things could be the same, and didn't realize how my presence was hurting everyone who'd known me." Burying his face in his hands, he had to take a few moments to compose himself.
"I told Remi that I still loved him, but that I would never do anything that would come between him and Ronin, because Ronin was my best friend once upon a time, and..." Voice trailing off, he shrugged a bit helplessly. "After that, things were awkward between me and Remi, but we tried to make a friendship work."
Lifting his head, his eyes were haunted. "But then the Festival of Fiat Lux was attacked. I was defending against the mud monster that came out of nowhere, and raised a wall of ice. It...shattered it. Killed Aoife, Ronin and Remi's daughter, and nearly killed Remi." Shaking his head, even more tears found their way to his eyes.
"Remi and Ronin went mad with grief, so Safrin transported them to Torchline. This was before the portal opened. When it did, Remi was...different. I tried to be there for him, but...he blamed me for Aoife's death, and I was mourning Abasi, my...the man I was with. So I bungled that too. Eventually, Remi told me if I was so pathetic and sad, why didn't I just kill myself."
Here, he hesitated, moving away from her again. For a long moment, he was silent, and when he finally did speak, it was barely above a whisper. "So I slit my throat." Closing his eyes, he took a shuddering breath. "But Astra was there, and she...brought me back from the brink. But from that point, Remi told me we were done. Forever."
Keeping his eyes closed, he curled into a ball again. "Sorry for dumping the saga on you. I should've just stuck to the short version." However, even that apology fell flat, and he was too overcome to speak for a moment.
Finally opening his eyes, he shrugged. "If you'll have me." He wasn't sure, couldn't be sure, not after everything that had happened and everything he'd just told her. "Some of us have a better idea of what normal is though." Not him, though.
Reaching up with one hand, he wiped away his tears, leaving gross streaks on his cheeks. "I'll be there. But you might want to ask Morgan to help." The Captain had proven herself today, and in battles past. Plus, she'd be pissed not to be included. "Flowerbirth is a long way away though."
Hesitantly, he held her, still unclear whether she wanted him there, or if he was just a convenient source of comfort. Whatever the answer was, he pushed his own concerns aside to just continue providing what little support he could. Shifting, he reached up with the hand in her hair to pull her head to his shoulder, giving her at least the illusion of privacy to take a moment for herself.
She is almost concerned that the Fae and Zariah might find some common ground, but perhaps she will get lucky and Zariah’s experience with the Fae will be similar to Weaver’s. Still, there is only so much she can do to control the situation. So instead the topic turns to Remi, and she hugs him a little tighter. ”Yes, I am asking the hard questions. They will not be easier if I wait.” Might as well be done with as much of it as they could now. Might as well leave it behind them and try to move forward.
So she listens as he tells her the whole story. There is no judgment in her eyes, but she takes in all that has happened. The story fills in details where she’d only had impressions, but in truth, none of it particularly shocks her. The most shocking part really is just trying to fit the Remi she has met with the one Loren had once known. He was not the same man. She knows the name Aoife though, has lit a flame and said the funeral rites for her, walking on water with the Governor of Torchline before he’d become such. The story finally brings so many things together.
As Loren moves away, she lets him, though not because she wants him to go. No, she lets him go because he needs to, and for the moment, she will not chase. Sometimes space is necessary. ”No, I needed the long version. Thank you for telling me.” Then she is quiet till he speaks again, able to see that he needs a moment to himself.
At his next words though, she reaches out for him, trying to take his hands if he’ll let her. Trying to pull him close again. ”I tore your family apart today, and yet you will have me. And I told you, I know the core of you Loren. The good and the bad. I also see who you want to be, and I will have that version of you. You pull shit like you have in the past though? Well, I give second chances, but not third.” But she will have him now, so long as he tries. She will have the version of him that he is trying to be.
”We have bigger things to deal with than mage glass right now,” she agrees, curling into him. She doesn’t need a moment of privacy though, doesn’t need to consider whether she wants him. She is not here because he is convenient. If that were all she needed, a warm body to hold her, she would have found Korbin. It would not be the first time they had curled into bed together, like they had done so many times as little children. No, she found Loren tonight because she wanted him.
Nodding in acknowledgement of Weaver's point, Loren just let the whole story sink in. Thankfully, she didn't have follow up questions. Breathing a sigh of relief, he just shrugged. "You're welcome, I guess." Still, his mood, already pretty dark, had soured further.
Shaking his head at her next statement, he let out a huff of bitter laughter. "No, you didn't. My family broke itself. A long time ago. I just wasn't willing to admit that until today." Again, he scrubbed his eyes free of tears.
The rest of what she said caused him to meet her gaze squarely. He let her take his hands. "I'm not going to promise you anything. Because I can't right now." He took a deep breath. "I will do my best not to require a third chance from you, though." Squeezing her hands, he gave her as firm a look as he could manage.
Slipping his arms around her, he felt his forehead crease in concern. "Probably. But that's what I thought, and look where it brought us." Sighing, he closed his eyes and just held her close for a moment. "Early in Flowerbirth, I'll look into it, with anyone else who is willing to help." That, at least, he could promise.
She wishes there was some way to avoid bringing up all that pain for him, but she needs to know. She can’t walk into a meeting with Remi and not have a clue what happened between them. Honestly though, it’s all personal. It should not matter in regards to the politics of Torchline and Halo, though she knows personal feelings often get in the way.
Her hand finds his neck again, thumb running gently over his jaw. She can offer no more comfort than her soft touch, than simply being there. ”Still, I did not help, and you do not seem to blame me.” At least she hadn’t stopped someone in his family with an actual claim to the title of Warden. No one wanted to see Zariah rule, after all.
”You don’t have to make promises. You have to make a choice. I will not tell you which one to make, Loren. I can only tell you which one I can live with.” She had said it before. She will not watch him fall back down the path he’d finally dragged himself up from. And though she is a bit blind where he is concerned, she is not completely foolish either. There is only so much she will tolerate. She meets his eyes, understanding but something firm in there. ”The choice is yours. And it is a choice.” Do not pretend it is anything else.
As he manages to half blame himself for this, she shakes her head. ”Your brother brought us here. Nothing you could have done would have mattered. Don’t make me say it again. And we will go together. I am coming with you. And we will take Morgan if she’d like to go.” Maybe they’d need Wessex again. Without Zariah and potentially without Neron, they were hurting for powerful people in Halo right now.
There was one other piece of news about Remi that Weaver should know. Sighing, Loren rubbed his temples. "As a heads up, I've been asked to stay out of Torchline. Unofficially, but even so it'd be best not to have me involved in discussions with them, and I'd appreciate if you could keep that between us. I imagine you and Sunjata will get along just fine though." Despite his attempts to be matter of fact, he couldn't help the bitter tone from creeping into his voice.
Shrugging, he leaned into her touch a bit. "Why would I blame you? You did what you thought was best for Halo. I can hardly fault you for that." His words came out quietly, but he gave her as reassuring a look as he could manage.
As she spoke, he bit his lip. Reaching up, he cupped her cheek, stroking her cheekbone with his thumb. "I choose you." In the end, it seemed quite simple to him.
Shaking his head, he shrugged. "That's...not what I meant. I just meant that we shouldn't wait to check on potential threats. You're right though." Squeezing her tight, he nodded. "Together."
He adds one more thing and she nods. Ah, so Remi was the type to make personal issues political. Lovely. ”I admit, I do not intend to put you anywhere near Remi. I’ve seen how he reacts to you. And though I disagree with his unofficial request, for the sake of Halo and your life, please listen to it.” Her voice softens at the end of it. She’d command him, if she had to, but she didn’t think she had to. At the mention of Sunjata though, she only nods. She hadn’t even quite thought about him yet, about the many updates she owed him. Perhaps a letter was in order, just to give him a heads up. At least she could deal with him for Torchline politics; it would make things easier.
He tries to be reassuring and she manages a rather rueful smile. ”I really wonder if I am actually best for Halo.” It is half a joke, and half truth. She was never born to rule anything, has no training in it. And yet...she knows these people and this land, and she loves it more than her own life. Maybe that is enough. ”I suppose we’ll find out.”
She does manage a proper smile at his next words though, finding ways to tuck herself closer to him, hands wrapping behind his neck to pull him in for a kiss. A soft, sedate thing in the wake of all they have been through, but still, a proper kiss. ”Then you know how to do it.”
”No, we will not drag our feet. But we need food and firewood. We need to get Snowcloak cleaned up and the Palace and the gate rebuilt. We need to make sure our people are safe and cared for before anything else. If we do not have that, then we cannot face any of the threats that might be waiting for us.” And gods only knew, there seemed to be many.
Loren sighed and hung his head. "Don't worry. I'll be good." Still, he gave Weaver a sad look.
Placing his hands on her shoulders, he gave her a firm look. "You care about the people. You're smart, and skilled, and brave, and kind. You have the makings of a fantastic Warden." He took a deep breath. "If you're going to ask me to believe in myself and all that, then you need to do the same."
Kissing her back just as gently, he stayed close as they broke it off. "I do." It came out more as a breath than a whisper.
Nodding at the list of tasks, he pressed his lips together. "I know. How can I help?"
She hates to tell him not to go to Torchline, but really, she has no choice right now. There might be a day to try and make Remi see some reason, but she wasn’t likely to push that subject. It was not really worth the potential fallout. ”Good. I prefer you alive.” She does not doubt that Remi would try to kill him, and sometimes no matter your magic or shifts or skills, Vi is not on your side.
Suddenly though it is his turn to give her a pep talk, and she just glares at him in return. ”Damn you for being right.” She could not let doubt creep in now. There was no room for it. She had to be the Warden without question. She had to be The Scythe.
She’d really rather just kiss him than think about all the things they needed to be doing. Kiss him, take a damn bath (ideally together), and get whatever sleep they can manage. Yet as he asks how he can help, she looks at him, still pressed close. ”For now, your job. Your medical supplies may or may not be salvageable, and I don’t know what else in Snowcloak has survived. We need you more than ever. Besides that, I intend to talk to Neron soon and see if he is still willing to help Halo. We need people who can be outside to rebuild the Palace and Snowcloak, which leaves a lot of work for you, Morgan and me, unless we wait till Flowerbirth, which I don’t love. We could use your brother’s help. I don’t know that I trust Zariah enough to give her the same offer.”
05-19-2020, 06:22 PM (This post was last modified: 05-19-2020, 06:22 PM by Loren.)
Loren smiled sadly. "I prefer me alive too." Giving Weaver a wry and knowing look, he laughed bitterly again. "Don't worry, I only go running into danger when other lives are at risk." Unfortunately, that was an all too common experience in Caido.
Giving her shoulders one last squeeze, he released her. "Like I said, I've been listening to you." Her hair was still unruly, so he resumed trying to tame and comb through it, less because he thought it looked bad and more because he wanted an excuse to touch her.
"I can do that, though I will tell you that trusting Zariah is always a fool's errand. My brother, though, is another matter. If he's reluctant, I can talk to him." He took a deep breath. "As part of my job, though, I recommend you wash up, eat something, and go to bed. Preferably in that order." Although he wouldn't be able to eat or sleep much, he could at least make sure she did.
