"The Fae pit isn't that bad. Better than she deserves, really. When Weaver asked Loren what happened with Remi, the healer sighed and scrubbed his face. "You're just asking me all the tough questions tonight, aren't you?" It was clear he didn't want to talk about this.
However, he was too tired to protest. "The short version is that I broke his heart, took his friendship for granted, and was partially responsible for the death of his daughter." His feature twisted into a grief-filled mask.
"The longer version is...complicated. I met him back in Northaven, and was smitten. Unfortunately, it was illegal for men to be with other men there. I was a duke, so there was more leeway for me, but he was a commoner and he was terrified of being caught. Of doing anything out of line, really." Shaking his head, he bit his lip.
"Eventually, he caved, and we fooled around a bit. Not much, but the fact that it happened at all was important." Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly. "Then we came to Caido and it...broke me. I disappeared for a year, hiding where no one could find me."
Rubbing his palms on his thighs, he looked down at his lap. "In that year, Frey took his love for me, and Ludo took his memories of me. He also was with several people, but never stopped pining after me. Or so I've been told. Ronin had a child, but Ronin died. So Remi took care of her. Then Ronin was resurrected, and he and Remi fell in love and got married." He paused to let all that sink in.
"Which was around when I came back. Unfortunately, Ronin was blighted, which caused him to begin losing his mind, and meant Remi was alone. I...fucked up when I came back. Badly. Tried to pretend things could be the same, and didn't realize how my presence was hurting everyone who'd known me." Burying his face in his hands, he had to take a few moments to compose himself.
"I told Remi that I still loved him, but that I would never do anything that would come between him and Ronin, because Ronin was my best friend once upon a time, and..." Voice trailing off, he shrugged a bit helplessly. "After that, things were awkward between me and Remi, but we tried to make a friendship work."
Lifting his head, his eyes were haunted. "But then the Festival of Fiat Lux was attacked. I was defending against the mud monster that came out of nowhere, and raised a wall of ice. It...shattered it. Killed Aoife, Ronin and Remi's daughter, and nearly killed Remi." Shaking his head, even more tears found their way to his eyes.
"Remi and Ronin went mad with grief, so Safrin transported them to Torchline. This was before the portal opened. When it did, Remi was...different. I tried to be there for him, but...he blamed me for Aoife's death, and I was mourning Abasi, my...the man I was with. So I bungled that too. Eventually, Remi told me if I was so pathetic and sad, why didn't I just kill myself."
Here, he hesitated, moving away from her again. For a long moment, he was silent, and when he finally did speak, it was barely above a whisper. "So I slit my throat." Closing his eyes, he took a shuddering breath. "But Astra was there, and she...brought me back from the brink. But from that point, Remi told me we were done. Forever."
Keeping his eyes closed, he curled into a ball again. "Sorry for dumping the saga on you. I should've just stuck to the short version." However, even that apology fell flat, and he was too overcome to speak for a moment.
Finally opening his eyes, he shrugged. "If you'll have me." He wasn't sure, couldn't be sure, not after everything that had happened and everything he'd just told her. "Some of us have a better idea of what normal is though." Not him, though.
Reaching up with one hand, he wiped away his tears, leaving gross streaks on his cheeks. "I'll be there. But you might want to ask Morgan to help." The Captain had proven herself today, and in battles past. Plus, she'd be pissed not to be included. "Flowerbirth is a long way away though."
Hesitantly, he held her, still unclear whether she wanted him there, or if he was just a convenient source of comfort. Whatever the answer was, he pushed his own concerns aside to just continue providing what little support he could. Shifting, he reached up with the hand in her hair to pull her head to his shoulder, giving her at least the illusion of privacy to take a moment for herself.
However, he was too tired to protest. "The short version is that I broke his heart, took his friendship for granted, and was partially responsible for the death of his daughter." His feature twisted into a grief-filled mask.
"The longer version is...complicated. I met him back in Northaven, and was smitten. Unfortunately, it was illegal for men to be with other men there. I was a duke, so there was more leeway for me, but he was a commoner and he was terrified of being caught. Of doing anything out of line, really." Shaking his head, he bit his lip.
"Eventually, he caved, and we fooled around a bit. Not much, but the fact that it happened at all was important." Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly. "Then we came to Caido and it...broke me. I disappeared for a year, hiding where no one could find me."
Rubbing his palms on his thighs, he looked down at his lap. "In that year, Frey took his love for me, and Ludo took his memories of me. He also was with several people, but never stopped pining after me. Or so I've been told. Ronin had a child, but Ronin died. So Remi took care of her. Then Ronin was resurrected, and he and Remi fell in love and got married." He paused to let all that sink in.
"Which was around when I came back. Unfortunately, Ronin was blighted, which caused him to begin losing his mind, and meant Remi was alone. I...fucked up when I came back. Badly. Tried to pretend things could be the same, and didn't realize how my presence was hurting everyone who'd known me." Burying his face in his hands, he had to take a few moments to compose himself.
"I told Remi that I still loved him, but that I would never do anything that would come between him and Ronin, because Ronin was my best friend once upon a time, and..." Voice trailing off, he shrugged a bit helplessly. "After that, things were awkward between me and Remi, but we tried to make a friendship work."
Lifting his head, his eyes were haunted. "But then the Festival of Fiat Lux was attacked. I was defending against the mud monster that came out of nowhere, and raised a wall of ice. It...shattered it. Killed Aoife, Ronin and Remi's daughter, and nearly killed Remi." Shaking his head, even more tears found their way to his eyes.
"Remi and Ronin went mad with grief, so Safrin transported them to Torchline. This was before the portal opened. When it did, Remi was...different. I tried to be there for him, but...he blamed me for Aoife's death, and I was mourning Abasi, my...the man I was with. So I bungled that too. Eventually, Remi told me if I was so pathetic and sad, why didn't I just kill myself."
Here, he hesitated, moving away from her again. For a long moment, he was silent, and when he finally did speak, it was barely above a whisper. "So I slit my throat." Closing his eyes, he took a shuddering breath. "But Astra was there, and she...brought me back from the brink. But from that point, Remi told me we were done. Forever."
Keeping his eyes closed, he curled into a ball again. "Sorry for dumping the saga on you. I should've just stuck to the short version." However, even that apology fell flat, and he was too overcome to speak for a moment.
Finally opening his eyes, he shrugged. "If you'll have me." He wasn't sure, couldn't be sure, not after everything that had happened and everything he'd just told her. "Some of us have a better idea of what normal is though." Not him, though.
Reaching up with one hand, he wiped away his tears, leaving gross streaks on his cheeks. "I'll be there. But you might want to ask Morgan to help." The Captain had proven herself today, and in battles past. Plus, she'd be pissed not to be included. "Flowerbirth is a long way away though."
Hesitantly, he held her, still unclear whether she wanted him there, or if he was just a convenient source of comfort. Whatever the answer was, he pushed his own concerns aside to just continue providing what little support he could. Shifting, he reached up with the hand in her hair to pull her head to his shoulder, giving her at least the illusion of privacy to take a moment for herself.
you are lost, hope is gone
but you must go on
Loren
Base Code by Sky!
