I saw the crosses of empty cathedrals whose prospects were hanging out in bars
He does know, but he still can’t admit it. Not when the floodgates open and there’s suddenly so much that he wants to tell Nate, to get him to understand why he acts the way he does, why he can’t help but to get to such lows that take him to the edge and brink of existing. Because he’d never truly been wanted, not really, not until he’d met Lusea and had a reason. Sure, he had his sister and his mother there, but with the ever looming presence of his father it was as good as nothing in the grand scheme.
It’s incredible the amount of relief it brings him to hear that he’s not going to go anywhere, that he’s not going to leave or let go, even when the attuned gets impulsive and gets into so much shit that he otherwise shouldn’t, when he gets into situations that could go so much better. And perhaps it helps, somewhere deep down, to see how someone could hear those hurts and troubles and still want to put up with it, put up with him.
But the gates are open and he’s flooding Nate with so much information that he really should reel it back, that he should try to consider the fact that it was Nate breaking not so long ago, and here he was already foiled by such a simple question of keeping the morning nice and going and ruining that too. But there’s his own quiet simmering anger within him at it, at the fact that he remembers being so jealous when Adam had told him that his mother had loved him, had cherished him growing up when it was the only thing Sunjata had wanted. Someone to love him for how he was, rather than what he could give them.
And he sees that in Nate, more and more, and he’s not sure whether it breaks him or builds him up more. But then Nate’s quiet comment, of being glad that he was still here, hits him somewhere deep and dark and quiet where it had been for a long time, and he’s pressing into Nate a bit more, going to rest his head on Nate’s shoulder and press his forehead to the Ascended’s neck. He can’t remember if he’s heard that specific statement before – that someone was glad that he was himself. It lifts this sort of shadow on his shoulder that’s been there for years, and suddenly he’s huffing a quiet laugh against Nate’s skin. “I’m sorry I ruined the nice morning we were having.” He pauses, withdrawing his head after a moment, fighting away the strange confusing mix within him. “But thank you… Really.” And he means it, from the bottom of his heart and what’s left of it, cracks and all.
He tries to catch Nate’s gaze again, exhaling another quiet sigh and plastering on a small smile, though the tension in his shoulders is far less taut. And perhaps he does need that little getaway Nate was mentioning – and if he trusted anyone to help him through it, it’s the man in his lap at this very moment – the one that loves him for him and nothing else. “I think I want to try it.” A softer admission, wondering if Nate even wants to keep on with it. At the very least, he was home and couldn’t do anything stupid this time, right?
It’s incredible the amount of relief it brings him to hear that he’s not going to go anywhere, that he’s not going to leave or let go, even when the attuned gets impulsive and gets into so much shit that he otherwise shouldn’t, when he gets into situations that could go so much better. And perhaps it helps, somewhere deep down, to see how someone could hear those hurts and troubles and still want to put up with it, put up with him.
But the gates are open and he’s flooding Nate with so much information that he really should reel it back, that he should try to consider the fact that it was Nate breaking not so long ago, and here he was already foiled by such a simple question of keeping the morning nice and going and ruining that too. But there’s his own quiet simmering anger within him at it, at the fact that he remembers being so jealous when Adam had told him that his mother had loved him, had cherished him growing up when it was the only thing Sunjata had wanted. Someone to love him for how he was, rather than what he could give them.
And he sees that in Nate, more and more, and he’s not sure whether it breaks him or builds him up more. But then Nate’s quiet comment, of being glad that he was still here, hits him somewhere deep and dark and quiet where it had been for a long time, and he’s pressing into Nate a bit more, going to rest his head on Nate’s shoulder and press his forehead to the Ascended’s neck. He can’t remember if he’s heard that specific statement before – that someone was glad that he was himself. It lifts this sort of shadow on his shoulder that’s been there for years, and suddenly he’s huffing a quiet laugh against Nate’s skin. “I’m sorry I ruined the nice morning we were having.” He pauses, withdrawing his head after a moment, fighting away the strange confusing mix within him. “But thank you… Really.” And he means it, from the bottom of his heart and what’s left of it, cracks and all.
He tries to catch Nate’s gaze again, exhaling another quiet sigh and plastering on a small smile, though the tension in his shoulders is far less taut. And perhaps he does need that little getaway Nate was mentioning – and if he trusted anyone to help him through it, it’s the man in his lap at this very moment – the one that loves him for him and nothing else. “I think I want to try it.” A softer admission, wondering if Nate even wants to keep on with it. At the very least, he was home and couldn’t do anything stupid this time, right?
SUNJATA
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
