From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Delphine froze, when he lifted her chin, pressing a kiss to her lips. Simple, soft, quick. Then his forehead pressed to hers, and he ran his fingers through her hair. She was trying to process, and slowly she pushed herself upright, straddling his legs, so she'd not put too much of her weight on him.
Her dark hues were tearful, though she reached to wipe them away quickly, and leaned to return the kiss. Though hers was a bit more forceful, passionate. And after a second or two of holding the kiss, the woman pressed back against his chest, content to rest there, and just be.
How can I begin again? How can I try to love someone new, someone who isn’t you?
Too slow in his inebriation to react how he normally would, he simply watches her with curiosity brimming in his eyes as she sits up. The tears which she wiped away on her own face caused him to frown. He had not meant to make her sad, to hurt her. Had he hurt her? He opened his mouth to question her but she returned to him with her own kiss. It was more forceful than his had been. His hands wrapped around her instinctively and he gripped her back, fingers digging in to the fabric that covered her skin. She pulled away again and Noah followed her a little bit, his kiss returned having forged a new hunger in him that he had not felt for quite some time. He wanted to grab the sides of her face and pull her in again, but she moved before he could will his arms to reach up for her delicate cheeks.
She settled back down on his chest and he lowered his head again, resting it against the couch's arm. He let his hands still run down her back idly, his lips tingling with the sensation of their kisses. Though brief, they made a fire burn in his cheeks that was only aiding the color already left by the consumption of the liquor. He sighed, "Why do you always hurt yourself?" He knew she healed herself right after, but he had found her too many times to leave it alone tonight.
While his heart still ached, he was no longer focused on his own grief like he had been before finding her out here.
Delphine smiled at his reaction, nuzzling against his chest as they settled once more. His question... made her sigh. It was a fair question, and she knew he had a right to ask it. How often had he found her like that?
"Because... I deserve it, for everything I've done." She murmured, reaching to tug her fingers through his hair. "Too many things done wrong. Besides, it helps me... forget everything, for a moment." She tried to explain, failing miserably, and a bit too focused on the way he had gripped her, was running his hands down her back now.
How can I begin again? How can I try to love someone new, someone who isn’t you?
Noah had always been a very physical person. With his introverted nature, he did not always have the words to say to express himself. now, with time he has improved this, but something that always resonated with him was the physicality of life. With Delphine here, laying on him, and kissing her, Noah felt much more at ease than he had in weeks. Even though his mind was still clouded with whiskey and emotion, he just focused for a few silent moments on stroking her. He listened to her breathe against him, and waited for her response.
It was not entirely what Noah wanted to hear, and it almost made him flinch. His brows knit together. He did not agree with her, but he chose not to voice it. He did not have the energy to fight with his statements being questions. Instead, he only asked more questions. "Do you think you're a bad person?" He thought he knew the answer for himself. He thought that Delpine may have found herself in situations where she had to do bad things, but was not a bad person. "Do you think I am a bad person?"
To be honest, he would rather continue to kiss her than to talk, but something inside of him pressed the questions out.
Delphine frowned against his chest, considering his questions. "I... I think that I'm a person of circumstance. My big brother, mmm, he didn't like that he had to raise me. And..." She drifted off for a moment, shaking her head, deciding not to go into it. "...he didn't like me, and he made sure I knew that. Bellamy... liked me because I was useful and... easy to train." She sniffed, thoughtfully.
"I've never been allowed to be a person without someone telling me how to exist." She explained, trailing her fingers against his chest, idly. "To your other question, no. Why would you be a bad person? You've done so much for me..."
Helped her get clean, kept her clean, right now he was snuggling her, kissing her, kept her warm, provided for her. "Will you teach me to hunt?" She asked, suddenly. She'd not asked him for anything, not directly, because when she'd asked Bellamy or Alder for things, something was required in return. "I'd... I'd like to be useful," she insisted, softly, voice muffled.
How can I begin again? How can I try to love someone new, someone who isn’t you?
"Can you tell me about them, your brother and your husband?" What had they done to her? Noah's chest burned with a sense of protection at the thought of someone hurting her. He knew, in this moment, if there was a threat to her, he would do whatever he could do to eliminate it. While he was protective by nature, the more time the woman spent in his home the fonder he grew of her. What had she meant by train her? He wrapped his arms tighter around her, offering as much support as he could because of the difficult questions he asked of her.
He felt relief with her further words. He reached down to kiss the top of her head again. He nodded vigorously enough for her to feel it, affirming that he would indeed teach her how to hunt. He would teach anyone that wanted to learn -- it was an invaluable skill to have no matter where one resided. The shops that held food could be destroyed in any second, as the people of Halo had learned from watching their Palace crumble, but being able to gather your own sustenance to provide a source of survival for yourself and others was too important not to teach should someone ask.
Delphine nodded, sighing quietly. "Alder was... ten years older, so when our parents died he was eighteen. But... my mother and father spoiled me, and he felt left out. When it was just me and him..." She chewed her lip, shifting in his grasp. "...If I wasn't perfect, he'd hit me or squeeze my arm too tightly. And if I didn't have dinner ready for him, he might lock me in my room, or not let me eat." It hurt to recall such things, because while they were true, Delphine had thought that was how families were.
After all, she was a burden to her brother. "He taught me that... it was okay, because I was a burden that he had not wanted. So I didn't know any better." She sniffled softly, she'd not thought about Alder in years.
"He never let me date, either... my attention had to be on him at all times." She shrugged, fingers pulling at his shirt.
"And... my husband, we met when I was eighteen, I think. Maybe nineteen. He was... really a powerful man, in magic and position, so my brother couldn't stop him from courting me. When we met, he was married, and..." Bellamy was hard to talk about, because her feelings were mixed.
"...his wife helped him pick out his second wife. Someone who wouldn't get between them, someone he'd not love like he loved her, but someone who could be taught to keep house, make meals, care for their children..." She smiled sadly, and whispered, "Some part of me loved him, though. He... he had my brother killed, so that nobody would ever hit me again. He provided my favorite drugs, as long as I was a good pet... but he limited my friendships, and the use of my powers, and... he never loved me, not like he loved his first wife." Her fingers pulled more at his shirt, little plucks at the fabric.
"Zariah warned me, because she had been engaged to Bellamy first, before he met Iris." Not exactly the true story, but it was easier than explaining the large group of women who had presented themselves to Bellamy Rowan. "He met Iris and... he liked her. He wanted to marry them both, but Zariah refused to be second-best. And she was right too. She was against me marrying him, and she tried to tell me... he just wanted a trophy, to be the first person with a second wife, to prove polygamy worked."
So the Rowans had picked someone who could be easily manipulated into what they needed. "And it helped that... back home, I was a healer, I could bring the dead back if I was able to get to them quickly enough. Drag their souls into their bodies, at the cost of my own... I could heal anything, but it always cost me bits of myself. I loved doing it, though. Loved helping others... He didn't like that, though... I was to heal him, or Iris, or any children they had..."
Falling quiet for a moment, she whispered under her breath, "I hated the children for being his... Constantly reminding me that I was there to protect the shadow man and his dark queen, and nothing more."
How can I begin again? How can I try to love someone new, someone who isn’t you?
Noah listened carefully as she spoke. He tried to take in all of the words she said as best he could, which took much more concentration that normal due to his inebriated state. His own anguish from losing Weaver and the recent events started to dwindle down as she spoke, and a new rage bubbled in his gut. While these men were no longer in Delphine's life, Noah still wanted to hunt them down and kill them -- even if one was already dead, and the other most likely was. He held her tight against his chest, lowering his head to rest his cheek on top of her head. He did not want to let her go.
As she spoke of her husband -- Bellamy -- and the way he sought her and picked her and controlled her when she was barely old enough to make her own decisions burned the rage to an overflowing volcano within him. He could feel his blood pressure rise and his temperature increase. "I'm sorry?" The rage at Bellamy and her brother and his own curse now intermingled. He just wanted to give condolences, to share with her his heart, and he couldn't.
"That's not real love?!" His voice was hard, but he kissed the top of her head again in a way that she would know the anger was not given to her. "Do you think I am controlling?" He asked, this time a genuine question. He had, after all, given her strict commands about getting clean and what she needed to do to live here. He told her what to do a lot, but he had always thought it was things that needed to be said to protect her. He start second guessing it all, and in his drunken state, he was starting to feel horrible. How did Delphine truly feel about him?
Delphine pressed into him. One good thing about being groomed to read a man was that she had learned to apply that to every man she ever dealt with. She could tell he was grieving, angry, enraged. And instinct said that was her fault. He apologized, and she murmured to him, “I learned a lot.” The girl had learned to keep house, care for children, at one point she had run a daycare under her husband’s insistence that she needed something to do. And a daycare kept her from kidnapping children.
“That’s what Zariah tried to tell me, mmm… but I thought… it was. She tried to help me be more independent, and with everything she taught, he un-taught it. He turned her into a villain, and that’s why we aren’t friends anymore.” She explained, quietly. He’d kissed the top of her head, reassuring her that his anger wasn’t at her, and that movement reminded her of Bellamy too.
But was there anything Noah could do, that wouldn’t remind her of the only man she’d ever been with? “I was with Neron when I was younger, but… my brother threatened to kill him if I kept seeing him, so he doesn’t like me either.” She explained. Another mark against her with the Launceleyn’s, because Zariah had sent Neron to woo her back, guide her from Bellamy, and she had wed the Shadow Man anyway.
“But… what is real love, Noah?” She was silent when he asked if she thought that he was controlling. Pushing herself upright, so that she could study him. “I… don’t think so. Not in the same way, anyway.” She leaned to kiss him, to soothe the blow that he was controlling in ways because that was not something anyone wanted to hear. Breaking the kiss, she murmured, “I like someone who can dominate me, without running my life.”
And she did, Delphine got off on being ordered around. But Noah had helped her get clean through an order, he'd kept her clean, and... he let her have a life, where he wasn't the focus.
How can I begin again? How can I try to love someone new, someone who isn’t you?
Noah wanted to flinch when she said she had learned a lot. He wasn't exactly sure what she meant. He had a hard time seeing the good in the bad at the moment, and to think that even a small fraction of her life with that man -- those men -- had been beneficial was hard for him to see and understand. It seemed, though, that Zariah had tried to be a voice of reason and light in Delphine's life. He frowned at that, his resentment and anger towards the Launceleyn mage still fresh, still thriving. He didn't want to talk about her, was not ready to address that, and so he just moved on.
"Real love require sacrifice on both ends?" He could not roll his eyes any harder at the fact that he still could only speak in questions. He, more than anything else in this moment, wanted to display his confidence and make solid, carefully crafted statements (as much as his mind would let him, as he still slurred a few words here and there). "True love is full of grace!?" His voice was as strong as he could make it, and he pushed through his own frustration and drunkenness. "When you love someone, it's a constant give and take and fill and empty and..." He could only envision his parents, and the way he watched his father love his mother. Noah's father had always been very intentional about the way he treated his wife in front of his sons, and Noah was always an observant person, even as a child.
He breathed out a deep, whiskey-laden breath before asking another question, this time truly asking rather than trying to state: "Delphine, would you ever be able to love me, to let me love you?" When he had invited the woman to stay with him, to help her, he had not thought of her in such a way. But the time they spent together, the way she helped around the home and the way that he helped her grasp health, it was starting to build a fondness in him for her--and the kissing did not hinder this. Could he be what she wanted in life? He wasn't sure.
Delphine nodded slowly. Love required sacrifice from both people, not a take-take-take situation, where nothing is given in return. That made sense. She was still hovering over him, studying his features, watching his lips as he spoke. Each word he said created a blossom of color across her vision. Swirls, and flecks, entire words came out colored.
The world was a rainbow. As he described his idea of love, her lips curved. It sounded beautiful, she wondered what it would feel like, to be loved like that. To have someone who gave just as much as her, and took as much as she could give but never took more than that.
“Where did you see love like that? It sounds… beautiful.” She whispered, lower lip trembling as she closed her eyes, slow and deliberate. The love Noah had described was what she had once daydreamed. Though Halo was much too cold for the type of picnics that she used to dream about.
At his last question, though, her eyes flew open and she stared down at him, hazel hues full of disbelief. Perhaps shock. Had she heard him right? Before she could stop herself, she asked: “Why would… why would you want me? I’ve done terrible things. And… I can’t bring back the dead anymore, I’m useless.”
‘The type of love he just described doesn’t require you to be worth anything, stupid.’ Her thoughts swirled in circles, repeating the phrase, and she shifted to sit upright, fingers tugging at messy blonde tresses.
“I’m not a Natural. What would the rest of Snowcloak think?” She’d seen so much hatred towards Outlanders, everywhere, so it was safe to assume that Halo in its relative isolation was the same, if not worse. Though nothing in her voice suggested that she wanted him to listen to her, in fact her tone and body language suggested the opposite.
She moved to claim the cup of luke-warm tea, still straddling his legs, her knees pressed into the couch cushions. “Besides, you’re drunk, Noah. And you’re sad. Do you really think you could love someone like me? Do you think you could love me sober?” She was swirling the tea around in the mug, before she moved to get off the couch, over to the fire to encourage the flames, and to hide her tears.
She was pretty sure the answer to her question was no, why wouldn’t it be, when she’d given him enough reasons to run away now, with his heart free and secure? “You shouldn’t make decisions while drunk,” she stated, her voice wavering, despite being fairly steady.
How can I begin again? How can I try to love someone new, someone who isn’t you?
He could only stare up at her, blue eyes diving deep into hazel. Despite the haziness of his mind, the fuzziness the booze had ignited, he tried his best to focus on her. On this moment. On this conversation. Would he remember it in the morning? If he thought for a second he wouldn't, he would fight sleep until he was sober again. "My parents?" He reached up and twirled a lock of her hair loosely around two of his calloused fingers.
Her whole bog ignited as she leaned back, away from him, and took his tea. He sat up, too, propping himself up on his elbows. Why would he want her? She was here, comforting him, letting him release his sorrow onto her, and she questioned why he would want her? His face wrinkled and he just looked at her, swirling the tea in the mug. When she stood up and continued to speak, he continued to watch her. His mind was reeling with what to say, how to convey to her that he wanted to matter in her life. He bit the inside of his cheek and sat up fully on the couch, watching her stand by the fire.
Screw what the people think. He thought. While the Halovians were distrustful of outlanders as a whole, Noah had generally been more amiable towards them. In the wake of the Launceleyn incidents, Noah had set up a guard against outlanders as a whole. He couldn't, however, seem to set that same guard up against Delphine. He stood, closing the distance between them. The dizziness he had felt before when he stumbled out of his room had seemed to dissipate. He stood behind her, close enough that he was sure she could feel the hairs on his arms raise. He reached out for her waist, gently at first, but he turned her with determination, to face him. If she had, without resistance, Noah would lean down and grasp her cheek. He would kiss her, fiercely and passionately and deeply.
"Just stay with me?" He asked, pulling away to look at her again, the burning desire for her--the thing he wanted most, right now--to just stay in his arms.
Delphine didn’t resist, when he stood behind her, so close that she was pretty sure he could hear her heart threatening to beat right out of her chest. When he grasped her waist and turned her to face him, he’d meet no resistance. Instead, he’d see tears, taste salt when he kissed her.
It was the kind of kiss that made her cheeks flush, her toes curl. She leaned into the kiss, and returned it with just as much vigor. Cheeks red, eyes brimming with tears, she buried her face against his chest, her fingers dug into his back as he clung to him.
He didn’t offer her any answers. He offered nothing more than his presence, but that kiss had told her more than words could. She was aware he could have, and probably should have, walked away. Should have gone to his room, left her here to tend the fire, slept off his intoxication.
But he hadn’t.
Delphine eventually pushed herself away from his chest, hazel eyes clear of tears for the moment, though the tear streaks remained on her cheeks. “Will you tell me about your parents?” She asked, as she reached to find his hands, fingers curling through his.
It was late, and she was wide awake. She still… wasn’t sure of his sanity, if he was considering her as a partner. But he’d asked her to stay, and she had nowhere else to really go, nor anywhere she’d rather go. Because for all of her attempts to convince him against her, he was what she wanted. What she’d dreamed of as a young girl.
How can I begin again? How can I try to love someone new, someone who isn’t you?
Noah couldn't remember the last time he had kissed someone so deeply. He had had flings here and there throughout his life, but thing deep enough to stem into a relationship. General one night stands were common in Halo, and the Olson man was no stranger to them. This desire he felt, however, was deeper than a carnal need to have sex. He wanted Delphine, truly, here and now, with all of her flaws and shortcomings; with all of her victories and passions. He was here for her, and when she melted into him, he enveloped her. He would stand as her shield, and unleash his wrath upon any man that threatened to harm her in such a way as men had done in her past.
He would wipe away every tear for as long as she stayed with him, here, and that he was certain of.
When she asked of his parents, he nodded. "My parents were amazing?" He started, his voice still lifting at the ends of his sentences to denote his cursed questioning. "They loved us more than anything else? My father was a hunter, like me, and my mother a healer?" He could see their faces, though with nearly a decade of them gone, some of his father's features resembled Ezekiel's, and his mother's his own reflection. "They were dedicated to Halo? My father taught and over saw a lot of hunters here, training up youngsters just like his own sons? My mother worked her healing magic out of our house?" He turned and pointed to the chairs that Noah and Delphine had sat in and ate stew the first time she had come to his house. "These were their chairs." It was a statement, rather than a question, but being caught up in his parents' story he hardly noticed. "My mother died in childbirth. There was something so deeply sick inside of her that, even though there were Abandoned healers present, none of them could save her. My sister -- we didn't name her -- died only a few hours after my mother. My father was full of sorrow after her passing. He dedicated himself to his duty, bottled up his emotions. I had seen him cry my whole life...but losing my mother was an entirely different kind of heart break. I never saw one tear from him." While having lived this story, and most of Halo knowing the vague details of it, no one in Noah's life had gotten as much detail as Delphine.
"My father died in a hunting accident. Not three moons separated their deaths."
