Going on a Living Spree

- NATE -

I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss

Nate knows nearly everything he's said has gone over the other mans head, but that had kind of been the point, hadn't it? With the step back, the clinical lilt in his voice. Distance, from Sunjata, from his wound, while he talked about it so directly. Something outside of himself, almost. "It doesn't make sense. I'm just guessing for a lot of this. I really... don't know how different I am to what I know." It's an admission joined by a shrug, a little huff of a sigh. A crack in the mask, where actual worry, actual discomfort can leak out. And he knows, he knows the other man is trying to help, to be supportive, but there's only so much support can do before he needs distraction, before he needs his mind pointed towards something easier to digest.

A lopsided grin crosses Nate's face as the right answer is offered up, as Sunjata leans in closer with nothing but a smile and agreement. "Grey is nice." He hums, fingers tapping on his cheek, coming to a rather sudden stop at the tone in the other mans voice, the suggestion given. "I guess it would be close to you too, wouldn't it?" Nate responds, trying to act as if it was the first time the thought had crossed his mind, as though it hadn't been one of the first things to cross his mind.

If this conversation were a dance, they'd both be lame at this point. This should be so much easier. Should come so much more naturally. Like the way he winds into Sunjata, the comfort closeness brings. If they talked half as easily as they touched, there wouldn't be the chances to be misunderstood, wouldn't be chances to say the wrong thing. They don't though, and there are, and all Nate can do is hope that the next wrong thing isn't the last wrong thing. Even Sunjata's understanding much have a limit, though this wrong thing, this misstep of tone doesn't reach it.

He'd said, more than once now, that he's selfish. What Sunjata's offering is the ultimate indulgence, and Nate grabs onto it greedily, almost too eagerly. "You should." There's a dip back to old confidence, just for a moment, a flash in his eye and twist on his lips, but it settles away again as the attuned continues. Part of him wants to immediately snap that he'd prefer a billion smaller scars to this one marring one, but he bites his tongue, the other man lifting his chin and reminding that smaller doesn't mean small. Nate closes his eyes instead, and leans in to press his lips against the scar on Sunjata's neck, staying pressed in close as he waits expectantly for more.

I just want them
To mean something

SUNJATA

the flood

i can still see your face looking back through the flames
and i search it, was it worth it?

He wonders if it’s worth mentioning that he can try to find out what exactly Nate has become, but he lets the thought drift away — because he’s there right now, talking, making jokes however awkward they fall off the tongue. And Sunjata doesn’t want that to stop, to create more worries within while Sunjata steps away to stick his nose places where it doesn’t belong. So he exhales softly with the lopsided grin that crosses his face, settling in comfortably as the attuned scans the Ascended’s face again.

“You know, Frey first called me blue eyes which is fine and all but they’re definitely more grey than blue.” He rumbles offhandedly, a soft laugh leaving him as he recalls it, but eventually shoves it away for the more serious bit of their conversation. The one thing Sunjata can do — at least attempt to. And while he wasn’t flowery with words, he could try to be, perhaps show Nate that he’s trying to break through this downpour with him.

So a crooked almost boyish smirk crosses his face. “Mmh where to start.” He begins, head tilting a small amount more as Nate’s lips are pressed to his neck, over the scar that should have killed him. And it’s easier, not having those eyes on him, to try and be flowery and poetic, dipping into older Korofi traditions of the rebellion and how they always found a way to spin a story in a way that seemed beautiful when life was so tough. “You have this air of confidence around you… Where it seems like nothing can shake you. You’ve a ridiculously quick wit that I’m jealous of.” He pauses as he can’t help the smile growing a bit larger on his face. “The fact that you understand me. Like I don’t have to explain why I do things the way I do even when they’re usually really stupid.” A huff of a laugh leaves him then and he pulls away a small amount to scan Nate’s face.

“We fit together so easily. You’ve saved my life more ways than one.” Perhaps a bit more dark of territory but he begins to steer clear of those waters. “I love how you’ve gotten me to open up, to accept and crave touch and affection and not shy away from it. You’ve helped me.” A softer pause there, head tilting as he waits for a reaction. “Do you want more? I could go on.” Not exactly poetic, but it’s a start.

no i don't mind the smoke, but your tears make me choke
are you okay? should i go away?

- NATE -

I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss

"Blue?" Nate hummed, not needing to look to bring to mind the shade of Sunjata's eyes, but looking anyway. How many things has he compared the colour to, oceans and storms and steel, and yet every time he's a little surprised, a little breathless as he looks. If nothing else, it's one hell of a distraction, a reason to shake his head, defying a God's words easily. "No. They're a lot nicer than just blue." Words flow out of him a lot more nicely with a distraction, though even distraction doesn't last forever, doesn't put too much of a dent into the whirlwind of emotions he's trapped on.

It's good that it benefits them both, but it's purely selfish reasoning that has Nate drawing in close, hiding away his gaze. His eyes already sting from just the offer, a pressure building up just from the thought that Sunjata has a list. When the other man starts actually speaking, he wants to be able to keep a tight grip on himself, doesn't want the moment of weakness where he's struggling to not be pulled off his feet by the rabid dog of his emotions seen.

From the very first words that drop from Sunjata it's a lost battle. There's no keeping himself together, there's just holding back enough that he's not actually crying, only tearing up. Nate's hand lifts from where it's wrapped around the attuned to cup his face, feeling the grin grow. To love, and be loved so much is almost foreign, and it fills him so full his chest feels like it might burst, no room for his negativity, his yoyoing anger and depression, at least not for the moment. His eye is glassy when the other man pulls back, but there's not even room for the shame that would normally accompany being seen like this.

"I didn't know you'd put so much thought into this." He offers softly, a wide, sincere grin spread over his face. It cracks into a huff of laughter at the question, one eye sparkling. "There's more?" Nate hesitates a moment, just for the dramatics of it, before doubling down. "I wanna hear it all, but... Let me..."

His hand rises to cover Sunjata's eyes gently, a slight smile the last thing the attuned is allowed to see. Nate hesitates a moment, a breath, to build tension some little voice in his whispers, but he can't deny what he want's for long. He leans in to kiss Sunjata, gently at first, then more and more insistent, almost pulling away more than once before pressing in again. Normally, he's so careful about giving the other man time to breathe, but right now he doesn't care, doesn't want to pull away for as long as he can manage, everything feeling easy, blissfully normal when they're together like this.

I just want them
To mean something

SUNJATA

the flood

i can still see your face looking back through the flames
and i search it, was it worth it?

He practically preens under Nate’s observation, despite the searching look he gives to inspect said eyes. And Sunjata offers an easy, almost lazy smile in response to it as he agrees whole heartedly. But he doesn’t need to expand on it, what else is there to say in regards to it? So he settles, keeping his arms around Nate as the attuned easily begins to talk about his affection, his love, for the man sitting here debating what his worth is now that he’s been marred, scarred, wrong mentally because there’s no escape from it.

Sunjata hopes it’s worth something at least.

But when Nate pulls back, Sunjata spies the glassiness to his eye, a soft smile crossing his face as he settles in comfortably. And a small shallow dip of his head is granted back at the question. “There is more.” He rumbles softly, before Nate’s making him pause and Sunjata stills to focus on what Nate wants to do. It’s not exactly what he expects, but gods it’s nice. The hand comes up to cover his eyes, and Sunjata closes his eyes, long lashes brushing against the skin. And when there’s a bit of tension, a bit of pause where Sunjata’s confused as to what the Ascended wanted to do, that’s when he feels him lean in.

His arms tighten around Nate, keeping him close and giving in – breathing as much through his nose to keep it going so he doesn’t have to pause. And when he finally has to pull away for a breath, he’s almost panting – nuzzling his head in close to Nate’s hand.

no i don't mind the smoke, but your tears make me choke
are you okay? should i go away?

- NATE -

I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss

For a moment, a long, blissful moment that distantly, Nate knows the other man can't maintain, everything feels normal again. It feels like he's loved, like he's seen. Feels like all he needs. His hand slips away from Sunjata's eyes, trusting the attuned to keep them shut while fingers trace over his forehead, while they stroke through hair. The feeling lingers for a handful of breaths, keeping his face soft as it moves along the planes of the other mans. "What'd I do to deserve you?" It comes out of Nate like a prayer, like a sigh he didn't quite mean to let slip.

The cold fingers of reality cannot be kept at bay forever though, and that trembling discomfort takes a hold of Nate again, his hand growing suddenly tight in Sunjata's hair, his other hand tugging at the other's hips. "C'mere." It's an order as much as it is a request, to go along with the tugging hands. And once he has the attuned on his lap, pressure keeping him grounded, Nate swallows, rolling his shoulders back as if bracing himself for something. "Look at me." There's that same touch of command in his voice, the edges of it clipped with the effort it takes to keep the illusion steady.

His one good eye is focused, almost too intently, on the attuned's face, gauging his reaction, his expression. Searching for some reason to rescind his order, some reason to be upset, and hoping to not find it. "Tell me the more." Nate let's some of the vulnerability slip through, the slightest quaver in his words.

I just want them
To mean something

SUNJATA

the flood

i can still see your face looking back through the flames
and i search it, was it worth it?

As Nate removes his hand from Sunjata’s eyes, the Ascended is correct to presume that the Attuned keeps his eyes closed. He focuses on the feeling of Nate’s fingers tracing along his forehead, through dark waves of hair, along the contours of his face. He leans into each with comfort, ease, love as he uses it like a roadmap to guide him. And Nate’s words, at first Sunjata wants to challenge them, to comment that he doesn’t deserve him, but it dies on his tongue and is replaced easily with a soft smile instead.

But then his lover is moving him, and he keeps his gaze shut, letting Nate guide him where he wants him, and eventually he’s in Nate’s lap – shifting a small amount to try and not give all of his weight onto Nate (though knowing the Ascended could absolutely handle it, it’s beside the point) and he focuses instead on his touch – the way his hands travel along Nate until he tells him to look at him. He opens his eyes, his stormy eyes relatively clear of the clouds – bright and focused as he scans Nate’s face and takes it all in, doesn’t balk, doesn’t hide away, takes all of it and still that soft smile remains on his face.

There’s that too intense gaze again, and Sunjata thinks he’s getting somewhere, and so he readjusts his seat a bit more until he’s straddling Nate now so his compass tattoos are pointed right at him again – settling as close as he can and keeping one hand on Nate’s side in gentle strokes while the other seeks out the Ascended’s dark hair to try and soothe the quiver in his voice. Perhaps that’s all the strength he needs, not needing to hide it away anymore. And perhaps now he can truly get poetic, without the awkwardness of everything else weighing him down. Who else was here to hear him aside from Nate? The Ascended wouldn’t judge it in the slightest either, he’s sure. In fact, he thinks Nate certainly needs to hear it now out of all the other times. “You’re my moon.” A deep inhale of breath. “You keep me steady when I want to fall apart. You soothe the waves of my soul when I struggle with being who I used to be and who I want to be.” Another brief pause. “I think… That I was meant to find you, that we were meant to be here together through it all. And sometimes I feel somewhat shitty about how it all happened to get this way, but…” There’s a half laugh at this, enough that it crinkles his eyes. “I’d do it all again in a heartbeat if it got me you.”

no i don't mind the smoke, but your tears make me choke
are you okay? should i go away?

- NATE -

I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss

It's so easy to tell, from the way every touch is leaned into, the way the soft smile always returns, that he's being taken care of. That Sunjata is making an effort to be soft, to soothe over the jagged depths of emotion in Nate. And it works. Even the parts of him that want to balk can't, not under the soft onslaught of acceptance, of understanding. Maybe it's not normal, but pressed close like this, it feels safe, comfortable. Like it could be a new normal, like maybe, in time, he could get used to this.

And the attuned passes that first, critical test easily, bleeding some of the stress out of the ascended. His shoulders slump, and some of the intensity in his gaze gives way to a candle flame of warmth, weak and flickering, but present nonetheless. Nate's arm tightens around the other man's waist, his hand shifting to cradle the other man's head, instead of tugging at his hair. All motion in him stops though, as Sunjata shifts, readjusting himself, his hands. And he keeps still as Sunjata speaks, the flicker in his eye growing stronger and stronger, not leaving room for anything else. Slowly, so as to not disturb the other's rhythm, his hands move, coming to rest on Sunjata's shoulders. This isn't a test anymore, isn't anything more than an indulgence, one he sorely needs.

"Y'know... I've never actually... done this, before." It's a quiet admission, after the beat of silence, the long moment he spent trying to really absorb everything Sunjata had offered. "I went from uh, fling, to fling, to fling, and I never... I thought this might turn out like that." A low, rough huff of laughter leaves him, Nate's gaze drifting away almost guiltily. He'd always been quick to say I love you, but had never really meant it, not until now. "I could live without you, but I'd always be missing something." Maybe it's not as poetic, but there's a raw note in his voice, a kind of stark honesty he's never allowed himself. He'd never been the type of person to believe in fate, in meant to be, but Sunjata gives him a reason to believe, gives him something to choose, over and over and over. "You make me not want to fall apart, but I know you'll be there to pick me back up after."

I just want them
To mean something

SUNJATA

the flood

i can still see your face looking back through the flames
and i search it, was it worth it?

He feels Nate’s shoulders slump beneath his touch, beneath his pressure. And Sunjata can’t help but feel some sort of accomplishment within him at this small victory. He feels Nate’s arm tighten, leaning a small amount to brush and nuzzle gently into the hand that cradles his head. But then his attention is on Nate entirely – explaining and expressing the truths with the beauty that he knows he’s capable of, but typically unable to say anything like it with any other circumstance.

As the words hit, he feels as though it’s relieved some sort of growing dam within him. And he listens so intently as Nate speaks – hanging on every word as his gaze continues to scan Nate’s face before remaining on the electric eye that watches him briefly before his lover’s attention shifts. He’s half tempted to mention that he doesn’t think it’s so bad – when you find that person that you want to spend forever with. But it also dies on his tongue when Nate’s raw voice reaches him and it’s worth every moment of tension he had bottled up within him.

His fingers move to stroke through the silky dark hair once more as he scans, almost as if he’s searching for something within Nate’s face when he isn’t. Just simply looking, enjoying, indulging himself. “I’d give anything to be the one to pick you up after.” He hums softly, leaning forward now to press a soft kiss to Nate’s nose before pulling away a hairs breath. “I love you, Nate. Scars and shitty pasts and all of that.” He exhales a soft breath, a wider smile breaking across his face, trying to invoke all of that love and joy he gets from being with Nate into the smile he gives, hoping it’s bright enough to get him to see just how much he means to him.

no i don't mind the smoke, but your tears make me choke
are you okay? should i go away?

- NATE -

I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss

"I love you too, Sunny." It sounds like a cliche, like some trope, but for the moment, maybe for the night, things feel better, everything rough and angry smoothed down, soothed until he forgets how to be twisted up. "I'm not going to be like this forever." It's a promise, of a sorts, made in a moment of clarity, a moment of hope. Right now though, he manages to have some amount of confidence when he says it, manages to believe it a little bit. Sunjata's gaze sweeps over him like a clear wave, somehow refreshing, rejuvenating, especially with the hands tangled through his hair.

He could stay here forever, wrapped up in the other man's arms, in his sunshiny smile, the closest Nate's been to the sun in a long time, it feels like. It can't be forever, even when he leans in to rest his cheek on the attuned's shoulder, leaning in to trust and warmth. He can be still for a long time though, until the night has fully fallen around them. Until Haai is yawning, and Pemota's drifting slows above them. "Should get a new bandage on." Comes the eventual mumble, an out given so they can both move, Nate leaning back, but not actually letting his arms fall away, waiting for Sunjata to shift first.

I just want them
To mean something

SUNJATA

the flood

i can still see your face looking back through the flames
and i search it, was it worth it?

His bright smile doesn’t fade in the slightest when Nate reciprocates the love — not when he can sit there and embody the nickname, for Nate so far from the sun himself. But he focuses on the promise instead, a promise aimed mostly for the other man and not the Attuned. So he keeps his hands stroking through the long dark locks, his head nodding a small amount. “I know.” He comments, as much of a promise as Nate’s own. Some sort of bolstered support in addition to the confidence he shows.

And then Nate’s head is resting along his shoulder, and Sunjata’s arms find their way wrapped around Nate to keep him close until it’s time to move and already his legs are starting to get that static feeling within them of almost falling asleep. But the rumble distracts him and he pulls away a small amount just as Nate does — offering a softer smile and a nod, before moving to stand. And when he does, his knee pops as he pushes himself up to his full height. “I suppose we should, huh?” Get a new bandage that is. He offers his hand out for Nate to pull him up should the Ascended want it, as Haai stands and stretches with a small whine, trying to corral Pemota toward the inside of the home.

no i don't mind the smoke, but your tears make me choke
are you okay? should i go away?

- NATE -

I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss

Of the two of them, he should really be the first to rise, to offer a hand out to help the other man up. Nate doesn't, though, doesn't do anything more than tilt his head back, watching the attuned stretch out above him. He goes to great lengths to ignore the slight difference in height between them usually, now, he can't help but feel a little comforted by the way Sunjata towers. He accepts the hand offered out with both of his, wanting it for the connection more than the help, for the way it gives him an anchor to lean into once he's on his feet.

An arm snakes around Sunjata's waist, the other pulls his arm around Nate's shoulders, a close, admittedly awkward way to amble into the house. Haai and Pemota had their own drama's, the young starwhal balking at the attempt to keep her in line, and retaliating with a soft bap of her short, spiralling horn against the griffin's side.

As soon as they're inside, Nate moves towards the kitchen, forgoing any candles or lights. He could see well enough to go without, and he knew Sunjata could too. Trying to keep moving, to keep melancholy from settling in again where it had so recently been evicted, Nate tapped a nonsense rhythm along the counter while he fiddled with the first aid kit, wrapping a bandage around his face with a well practised ease. It's not a moment he wants to linger in, not one he want's Sunjata to be in, and he tries to move past it quickly, hands still tapping with an almost manic energy. "How's the cellar coming?"

I just want them
To mean something

SUNJATA

the flood

i can still see your face looking back through the flames
and i search it, was it worth it?

He shifts his feet a small amount to better brace when Nate grabs onto his hand with both of his – pulling the other man to his feet. It’s relatively easy, to use the advantages Sunjata has despite the slight tingling in his legs. And he easily accepts the arm that slides around his waist, sliding his own around Nate’s shoulders and keeping him close as he can. Haai during this time has seemingly declared a playful war over the boop of the horn to her side – stopping midstep and play bowing to the whale before zooming through the living room.

It’s dark, but as Nate had assumed, Sunjata can see just fine with a partial shifting of his own eyes as well. He shifts to his panther gaze, finding it easier to see in the dark for the mere moment before he does end up letting Nate go to wrap the bandage on, to reach for the two candles in the center of the table. Using his lighter, he lights the two and lets the firelight flicker until it’s bright enough he doesn’t really need his partial shift anymore.

But with the cellar question, and the distance between them, Sunjata can’t help but to approach again and press himself against Nate’s back to bury his face into the Ascended’s neck, arms slipping around his waist. “Good so far. Shit-ton of books and some other things to try and make the days go by. Plenty of alcohol and the food Melita and I hunted, still prepped and ready.” He hums with a quiet laugh, a small shrug of his shoulders.

no i don't mind the smoke, but your tears make me choke
are you okay? should i go away?

- NATE -

I don’t want a world
Without pain or loss

Pemota is easily goaded into a game, her little form racing after the griffin, keeping low to the ground and zooming around the furniture at the kind of speeds only the young and uninjured dared to move at. Nate, meanwhile, did the exact opposite, each step painfully slow, as he tried to lengthen the amount of time he could spend pressed into Sunjata's side. Because he knows he has to pull away, know's he's going to have face his face again, when he wraps himself up. It's such an ingrained motion by this point that it almost feels like he's out of himself while his hands move, and it's light when he blinks again, candles burning and Sunjata moving.

Even without the accompanying chill of pleasure, the back of his neck is sensitive, vulnerable, and the closeness sends a chill down Nate's back. As arms wind around his waist, his shoulders drop, and he leans back into the other man, closing his eyes. He's trying to stay in the moment, the hum of Sunjata's voice an anchor. "Should put a first aid kit. Maybe some bedding. And water." There's a hum of amusement with the last suggestion, Nate turning his head, careful to keep his good side pointed towards the other.

Stepping into bigger fears is an easy way to keep from drowning, and after the fiasco of last Longnight, it's an easy fear to summon. Even if the people of Torchline seemed sure nothing bad would happen, he couldn't trust it. After all, he'd once thought himself safe on the streets of Haulani, hadn't he?

I just want them
To mean something

SUNJATA

the flood

i can still see your face looking back through the flames
and i search it, was it worth it?

His shoulders drop as Sunjata wraps his arms around Nate, and he closes his eyes momentarily as he buries his face into Nate’s neck as he half mumbles and explains what he has already prepared in the cellar. “I’ll add a first aid kit.” He says, eyes opening specifically so he can seek out Nate’s face as he turns his head a small amount to look at him. A half smirk crosses his face as he waits a few heartbeats before continuing on. “There’s plenty of water in there.” He almost whines, not particularly wanting it but knowing they’ll need it. “As it turns out, the cellar has a small… I don’t know what it was used for, but a washing station sort of.” Therefore, a faucet sat inside. “So I made sure it worked and was clean, supplied it with whatever we needed to make sure that it was safe to drink. And filled one of the containers with it just in case it broke.” Feeling relatively proud of himself for that tidbit of work, he offers a wide grin a kiss to Nate’s cheek.

“But yeah, more bedding would be good to add.” He hums, as he withdraws a small amount to focus on the task at hand and not burying himself into Nate as much as he wants to. He still doesn’t move, though, just retracts his head a small amount. “There’s a couple oil lamps in there, some candles…” He trails off, lips pursing as he thinks on what else there was. Meanwhile, Haai is far too excited about this game, paws and claws skittering across the floor until the poor griffin slips and tumbles into a table in a mess of limbs and wings.

no i don't mind the smoke, but your tears make me choke
are you okay? should i go away?