my held breath fills the room with blood
hurting in ways I can't describe
This world and the last - perhaps the cosmos themselves - seem to desire nothing more than to grind them down and break them apart for the grievous sin of striving for a better life. It's a level of unfairness that she can't stomach right now, an anger and despair that simmers and boils until she feels like gravity has unthreaded itself from her and left her spinning untethered in the darkness around them. Deimos is her only rock, the straining rope that ties her down to reality, and the way her arms clutch at him is evidence enough of how desperately she needs him. And why can't that be enough? Why can't their love, their dependence on him, be enough to grant him freedom from the cruelties of this world? Why must he be condemned by the Fates for his honorable heart?
Except it wasn't some vague entity of destiny that had done this. The culprit had a name, a face. And when the tide of grief passes over her and leaves her washed upon the shore, there will be time for hatred. For vitriol. But right now there is only the scraps of comfort that she desperately tries to conjure for the greatest man she's ever known. Her last remaining family.
"You are one of the most honorable souls I've ever met, and your efforts to keep us safe don't deserve to be condemned. Good intentions are just that - good. It was not your efforts that caused this, it was the prejudice of beings far more powerful than we'll ever be." Her voice wavers between a begging desperation for him to believe her, and a firmness that belies the strength that has always kept her going in times like these. Trying to share that energy, that strength, to give him just enough of herself to seal the cracks and get him through these next few days.
Hotaru squeezes him tighter as his own arms encase her, burying deeper into his embrace as if to piece their fractured parts together. To unite them so that they cannot be stolen from one another in the way Rexanna had. And when his apology comes she weeps, silent and angry at this world, teeth gritted and arms tight around him. "You are good enough. You never have to apologize to me Deimos, not for anything." The fire in her voice does not scald but instead warms, hoping to chase away the cold of grief as they sit there intertwined. "You're all I have left. We...we have to stick together." Don't leave me too. Not again.
Except it wasn't some vague entity of destiny that had done this. The culprit had a name, a face. And when the tide of grief passes over her and leaves her washed upon the shore, there will be time for hatred. For vitriol. But right now there is only the scraps of comfort that she desperately tries to conjure for the greatest man she's ever known. Her last remaining family.
"You are one of the most honorable souls I've ever met, and your efforts to keep us safe don't deserve to be condemned. Good intentions are just that - good. It was not your efforts that caused this, it was the prejudice of beings far more powerful than we'll ever be." Her voice wavers between a begging desperation for him to believe her, and a firmness that belies the strength that has always kept her going in times like these. Trying to share that energy, that strength, to give him just enough of herself to seal the cracks and get him through these next few days.
Hotaru squeezes him tighter as his own arms encase her, burying deeper into his embrace as if to piece their fractured parts together. To unite them so that they cannot be stolen from one another in the way Rexanna had. And when his apology comes she weeps, silent and angry at this world, teeth gritted and arms tight around him. "You are good enough. You never have to apologize to me Deimos, not for anything." The fire in her voice does not scald but instead warms, hoping to chase away the cold of grief as they sit there intertwined. "You're all I have left. We...we have to stick together." Don't leave me too. Not again.
my heart bends and breaks
so many, many times
HOTARU
