You've Got A Problem

the devil you know is better than the ghost you don't

"I know that it feels selfish, and it feels hard to live life without them. I felt that in myself after my parents died. I felt like I had to be so focused on Ezekiel and his well-being that I almost forgot how to be myself. But I needed to take care of myself to be able to be whole enough to take care of other people. You have to decide what is going to make you whole again." When that happened, when his parents died, Noah was just barely younger than Korbin--two years difference. "It is hard to lose anyone at any point in time, but it is even harder when you were young. Your heart hasn’t built up the scar tissue that it needs to be able to get over this--No, you’ll never get over this. That’s not the right word." Getting over it implied that one would forget, and Noah knew Korbin would never forget. "But you will heal. And you will remember them."

He took another sip of his tea, cooler now. "It will get easier. I don’t know when and I don’t know how specifically for you, but it will. You just have to take it one day at a time. Do good things each day. Do healthy things each day. Do one thing that makes you happy every day. Be thankful for the memories that you have other people that you’ve lost, and honor them in it. Drinking yourself to death burning your house down or attacking other people in this community is not an honor to their memory. So getting sober, that's a good first step."

Even though Noah was feeling tired, he didn't care. He would sit here with Korbin and talk forever if this was what the raven needed. It seemed to be. So far he hadn't threatened Noah or swung at him, and the word on the street dictated that that was a good sign.

so I sit and the scan the frequencies, watch the falling snow

Noah Olson

It was different, this talk and the one Chulane had initiated. For one, Korbin was a willing participant this time. For the other, he trusted the man he was talking to. While hearing these things was rough and painful and a heavy, uncomfortable burden he couldn't quite shoulder properly yet, at least he had asked for them. Maybe Korbin didn't hate Chulane, and maybe what he had done was necessary on some level... but he might never forgive the intrusion.

Closing his eyes again, the boy leaned back against the wall and just breathed. Knew Noah wouldn't mind the silence as he let the words sink in, even if it dragged on. And it did. Long minutes passed, until finally Korbin's breathing grew unsteady. He struggled to maintain his composure, but it was really just a bit too much. In a moment of perfect clarity, Noah's summary of his actions brought it home just how messed up he had become, and thinking of what Weaver would have said if she saw him like this... what Erebor might say, or his parents...

"I'm sorry," he choked, hiding the face in the crook of an arm. For the broken promises, for not keeping his word and honoring that debt to Loren... For causing so much damage, and hurt, and worrying so many people who already had it rough.. "I-I'm s-so sorry..!"

In loving memory of when I gave a shit

KORBIN
HALE

the devil you know is better than the ghost you don't

For any other man, the silence may have been torture. Not for Noah Olson. He was used to silence. He was used to quiet company. This silence was different, however. It was heavy and difficult and there was a thick air that covered the room as Korbin unraveled from within. Noah set his mug down at his feet. Without much thought, without holding himself back, he moved to sit on the cot bed next to the raven. He slid his back up against the wall and reached over with a strong arm, looping it over Korbin's shoulders. Some men would not act in such a way as Noah. He was not afraid, however. His father was no stranger to emotions, and no stranger to giving the comfort that was necessary. Noah learned that from him. He was not afraid of his own emotions (though there were some he didn't wish to feel), and he was not afraid of giving physical support and comfort.

He did not hesitate--if the roles were reversed and Noah was breaking down as the raven was, he would want a steady, physical comfort. Something to lean to. Someone to trust. "I know." He whispered, the lump and his own tears returning. He blinked them back and swallowed, his grip tightening in a supportive way on Korbin's arm. "I know." He whispered again, closing his eyes and praying to some god, out there, that Korbin would be okay.

so I sit and the scan the frequencies, watch the falling snow

Noah Olson

There was a moment of tension, of struggle and an inclination to withdraw from the touch. Korbin always had trouble accepting comfort from anyone, and it had not grown easier as he grew up. But Noah's grip was not one easily avoided, and almost with relief the boy caved to the slight pressure. Leaning aside into the hunter's embrace the shuddering breaths deepened into tearing sobs, gut wrenching and painful.

It was never a pleasant experience, coming face to face with your inner demons. Now Korbin realized that his not only existed but had been running amok unchecked for a long time. He had disgraced himself, his name, the people and the region he loved... and by all the gods, he was such a liar for ever claiming not to love them. When that was all he ever did. The humans, the animals, down to the dratted displaced wine spider that haunted the bar... that accursed bar that somehow had become his sister's only legacy, that he hated but couldn't let go of.  

He found it was strange beyond belief that anyone still put up with him. It seemed that at least Noah Olson was more stubborn than himself, because for all that he had tried, Korbin hadn't managed to drive him away. As for the others... well. He couldn't decide yet if it was a loss or not. Didn't have the right to decide if they had given up. At least one thing had become clear from all of this. No one else could make him okay. Not people, or time. Though they might be able to help, Korbin would have to do the heavy lifting himself. Noah was kind to pray for him, but... it was LongNight, and the gods were not listening.

He didn't know how long he cried, but when the flood slowly subsided, Korbin felt a bit better. Raw and bruised, aching... but it was a good kind of pain. "Sorry... thank you, " he got out, and made a move to sit back up. It showed that Noah was a brother. Not his, though... perhaps Zeke wouldn't mind if Korbin borrowed a bit.

In loving memory of when I gave a shit

KORBIN
HALE

the devil you know is better than the ghost you don't

Noah did not move as the raven released the emotions from the depths of his chest. He was a sentinel, standing guard over the younger attuned. He closed his eyes as sobs wracked against him, tears streaming steadily down his cheeks and into his beard. His heart twisted with sadness for the raven, for the youngest and only Hale. Noah continued to pray, to plead, even though he knew they wouldn't be heard. He didn't know what else to do. All he could manage was to hold Korbin and pray.

It seemed enough.

Korbin moved away from him, finally. Noah's tears had begun to dry on his cheeks and he breathed out a deep, long breath. He nodded to the raven, out of words for the night. He gave one last squeeze of the younger man's shoulder before he got off of the bed. "It is time we both get some rest. I'll see you after you've slept." He gave a small smile to the man. He imaged that if it were not Longnight, that the sun would just now be peaking up over the horizon. He was going to have a hell of a time getting back on track to a sleep schedule once the sun returned. Noah reached down to grab his mug, and placed it on a table. "I'm next door if you need me." He said, moving to the door to make his way back to his own bed.

He stopped and looked at Korbin again when he opened the door, a small smile again and another nod his final good-night before exiting.

-FIN

so I sit and the scan the frequencies, watch the falling snow

Noah Olson