like the dawn breaks through the night

REMI

the alchemist

Walk me home in the dead of night,
'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

Dawn had only just begun to steal across the sky, but for the most part Torchline was still bathed in tones of black. Only now, the moon and stars winked through, somehow all the brighter for their extended absence.

Remi didn't try and make conversation on the way home. What was there to say to a man whose eyes were vacant and whose soul felt all but haunted? Much as the Alchemist thought about staying in bird-form if only to share his husband's thoughts, he decided to walk next to him lest anyone should try and chat up the pair as they made their way back home.

"Did you do it?" Remi asked at last, as the lighthouse and their home came into view. "Were you out, all LongNight?" What he really wanted to know was whether or not Ronin's mental and emotional wounds ran deeper than just those inflicted by the monsters. Was failure one of his injuries as well?

So say you'll stay with me tonight.
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving Ronin had not moved since they had arrived at the spark bird. He had not spoken, had not been present, not for hours. But then the heat seemed to sink into his skin, the light hit his eyes, and aches and pains returned. The Dark Star came back, slowly and uncertainly, from his walk through the barren wastelands of the Spire in his mind, from dancing with Remi, from tucking Aoife in at night and drinking with friends. He came back and the world was hell. His footsteps were sluggish as they walked up to the house; beneath his clothes lay insidious wounds, bits of metal punched into his skin by a boy who was a bomb, the cuts angry and reddened from not being seen to. Ronin didn’t seem to pay mind to them, though - his gaze remained on the ground, as if frightened by the stars above. Frightened to look. ”Yes.” His voice came out hoarse and raspy, his mouth dry. ”Yes, I stayed out all night.”

REMI

the alchemist

Walk me home in the dead of night,
'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

Remi wasn't worried about his husband's wounds. The pair had been through fair too much for the bodily injuries his husband had sustained to be anything other than bothersome. It was the mental wounds which needed tending, and though other eyes might think it strange to see the pair doing nothing to staunch the bleeding or ward off infections, the Alchemist was quite sure they were triaging in the right order.

Exhaling a relieved breath, Remi nodded.

'Shower, or sea?' He asked, knowing that while his husband might not be in the best state of mind to appreciate being clean, that he could certainly use it. Especially before Seren caught sight of him.

So say you'll stay with me tonight.
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving Ronin cared about neither, but since Remi had given him two options, his fractured mind settled on one of them. ”Shower,” he said, knowing little about how far they were from home (and what was home, what the fuck was home) until it loomed up before them. Lifting his gaze, Ronin lingered on the edge of the porch, not really knowing what to do. In his head it was still dark, he still couldn’t cross the threshold inside. ”Am I allowed?” he asked his husband, fingers worrying at a thread coming loose on his coat. It was like he still couldn’t fathom that Remi was real, as if the Alchemist would be tucked up inside the house, if only Ronin would knock. But the man beside him couldn’t be a monster, or an illusion, could he? He’d have disappeared by now otherwise. ”...You came.”

REMI

the alchemist

Walk me home in the dead of night,
'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

Remi handled his trauma by lashing out. Watching Ronin errantly pluck at a string on his jacket was perhaps harder to abide than the blows his husband had dealt him so long ago on the beach, when they'd first come here. "Of course, but quietly. Or else there will be too many questions." Demands from Vai, happy hello's from Felix, hugs from Seren. It would be too much too soon. For now, the pair just needed running water and a bit more time to let things settle.

"I did." Remi agreed in a voice suddenly soft but rough as well. "I had to." He added, tripping over his own breath as he hastily sucked in what might have been the full explanation. Slipping an arm around Ronin's waist, the Alchemist opened the door and led Ronin towards the bathroom using his telekinesis to softly open and shut the doors around them.

Slowly Remi began to take off Ronin's tattered jacket. In another time he'd have dissolved their clothes into petals and shoved the Star into the shower with a suggestive push of his hands. Now, he carefully went about removing bits of ruined cloth, trying to avoid the metal that had settled into Ronin's skin. Idly, Remi wondered about asking Ludo for healing magic of some sort, though very much doubted the herald of death would care much about that.

So say you'll stay with me tonight.
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving ”Okay.” Ronin let himself be guided, though his husband would feel the way his muscles tensed between the touch of his hands, like the feeling was unfamiliar to him. Still, he padded through the house into the bathroom, squinting at the light. Only when it registered to him, distantly like it was happening to someone else, did he dismiss the luxere antlers that had been crowning his head for so long. He didn’t make Remi’s task difficult, per say, but he didn’t help either, Ronin gazing down at the bruises, the dirt, the angry lacerations with something like disinterest. ”You had to,” he repeated, his tone blank and not understanding, his hand suddenly coming up to rub hard at his eyes. ”...This is a dream. It has to be.”

REMI

the alchemist

Walk me home in the dead of night,
'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

Much was Remi wanted to comment on all of it, the stiffness, the unfamiliar way Ronin moved through their home, the lack of familiarity, he refrained. It wasn't about him, and confused as he was about all of this (not precisely knowing what Ronin had experienced during LongNight, nor how Remi's appearance had made it worse), he busied himself exclusively with catering to whatever whims of Ronin's he could detect.

"I tried to stay. To be here like we agreed, but..." Cupping Ronin's cheek, regardless of whether or not the Star would meet his eyes, he simply shook his head. "It was stupid and reckless but I couldn't go a second longer without seeing you." He admitted in a shaky and boyish voice. "So yeah, I had to."

Slipping out of his own shirt, Remi turned to start the water that the heat might begin to fill the room. Reaching for Ronin's pants, though making no attempts to turn it into any other than a simple removal of clothing, he glanced up. "Not a dream, no. You did it, Ronin. Whatever...happened out there, you did it. For Vanya. She'll be with Aoife, now."

So say you'll stay with me tonight.
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving The touch to his cheek had Ronin’s eyes slipping shut, the hunter wanting to lean into it but not quite knowing how, so instead he just... stood with it. Let himself feel it, try to make sense of it. The light, the quiet, the way his mind was so loud and so vacant all at the same time. Shuddering, he recoiled to find Remi taking off his pants, the noise of the shower filling the room. ”You almost died,” he said, as if only just remembering it, shifting ever so slightly to step out of the rest of his clothes. ”I thought you’d died.” Stepping back under the stream of water, the Star rubbed at his face, drawing a shaking breath, and he visibly flinched at the sound of Aoife’s name. ”No,” he said. ”No, she’s not here.” It was unclear whether he was talking to Remi or himself.

REMI

the alchemist

Walk me home in the dead of night,
'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

"I've been closer to death than that." The Alchemist said with a shrug. "Losing a few feathers was worth seeing you." He added, letting his hands slip away and move to full undress the Star. Tugging himself out of his own clothes as well, Remi joined his husband in the water, adjusting the temperature slightly and moving so that the bulk of the spray fell upon Ronin.

"No of course she isn't." He agreed softly. "I take it that means you saw her then?" Remi hadn't quite made out Aoife's voice even when he had been with Ronin. He'd been in too much pain, and then there had been the trudge back to the Temple.

Putting some soap into his fingers, Remi turned Ronin away from him that he might start with his back. Something about it felt...less aggressive perhaps, than immediately addressing all the wounds peppering the Star's stomach. With hands both warm and rough, Remi ran his fingers along Ronin's shoulder muscles, trying to rub away tension as much as blood and dirt, as he went.

So say you'll stay with me tonight.
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving ”But I...” It was frustrating, not being able to put it into words, and Ronin forced himself to stop thinking about it, already able to sense the dull thud of a headache behind his eyes. The feel of water on his body, the heat and the drum of it, like rain, filled all the spaces in his mind that were screaming. And he let it, obediently turning away as Remi moved him around, pressing his eyes shut. The physical sensation was a balm on the jagged edges of his psyche, a distraction away from the horror that kept replaying itself over and over again in his thoughts. And suddenly it was real - they were Remi’s hands, they were standing in the shower they had shared so many times, Ronin was home and it all smelled familiar, felt familiar. ”I saw her,” he whispered. ”She wouldn’t let me leave. She killed innocents When I left.”

REMI

the alchemist

Walk me home in the dead of night,
'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

"She didn't." Remi corrected immediately. "The monsters did, just like you know they would." The words weren't meant to scold or correct necessarily, merely to reframe the wounds etching themselves deeper and deeper into Ronin's psyche. "Aoife was always careful not to trundle on ants when we played outside, even as a toddler. She would never have done those things. Monsters wore her shape, but don't let yourself ever think it was her."

His hands moved to his husband's ribs, feeling gently to see if any were obviously broken or out of place. He was bruised near everywhere, so that hardly helped in adjudicating what parts of the Star's body were properly injured, versus those merely in pain.

Placing a hand tentatively on the side of Ronin's hip, Remi took a step forward. Not close enough for their bodies to be touching, but enough that the Star might know how badly the Alchemist wanted to embrace him. Exhaling near Ronin's ear, Remi closed his eyes against the warm spray, his heartbeat nowhere near the calm eye in this storm that Ronin might need it to be.

"As soon as you're clean we can go to Safrin. Better that Vanya be reunited with her daughter so that some good can come out of this."

So say you'll stay with me tonight.
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving Ronin didn’t reply - not because he didn’t believe Remi - but because he wanted to so badly. Flinching at the Alchemist’s touch, at least this time it was because whilst none of his ribs were broken, they were all bruised to the bone, and even the most gentle of caresses sent vibrations of agony though his abdomen. ”No,” he mumbled about Safrin. ”No, I don’t... I need...” What he needed didn’t have words, which was a good thing because his throat tightened around the rest of what he was trying to say. Still too new at this to be able to properly control it, the things that Ronin projected at his husband were fractured and unfiltered, roaring out of him in unsteady waves. Images of the monstrous form of their daughter at varying ages throughout the longest night; the tiny, dead body of the baby, her father choking with his eyes streaming black; bodies in the streets; the boy chained against the wall of the Spire; starfire and guts and metal and blood. And Ronin drowning through it all, his sanity a delicate mosaic afloat in the abyss. He was silent but he was screaming out for Remi: gods take me away from this, please.

REMI

the alchemist

Walk me home in the dead of night,
'Cause I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

That is what let Remi know Ronin truly wasn't alright. The Star could endure more than anyone else the Alchemist knew...and that this had all been in service of Vanya and Aoife? To force them to wait apart even longer, just to spare some discomfort on Ronin's part was absolutely out of character. Whatever had happened during LongNight—and the part Remi had inadvertently played—left the Alchemist grasping at the ghost of the man stood before him.

Feeling all of what burst from Ronin but being unable to reciprocate without taking his hands away from his husband, Remi inhaled a shaky and shocked breath. Even the representation of Aoife was enough to weaken the Alchemist's knees, and though he didn't want to, one of his hands was forced to leave Ronin's side, bracing against the wall of the shower for balance lest they both tumble to the ground.

The man and child...well, Ronin still a heart for the innocent of the world in a way that Remi no longer did, but visions of the boy exploding against Amalia? That was harder to endure. The hand still on Ronin's hip suddenly understood the shrapnel and immediately tensed, wanting to pry every bit of it from Ronin's flesh.

Reaching both hands for the star's shoulders, Remi turned him around. Pressing the Star's back against the wall to aid them both in balance, the Alchemist wrapped his arms tightly around Ronin's waist. He was mindful of his wounds, but there were too many to avoid entirely. "You are here with me. Vanya and Aoife will be together. There will never be a need for you to ever endure that again." He vowed, internally declaring he'd give up his own life to Safrin should the star-bitch ever demand such a price from his husband again.

"It was not Aoife, and the monsters? They would have taken those lives anyways. You were only an excuse, not the cause." Remi's strong fingers reached up to twine through Ronin's wet hair, pressing his head against the Alchemist's shoulder.

So say you'll stay with me tonight.
'Cause there is so much wrong going on outside

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving Ronin hadn’t cared for his injuries until the water had melted through the numbness of his body, but he cared even less now as Remi’s hands found his shoulders. Back pressing against the cool tiles, breath stuttering in his chest, he clutched at his husband like he was a lifeline, a rope that he might grab to pull himself up out of this pit. ”I can’t—“ he choked out, head buried against Remi’s neck, his shoulders shaking with his sobs. I can’t get it out of my head, he said with his mind when his voice failed him. It just plays out, over and over again. As he spoke the images continued to flash through, a little less panicked this time; Remi broken and screaming in the ring of fire, the shadow of their daughter that had grown insidiously in Ronin’s mind, feeding his own madness. I missed you. I need you, he told him, even his mental voice seeming small.