There's a darkness down inside me
That I know we'll both enjoy
That I know we'll both enjoy
"I did," she agrees solemnly, because even in her most devious days Hotaru owns her actions. Aware that she had left not because of something they had done intentionally to hurt her, but because of her past. That damnable thing that keeps her from happiness even now. Nate's accusation of trust brings forth the blossoming pain to her eyes, the regret that she doesn't try to hide. "I have...my own issues, with this sort of thing. It's easier to be your playmate than your partner. It wasn't you, even if I hurt you in the process." She won't let herself look away from him as she says it, won't hide from her own insecurities even if it feels like bleeding poison out of a wound. One that she's not sure she has tended to in time. Sunjata knows more about her history than anybody, which makes it all the harder to hear them chime in tandem to destroy her walls.
What could he say? It's a monumental question, one she isn't sure how to answer, so instead she worries at her lip and listens instead to Sunjata as he speaks up in turn. A little stunned by how forthright he is, how unabashedly he says the word love. Had he ever even said to her before? Had the words ever crossed his lips? She can't recall, has maybe intentionally pushed it away from her mind to spare herself from the memory of it after he'd left her for more interesting souls. Closing her eyes tight to avoid looking at either of them, she clenches her hands at her sides and tries to be brave. To be more than the guarded, bitter woman life has made her into.
"I don't know what you could say, aside from what you have. Others have made the same promises that amounted to nothing, I can't trust words alone anymore." Sunjata at least knows this. Maybe in time Nate will as well, if they mean this as deeply as they say. "If you want me here," her voice trembles, and she pauses to swallow and start again, ashamed of her weakness. "If you want me here, then that's enough. But I need to know in what way. As your shared lover? As an equal partner? Love means so many things. And I know that I...I love you as well. I think I can come to love you, both of you, all the more with time." Finally daring to open her eyes and finding them slightly damp, she turns her beseeching gaze towards both men, uncertain who to focus on. "If you want me...I'll stay. For however long you'll love me, I'll love you in return." Reaching for their hands, she grabs one in each of her own, further connecting the three of them together. Lifting her eyes to the ceiling, she breathes unsteadily. What she has to ask is difficult, perhaps cynical, but she can't leave it unsaid. "Just...if you stop loving me someday, please just tell me. If ever you don't want me at your sides, let me leave with grace. Don't abandon me like all the others, leaving me behind to ask what I did wrong with no way of getting an answer."
What could he say? It's a monumental question, one she isn't sure how to answer, so instead she worries at her lip and listens instead to Sunjata as he speaks up in turn. A little stunned by how forthright he is, how unabashedly he says the word love. Had he ever even said to her before? Had the words ever crossed his lips? She can't recall, has maybe intentionally pushed it away from her mind to spare herself from the memory of it after he'd left her for more interesting souls. Closing her eyes tight to avoid looking at either of them, she clenches her hands at her sides and tries to be brave. To be more than the guarded, bitter woman life has made her into.
"I don't know what you could say, aside from what you have. Others have made the same promises that amounted to nothing, I can't trust words alone anymore." Sunjata at least knows this. Maybe in time Nate will as well, if they mean this as deeply as they say. "If you want me here," her voice trembles, and she pauses to swallow and start again, ashamed of her weakness. "If you want me here, then that's enough. But I need to know in what way. As your shared lover? As an equal partner? Love means so many things. And I know that I...I love you as well. I think I can come to love you, both of you, all the more with time." Finally daring to open her eyes and finding them slightly damp, she turns her beseeching gaze towards both men, uncertain who to focus on. "If you want me...I'll stay. For however long you'll love me, I'll love you in return." Reaching for their hands, she grabs one in each of her own, further connecting the three of them together. Lifting her eyes to the ceiling, she breathes unsteadily. What she has to ask is difficult, perhaps cynical, but she can't leave it unsaid. "Just...if you stop loving me someday, please just tell me. If ever you don't want me at your sides, let me leave with grace. Don't abandon me like all the others, leaving me behind to ask what I did wrong with no way of getting an answer."
and it's screaming from within me
to have us set it free
to have us set it free
