I carry all I need to grow inside - give me light, give me warmth
Part of him is relieved that she wants to talk, because there's so much he has to say. He doesn't let go of her, doesn't think he can stand it if he tries, but he does try to keep a little space between them so they can pull their heads out of the clouds.
"It means what you want it to mean. Not to discredit my own wishes, but..." Already he isn't sure how to start this, what to say. "I had a talk with Sunjata recently. You've both come so far from where you were at the wedding, and he put my head on straight. Helped me realize things that I couldn't have realized from you alone." As part of the 'problem' so to speak, he'd needed an outsider view. And he hopes she doesn't focus too much on the who had helped, and more on the why. Where it left them now. "I was so scared of your brain development, because those laws in my world were put in place to keep younger individuals safe from predatory older suitors. I think I got confused, caught up in it, so afraid to take advantage of you because I'm older." Something he's still afraid of. Constantly terrified he's doing this for the wrong reason, even if Sunjata had pointed out that the presence of that crippling fear meant he couldn't be taking advantage in the first place.
"He had to remind me that there's a difference between immaturity and illegality. That, though you may be younger than me, you are still an adult." It was so easy to conflate the two, and he had admittedly fallen prey to that. Something he'd have to work on, if this were to become something...more. "I will always worry that I'm taking advantage, because I will always worry about anyone hurting you. Including myself. But I...I truly care for you Phoebe. And even if you were immature because of your age, so what? We could grow together, and in time I would see you overcome that." It feels like bubbles are rising in his chest, making it hard to speak. Trying to get her to understand how he'd thought before and then compare it to what he thought now. Why it made such a difference, and had changed his mind.
"I know I asked you not to wait for me. And if you don't want this to go anywhere, that's okay. But if you did...I'm not sure what terms you use here, but I would like to be with you. And only you." And he would hope that she would want for nobody else aside from him, as well. That they could be partners, monogamous, whatever it was people in Caido were to each other in that way.
"It means what you want it to mean. Not to discredit my own wishes, but..." Already he isn't sure how to start this, what to say. "I had a talk with Sunjata recently. You've both come so far from where you were at the wedding, and he put my head on straight. Helped me realize things that I couldn't have realized from you alone." As part of the 'problem' so to speak, he'd needed an outsider view. And he hopes she doesn't focus too much on the who had helped, and more on the why. Where it left them now. "I was so scared of your brain development, because those laws in my world were put in place to keep younger individuals safe from predatory older suitors. I think I got confused, caught up in it, so afraid to take advantage of you because I'm older." Something he's still afraid of. Constantly terrified he's doing this for the wrong reason, even if Sunjata had pointed out that the presence of that crippling fear meant he couldn't be taking advantage in the first place.
"He had to remind me that there's a difference between immaturity and illegality. That, though you may be younger than me, you are still an adult." It was so easy to conflate the two, and he had admittedly fallen prey to that. Something he'd have to work on, if this were to become something...more. "I will always worry that I'm taking advantage, because I will always worry about anyone hurting you. Including myself. But I...I truly care for you Phoebe. And even if you were immature because of your age, so what? We could grow together, and in time I would see you overcome that." It feels like bubbles are rising in his chest, making it hard to speak. Trying to get her to understand how he'd thought before and then compare it to what he thought now. Why it made such a difference, and had changed his mind.
"I know I asked you not to wait for me. And if you don't want this to go anywhere, that's okay. But if you did...I'm not sure what terms you use here, but I would like to be with you. And only you." And he would hope that she would want for nobody else aside from him, as well. That they could be partners, monogamous, whatever it was people in Caido were to each other in that way.
and watch me come alive
