you’re my fever when i get cold

the things we hold are always the first to go

”Mm,” Ronin agrees, not at all minding the I told you so given that Remi is absolutely right - and the nuzzles definitely help too. ”It’s kind of relaxing, watching it from up here.” His eyes slip shut, the Star resting his cheek against his husband’s curls, inhaling the salt-sweet scent of him.

For all of the objections, the worry that Ronin has about Remi meddling in things with consequences (god-like ones, especially), his brow furrows as he listens to the Alchemist. ”No, I suppose I can’t. It sounds...” Torturous, honestly, and a pang of genuine sadness ripples through him at the thought that Sunjata and Nate have never shared that connection. ”...Okay. A wedding gift. Make it a good one - I’ll help however I can,” he says softly.

Blinking his eyes back open, he shudders openly at the prospect of spending the season out in something like this. ”No,” he says honestly. ”But I imagine it’s three times as bad as even what you just described to me.” He wrinkles his nose.

kidnap me from my reality & crushed pieces of my soul

Sighing and nuzzling himself against Ronin's cheek, the Alchemist can only stare into the rain and wonder. Wonder what it is he might do and how he might do it. Wonder what would be a help and what would simply be an unwelcome surprise. "Help, will you? And how will you do that? By being the model for such a device?" The Alchemist raises a brow, his expression one of amused disbelief as if daring Ronin to say he will. Not like the Star would need any encouraging if it came to that.

"Mmm." The Alchemist hums with a gleam in his eye. "Then...you'll understand why I told Ianto he could set up his wagon next to our house, when I ran into him the other day.." This is all said in a rush, Remi's arms looping ever tighter around Ronin so that the Star couldn't...well. Anything. "..and that he could..you know, come in for dinners and whatnot if he was bored, or cold.."

colour me outside the lines

until my shattered heart is whole

REMI

Table & Gif-sniping by SKY who deserves our love and affection for always.

the things we hold are always the first to go

Snorting, Ronin grins into Remi’s hair, utterly content in his arms. ”If you like. I meant more by bringing you tea, giving you shoulder rubs, reminding you to sleep when you get too wrapped up in things in that way you do.” The affection in his voice isn’t something he tries to hide, Ronin reaching up to let his fingers dance over Remi’s cheek, following the strong line of his jaw.

And it might surprise the Alchemist, that as this surprise about Ianto comes tumbling out, the Star doesn’t stiffen or tense one bit, other than to furrow his brow as he stares out into the rain. ”You’re telling me he’s out there right now, in a wagon?” he asks, having to speak a little louder over a sudden blast of wind and rain, his hand drifting down to cover Remi’s.

Kissing his temple, Ronin gives his hand a squeeze. ”Do you want to fetch him, or shall I?” he asks quietly. ”I’ll not see anyone outside in this. We’ll find a space for him to sleep. Did you not want to tell me...?”

kidnap me from my reality & crushed pieces of my soul

"Oh good. Because while you and Sunjata are close, giving him your penis as a wedding gift might...not necessarily go over well. For Nate and Hotaru anyways. Speaking of, have you ever met her?" Remi couldn't recall a time that he had. They'd perhaps been in the same gatherings and meetings and such once upon a time, but the Alchemist wasn't so sure he'd ever spoken to the woman.

Remi is surprised at Ronin's utter lack of surprise, and it's Remi's turn to squirm a touch. "Yeah he..brought it with him. It's down there somewhere," Remi says, meaning on the cliffs next to their house, "and though it's magical I'm not so sure it can withstand all of this."

As Ronin asks the real question, Remi ceases his squirming and merely exhales the breath he'd been holding almost guiltily. "I...didn't want it to seem like more than it was." The Alchemist says, running his thumb over Ronin's knuckles. "And I know I have a bit of a habit of bringing...uhm..past relationships home with me." He mumbles bashfully, eyes trained on Ronin's knuckles, fearing the disappointment he might see in his husband's eyes should he look up.

colour me outside the lines

until my shattered heart is whole

REMI

Table & Gif-sniping by SKY who deserves our love and affection for always.

the things we hold are always the first to go

”Pffff, I’ll be the judge of that. I’ll put a bow on it and everything,” Ronin says with a good natured chuckle, relishing the heat of Remi against him compared to the chill of the weather outside. He shakes his head, however, at the question. ”I’ve never met her, not to my knowledge. It seemed a bit left field, if I’m honest. Jata has never spoken about her,” he admits, though this is absolutely none of his business and he plans to keep it that way.

Remi’s awkwardness says more about the situation than anything else, Ronin peeling himself up from the Alchemist only enough to turn and kiss him softly, as if to silence his racing thoughts with warm lips and a careful touch. ”Remi, the last time you brought past relationships home with you, we were both different people,” he reminds him. ”The shit we’ve been through, the hell we’ve had to endure...” Sighing, he relaxes against his husband again.

”It’s you for me. I trust you, and I love you, and there’s no force out there that will get in the way of that. Bring Ianto in out of the rain. Fuck him, even, if you’ve got an itch that needs scratching. You’re mine at the end of it.” He shrugs, sounding perfectly content and honest about it all.

kidnap me from my reality & crushed pieces of my soul

"Would you be the best judge? Maybe we could get a few pairs of eyes on you before the wedding, just to make sure." Remi scoffs, before nodding with a relieved sort of huff. "I didn't want to say anything either, but I thought so too. Nate and Sunjata I've at least seen around together. But Hotaru..does she even live here? With them?" It felt scandalous to be speaking this way about their friends, but if you couldn't shit-talk a bit with your husband, then what was the point of it all?

As Ronin moves in his arms, Remi is fully prepared for a stern talking-to about boundaries, both relational as well as household. However when the Star kisses him, the tension melts from the Alchemist's shoulders, and he moans a soft sound of gratitude into Ronin's sea-salted lips. "I know.." He mumbles, not sounding entirely convinced. He's certainly not convinced of what the Star says next, and though Ronin has slumped happily back against him, tension is starting to tighten his muscles again.

Closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Ronin's dark mop of hair, Remi ignores the latter part of what his husband has to say. With his cheeks flushing an unhappy crimson, Remi pulls in a breath, feeling like he can't breathe deeply enough. "It's you for me, too." He agrees breathlessly, wrapping his arms all the more tightly around the Star. "I'll always be yours."

colour me outside the lines

until my shattered heart is whole

REMI

Table & Gif-sniping by SKY who deserves our love and affection for always.

the things we hold are always the first to go

”Honestly? I don’t know. I’ve not seen her around the place, but then... as much fun as it would be to spy on Jata’s house all day, I don’t really keep tabs on them. Maybe she is there and I’ve not seen it.” Ronin shrugs his shoulders, feeling a familiar sense of unease to be talking about their friends this way. But again, if he can’t talk about it with Remi, who can he talk with?

That’s what makes the Alchemist’s sudden shutting down so jarring, the Star leaning into his husband’s grip, his hands ghosting over Remi’s forearms, trying to offer reassurance for something not yet given voice to. ”Tell me what’s worrying you,” he murmurs, his voice barely more than a whisper. ”You know you don’t have to hide anything from me. You know I’ve got you.” He turns his head to gaze up at Remi, feeling all of a sudden like he should be the one with his arms around the Alchemist.

kidnap me from my reality & crushed pieces of my soul

"Are you even really friends if you don't spy on him?" Remi wonders with a grin, happy to let the conversation slide away.

The way Remi bites the inside of his cheek creases it somewhat, forcing his frown to be lopsided as he considers. His brows are so knitted together that the lines on his forehead are deep and dark as they stretch from curl to curl. Swallowing hard enough to make the scar tissue on his throat dance and wave, eventually, Remi raises his eyes towards Ronin, his expression one of defeat and sadness, all rolled up into one. "I just.." He starts, the words immediately trailing off. "..I've come so close to losing you before. And...I know what you're going to say—" It's you for me. I'll always be here "—but I almost worry that's worse. Like you've locked yourself to me and one day I might inadvertently hurl us both of a cliff." It was far more metaphorical that Remi was going for, and so he shakes his head, hugging Ronin all the more tightly.

"I just don't want to do the wrong thing, you know?" Fuck him, even, if you’ve got an itch that needs scratching. Mosquito bites though, when scratches, are incredibly satisfying, but afterward are only made worse. What if it was like that?

colour me outside the lines

until my shattered heart is whole

REMI

Table & Gif-sniping by SKY who deserves our love and affection for always.

the things we hold are always the first to go

It’s the look on Remi’s face that does it, Ronin closing his eyes for a moment to relish their closeness, the way his husband’s arms lock so tightly around him. ”If our roles were reversed right now, what would you say to me?” he wonders softly, leaning up to kiss the corner of Remi’s mouth. ”If you’re worried... you won’t enjoy it,” he says slowly, considering the words even as he says them, trying to put himself in the other man’s shoes.

Eventually he shifts out of the Alchemist’s arms, taking his hands to guide him off the bay window and back onto the bed; even as he moves he’s scattering kisses across Remi’s face, as if trying to soothe away the frown that has spread like storm overhead. ”C’mere,” he whispers, his arms winding around his husband even as he collapses into the pillows.

”What about it is worse? Is it that you think you’ll... I don’t know, fuck up somehow? And that I’ll just stay because I’ve told you I will? That you’ll fall head over heels for Ianto and I’ll never move on?” He raises his eyebrows.

kidnap me from my reality & crushed pieces of my soul

Remi has no idea what he'd say, mostly because he (perhaps naively) believes that if and when Ronin chose to use his own pass, it would be far less...premeditated than all of this. It would be a drunken fumble with Sunjata that they both laughed off in the morning, all the closer in their friendship and nothing more. At least, that's how things went in Remi's mind. But this...was not that. Flinching slightly, his eyes closing as Ronin wondered if the problem was enjoying it, Remi can only squeeze his eyes all the tighter, hating this conversation but knowing it was probably one they ought to have. No. I know I'd enjoy it. He thinks, but can't say. I've enjoyed it before.

The loss of Ronin's weight and heat against him is keenly felt, and Remi nearly trips over his own feet to follow the Star to their bed. Down they tumble; Remi's eyes are still closed, drowning his senses in only Ronin. He's about to nod, but not unlike last time, it's the latter portion of what Ronin says that steals his breath and the colour from his face.

"No—" He says emphatically, eyes shooting open as his pulse skyrockets.

I am afraid of falling in love with him again, yes.

I'm afraid of you moving on too easily.

I already know how it feels to imagine my life split in two different directions and it nearly tore us apart last time.

"If it feels like a problem, that probably means it is." Remi says almost under his breath, like a prayer, or a warning. "It's you for me, Ronin. I can't risk that. I won't." Even so, there are tears that prick his eyes as he rolls to blanket himself across the Star, needing him close. You, he whispers between kisses whispered up and down Ronin's jawline, down to his shoulder, the cleft of his elbow. You.

Because once upon a time Remi kept all his feelings to himself to keep safe in a world that was little better than the first circle of hell. He could easily do it again to protect this paradise he'd found with his dark star.

colour me outside the lines

until my shattered heart is whole

REMI

Table & Gif-sniping by SKY who deserves our love and affection for always.

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin has his arms happily wound about his husband, though his eyes flutter open in shock at the sudden thunder of Remi’s pulse through his wedding band. ”Hey,” he begins softly, cut off by the Alchemist draping himself over him, by kisses and tear shiny eyes and needing to be close. His hands run through soft curls, one dropping to wrap around Remi’s hips, the other strumming gentle patterns down the length of his back.

The urgency and panic are enough to get his own heart beating faster, Ronin seeking out Remi’s lips to seal them with a kiss that is soft and slow and gentle, purposely opposite to the nervous energy building between them. ”Then don’t,” he murmurs, his voice barely beyond a whisper. ”I won’t risk this for anything, Remi. Whatever pass we gave each other, that was done when things were a lot different. When they weren’t like this.”

Brushing his nose over Remi’s, Ronin relishes his husband’s heat and weight, remembering not for the first time a promise made to himself about the Alchemist. So powerful and so infinitely fragile. ”I thought I was doing us a favour, by being open to everything,” he admits. ”But maybe there needs to be a line we don’t cross, you and I. To help stop from getting things wrong.”

kidnap me from my reality & crushed pieces of my soul

His panic stalled by the Star's lips, Remi's breath stutters in his throat. Ronin's lips are soft and sweet, but gods if it isn't enough. Desperate for something, Remi presses himself ever closer, devouring the hunter's lips with frenzied kisses and a tongue that's trying to articulate all that's brewing inside of his soul. He doesn't manage it of course, pulling away breathless and all the more frustrated and on-edge for the lack of clarity.

Nodding numbly at Ronin's recollection of the men they were when this pass was issued, he gazes down into the face of his one and only one, feeling utterly stupid for even finding himself in this situation. Just now, with Ronin drowning all of his senses, it felt ludicrous that he might ever want someone else. Was his mind really so forgetful? Did he truly think so much with his cock so as to forget the man who would only ever be a few steps away?

"Sex for the sake of sex is still fine." He mumbles, his lips feeling numb as they brush over Ronin's cheek, relishing the feeling of stubble against his lip. "But anything more.." Breath hitching and then leaving the Alchemist's throat in unsteady pulses, he squeezes tear-bright eyes closed upon the Star's shoulder. Maybe it was all the talk of Sunjata, Hotaru, and Nate that had done it. The idea of sharing Ronin felt like more of a danger than anything he'd ever faced before. All the more terrifying because if it ever came to it, if Ronin ever asked for such an agreement, Remi would be helpless to say no. "...that's where the line should be." He manages after a moment, tears spilling out over Ronin's already clammy skin.

Remi was the problem in this situation. He felt it in his bones, and the guilt of it was overwhelming. That he might lay here, confessing absolute and unfettered love for the Star, while simultaneously worrying about developing feelings for someone else.

colour me outside the lines

until my shattered heart is whole

REMI

Table & Gif-sniping by SKY who deserves our love and affection for always.

the things we hold are always the first to go

Unsure what his husband is looking for, what he’s trying to find, Ronin merely rolls with the punches, punctuating his kisses with tongue and teeth and clasping the Alchemist close as he pulls away, his lips trailing across a bare shoulder instead as if to try and find what’s wrong so he can make it better. Still, despite all that is happening, Ronin can never say Remi is stupid for feeling the way he does, and he leans into the kiss against his cheek, the head that drops on his shoulder.

”That’s where the line should be,” he agrees, nose buried in the Alchemist’s curls, his hand fumbling for the discarded blanket that he might draw it over them, wrapping them up against the world. ”So that’s where the line is for us.” The Star is glowing softly, pulsing with a mix of concern and love, and he spends a moment or so merely holding Remi against him, relishing all the things that didn’t need words to say as calloused hands wander, looking to calm and comfort.

”You know,” he whispers after a while, ”I don’t care what anyone else says, or even how much you think you’ve changed. You’re still the sweetest man I’ve ever met.” Exhaling a deep sigh, he mulls over the situation they find themselves in. ”Do you ever think that you struggle so hard with this sort of thing because of your missing memories?”

kidnap me from my reality & crushed pieces of my soul

Remi shivers despite the warmth radiating off of Ronin and the blanket drawn over them both. But it's the shiver of something trying to thaw and simultaneously freeze inside of him that causes it. Ronin's words go without a response. All the Alchemist can hear in his mind is Finn saying how unkind he was, though the look in the man's eyes suggested that perhaps he was far worse. Amalia's voice is there too, her eyes dark with disbelief that he could be so wrong.

"I don't know." Remi whispers eventually, noticing he's covered Ronin's shoulder with tears and sweat. "Sam...the other day said he had all of his memories restored but if anything..." Frowning slightly against the Star, Remi's brows furrow together as he recalls their conversation. "Well, it feels more complicated." Which is all just to say that even were he to have his memories restored, he isn't sure they wouldn't come with their own host of problems.

colour me outside the lines

until my shattered heart is whole

REMI

Table & Gif-sniping by SKY who deserves our love and affection for always.