[Training] we had a marvelous time

and look for the stars as the sun goes down
each breath that you take has a thunderous sound

She stumbles under his superior weight, his superior strength, his superior shift. Hooves skid across the stone and onto the surface of the waves, her stance unsteady as the water rolls beneath her. The long tail snaps forward again, trying to strike his face and distract him with harmless, undaunted flames, but Amalia is still struggling to shake off the effects of Remi's venom and her vision blurs and spins.

She's going to lose. She knows that. And yet never does it occur to her to stop, to give up. Even as his chest shoves against hers, even as she stumbles and skids. His growl pierces the haze of her mind, causing her to look up, her own laugh sounding foreign and strange in her ears. I know you can protect yourself, asshole. I know you're stronger than me. You always have been. Ever since he was thrown into her world. Ever since they met.

And yet.

Mustering the last of her strength the Shield surges suddenly forward, taking leverage from a cresting wave and half-jumping into Remi's shoulder. But I'm not going to stop caring about you. No matter how much you hurt me, how mean you are. You don't... you're not alone.

Amalia

i wish i could say that i am a light that never goes out

Instinctively he bites at the fiery fluff she snaps towards him, his teeth biting into nothing by illusory fire that burns heatlessly. He can hear the lack of remorse in her voice, just as she can hear it is in. Neither of them are going to give up in this, literally and emotionally locked on other side of an argument in which, if they took half a fucking second to consider, would find they were in agreement on.

As the Qilin rams forward, the manticore's paws spread in the soil, absorbing the blow best as he can with a grunt. His body is large and bulky while hers is angular and lithe. Her shoulder is like a hammer against his, and unconsciously he's growling unhappily as bruises begin to form beneath his heavy golden skin.

It isn't your care I object to. Remi snarls, fanning a wing forward to try and protect himself against a further assault on his already injured shoulder. It's when that care thinks itself so large that it decides my autonomy means nothing.

but I  f l i c k e r

from time to time

REMI

Table and Gif sniping by SKY who is eternally the best forever

and look for the stars as the sun goes down
each breath that you take has a thunderous sound

What happens when two incredibly strong but also incredibly hurt and stubborn people decide to let their frustrations out on each other?

This.

She's surprised and satisfied when he yields beneath her... or at least doesn't retaliate. Amalia takes the opportunity to back up, panting as the poison continues to wear off. She hurts where her tailbone was mercilessly tugged, hurts where her breastbone is bruised and battered and raw, hurts where her knees hit the ground. And all that hurt pales against the fire of her anger, the wealth of pain that has transformed into fury, under set by a horrible, unmistakable love.

Standing there on the pressing waves, Amalia breathes in fast and deep, glaring at her friend. Blind by her hurt she has no way to see how close they are to the same thing, only how far apart. The rain has come now, falling down upon them like tears from the heavens, quickly soaking through the qilin's fur.

And then she blinks, and it is a girl who stands before the Alchemist, balanced on the sea, arms outspread and vulnerable.

"You wanted to hurt me? You want autonomy? Fine. Here I am. I won't stop you. Do whatever you need-"

Distracted and hazy as she is, she doesn't see the wave. Doesn't feel it rise behind her, doesn't feel the water ebbing. She doesn't know the ocean well enough to know how swift and deadly it can be, and she barely has time to turn around before it crashes over her, tugging her into the dark.

Oops.

Amalia

i wish i could say that i am a light that never goes out

Remi has learned a few things from his descent into madness. He had learned that he is far more selfish than he ever allowed himself to believe, that he feels more strongly for those he cares for than he thought possible, and worst of all, that there is a part of him that takes no small amount of satisfaction in the pain he is able to cause.

The way Amalia is able to tease stress from his muscles, to make him work for his anger is deeply cathartic. He wants to tear into her more than he has done—to punch and scream and feel her rallying against him, as he once did with Ronin on a length of shoreline not far from where they are now—but he doesn't. There is something between them that the Alchemist thinks is too fragile. The pair of them have been strengthened in trials of fire before, but there are parts of their steel that grew weak in the process, and might break under too much stress. So he continues to push and fight, but always tempered. His rage never fully satiated.

It isn't that simple The manticore snarls, furious as Amalia melts back into her own form. He can't hate her quite the same way with eyes of onyx that don't burn with lavender fire. He too shifts back, blood streaking down the sides of his face as she is suddenly sucked away from him. Inhaling sharply with surprise, Remi races clumsily forward and is immediately brought to his knees by a frigid wave.

"AMALIA." He demands of the sea, flailing an arm to part the waters before him. It's likely already too late though, the current having pulled her out of the radius of his magic. Stumbling forward, his heart stumbling out erratic beats in his chest, Remi continues to cast water aside, hoping that it reveals the Sheild.

but I  f l i c k e r

from time to time

REMI

Table and Gif sniping by SKY who is eternally the best forever

and look for the stars as the sun goes down
each breath that you take has a thunderous sound

She has a shift for this.

Two, in fact.

But does she use them? Of course not.

Panic rushes through Amalia as she finds herself below the water in a way she's never been. The force of the wave knocks the air from her lungs; in panicked instinct she inhales sharply and fills her body with brine. Tumbled like a sock in a dryer, her body contorts in rather alarming ways, rapidly shifting into leopard characteristics in an attempt to regain control, her first shift always her go-to in times of highest stress.

The water recedes as quick as it appeared... only, not quite close enough. Scrambling on the shallow sand she manages to push her head above the waves that Remi's magic calmed, fighting weakly against a current intent on pulling her out to sea. "Remi!" Amalia coughs panic, dark eyes wide in a half-leopard face, hands already formed into paws. She's barely twenty feet from him, and yet it feels so far. "I-"

And then there is another wave, and Amalia disappears again, the saturated leopard fur dragging her back down.

Amalia

i wish i could say that i am a light that never goes out

It will be the last time Remi has this magic to use. The last time that this oversight in his abilities goes unnoticed. But it isn't for those reasons that he pours the entirety of his efforts into reuniting he and his fellow feline. It is precisely for the reasons that Amalia had been trying to shove through his thick block of a skull.

Sometimes, when you love someone, you just can't let them go. They can hate you for it and you'll endure it, but you'd make the same choices all over again when given half a chance.

Love is a bitch that way. Especially the sorts of love that creep up on you; the ones you didn't get to choose.

"AMALIA—" He roars, his mind growing blurry with too many ideas. Surging forward with the sea parting away from him. Remi reaches with telekinesis, he shoves air at her from behind. He thrusts the sea away, he raises the floor bed. In short, Remi breaks with magic, all at once, with hands outstretched for paws that will surely tear his skin to ribbons.

But he doesn't care. Of course he doesn't; he loves her.

but I  f l i c k e r

from time to time

REMI

Table and Gif sniping by SKY who is eternally the best forever

and look for the stars as the sun goes down
each breath that you take has a thunderous sound

She fights, to be sure, but there is a part of Amalia that is okay with this. A small, dark part that has always been there, sometimes dormant and sometimes vocal, waiting for her weakest moments to assert itself upon her fragile soul. How hard has she tried to live a life worth living, only to feel this darkness creep back, to fail and fail again? How often has she loved only to lose, her own faults and inadequacies hurting more than they help? How many times has she passed a ledge or seen a knife or stood before a blow and wondered if maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place if she took that simple step?

Maybe this is for the best: an accident, tragic but really nobody's fault but her own. If anyone could watch her die without guilt or remorse it would be Remi- justice for him, given the slight she has apparently forced on him. Perhaps he will help, his role as Ludo's liaison easing her pain, easing those who will hurt most from her loss. She would like that, Amalia thinks, to go peacefully instead of painfully. She hopes that he will break it gently to Deimos. He deserves someone who would be hurt more from being torn away.

The darkness wraps further around her. She can feel her awareness of the world dimming beneath the pressure of the water, the sensation of it in her lungs. Dimly Amalia is aware of movement, the water rushing, her body shifting without control or consent. She still claws her way toward the surface, but the effort is half-hearted; the leopardess is tired. It would be so much easier to just let go, to accept that at last her fight is over. That nobody will care.

One more time she reaches out, paw outstretched into nothing, into water, into---

---his hand.

And just like that Amalia realizes: she doesn't want to die.

The magic pulls her forward, but it is not alone. Light shines out of Amalia's mind in an invisible, glaring surge, hope searing through the darkness, sending it hissing back to its recesses, its hole. The claws that dig into Remi's flesh shift back to fingers in his hold; her legs change too, fusing together into a powerful tail. Half-human, half-encantado, Amalia uses the last of her strength to propel herself toward the Alchemist. And between his efforts and hers it is somehow, miraculously, enough.

On the shore Amalia collapses, her body writhing as she attempts to inhale. On her hands and knees the Shield coughs up water between gasping gulps of air, until finally she collapses, shivering, cold, and wonderfully, incredibly, beautifully alive.

Amalia

i wish i could say that i am a light that never goes out

She is heavy, waterlogged and half-shifted as she is, but Remi is stronger. It's an ability that has not always served him well as it lets him get away with things he shouldn't, but in this at least, it is used for good. The feeling of his muscles having to properly work is not one he experiences often, and gods how he loves Amalia in that moments that threaten to lead up to her death, for the mortality of his exhaustion is a beautiful thing that humbles him to his core and burns away some of the darkness.

It takes him only a second to catch his breath, unlike Amalia. Turning to her, one hand presses against her back while the other steadies her shoulder. They are covered in sand and sweat and brine and gods if it isn't the best he's felt in a while. "You're alright." He says, shakily, caught between a laugh and a sob. Collapsing down on his side—they've both earned a rest, he thinks—Remi feels something caged inside of his chest shift, and then break. Reaching for Amalia, he wants to pull her to him. Weak with exhaustion though she might be, he'll not force her.

"I wanted to die." He admits in a low voice, as tears prickle the back of his eyes. "It was just easier to hate you, than to admit it." His smile is forced and small as his sea-stare grows shiny with tears. "I love you Amalia. I'm so fucking sorry I put you in that position. And in this one." His voice is raw now, having finally understood all she'd been trying to do. All she'd been trying to say.

but I  f l i c k e r

from time to time

REMI

Table and Gif sniping by SKY who is eternally the best forever

ludo Braved the forests, braved the stone Braved the icy winds and fire Braved and beat them on my own ”You understand.” Ludo’s voice is a soft thing against the roar of the tide, and it stands ankle deep nearby in the wet sands, wearing the visage of the pale, dark haired youth. ”Finally, you understand. With luck you shall never forget again.” Nodding to Amalia, it manages a sweet sort of smile. ”You are not ready to go with me yet sweetling. Do not linger on the beach.” It is gone as quickly as it appears. Remi has cried for Amalia and has completed his quest! He has gained the following: Empathy | When in contact with one other person, Remi can feel their surface emotions.

and look for the stars as the sun goes down
each breath that you take has a thunderous sound

Awareness fills her dimly, ringing in her ears as oxygen once more begins to permeate her brain. She's on the shore, the rocks pushing deliciously into her skin, the wind screaming beautifully around her ears, the cold ripping tantalizingly into her bones. She can't remember a time in her life when she felt more tired, or more alive. Her nerves are coming back to life, and gods, everything hurts so much. She'd come so close to peaceful nothingness, how--?

Remi.

A wild sort of anger and relief surges through her as the Alchemist's voice pierces through her haze, his hand an anchor to a world she'd thought she'd left behind. Once again she'd been so close to freedom, and once again it was snatched away. And though Amalia wants to live...

...she also wants to die.

Understanding leaves her in a pulse of the Attuned bond, the sudden realization of what he'd been trying to tell her as clear as the one he has in turn. That sometimes it feels like all you can control is your own mortality, like the only way to be safe is to take away the risk. And to have that taken away from you, that final choice---

"I did, too," Amalia confesses, staring ahead from her place in his arms. It's barely a whisper above the crashing waves, almost inaudible as it leaves numb lips. "I do. Every day. I want it to be over, I want it all to stop, I want to feel like I have control-"

She breaks off as the youth appears, the familiar form of Ludo somehow entirely unsurprising. And for a moment the darkness flutters in her breast again as she wonders if maybe she will be taken, if she was fated to breathe her last upon this beach--

But no. It is not death that Amalia belongs to. For better or worse, for now and forever, she has sworn herself to life.

The youth disappears and Amalia exhales the breath she'd been holding, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry I made you feel powerless, Remi. I'm sorry I took away your choice. But I love you so much and I... I couldn't let you go. I can't."

Amalia

i wish i could say that i am a light that never goes out

He's forgotten everything Ludo had asked of him, and so when the dark-eyed child appears, pale feet standing upon the waves, Remi's grip on Amalia instinctively tightens. Thus far the herald has never asked him to kill anyone whom he's intimately been connected with. And now, feeling Amalia start to catch her breath, he feels himself lose his.

His line in the sand had been Ronin. Anything else was fair game, but for the Star, Remi would forgo his very life. Now, the other lines in the sand he'd been desperately wiping away, the other tethers on his heart, were appearing just the same.

But while Ludo doesn't ask him to kill her, it forces the Alchemist to endure something almost as difficult. Cradled in his arms as she is, this new gift sparks feelings inside of him the likes of which he's never known. Anxiety like thick purple chords that threaten to choke him and bind his arms, slither darkly through him. Fear and resentment and worst of all, the desperate sort of keening for a different life, a clean break somewhere far, far away, all bloom in the back of his mind, rooting into his spine all the way down to his toes.

His lips part, moaning his anguish. Remi's forehead tilts forward against Amalia's shoulder, tear-filled eyes pressing shut as he rides the waves of all that is carefully contained within the Shield. "Amalia—" He whispers against her, ignoring her hair and the sand that cover his lips as he fights his way back to the surface of this infinite sea. "—I—"

His arms tremble slightly, but he doesn't let her go.

"I...feel you." He whispers, exhaling a shuddery breath. "I feel...I feel it all." He adds, shocked, wounded, understanding.

but I  f l i c k e r

from time to time

REMI

Table and Gif sniping by SKY who is eternally the best forever

and look for the stars as the sun goes down
each breath that you take has a thunderous sound

Even skimming the surface of Amalia's emotions is slipping into the deep end of a torrential, surging sea. It's a testament to Remi that he doesn't drown in it.

Gods know the Shield does often enough.

The sudden gasp of anguish and the tightening of his grip catches Amalia by surprise. At first she thinks it is in response to the confession she has made; then she wonders if perhaps Ludo - or Remi - have changed their minds about her mortality being at an end. But no, there is something more to his voice, a haunting tone that is all too familiar, and yet the girl is lost. "Remi? Are you...?" Her voice breaks before she can add the last okay?, throat sore from salt and screams refusing to allow more.

I feel you, the Alchemist says, which makes no sense because of course he does, cradled in his arms as he is. She does not turn around, isn't sure she can given the strength with which he holds her; instead she reaches to take his hand in hers, rubbing gently over the knuckles, at a loss for what more to do. I'm right here. I feel you, too, she says simply, silently, speaking into his mind. Hope flickers in the wealth of pain, an olive branch extended despite the hurt they've brought each other. If you still want me, I... you don't have be alone.

Amalia

i wish i could say that i am a light that never goes out

What are timelines even. Here Remi, have your attuned-speech back. Wings sprout from the Alchemist's sides, circling around them both. This is not a moment for the world to see. Though there is no one on the beach with monsoon season just a breath away, still he feels the need to board up the shutters, if only so that he can let other guards down from inside.

"No, its.." He shudders another breath—a gasp—as he shakes his head. I feel...you. Your emotions. His thumb slips to softly press against her hand which is pressed over it, her fingers slender and soft compared to his. It's..it's..more than the attuned bond somehow. With his free hand, he rubs at his chest, over the mass of scar tissue as if trying to knead-away the anxious pressure that had built up there. If feels palpable, like he really might be able to shove it away.

"I think I thought..."...if I didn't let anyone in, I'd never have to hurt like this again. He mumbles, finally silent half-way through and letting his mind take over. Gods damn you for wriggling your way in. He means it, too. But under all of it Remi is still grateful. Because as much as it hurts now, and as much as this friendship will likely torture them both in the future, he does love her. He can't help it.

but I  f l i c k e r

from time to time

REMI

Table and Gif sniping by SKY who is eternally the best forever

and look for the stars as the sun goes down
each breath that you take has a thunderous sound

The shelter of the wing is exactly what she needs, a shield against the outside world as they put themselves together again. Instinctively she turns in toward him, an intimacy that might be salacious under any other circumstances but bears absolutely no such undertones here.

She listens intently, trying to make sense of what he's telling her, back arcing to make room as he rubs against his scars. Her first reaction to his revelation is a surprising one: shock and embarrassment flood her at once, a low moan of self-hatred under it all. She doesn't fully understand, of course, but the experience of her is something she wouldn't wish upon her enemies. Amusement leaks into her mental voice, trying to mask the vulnerability, the fear. Gods, I'm sorry. No wonder you flinched.

He may be able to feel her emotions, but she is still blind to his. So the admission strikes her hard and fast, a sadness and empathy rising up that she quickly attempts to swallow down. Curling away from his side, Amalia lets out a quiet sigh. I'm sorry, she says again, sincerely this time- because if this is the price he will pay for her stubbornness, it really does not seem fair. But I guess you know that, huh?

Amalia