Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
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Sam's impressions of Frey from the stories he'd heard was that they were a callous and rude deity who summoned lust, but never love, in the people they saw: it was interesting that Loren seemed to have a different experience. "That's true, but when it's the Voice...I mean, she's much wiser than mortals are, and I can't leave..." Sam shrugged. "What would you do, if you'd die if you left? Try and see her way, or let yourself die?"
As for avoiding people...he cringed. "Hopefully for a little while. I'm sure I'll have to face her eventually, but for now...I'm just going to stay out of the way. I'm sure she'll be happy with that anyway."
Hearing his words repeated back to him about his living situation, he realised how they might sound and held up a hand. "We're not together or anything, just housemates. I met him in Torchline and he offered...we've grown close. He's a good friend and a good host." Sam smiled, clearly fond of Zeph. "You know me, though. I wanted it to be more, but that possibility has well and truly faded."
Raising his eyebrows, Loren leaned forward. His brows had furrowed even as a smile flitted across his lips. "Is she? She was mortal once too, wasn't she?" He shrugged. "Honestly? If I thought it was for the greater good, I'd let myself die and make the most of the time I had left."
Eyes narrowing he tilted his head to one side. "Isn't that just going to make the eventual conversation that much harder?" He kept his gaze trained on Sam.
Letting out a huff of laughter the healer flopped back in his chair. "Why not?" He waved his hands in the air. "Worst case he'd say no. And if he's as good a man as you say he won't make it awkward afterwards." Eyes crinkling, he let his hands fall back into his lap.
"...Even if someone was mortal once, if they'd lived as long as the Voice has, I'd still think they were probably wiser than me." Sam pointed out, sure that the Voice knew more about the world than he ever could, regardless of his opinions on her actions. As Loren said he would willingly die Sam widened his eyes, sighed and stared down, wondering if he ought to feel ashamed for not wanting to. "Well, I suppose you're braver than me."
While Loren was absolutely right about his eventual conversation with Amalia and the rest of his family, all Sam could do was shrug. He wasn't planning to interact with her again until he had to, regardless.
It seemed he'd not been clear enough about his and Zeph's situation; he shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. "No, um...I did ask him. And he said no. It's not awkward, not much anyway....I found out he's seeing someone else, and she's..." Sam scoffed. "Much better than me, so."
Falling silent for a moment, Loren leaned back in his chair. Then he smiled. "You're older than me. Are you wiser?" He tilted his head to one side and considered Sam as the healer waited for the mapmaker to answer.
However, the Firebrand shook his head at the Ascended's next words. "Not really. I was just...raised to think of myself as lesser and to sacrifice myself for the greater good." Loren sighed. "It's taken me a long time to break that conditioning. And I still struggle with it." Looking down, he studied the floor.
However, he glanced up at Sam's next words. The corner of the healer's lips quirked up for a moment. "I find that hard to believe." Rubbing a palm against his thigh he returned to his inspection of the ground. "At least you know though. And that's better, right?"
"I'm a few years older than you. The Voice is centuries old." Sam replied dryly, giving Loren a flat look, sure that the man had already been well aware of the difference there. While age didn't always mean wisdom, he did think that hundreds of years of experience had to count for something.
Still, he couldn't be too harsh to Loren, not when he followed it up with what he did, something that Sam could relate to painfully well. He sighed and chewed on his lip, wondering if he was odd for still valuing his life after all he'd been through. "Well...if the opportunity ever arises, I'd be very sad to find out you were gone." He offered, following the cracks in the floorboards with his eyes as he spoke, not wanting to look up at Loren.
Especially not when they were discussing his rather sad love life. "I suppose. I've decided to really try and just...not be with anyone for a while. Everyone keeps telling me I need to work on, or love myself, and I don't know how, but--" Sam shook his head. "Maybe I do really need to try, before I find someone."
Shrugging, Loren waved a hand in the air. "Age and knowledge doesn't equal wisdom. Sure, the two usually go hand in hand, but there are remarkably long-lived and well-read people who are nevertheless idiots." Shaking his head, he grinned at Sam. "So again. Are you so sure that age and knowledge equals wisdom that you'd believe the Voice infinitely wiser than you?"
Letting out a huff of laughter, the healer nodded. "Thanks. I'm not planning on doing anything crazy, but I will let you know if I start to feel the urge again." He looked up from his own study of the floor to try and catch the mapmaker's eye.
"Mmmm." The Firebrand hummed as his fingers tapped against his legs. "What makes you so sure you can't find yourself when you're with someone else?" He tilted his head to the side and regarded the other man.
The way Loren asked his question, Sam figured that he was expected to say no, but when he actually considered it...experience was important for intelligence, to know not just facts but the way they affected real life, how things worked. He had certainly learnt a lot in the last five years, and he couldn't imagine how much he'd know given centuries (which, terrifyingly, he supposed he might have to come). "...Yes, I do, actually. She must have seen a lot, and hardly anyone knows what happened during the war, or just after it...never mind beforehand."
Hoping that Loren would stick to his word of not willingly sacrificing himself, Sam considered his next question, frowning and putting a finger to his chin as he thought the words over. "I mean...I suppose, but..the problem is that I put too much expectation on relationships, I think. So I need to make sure my life is good before I start one. Or...I don't know. Have you ever found yourself in a relationship?"
Nodding at Sam's words, Loren smiled. "Well alright then. Why do you doubt her then?" Sliding his fingers together he rested his hands in his lap. Leaning forward, he tilted his head to one side as he waited for the mapmaker's answer.
However, the healer thumped back in his chair at the other man's question. "Yeah. I did." Sighing, the Firebrand ran a hand through his hair. "She died."
Looking down again he cleared his throat. "But if you think you need to focus on yourself for a bit, more power to you. Just...I don't know." He shrugged. "Things can be good in your life, but that doesn't necessarily mean all your issues with relationships will be solved."
Sam just gave a slightly frustrated sigh and shrug in response to Loren's question, thinking he was being difficult on purpose: surely Loren had to know the contradiction of following the words of Gods, of knowing they were divine but not always feeling like they were right.
He couldn't stay too annoyed at Loren though, not when the sudden reminder of his recent misfortune came screeching into the conversation. Gritting his teeth Sam nodded and looked down at the floorboards, wringing his fingers together. "Right. I'm sorry." He'd had no idea that Loren's relationship had been that deep, with whomever he had found while they'd been apart.
Hearing a new perspective of sorts on the matter of his self esteem and relationships was appreciated, even if it left Sam at even more of a loss as for what he ought to be working on or doing. The atmosphere in the old shop now more sad than nostalgic (or perhaps it was just the wrong kind of nostalgia), Sam stood, looking out of the window and stepping to the door. "..Well...I should probably be heading back. Thank you, for letting me in here, and for catching up."
As they left he felt a short lived but intense moment of loss, both for the past his shop contained and the memories and hopes he'd once had with Loren; then he continued down the street back home.
