i'm still not sure what i stand for
It's Amalia, he heard, and he didn't know what to do.He'd imagined this moment. Her, coming to him, r he, finding the courage to go find her. In some scenarios, he had done everything he could to find her, to ensure she was alright - he'd asked Deimos about her, and learned of her need for space. And on some level, perhaps he thought that need included him as well - perhaps, he had assumed she needed space from everything that might remind her of Deimos, of Kiada, of a life she had walked away from.
He didn't blame her. He was beyond blaming anyone, except himself still, here and there. Not strong enough, never strong enough - he shut his eyes against the thought before Auni even had a chance to nudge him.
In another scenario, he was angry at her, still. He'd been angry for what felt like a while, though he hardly knew exactly how much time had passed - it all blurred together when the sun never set. But he had never been one able to hold onto anger, to direct it at others. No, he was more one to internalise it, to swallow it up and hide it away - to put on a strong front.
That had changed for a while, as Kia had accepted him no matter was mood or emotion had taken him, and begun to show him that feeling was okay. Then it had changed again, as she was no longer here, and he felt like he was left behind in a world without a guiding light.
"Come in, Amalia," he said, opening the door, having put his papers to the side and crossed the space to the door, opening it to grant her passage. He looked upon her, his expression something unreadable. "Jyoti," he greeted as well, the little whale still something of a curiosity to him.
"Thanks for coming," he said, hating how his voice sounded anything but grateful, but unable to put the effort into articulating himself better. "I'm… sorry, too. I-" and he stopped talking, afraid of what he was going to say, unable to articulate it, to even begin.
Rather unceremoniously, he sat in a chair, leaning his elbows on his knees and grasping his forehead with his hands. Auni bleated softly at Jyoti and Amalia, trotting out from behind the desk to rub against the woman's legs, before settling beside his new bondmate.
why don't we break the rules already?
CHULANE
