i'm still not sure what i stand for
And she loved you as well. Hot tears came in a new wave as he registered the thought, a sob sniffling its way through him as he just nodded, accepting her words, even though they were both uplifting and heart-wrenching to hear.A breathy, shaky laugh huffed through his lips as her question prompted his mind to flood with the memories he held of Kia. He reflects the sad smile she gives, his crown of curly hair nodding again, submitting to her gentle prodding.
"I had portalled in long not prior. I was running errands for my landlord, and the bag of vegetables I was holding decided in that moment not only to bump into a dazzling woman on the street, but also tear apart and send food everywhere." A look reminiscent of the warm, happy, wholesome expression he used to wear so often when he thought of her ghosted across his face as he set the scene.
"She was kind enough to lend a hand carrying them back to my lodge." A wistful smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "And she told me a great deal about herself, and the world I had arrived in, that afternoon. I met Auni then, too," he stroked the luxere's ears affectionately.
"As to how we became close? When the snows prevent most travel outside the Citadel, it's easy to run into people," he shrugged. "She had promised to help me train my attuned shift, and we… became friends. I trusted her, she trusted me. I could be me around her, in a way I couldn't with anyone else. After the attack on the palace, where she and the other Grounders were staying," he paused, taking a moment to breathe, to slow down, as the emotions of that moment rose up again, a new wave of tears wetting his eyes.
"I realised I cared about her. Properly cared, like I couldn't stand the thought of anything bad happening to her." He hadn't quite realised the depth of his feelings at the time… in the moment, but looking back, he knew that had been the beginning for him, the time when Kiada had become more than an acquaintance, more than just another friendly face in the crowd.
"I had plotted with some of the Grounders to give her a night off. Call it a date if you want, but mostly I just wanted her to be able to relax, to let go of responsibility for a night and eat a good meal with a friend. Everyone was so tired, working so hard… She told me more about herself that night. About her past, the mistakes she made. I think she was afraid that I was going to leave her?" His head shook slightly from side-to-side, as if answering the question he posed. "The thought didn't cross my mind at the time." At some point through his talking, his gaze had drifted from the Shield's, focussing somewhere in the middle distance; he lifted it to hers again.
"After Weaver was killed… she was there. For me, for the friends we'd made here. She was so strong Amalia, so.." and here was when his broke voice, when it started to crack, when he bent over his knees again to let the grief hit him full on. She's gone, the thought cruelly echoed about his mind, resounding again and again until Auni's worried bleats brought him back. "Ah," he sobbed softly, "sorry Auni. I know you miss her." I know I'm not her.
why don't we break the rules already?
CHULANE
