AmaLIa
shield of safrin
Ronin's request for her to leave is another punch in the gut, but Amalia nods with something like relief, already uncoiling and readying to rise. It's Remi's request - kind, not accusatory, generally interested - that holds her still, half-risen, swallowing as she looks between the men. "We don't have.... I mean, you know," she manages somewhat desperately, wishing that one of them would save her from the hole she's dug herself.
They won't, of course. But she can dream.
She lets the silence stretch a moment, wondering if maybe she could just stop talking and vanish into dust. It would be a great time for such an ability to manifest, yet as the seconds pass she remains painfully, horribly corporeal. Once again she stares at the bedspread, not sure what to say. When she finally does open her mouth her voice is shaky, hoarse.
"I thought that you might ask me to come." The alto is a tired whisper without a hint of accusation or reproach. It's the confession of a girl, young and inexperienced. "I wouldn't have said yes, but... I wanted it. I wanted to run away with you. To have a place with you. And I guess that part of me thought that after..." she still cannot bring herself to say Ronin and I fucked, "...what happened, and then the cure, and Mateo, and Loren, and everything... I guess I don't know what I am to you. Where I stand. And I didn't want to ask because you both seemed so comfortable and confident but I'm not confident and it's weird and I-"
She breaks off suddenly, her face alight. The alto voice has strengthened as she speaks, though is still holds notes of uncertainty. Finally she rises from the bed, prepared to bolt to the door. "I'm sorry. None of this is- you didn't ask for it. And you're right, it's not about me. I'm being selfish and stupid and I should... I should go."
They won't, of course. But she can dream.
She lets the silence stretch a moment, wondering if maybe she could just stop talking and vanish into dust. It would be a great time for such an ability to manifest, yet as the seconds pass she remains painfully, horribly corporeal. Once again she stares at the bedspread, not sure what to say. When she finally does open her mouth her voice is shaky, hoarse.
"I thought that you might ask me to come." The alto is a tired whisper without a hint of accusation or reproach. It's the confession of a girl, young and inexperienced. "I wouldn't have said yes, but... I wanted it. I wanted to run away with you. To have a place with you. And I guess that part of me thought that after..." she still cannot bring herself to say Ronin and I fucked, "...what happened, and then the cure, and Mateo, and Loren, and everything... I guess I don't know what I am to you. Where I stand. And I didn't want to ask because you both seemed so comfortable and confident but I'm not confident and it's weird and I-"
She breaks off suddenly, her face alight. The alto voice has strengthened as she speaks, though is still holds notes of uncertainty. Finally she rises from the bed, prepared to bolt to the door. "I'm sorry. None of this is- you didn't ask for it. And you're right, it's not about me. I'm being selfish and stupid and I should... I should go."
you can't choose what stays
and what fades away
and what fades away
