you are so brave and quiet && I forget that you are suffering
I did.
There's something in those two words that is both astonishingly painful and wonderful to hear. It is a confirmation of her guilt, the way she mishandled a delicate thing, the way she mishandled him- but to hear him agree is to hear him believe that he does deserve better, as she has always known. That despite the wounds the world has left on him the Sword is healing again. It causes her to catch her breath, looking up at him through dark eyes that glitter brightly with unshed tears. "You did," Amalia exhales again, agreeing, her eyes falling shut a moment before opening once more.
The strength falters, falls, and with it her hope. The next few words are cruel lashes, but wounds that she deserves; even as they sting against her she steels herself, empathy and admiration for this man she has broken keeping her from breaking herself. Each word bites further into her resolve, but Amalia holds herself at bay, the tears on her cheeks the only sign of how deeply she's hurt. "I'm so sorry," she repeats again, a hoarse, rough whisper, a shuddering breath.
She only looks down as he turns away, biting hard upon her lip. The temptation to leave it at that is strong, but something holds her where she is. "You aren't worthless. You're the strongest, most generous, most deserving person I've ever known." Her voice a whisper both mental and aloud, Amalia makes her final apology, not stepping towards him or away, leaving him the space to decide. "I'm wish I could have been the person you deserved. The person you needed. I wish I could have been your world-"
She chokes, there, voice fading, looking away as the tears continue to stain her cheeks. The snow glitters at the edge of her blurry vision, and she focuses on the cold of it, the way it bites her toes. I hope that you find happiness. I'll never stop caring about you, Dei.
There's something in those two words that is both astonishingly painful and wonderful to hear. It is a confirmation of her guilt, the way she mishandled a delicate thing, the way she mishandled him- but to hear him agree is to hear him believe that he does deserve better, as she has always known. That despite the wounds the world has left on him the Sword is healing again. It causes her to catch her breath, looking up at him through dark eyes that glitter brightly with unshed tears. "You did," Amalia exhales again, agreeing, her eyes falling shut a moment before opening once more.
The strength falters, falls, and with it her hope. The next few words are cruel lashes, but wounds that she deserves; even as they sting against her she steels herself, empathy and admiration for this man she has broken keeping her from breaking herself. Each word bites further into her resolve, but Amalia holds herself at bay, the tears on her cheeks the only sign of how deeply she's hurt. "I'm so sorry," she repeats again, a hoarse, rough whisper, a shuddering breath.
She only looks down as he turns away, biting hard upon her lip. The temptation to leave it at that is strong, but something holds her where she is. "You aren't worthless. You're the strongest, most generous, most deserving person I've ever known." Her voice a whisper both mental and aloud, Amalia makes her final apology, not stepping towards him or away, leaving him the space to decide. "I'm wish I could have been the person you deserved. The person you needed. I wish I could have been your world-"
She chokes, there, voice fading, looking away as the tears continue to stain her cheeks. The snow glitters at the edge of her blurry vision, and she focuses on the cold of it, the way it bites her toes. I hope that you find happiness. I'll never stop caring about you, Dei.
Amalia
