eyes can't shine unless there's something burning bright behind
As it did most of the time, Aurelia's sadness and hurt would take on a different shape. Something angry. That feeling writhed against the fear that crippled her muscles and held her standing there like a useless imposter. She'd been taken for a lost pup and Gideon had manipulated her for it. Whether or not she played a huge role in the progress of the Order's plans, the fact remained that she had helped them at all. Self-disgust puckered the edges of her lips.
If I'm already a disappointment to you, you might as well get used to it. I disappoint everyone I care about... Whether I mean to or not.. The words sparked in Aurelia's mind and they were just as quick to try to leap from it. The thought threatened to blur her vision as it fought to rush out out like blood from a cut. Yet, she swallowed it down into the channels of a beaten heart.
"Like I said, I trust your judgement." She clarified once again, tone sharpened against the hitch of exhaustion that lingered in her breath. His explanation was simultaneously dismissed and understood. She was not so proud to expect she'd change his mind. In retrospect, she should've kept her own opinion to herself. He had enough to deal with. She knew that. I'm a child, she silently berated herself.
Gideon was almost like staring at herself in the mirror. Perhaps the reasons they did what they did were not the same but, their actions were. Killing innocents based merely on race or ability. How easy would it have been for her to fall into that familiar lifestyle again? Her shoulders braced at the thought that, in her old world, she would've killed someone like Sunjata without bothering to ask questions first. Or Saiden. Melita. Milo.
Her hand was greeted by guarded intensity, which she braced against in turn, the skin along her palm tightening around his shoulder. Then, she splayed her hand and let go although she still willed him to forgive her. The notion of it not being her fault prompted a nod from her. Something inside of her wanted to stand up against the blame she sought to place upon her shoulders. Her burdens were already too heavy, enough blame was placed there - enough wrongs she sought to right.
"No," her eyes swerved away and down from him as he acknowledged that she'd been too new to this world to have any damn clue. Though, the word came out much softer than all the others preceding it.
At Sunjata's next statement, though, her brows raised and she looked back up at him in surprise. It took her a moment to realize that she'd been bracing herself for far more backlash. To think he still trusted her word, for her to help rather than harm, made her simultaneously want to hug him for being a good friend and punch him right on the bruised part of his jaw for being so stupid.
I don't deserve all these chances I keep getting. Sunjata knows that, perhaps better than anyone else in all of Caido. But he also knows what it's like, and he knows what it's like to try to rise above what you were raised to think.. or be.
For a moment, confusion and gratitude clouded her gaze before it was blinked away. She nodded curtly. "I can do that. The Ark doesn't set sail until Flowerbirth, I think, so... I'll be around. If it helps you - and Nate - and everyone else... I'll do it." Now she had a few people she wanted to look out for, too, and she wanted to express more of that - but she sucked the words back in and stopped herself.
If Aurelia had to be the one to take the next step forward, to leave behind the woes of mistakes and the threat of war, so be it. She let things settle for a moment, of course, before she walked onward through the jungle. Her hand came up to wave him on, "Come on, let's go." She didn't know what else to say. 'Sorry I was a moron' didn't seem quite right.
So, for a while, they'd tread on in silence - unless Sunjata wanted to break it, of course, which she wouldn't be adverse to. The jungle was filled to the brim with tropical life, from fruits and nuts to macaws and colorful reptiles. None of them seemed of any concern, though, so Aurelia would pass and press on, searching for anything more... interesting, to say the least.
Aurelia was vaguely aware that a considerable amount of time had passed (perhaps an hour or two), and the path they walked had risen higher and higher as they went. She'd kept a relatively fast pace, no doubt that Sunjata could keep up. They'd covered a lot of ground, much of it the same.
A distant, thunderous sound began to echo in her ears. She could feel the air growing more humid, sweat and mist slicked across her skin and dampening her clothes. "I think there's a waterfall up ahead..." she remarked to Sunjata after a moment of deliberation, turning to look at him and see how he was faring, while adding, "We can rest there and turn back."
If I'm already a disappointment to you, you might as well get used to it. I disappoint everyone I care about... Whether I mean to or not.. The words sparked in Aurelia's mind and they were just as quick to try to leap from it. The thought threatened to blur her vision as it fought to rush out out like blood from a cut. Yet, she swallowed it down into the channels of a beaten heart.
"Like I said, I trust your judgement." She clarified once again, tone sharpened against the hitch of exhaustion that lingered in her breath. His explanation was simultaneously dismissed and understood. She was not so proud to expect she'd change his mind. In retrospect, she should've kept her own opinion to herself. He had enough to deal with. She knew that. I'm a child, she silently berated herself.
Gideon was almost like staring at herself in the mirror. Perhaps the reasons they did what they did were not the same but, their actions were. Killing innocents based merely on race or ability. How easy would it have been for her to fall into that familiar lifestyle again? Her shoulders braced at the thought that, in her old world, she would've killed someone like Sunjata without bothering to ask questions first. Or Saiden. Melita. Milo.
Her hand was greeted by guarded intensity, which she braced against in turn, the skin along her palm tightening around his shoulder. Then, she splayed her hand and let go although she still willed him to forgive her. The notion of it not being her fault prompted a nod from her. Something inside of her wanted to stand up against the blame she sought to place upon her shoulders. Her burdens were already too heavy, enough blame was placed there - enough wrongs she sought to right.
"No," her eyes swerved away and down from him as he acknowledged that she'd been too new to this world to have any damn clue. Though, the word came out much softer than all the others preceding it.
At Sunjata's next statement, though, her brows raised and she looked back up at him in surprise. It took her a moment to realize that she'd been bracing herself for far more backlash. To think he still trusted her word, for her to help rather than harm, made her simultaneously want to hug him for being a good friend and punch him right on the bruised part of his jaw for being so stupid.
I don't deserve all these chances I keep getting. Sunjata knows that, perhaps better than anyone else in all of Caido. But he also knows what it's like, and he knows what it's like to try to rise above what you were raised to think.. or be.
For a moment, confusion and gratitude clouded her gaze before it was blinked away. She nodded curtly. "I can do that. The Ark doesn't set sail until Flowerbirth, I think, so... I'll be around. If it helps you - and Nate - and everyone else... I'll do it." Now she had a few people she wanted to look out for, too, and she wanted to express more of that - but she sucked the words back in and stopped herself.
If Aurelia had to be the one to take the next step forward, to leave behind the woes of mistakes and the threat of war, so be it. She let things settle for a moment, of course, before she walked onward through the jungle. Her hand came up to wave him on, "Come on, let's go." She didn't know what else to say. 'Sorry I was a moron' didn't seem quite right.
So, for a while, they'd tread on in silence - unless Sunjata wanted to break it, of course, which she wouldn't be adverse to. The jungle was filled to the brim with tropical life, from fruits and nuts to macaws and colorful reptiles. None of them seemed of any concern, though, so Aurelia would pass and press on, searching for anything more... interesting, to say the least.
Aurelia was vaguely aware that a considerable amount of time had passed (perhaps an hour or two), and the path they walked had risen higher and higher as they went. She'd kept a relatively fast pace, no doubt that Sunjata could keep up. They'd covered a lot of ground, much of it the same.
A distant, thunderous sound began to echo in her ears. She could feel the air growing more humid, sweat and mist slicked across her skin and dampening her clothes. "I think there's a waterfall up ahead..." she remarked to Sunjata after a moment of deliberation, turning to look at him and see how he was faring, while adding, "We can rest there and turn back."
Aurelia
