Aurelia
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
like I'm close to something real
like I'm close to something real
His breaths are short, quick - and she can feel it because she's pressed there against his chest. She can hear the cutting breaths he takes, can feel the emotion whirling around in him with each breath of air. Just the same as it whirls within her. Her next breath comes in a hiccup, a sniffle the only thing to snuff out her tears.
It was all incredibly hard, looking back on it. Even if, at the time, she'd blinded herself and done what she thought she had to. It was still hard, because now all she's left with is a drowning, blackening.. pit of regret. There's a part of her she can't ignore, can't forget, can't... pretend never happened. She'll never be without that darker part of herself. But she doesn't know what to do about it, either, even if she wants to be better, wants to change, wants to do more than that. She wants to give back, she wants to take away the pain and fear instead of inflict it.
The past still can't be denied, though. She shrugs away from him, her hands pull back. All she can look at is the damp spot she's left on his chest. Her lips remain twisted down by a deep and furrowing grief, one he'd never understand. But one of her hands grasps for his arm, for the strength she knows is there. It takes her back to the night she met him, to the night where he made everything feel.. like it would be okay.
"I don't wanna lose you," She pushes her voice out through a stuttering breath, using the back of her sleeve to wipe her eyes. "But-" the words she's trying to say are strangling, "I'm sorry. But you're never gonna look at me the same, but I'll tell you," her gaze swims up towards his, "I'll tell you anything."
"Just give me a.. give me a second," she lets go then, stepping back, turning away, sucking in a breath. She's trying to steady herself, so she moves away, away from the fear and dread in his gaze. Away from the self-doubt, away from... the suffocating cloud that shrouds around them in that moment. Even if it hurts to move against him, even if all she wants to do is hug him and tell him it'll be alright, she doesn't know how to. It doesn't feel alright, and she doesn't want to lie anymore.
Her hands clasp against her sides as she wanders around the loft, looking around at the small things that dot shelves or walls. It's throttling, to experience such strong emotions in so little a time, and she knows he must feel it too; that helpless, heavy feeling. It weighs her down into the cushion of a couch, even if she's tense, even if there's not a hint of relaxation in her physique.
Her fingers rub along the threads that hold the material together, thinking about how her threads have long since come undone, and what was left to hold her together... being little else than her own will. Her grip tightens for a moment, her eyes glaze over again, but it disappears as she resolves against it. Her words come out tense, as if she can barely get them through her teeth.
"There's not much else to say.. but, I can at least tell you... how I ended up here. I had a job," she pulls clasped hands up against her chin and lips, slouching down over her legs, "This man.. was dangerous, he'd killed a lot of people, hunters like me. And other people.." her brows furrow, "not everyone I went after... was innocent. Some people really were evil, Milo. But I should never have taken the case anyway. Should never have gotten involved with the job, it was too close to home." She closes her eyes for a moment before continuing, before training her gaze on a spot on the wall, "He had.. abilities we didn't know about, weren't expecting. My partner... he trained me, made me what I am... he nearly died. I went ahead without him, thought that if I could catch the guy, that maybe I could... I don't know. But.. even when I found him... he almost killed me." She lifts her chin up and leans back, thinking back on it with more clarity than earlier, even if it was drowned in misery and emotions. "He cast some sort of spell that paralyzed me. I couldn't move.. or breathe.. or, do anything," her hands ravel towards her abdomen again, to that same place, to her core, where she could still feel some of that dark power lingering within her being. "And then everything was gone. I mean.. everything. The world around me vanished. And it didn't take long before I was suddenly on the port, here in... some other world."
An elbow leans against the arm of the couch and her hand is on her forehead, fingers tangling into her hair. Her eyes close, puffy and red and sore. She sighs, dreading. Her gaze seeks out Milo eventually. "Jack's the one who found me... told me that I'd never be able to go back home, told me that magic's not always evil. I'd never heard someone say that so openly before... I never... I never knew how wrong it all was until I got here."
It was all incredibly hard, looking back on it. Even if, at the time, she'd blinded herself and done what she thought she had to. It was still hard, because now all she's left with is a drowning, blackening.. pit of regret. There's a part of her she can't ignore, can't forget, can't... pretend never happened. She'll never be without that darker part of herself. But she doesn't know what to do about it, either, even if she wants to be better, wants to change, wants to do more than that. She wants to give back, she wants to take away the pain and fear instead of inflict it.
The past still can't be denied, though. She shrugs away from him, her hands pull back. All she can look at is the damp spot she's left on his chest. Her lips remain twisted down by a deep and furrowing grief, one he'd never understand. But one of her hands grasps for his arm, for the strength she knows is there. It takes her back to the night she met him, to the night where he made everything feel.. like it would be okay.
"I don't wanna lose you," She pushes her voice out through a stuttering breath, using the back of her sleeve to wipe her eyes. "But-" the words she's trying to say are strangling, "I'm sorry. But you're never gonna look at me the same, but I'll tell you," her gaze swims up towards his, "I'll tell you anything."
"Just give me a.. give me a second," she lets go then, stepping back, turning away, sucking in a breath. She's trying to steady herself, so she moves away, away from the fear and dread in his gaze. Away from the self-doubt, away from... the suffocating cloud that shrouds around them in that moment. Even if it hurts to move against him, even if all she wants to do is hug him and tell him it'll be alright, she doesn't know how to. It doesn't feel alright, and she doesn't want to lie anymore.
Her hands clasp against her sides as she wanders around the loft, looking around at the small things that dot shelves or walls. It's throttling, to experience such strong emotions in so little a time, and she knows he must feel it too; that helpless, heavy feeling. It weighs her down into the cushion of a couch, even if she's tense, even if there's not a hint of relaxation in her physique.
Her fingers rub along the threads that hold the material together, thinking about how her threads have long since come undone, and what was left to hold her together... being little else than her own will. Her grip tightens for a moment, her eyes glaze over again, but it disappears as she resolves against it. Her words come out tense, as if she can barely get them through her teeth.
"There's not much else to say.. but, I can at least tell you... how I ended up here. I had a job," she pulls clasped hands up against her chin and lips, slouching down over her legs, "This man.. was dangerous, he'd killed a lot of people, hunters like me. And other people.." her brows furrow, "not everyone I went after... was innocent. Some people really were evil, Milo. But I should never have taken the case anyway. Should never have gotten involved with the job, it was too close to home." She closes her eyes for a moment before continuing, before training her gaze on a spot on the wall, "He had.. abilities we didn't know about, weren't expecting. My partner... he trained me, made me what I am... he nearly died. I went ahead without him, thought that if I could catch the guy, that maybe I could... I don't know. But.. even when I found him... he almost killed me." She lifts her chin up and leans back, thinking back on it with more clarity than earlier, even if it was drowned in misery and emotions. "He cast some sort of spell that paralyzed me. I couldn't move.. or breathe.. or, do anything," her hands ravel towards her abdomen again, to that same place, to her core, where she could still feel some of that dark power lingering within her being. "And then everything was gone. I mean.. everything. The world around me vanished. And it didn't take long before I was suddenly on the port, here in... some other world."
An elbow leans against the arm of the couch and her hand is on her forehead, fingers tangling into her hair. Her eyes close, puffy and red and sore. She sighs, dreading. Her gaze seeks out Milo eventually. "Jack's the one who found me... told me that I'd never be able to go back home, told me that magic's not always evil. I'd never heard someone say that so openly before... I never... I never knew how wrong it all was until I got here."
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
somewhere to belong
somewhere to belong
code credits go to Skylark!<3
