awareness is the enemy of sanity
"Oh," Finn says, utterly unhelpful in his response. If Remi is trying to get back to the Greatwood, then falling asleep is absolutely the best way to go about it, and yet he cannot think of anything worse at the moment. "I will see you at the front of the Tower," he murmurs instead, letting out a shuddering breath and watching Remi down the ladder and out of the door of his apartments.
Only when he is gone does the Spyglass give himself an opportunity to break down. Those few moments are for Finn and Finn alone, to choke out the panic of his flashback, to try and rub another person's touch off his skin, or at least to replace it with the familiarity of his own hands. He cleans up, he washes his face, he gets dressed. He does not look at the bed. He does not think about sleep.
He doesn't know, either, how long he's kept Remi waiting in the cold, only that when he emerges, wrapped in a coat and scarf, Finn feels the thorns of guilt prick deep into him. "I am so sorry," he says, unlooping the scarf from his neck and offering it to Remi, as if it will make some sort of difference. "Follow me - I will take you to the barracks."
Only when he is gone does the Spyglass give himself an opportunity to break down. Those few moments are for Finn and Finn alone, to choke out the panic of his flashback, to try and rub another person's touch off his skin, or at least to replace it with the familiarity of his own hands. He cleans up, he washes his face, he gets dressed. He does not look at the bed. He does not think about sleep.
He doesn't know, either, how long he's kept Remi waiting in the cold, only that when he emerges, wrapped in a coat and scarf, Finn feels the thorns of guilt prick deep into him. "I am so sorry," he says, unlooping the scarf from his neck and offering it to Remi, as if it will make some sort of difference. "Follow me - I will take you to the barracks."
for once you hear the screaming
it never stops
FINN
