raised on the edge of the devil's backbone

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

She holds onto his hand tighter, even as the claws poke out, even as he wishes to clench them into the metal until he can feel his clawed fingers hurt to draw more feeling from him than this shell he’s trapped himself in. But he doesn’t, simply letting his gaze lift along here her pale hand fits into his dark, smooth claws. He can’t even will it away to his own human, scar-flecked hands. It remains, and the rest of him filters and changes too, those armored plates drifting along his neck, covering over scars and tattoos.

There’s a nod given at the mention of the gods, having forgotten Hotaru’s closeness to Frey. And with it, her soft voice that follows provides another distraction until it distracts him with fear, deep rooted. “It’s forgettable. Changes every time I see him.” This is said quietly, part of the same tone as before, until the realization sets in and he stills – that predatory stillness overcoming him, especially with more of his dragon shift out.

His gaze lifts to her, sharp and narrowed. “No.” He tells her, leaving no room for consideration. He has no doubts his father would find out and take her away, too. It may be more difficult having him by her side – even if it hadn’t stopped his father from catching him and Lusea years prior. “You will stay.” A dragon, protecting his treasure. Possessive and greedy, letting those traits expand and swell through his chest, a separate feeling from the hollowness he’d been left with. His tone has shifted again, not the ease and edge of Torchline, but to that regal Korofi court he’d been taught since he could speak.

He exhales a sigh, after, as if shaking himself out of it, realizing he’d squeezed her hand with that flit of temper that had swelled. “He told me he had work for me to do. Before he threw  me into a creek with his boot to my neck, reminding me that I am nothing.” The tone remains, but the fire behind it in his possessiveness is gone. “I tried to make him off balance with my wing. He grabbed it and snapped it.”

SUNJATA

Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight

Hotaru curses softly under her breath at that particular revelation. Even more of an inconvenience, not that it will dissuade her from the hunt. If the man hopes to set up shop so to speak, he will have to commune with the people of Torchline, and Hotaru intends to be there to hear it; whether from his mouth or others.

So distracted by her own dedication to the plans forming in her mind, his denial doesn't register at first. When it does, her heterochromic eyes narrow, spine straightening as their gazes lock and clash. "You cannot just say no," she retorts, and though her voice does not hold the same gravitas, there is a hiss of warning that slides underneath each syllable, a warning of weak ice beneath his feet. "Feelings aside, I am the best shot of infiltration we have. If we want to get the upper hand on him, we need to make sure my affiliation with you is completely unknown. It's for your own safety." Each word is sharp and succinctly spoken, refusing to rise any higher into begging or pleading territory, because she does not intend to back down from this particular plan. "I'm not Lusea. You won't lose me." Even if promises like that are destined to be broken in worlds like theirs. Even if she's tempting fate itself by daring to speak it aloud. It's a dirty tactic, but one she employs because she wants to see him safe. She squeezes his hand tightly, trying to convey this.

"Clearly he intends to keep meddling in your life. We have to use that, he'll have to slip up sometime. Especially if we can prevent you from going most places alone." Hopefully this will only embolden her argument. If Shaju aims to snoop around, she can't be seen anywhere near Sunjata. It has only been a few days since her arrival, all spent inside the house in the oppressive darkness of LongNight. But when the sun returns, she will have to leave.

HOTARU

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

Her eyes narrow and his remain such, shadowed, haunted steel. “I can. And I am.” He says suddenly, his heartbeat thundering in his chest. She tries to make it make sense, but for Sunjata? His father has always been ahead of him every step of the way, every time, always. And it’s that addition that’s supposed to make it make sense that has him frustrated beyond words. He breaks his gaze from her to shake his head, wings flaring, disbelief wrought along his face. “No, Hotaru.” He says again while that switch remains on, where the Korofian begins to latch on and lash out.

“You know me enough to know that I do not care about my own safety.” A sharp jagged inhale has him beginning to continue, words falling from his lips. “It’s—” the realization of her trying to state that she’s not Lusea makes that piece of him dig in its claws. “That’s exactly it, can’t you see that?” He tries to urge, but he needs to move, needs to turn his focus elsewhere, away. He stands, abruptly, moving to the edge of the balcony again to feel the cold beneath his clawed hands. “He has had time and opportunities to get me. He has not. He takes it away just as he always has. He takes away Lusea. He takes away Saartjie. He takes away Vervain and you and Nate. He takes them to punish me.” She had to see that, right?

He exhaled a shuddering breath, trying to quell that inferno within him. “You do not understand his reach.” All the charisma Sunjata never came close to having. “Who’s to say he doesn’t already know of you? The minute you try to leave he could get you too.”

SUNJATA

Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight

His forbiddance rankles, and she must grit her teeth against the instinct inside her that rallies immediately at the prospect of anyone trying to command her into something she does not want to do. Reminding herself that Sunjata is stripped bare and emotional as it is, Hotaru bites her tongue for a moment to at least hear him out, reluctant to turn this into a fight so soon after he has forced himself to recall such trials. Not that she remains silent for long; "When are you going to realize that I care about your safety, regardless of whether you do? You can't ask me to sit by and do nothing when I have the opportunity to be proactive about keeping you safe!" She mimics him as he stands in a gust of motion, hands aching where they clench at her sides, emotions always so deeply tied to the lightning in her heart - as if she is more element than woman sometimes.

"He's a sick bastard, I know that. Which is why I want to end him all the sooner, because I know how he has hurt you. I can't give him another chance to do it again." Won't, even if it means finding clever or underhanded ways around Sunjata's keen eye should he try and forcefully keep her away from hunting her prey. Deimos' words from the first morning she'd been in Caido resonate in her head and spill freely from her lips. "The longer a soul resides here, the more powerful they become. And if he already knows of me as you fear, then I would rather face him while that disparity lends me the advantage." Hotaru is no wilting violet, and while she knows the reasoning behind his desire to keep her locked away and knows that he is not unaware of her power, his demand rankles at the warrior within her.

Striding to join him at the balcony, she searches for his gaze, heart pulsing angrily in her breast no matter how she tries to calm it down and force it into rationality. "I love you, Sunjata. How can you ask that I stand by, useless and biding my time, all while he hurts you more than he already has?" Thin fingers grip the railing until the knuckles bleed away to ivory. "You're not only telling me to remain out of the fray entirely, but to stay locked in here while you continue to rule an entire gods-damned territory? Like it or not, your life is not worth less than mine, and you continuing to put yourself in danger while asking me to stay out of his path is a boggling level of unfair." Not that either of them has a habit of fairness in situations like these, admittedly.

HOTARU

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

He knows that he’s being too much, that he’s being unreasonable to an extent. But after having grown up with nothing, Sunjata is desperate to cling to everything he has here. From bare walls and grey bedding, unable to keep anything as his own while Saartjie was gifted and granted everything she could ever want. Sunjata was expendable. He should have been long gone before now. But he isn’t, and perhaps that’s what makes it worse – having all of these things just to have them ripped out of his hands again.

Hadn’t he told himself to not get attached, once upon a time? Hadn’t he told himself to keep everything at an arm’s length as to not be upset when it was taken away again?

There’s a hiss that leaves him, purely more snakelike in nature than  man as he peers out over the balcony’s edge, clenching his jaw tight as he hears her. “You can help me here. Why are you insisting on leaving now?” He asks, tearing his gaze from a spot far off in the dark that isn’t entirely there, before she catches his gaze and his lip feathers in his frustration, in the distaste. “You cannot face him, Ru.” He says again, determination in his tone. If she were to face him, she would die.

His gaze only shudders a fraction when she tells him she loves him and questions how he could ask her to stand by, and it’s this little shift of weakness that has his gaze tearing away from her again, not wanting to let her see the thoughts that flicker through his mind, through his heart. “I have a whole fucking wing to run this territory from here. I could if I wanted to.” His tone is surprisingly level, but there’s a cold bite that settles deep within it. “You want to talk about fair?” He turns to her then, tucking his wings in tight, even if the broken one seems to cry out and tremble in protest.

“Fine. If it’s so useless staying here with me and biding our time, then go. Try it out. Try to infiltrate his space and see where that gets you.” His jaw clenches and he can’t help but to push off from the balcony, wing still trembling in how tight he keeps it close. “I am warning you now that you’ll be the next beaten body on my doorstep for him to use as more fodder for his bullshit.” He steps toward the door to the bedroom, grabbing the notebook and papers left behind as to not lose them too.

SUNJATA

Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight

His rage may ice and chill, but hers simmers, and her eyes narrow as his obstinate refusal to see reason drives a further wedge between them. "Because I haven't been here long enough for him to see me," she grits through her teeth. His words may be cutting, but Hotaru's skin is not so weak as to let them hurt. Not over something as important as this. "Then what do you expect to do? If I can't face him, what makes you think you can? You froze at his voice, you think you stand any better chance killing him? You think you can protect me any better than these walls or my magic can?" She throws the words at his feet, chin rising defiantly in the face of his faltering logic. His insistence that they can remain sheltered in their home only brings acid to her tongue. "Cowardice will only please someone like him, only allow him to poke more holes in your reputation. You know that. And I never took you for a coward." It is as much an insult as it is praise, a cruel double-edged sword that strikes back at his own for believing her so easily felled.

Already he tries to flee, to run away from this, and she hisses through her teeth and reaches to grab at his wrist to force him to stop. "Don't you dare walk away from me," she growls, voice low and animalistic. "Don't you dare make a mockery of what I am willing to do for you. You think I wouldn't chance it? That I wouldn't risk him killing me if it meant keeping you safe? You're a martyr who believes himself unworthy of love, and that hasn't changed. But I would die for you, you foolish man!" Her voice cracks like thunder in the oppressive stillness of the night. She will not let him throw her love back in her face. For a creature as self-serving as Hotaru, the willingness to die for another person is a monumental level of adoration, and to have it reduced to paltry insults infuriates her beyond sense and reason. To reduce her to nothing but fodder is an insult she will not let him get away with by retreating into the depths of the house to brood and angst. This conversation is far from over, and he can't escape her in this house - no matter how it stings that he calls it his, as if her anxieties do not already whisper in her ears that she doesn't belong. "So what's your plan, then? To make Nate and I stand by and watch him wear you down long before he kills you? If you have a different plan that doesn't end with him winning, I'm all ears!"

HOTARU

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

“Yeah? How do you know that?” He asks her. A few days was enough, anyone could have been out there to see when he and Nate had rescued her, had brought her back to the home, had seen her unicorn outside of the house. But he falters with her next words, the sharpness of it hitting him so hard that he takes a sharp inhale as if it might stop the bullet of her words hitting his vital organs. “You think you do?” He asks, exasperated for a moment, peering down at her. “For the love of gods, Hotaru, you act as if you are the savior here.” Who had appointed her such a role? Who had declared that she offer her life up for him when it might not even be worth it? "You were once a queen, and you're content to sit there and throw your life away over a soldier?" He doesn't say prince, that title had never fit him anyway. "You're better than that."

And perhaps that’s where the draw comes from, the shift into the darker territory of his mind. Because he knows he’s weak and he knows that it’s just another thing to throw in his face. Just another moment of how he’d failed them by never being enough, that the only good thing about him was the crimson that ran through his veins. So he tries to leave, tries to slip out before he says something he might regret, and finds that it does little to work as she reaches out and pelts him with more barbs.

His wrist tears away from her, having half an animalistic mind to bare his teeth at her, though he doesn’t. His wings come to wrap around him, to prevent her from snapping out at his wrist again. “If I was a martyr, Hotaru, I should have died a long fucking time ago.” He snaps instead, teeth clacking shut with how they’ve lengthened into points. “I asked you to do it once, remember? Gave you that pearl edged dagger. You could’ve stopped it.” A dark brow raises in a silent challenge, even though he isn’t finished yet. “My plan is to not do it alone, for gods’ sake. I will kill him, but I will not let you or Nate be fodder for him.” His jaw clacks shut and he steps back again, back into the home and further into the bedroom, keeping a bit of distance to keep the frustration from keeping his tongue sharp.

SUNJATA

Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight

"I don't know, but I'm willing to try," she retorts, frustration furrowing her brow and pulling at her lips. And he's right, unfortunately - Hotaru has never been a savior. A role far too intimate, too morally right, for someone like her. But Gods, she would try for him. He has ruined her in so many ways, good and bad, and she feels impotent with the storm of emotion that brews in a chest too small to contain it. "Do I look like a queen anymore?" Her voice is soft for the first time since the sparks started flying. What use is she, really? If he has no faith in her, what more can she offer?

"You keep talking like I want you to die," she snarls back, angling her body between him and the door in a stubborn bid to keep him rooted where he stands now that his wings conceal the rest of him. "The fact you're still alive is your victory over him. You really want to throw that away so quickly?" As if she would have ever taken the opportunity he'd handed her with that dagger. Hurt him? Absolutely. But even then, he had wormed his way too deep into her heart. It's a foolish notion to entertain, especially now with how far they have come.

"So you'll use others, but not us? How is that fair? We want to protect you just as much as you want to protect us!" For once she can't find the right words, and angry tears prick at her eyes, frustration scrambling and straining her nerves. "And if he comes for me anyway? Will my death mean anything then, knowing I did nothing to try to stop him?" Hotaru aches to touch him, to force him to listen somehow. The gap between them feels cavernous and foreboding. "What do you want me to do, then? Where am I in this plan of yours?" It's the only sort of attempt at conciliation he'll get, the guarded hand reaching out in some pitifully late attempt at reaching a middle ground. Swallowing down acid and anger alike before they can form into further words. She doesn't want to hurt him, that's the whole point of this fight.

HOTARU

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

“And I am not.” He snaps in the face of her willingness to go out there and see. If he had his choice he’d keep her here where he could try to protect her. Even if she’s right and he might fail, at least she wouldn’t be alone. But he can’t hold his tongue, and he hates it when he gets liked his, though the words keep spilling out. “Yes. You do.” She does look like a queen right now, one trying to protect her people even when it’s her people that have a battle she shouldn’t be anywhere near. She might not have armies or the strength she once had, but Sunjata sees it all the same.

“You keep talking like you want to!” He shoots back at her as she blocks the door. He has half a mind to shift into a smaller shift and get around her, if only to keep his distance from her instead of these barbed words. But she doesn’t let him, and he doesn’t follow through with the fools thought. “Like I said, Hotaru, he’s had his chances. That’s not what he wants. I bet you he wants me to be his puppet, like he had before when despite everything I did he still engaged me off to that witch, thinking that it’d break me down enough to be compliant.” To rule Torchline and turn it into a new Korofi, with far less advanced technology. To build it up and tear it down. A reminder, for him, perhaps.

But she continues on and he has to tear his gaze away from her when he spies the angered tears, cursing himself further deep down as he realizes what he does when he gets like this. There’s a sharp inhale given to try and steady him as he shakes his head to her, clenching his jaw tight enough he thinks he can feel his teeth creaking. “You stay with me. Those others are you and Nate. Can’t you see that?” His gaze snaps back to her with that predatory narrowness, to the hand outstretched. And he should meet in the middle, but he doesn’t.

The wings draw in a fraction closer and he makes no move to reach for her. He doesn’t make a move to step away though, not as he grinds his teeth together and stares at that hand crossing the distance.

SUNJATA

Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight

Well, she certainly doesn't feel it, even if she holds that thought trapped on her tongue. A queen would have far more power here. A queen wouldn't feel so powerless, so easily maneuvered on a board she previously owned and held, conquered and contained. A queen would have worth, wouldn't be...this. Miserable and half-forgotten to time. Inserting herself in places she is unwanted.

"I'm not going to contest you when you know him best, but you can't call me a queen and then ignore how refusing to let me do something goes against my very nature." Finding words that are not barbed or poisoned isn't easy, but both of them are reluctantly giving ground after the flashburn of emotion, and she will begrudgingly continue down that road if it means finding some sort of middle ground. Even if he closes himself off to her physically, making her draw her shoulders back and take a step back, feeling the sting of his rejection far deeper than he likely knows.

"So we'll be your council and nothing else? Surely you have some plan if you're already considering this. But there are so many others willing to help, resources and people I can reach out to that you can't. Will you let me do that?" Or does he intend to take the weight of this entirely on his own shoulders, regardless of how that may ensure his own downfall?

HOTARU

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

He deflates, slowly, but it’s noticeable in the way his body doesn’t become so tense, in the way that he holds himself with so much exhaustion that weighs so heavily on his shoulders. His voice is quiet when it finally airs, keeping himself shielded, keeping himself guarded out of pure habit and nothing else. Ingrained, his defense mechanism. “Because I want to protect you. Because I don’t want to lose you again.” Muscles feather in his jaw, watching her hand as it almost airs closer and he tucks himself away further. An internal tornado bounding around his soul. “You say you aren’t Lusea but I can’t let you be put in a situation like she was. You know that still hurts me. You know that my biggest fear is him getting ahold of you or Nate.” Surely it had to make sense, right?

But there’s a compromise, and his wings ruffle a bit as he contemplates it, mulling it over with a far away look in his gaze. “When the sun rises, would you go to Halo?” He asks softly, wings unfolding, focused on trying to let his rage and upset dissipate. “Go and see Deimos, see if there’s some help to be had there.” And this is where the realization dawns on him and stills him as he stares at her, swallowing hard, taking a few steps forward to try and close the distance between them. “Hotaru..? Kiada’s alive… She came back as an Ascended during the Festival of Lights.” He tries to reach out for her now, realizing his mistake in not telling her sooner.

SUNJATA

Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight

He deflates, and she wants so badly to go to him, to apologize for this getting so out of hand when she'd only intended to comfort him when he'd told her about what transpired between him and Remi and Ronin. But she can't. Hotaru is far too prideful, too anxious about her place in this house, in this relationship, to feel like she can reach across the chasm to find him where he stands. Her hand retreats, crossing under her breasts where she can hug herself where he can't see, the cross of her arms foreboding and distracting. As he speaks she sighs softly, because she does understand. "I know...I do. But I fear losing you just as much, and neither of us is going to be able to stop feeling that way." Which speaks volumes for how deeply they care for one another, but does nothing to facilitate understanding or reconciliation.

The mention of Deimos stirs her heart where it aches inside her chest. She longs for her best friend's presence at her side, his stalwart figure and gruff words. Hotaru hadn't even been there when the news of Kiada's death had reached him, already lost to her own sickness, and though it had not been within her control she feels that failure keenly. Part of her is more than happy to take the chance to leave. To return to Halo, with its icy reaches and memories of home. The other part curls away like a wounded creature, pain humming across her nerves in a way he will not be able to read from her. Because they don't have that ability, not like he and Nate do. And she is far too glacial and perfect sometimes to be so easily perceived. "And Nate? Will you send him away too?" Or are you just trying to get rid of me?

Except then he continues on, and her breath hitches automatically at hearing Kiada's name on his lips, and any hope of understanding what he says disintegrates into dust. "What?" she croaks, hands falling away from her belly as she steps further away from him, the radiating cold of the glass behind her telling her there's nowhere further to go. Mismatched eyes search his for any sign of dishonesty. She doesn't believe him capable of such cruelty, but the truth is just as impossible to swallow. "She's alive?" Each word trembles with the sudden onslaught of emotion, tears clogging her throat as she blinks heavily to keep them from building in her eyes. Ascended, yes, which presents a variety of problems in itself, but alive. Hotaru's hands come up to press the heels of her palms into her eyes hard, shoulders shaking as the darkness of her closed eyes explode into starbursts beneath the pressure, trying to use the discomfort to find some sort of mental clarity. "Where...where is she?" Heart immediately sinking with terror at the notion that she may be with Nate, facing yet another battle she might not return from before Hotaru even sees her again.

HOTARU

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

“So then let me handle it, Hotaru. It’s my curse to bear.” He offers quietly, deflating further, unable to keep himself held together anymore as he feels the fractures begin to take place. Even her next barb after he’s offered the solace of Halo and the mountains is lost among the thrall of everything Sunjata has going on internally. He clenches his jaw, shakes his head, though it’s unclear whether or not he’s denying her or agreeing. “I want to send him away too but he’s already sent out.” His lips curl a bit in distaste at this still, before he’s offering her the tidbit of information he’s withheld. Not on purpose, of course, but since it just became a reality.

She backs away from him and he clamps his jaw shut, letting it register with her. He wants to have her keep her distance, knowing it’s better that way, but he can’t. Not when she looks like this. So he steps forward, feet on autopilot – it’s his turn now to extend his hand, to offer it to her to try and draw her into his fracturing, self imploding hurricane. “She is.” He confirms quietly, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Halo I think.” He rumbles quietly, lips tilting in uncertainty.

“I’m not sure if she had to go to the Grounds too. Last I heard she was in Halo.” And that was that, as far as he knew.

SUNJATA

Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight

"You may not have married me, but your burdens are still mine," she retorts, though her voice has fallen to a tired, stonelike thing. They're just going to keep bashing their heads against the other's brick walls. She doesn't see a good way over, through, or around the problem. If Halo is where he wants her, she can agree...on the surface. If it will earn her his ire either way, then she will simply have to hide her involvement. Surely Deimos will heed the blood call, and will have her back if nothing else. Nate will surely have better luck arguing against Sunjata, and though she misses him desperately, part of her still dies knowing that she isn't capable of fulfilling the role the doctor does.

It culminates into a tempest of unexpected emotion, and she hesitates to move any closer to Sunjata as he offers himself. They are both tearing at the seams now, and Hotaru may have created a new life through needle and thread, but her hands are not so skilled as the fix them both right now. She moves closer, into his space if not actively touching, and forces herself not to cry. Not to steal the spotlight so to speak. This is something to be grateful for, to celebrate; she won't crumble now, not when she has already failed him so much since this conversation started. "Then I'll go find her," she agrees, hoarse and unsteady as she slowly peels her hands away from her eyes, the throb of a headache already starting. Eyes red-rimmed and glassy but free of tears, defeated as she looks up at Sunjata. "If that's really where you want me, I'll go." Even if it cleaves her heart in two. Even if it festers like an infected wound, eating away at her insecurities. Even if it forces her hand to hide away her involvement, to betray him and lie to him, to break the foundations of trust they've painstakingly built. Hotaru was never sold on the illusion of 'forever' anyway. So if he wants her gone, wants to face this alone, then so be it.

HOTARU