Desperado

Vai watched and smiled as the tea floated into their cups, and she lifted hers carefully from the ground once he was done. Inhaling the sweet leaves and nodding her approval, she set it down again so that it might brew. "Your company, Remi, is the only thing I need," she assured him. "Perhaps a little later on your craftmanship might be useful in helping with a nursery, but for now I am quite fine here." Grinning, Vai did look very comfortable on the furs before the fire. "What about you? Is there anything I can do for you?" He'd need only name it and she would be there, but she was sure he'd be aware of that already. vervain well i'll rest my eyes and i'll let the earth breathe

remi The higher I climb the farther I fall when I do "Well you will have it and more. A mobile that sings lullaby's? A..." Immediately his well of ideas ran dry, and so with a cheeky and boyish smile, Remi merely shrugged. As for himself...Remi exhaled slowly. "Do you think I am reckless, Vai? Or that I...do things for praise and attention?" He glanced towards the huntress, pale eyes thoughtful. What Jigano had said of him and unsettled him to his core, and while he couldn't believe that all of the bards accusations were true, certainly the man had spoken with enough passion that Remi was convinced Jigano thought it was true. "I was in an...argument, I suppose, with someone. The white-haired man from the barrier testing? He said a number of things about who I am." Remi dropped his eyes, wondering if he was doing the kicked-puppy routine he'd be charged with, and so instead of looking at Vai he merely regarded his fingers.

"That's a very good start, and it sounds lovely. I'll think about it and let you know. It has been a long time since I last did this, after all..." Vai laughed quietly, nudging her shoulder against his and lifting her cup so she could blow on her tea to help it cool down. She had just taken a sip (it was delicious, naturally) when Remi began to speak about himself, Vai arching an eyebrow across at him. She waited for him to finish and gave his comments due consideration - of course, she knew the white-haired man as Jigano, since he was the Rathskeller's resident bard. From speaking to him she already knew he was likely in possession of a sharp tongue when he wanted to be, but that still didn't make her happy that Remi had been on the receiving end. "Reckless? ...Well, yes, unfortunately. Please correct me if I've gotten the wrong impression about you, but I feel you oftentimes think of yourself as... expendable? Like it wouldn't matter if anything happened to you. I certainly don't believe you do it for praise or attention." She shook her head. vervain well i'll rest my eyes and i'll let the earth breathe

remi The higher I climb the farther I fall when I do As Vai agreed, Remi found himself blinking dumbfoundedly in her direction. He'd not accepted the criticism from the bard given how very little Jigano knew of him, but this was Vai, who knew nearly all the darkest secrets he'd ever held, who'd seen him at his worst, and if she thought he was as well? Nibbling the inside of his lip, he listened, nodding as she suggested he thought of himself as expendable. "Well...In a sense, yes. Everyone here has someone, it seems. Ronin and Vanya and their upcoming child, You and Devrum and your upcoming child. Ashe and...Kalt.. I know that I have you all in my life, but it is not the same as when you are with someone. And so...if someone should need to take the risk, why not me?" Still, Remi did not think he took risks recklessly. It wasn't as though he did not know the dangers he put himself before, he simply...did not mind it.

"You flew at a full grown deer on our first hunting trip," she reminded him gently. "You grabbed a hot kettle with your bare hands. You put on that god's mask whilst we were out there near the barrier..." To name a few, at least. With a gentle smile, she nodded in agreement at his description of his seeming lack of someones in his life. "Well... while you're right in a sense, why you?" She shrugged. "You may not be my someone, Remi, but you're very important to me. I feel just as worried for you as I would for Ashetta or Devrum, if they put themselves in danger." Vai took another sip of her tea and gazed into the fire. "And sometimes you don't need to take the risk..." vervain well i'll rest my eyes and i'll let the earth breathe

remi The higher I climb the farther I fall when I do Drawing his knees up to his chest Remi listened. As she spoke he found himself wanting to argue, just as Jigano had said he would. And so he remained silently, humming thoughtfully under his breath. "The mask at least I had thought about before hand. " He murmured with a sigh, though nodded in agreement. Perhaps the alchemist was a great deal more reckless than he gave himself credit for. He didn't have a good answer to the question of why him, other than why not him. "In order to make progress here, there will be danger, won't there? You may think of the same as Devrum in a way, but it would be easier and better for you to raise your child with him by your side, than without him and with me. I may provide useful trinkets, but I do not keep us safe as Ronin does. I cannot heal like Isla. I do not mean to make myself sound like I am not useful or wanted, I know that is not true. Simply that if someone needed to put themselves in danger, I seem to be the best candidate."

"Naturally," Vai said with a nod of agreement. There was danger everywhere and there always had been; Northwind, Northaven and now here. Progress always came with risks. It seemed to be the way of the world. But that didn't mean that Remi consistently needed to take those risks. She drummed her fingers along her cup gently as he spoke, Vai shaking her head - it was a thorny subject to put it lightly. "Just because you say you can't do any of those things, it doesn't make you expendable. A person's value does not lie within a single skill, Remi." Vai glanced across at him. "You have the heart of a lion and the grace of a hawk. You can create things with a snap of your fingers or less. And you are kind, and gentle, and you wish no anger or malice towards anyone. If anything I would say you should be one of the last people to take a risk unnecessarily." Placing her cup back down, she watched the flames thoughtfully. "Perhaps that is just my impression of things, though." vervain well i'll rest my eyes and i'll let the earth breathe

remi The higher I climb the farther I fall when I do "Jigano thinks I am neither kind nor gentle. But somehow manipulative and selfish." He'd also accused Remi of sulking, which honestly he was doing a bit of just now. But that was in the comfort of Vai's home where he could in fact let his guard down. Or so he believed he could. "That I try to trick people by looking like a wounded puppy." With a sigh Remi leaned his forehead against his knees. "I can work on being less reckless though. My fingers will surely thank me for that." He said with a cheeky sideways grin towards Vai. "As for the rest of it, I am not sure what to make of what Jigano said. It is hard to be told that you are not who you thought you were, but perhaps I am as he sees me. Do you remember the man who I said kissed me in the cave? Sam? I had thought perhaps if he wanted to be normal so badly—his understanding of normal anyways—perhaps I could help. So I created a...a patch to make him feel again. I brought it to the Voice for her blessing perhaps, and approval. She gave it, in a sense, though she warned there might be adverse effects." Pausing, Remi swallowed and nibbling the inside of his cheek thoughtfully for a moment. "After what happened I thought it better for Sam not to know that it was I who had created it for him. He might think I only did so because of what happened, or rather..what didn't. And so I left him an anonymous note detailing what might happen, and left the actual patch with Isla so that should he want it, there would be a medic around to supervise. All that I had thought I had done for ... well, good reason. Not for me at all, but for Sam. Now I wonder if that too was reckless and hurtful."

"Well Jigano is misguided if I am being polite, and plain wrong if I'm being myself," Vervain said simply, shrugging her shoulders. "My parents were manipulative and selfish. A lot of the men and women I travelled with were varying degrees of both. I like to think I have become a dab hand at spotting the worst in people, awful as it may sound. But I see none of that in you, Remi." She shook her head, her voice soft and self-assured as she watched the flames dance and crackle, though her gaze flicked to Remi as he rested his forehead on his knees. His cheeky grin earned one right back, Vai shifting to sneak an arm around him to hug him. "You haven't grabbed this kettle, yet, so you must be doing a half decent job," she remarked. Vervain wanted to say that just because one person didn't think of you the way you thought yourself, it didn't make it true. That the fault might well lie with Jigano's perceptions of things, but before she could voice any of it, he began to speak about the man in the cave again. Vai heard the tale with a soft frown, and as he finished she shook her head. "I wouldn't say you were either. You saw a man hurting and you thought you could ease his pain, ironic as that statement might be. You took precautions and you took yourself out of the equation when your part was done..." vervain well i'll rest my eyes and i'll let the earth breathe

remi The higher I climb the farther I fall when I do "Is he though?" Remi softly interrupted. "If he was right about my recklessness, then—" Falling silent he listened, nodding with a childish hope that Vai was right and Jigano was wrong. But believing the best in everyone else but the worst in himself, rather darkly he wondered if in this Vai was right. Leaning into her hug, Remi grinned again. "Well, only because you got up to get it before I could." He countered with a laugh. "I suppose time will tell." Remi murmured with a latent shrug. As for the barrier and the mask... Glancing towards Vai, Remi gave her a curious sort of look; half excitement and half dread. "When we were by the barrier...Vai I could see through it. Even if it wasn't Ianto I saw, it was something. There is life out there, a world of it. Or at least...I suppose it could be a trick of Ludo's. I suppose no one really knows what exists beyound the barrier for certain, do they?"

"He was right about your recklessness and wrong about your reasons. You are not a selfish man, Remi. It is something that has caused you no end of trouble. In fact, you could do with being more selfish every now and then." Vai flashed him a crooked grin, pressing a kiss against his unruly curls and nodding gently. Time would tell, as it always did, but whatever the outcome it was clear that Jigano's words had burrowed deeply beneath Remi's skin. Vai sat up a little as talk turned to the barrier, to what he'd seen when he'd placed the mask upon his face. Unable to help herself, the huntress hung on his words, believing him completely regardless of whether it was a trick. She smiled brightly. "No, I suppose no one knows. But... why would Ludo trick you when you are surrounded by people? There was no way you would have gotten out of the barrier..." vervain well i'll rest my eyes and i'll let the earth breathe

remi The higher I climb the farther I fall when I do "Please let me know if I ever am though?" He asked imploring, pale eyes wide. "That is not who I would ever wish to be." Remi added a great deal more softly, humming happily into the kiss she pressed into his curls and feeling suddenly all the more content for it. "Why would Ludo trick me?" Remi repeated with a sly smile. "The way it tricked me into thinking I saw my mother, or that Ianto himself appeared within the barrier to show me a way out? The real question is why wouldn't it trick me. Though it answered my question when I asked, and it seemed truthful. The mask...it just gave it to me. I had not even considered it might not be what I thought, until now."

"You know that I would, Remi. Even if I thought it was good for you, I'd tell you." Vai's voice was reassurring and she gave him a gentle squeeze before sitting back so she could take up her tea once more, offering Remi his cup as if to remind him that it was there. Her smile became crooked, and she bowed her head in concession to his point. "Alright," she said, "that Ludo does have a habit of tricking you. It seems like quite a difficult entity to pin down. Its motives... sometimes they seem clear and sometimes not." Rubbing at her forehead, Vai shrugged. "I think I have had quite enough of these gods," she said airily. "I much preferred it when they were polite enough to stay in my stories." vervain well i'll rest my eyes and i'll let the earth breathe

remi The higher I climb the farther I fall when I do He did know, and that was one of the reasons why he loved her. Despite what Jigano had said, Remi knew that out of all of them, Vai would never hesitate to do what needed to be done, even if that meant hurting him. With words or weapons, he could count on her for that. With a happy sigh, Remi leaned gratefully against her shoulder and nodded. With a happy chuckle, Remi laughed. "I could not agree with you more. Other than this Safrin, almost none of them sound as I expected that they wou—" Pausing, Remi sat up suddenly. Staring at the floor, a rather concerned and confused sort of expression came over his face. "I...I don't.." He tried to mumble, unsure whether his feeling of unease was coming from his head or his stomach. "I feel so strange all of a sudden.." Trying to swallow down the strange sort of creeping sensation taking place in his bones, Remi reached forward for his cup of tea with shaky hands.