RONIN
the darkstar
light is easy to love.
Ronin can't disagree, because his husband has hit the nail on the head. Huffing out a sigh that's an unintentional echo of Remi's gesture, he nods, even if the other man can't see it. "That is where it started," he agrees, his voice a near whisper. "...Pretending. You're right, and I've been doing it too. Everything has to be perfect. I can't ever mention when I think something has gone too far. I can't not pretend to accept you, even when your behaviour is upsetting, because what would we have then?" With so little time together, if they spend it all picking each other to pieces, is that any better than pretending it's okay? Ronin doesn't know, honestly. But it led to just as tragic an outcome in the end.
It's a bitter thing, to hear that his husband had wanted to kill Sunjata. But then... if it wasn't Sunjata, can Ronin really say he can't condone it? His mind harks back to Cian in the White Hart, to his cold and dangerous assurance of death upon the Eye. He had wanted to kill him. It would have been easy, and it had been an itch worth scratching at the time. "Why?" he wonders out loud. "Why do you crave it so much?" It's not a judgement as much as it's curiosity; it's not something he's ever asked Remi before.
Then the real whipcrack comes, and Ronin presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath. "No, I know," he begins, his throat wanting to close around the words. "I just... With Sunjata, since that dream... It's like I can do for him what I couldn't do for Aoife. I can be there, I can save him, and I..." His hands drop away, Ronin drawing in a shuddering breath. "And it's not real. It's not my place. I'm sorry."
It's a bitter thing, to hear that his husband had wanted to kill Sunjata. But then... if it wasn't Sunjata, can Ronin really say he can't condone it? His mind harks back to Cian in the White Hart, to his cold and dangerous assurance of death upon the Eye. He had wanted to kill him. It would have been easy, and it had been an itch worth scratching at the time. "Why?" he wonders out loud. "Why do you crave it so much?" It's not a judgement as much as it's curiosity; it's not something he's ever asked Remi before.
Then the real whipcrack comes, and Ronin presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath. "No, I know," he begins, his throat wanting to close around the words. "I just... With Sunjata, since that dream... It's like I can do for him what I couldn't do for Aoife. I can be there, I can save him, and I..." His hands drop away, Ronin drawing in a shuddering breath. "And it's not real. It's not my place. I'm sorry."
show me your darkness.
