Banned From Living

I want to bring my fear, loathing, and delusions to a pour
I want to tip panic and reason into my god-fearing mouth

It's most certainly not Nate's intention to imply Cameron needs to be fixed, his words refer only to himself, to the changes he's gone through. A smile stretches across Nate's face, soft and reverent, init's own way. "She did. I was attacked by someone who took offence to what I am, and she let me see again." With some changes, some added features, though that's not something he's going to go around advertising, not right out of the gate.

"Ascending uh... changes a part of you, on the inside." No point in beating around the bush, though Cameron already seems to have some idea of what happens, what ascending entails. "Instead of blood, we - I - rely on fluid, supplied by the Voice." Mismatched eyes look around the exam space, Nate pushing himself up to rifle through a drawer while he continues his explanation. "Going dry isn't exactly pretty, but you can survive with just blood, for a time. Or, you can choose to not bite anyone."

With a triumphant "Ha!, Nate withdraws a blade from the drawer he'd been searching through, returning to his patient's side and pricking his finger. A single drop of shiny, pearlescent fluid bubbles up. Leaving his hand there to be examined, Nate nods, a sigh heaving out of him. "A lot of people do hate us." His tone says he has no idea why, though the grimace on his face says otherwise.

NATE

"Ouch," Cam said, sympathetic. "Sucks that that happened, but I'm glad the Voice was able to help you."

"So you ... get all your blood drained and replaced with fluid?" Cam's eyebrows shot up. It wasn't that they were super attached to having blood or anything -- in fact, they generally tried not to think about what was going on under their skin. But: "That sounds painful. And you have to ... what, come back to the Voice to get more fluid? Or you survive on blood?"

Definitely vampires. Not that Cameron had anything against vampires, mind, but they'd never exactly -- OK, that was a lie, they had definitely thought about becoming a vampire a couple times. But that had been before vampires were real, when it was a definite impossibility.

"Oh!" Cam was a bit startled when Nate pricked his finger, but they dutifully examined the drop of fluid, reaching out to touch it -- slowly, so that Nate could tell them to stop if they shouldn't. "That's ... pretty, actually."

As Nate commented on people's hate for the Ascended, though, Cam nodded solemnly. "I'm kind of used to being, uh, part of a group not everyone likes." Because they were nonbinary. "It sucks, but you can't let other people's hatred define who you are." They could have stayed in the closet, if they'd wanted to avoid that opprobrium, and they hadn't. Of course, they imagined being Ascended was different, but ... not that different.

cameron ?

"Cameras" by Ennev is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

I want to bring my fear, loathing, and delusions to a pour
I want to tip panic and reason into my god-fearing mouth

Drained the filled was a pretty apt description, all things considered. So Nate nodded, a shoulder rising in a shrug. "It's fast." The doctor offers, as if that makes it sound any more appealing at all. He's lost some his nuance, since it had happened to him. "It hurts for," Nate's head tips back and forth, his mind not supplying the memory no matter how he tries, "maybe a second? And then nothing." Nothing ever again, though he'd discovered a few notable exceptions. He'd just been that lucky.

"Blood can stretch out your visits to the Voice a little bit, but you have to go back to her eventually." It wasn't as if it was a hassle. When all hours of the day were open to you, a moment spent at a shrine is nothing. "Isn't it?" The words are a breathless, reverent sigh. Some deep softness overtakes his eyes, fades again in an instant as his gaze flicks back to Cameron.

"Looks like we have something in common then." A hand comes out to pat Cameron's shoulder, a grin overtaking his face. Not in quite the same way, not that Nate knew the specifics, not that it was really his business. "I've found uh, out of everything though, Caido is pretty okay for that." Shaking his head and letting out a laugh, Nateleans back. "So I had to go and find another thing to be hated for."

"Sorry, we've gotten way off topic. " Reaching up to pinch at his nose, Nate tried to focus himself again. "I can't get you an exact uh, match, for what you're taking now, but I can get a few things that should help. And if you want, I can take you to the Voice, to see if she can do something for you."

NATE

Cam thought about the pain Nate described. They could take anything for a second, couldn't they? It sounded almost like getting a shot -- just a brief moment of pain and then you got to reap the benefits. Except in this case the shot was ... having all the blood removed from your entire body. Yikes. But the benefits were also pretty high, right? Or were they?

"What does the Voice ... ask for, in return for all of this? Ascending, keeping your fluid topped off ..." They'd already asked similar questions, but still, the topic weighed on their mind. Cameron wasn't sure they wanted to live their life beholden to a goddess. They'd been an atheist, back home, where no one could prove their gods existed -- not just because they didn't believe, though they didn't, but because they found the gods described too disagreeable to follow even if they did exist. Cam wouldn't follow a god just for material benefit -- at least so they told themself.

Cam smiled back at Nate's sympathy, and at the idea that Caido might be a little more welcoming than home. True, the people Cam had met so far seemed at worst confused by them, not hateful. But if they became Ascended. "It's just hard, once you get used to it," Cam joked, on the subject of needing something to be hated for. "You start to miss the attention."

Then back to the real issue at hand. "Something to tide me over would really help, thanks. And, uh, I ... should probably take you up on that offer with the Voice too. Let me know when you're, you know, available."

cameron ?

"Cameras" by Ennev is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

I want to bring my fear, loathing, and delusions to a pour
I want to tip panic and reason into my god-fearing mouth

”She hasn’t... actually asked anything of me.” Even as he says it, Nate seems surprised to find it isn’t a lie, at least not as far as he can remember. Sure, she’d asked for bits and pieces, but only to fulfill his own requests. She’d given him Pemota, given him upgrades, technology. ”Everything I’ve ever done for her, I asked to do for her. And even then it’s,” shrugging, Nate wracks his mind one last time, ”it’s been simple. Make new portals. Build a new shrine.”

Not that his brush alone could paint the whole Voice experience. He’d hated it in the beginning, knew there were others who still resented it, even if it was only in the backs of their minds. And of course, the elephant in the room, the weight hanging over all of them. ”There is... something brewing. War.” As stupid as it feels to suggest. ”Or something like it. The Old Gods don’t seem to uh... take kindly to what the Voice represents.”

Cameron’s joking reply brushed agaisnt something painfully real, something that Nate flinches away from so he doesn’t have to think about it, beyond another chuckle. Maybe that’s why he’s so eager to change the subject again. To move right along without thinking too hard about the attention he seeks.

”I usually come to the Grounds a few times per season. Or, if you’re feeling eager, you can come find me in Torchline.” Had he introduced himself? With how dark his mood had been, he can’t remember, not really. Better late than never, and better twice than not at all. ”Just ask around for Nate Wrenzaok. I’m not hard to find.” His introduction made, Nate bustles off to rustle through Isla’s cabinets, gathering a few handfuls of this and that, everything neatly labelled and explained as best as he can scribble down.

When he returns, everything is pressed into Cameron’s arms, ready or not. ”Theres about a months worth of supplies. Start taking a half dose every other day for a week or so, then every day.” A quiet focus overtakes his eyes as he tries to remember anything else important, before shaking his head gently. ”I should see you before you run out of anything.”

NATE

"Hmm." Cam couldn't help but feel a little doubtful; they just didn't have it in them to volunteer to do things for a god -- to feel that way about a deity, to have the connection that Nate clearly seemed to have with the Voice. But then, they hadn't met the Voice yet. Maybe they'd feel differently if they did.

And then there was the topic of war. "Yeah, I've heard rumors. I don't really understand why, but, um ..."

Did they want to get involved in a brewing war -- to make a choice that would put a target on their back? Then again, when war came, it was usually pretty hard to steer clear of it, right? Maybe it would be better to be solidly on one side than caught in the middle.

They saw their joke fall flat -- saw the flash of pain in Nate's eyes -- and winced internally. Yeah, it had been a kind of insensitive one. Not knowing how to salvage the situation, they accepted the change of subject gladly.

"Yeah, I'll come find you. And I'll start weaning myself off of these. Thanks." Oh, wait, they hadn't introduced themself either. With an awkward smile, they added, "My name's Cameron, by the way. Cameron Davis. I'll see you soon."

And then they took their medication and left, feeling rather better about their future -- even if they had some doubts. Well, they had a lot to think about, that was all.

- FIN

cameron ?

"Cameras" by Ennev is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0