Aurelia
as if you were on fire
from within
from within
Experiences are things Aurelia wouldn't wish on Milo, not the sort that they're talking about anyway. She has an idea of what he's trying to say, but she's too hurt to get angry at it now, shaking her head instead. "It's not your fault," she mumbles into the back of her hand as it presses against her mouth. It's not, because he couldn't possibly control how her or his life had gone up until now.
She knows this isn't his fault. It's hers, really. Why would she do this to him, let alone herself, if she knew in the end that it wouldn't last? Couldn't last. That she couldn't let it go on because one of them would end up dead eventually, dead or gone.
Everything that happened to Nate and Sunjata, with the trial and thinking he was gone, it all brought up these concerns and doubts for her. Nate might call her a hypocrite for what she's saying now, and she feels guilty for that. She feels that she's not being true to herself, like she's punishing herself and Milo. She doesn't know what's more selfish at this point.
It's not all it is to her, that's not all he is to her. She wants to tell him he's so much more, that he's everything, that if he really wanted her to stop seeing Maeve she would, that if he asked her to stop fighting she would, that if he asked her anything... but the words fall apart before a single syllable of them can part her lips.
She just needs to rip it off like a bandaid. Just say yes. Say yes. Say yes and leave. But deep down, she still hasn't asked him what she wants to know. Needs to know.
"Why me? Why am I different? You should have someone that won't carry the kind of baggage I do. Isn't that what you'd want? You really think you could stay with me? Really?" Her gaze wavers up at him now, fragmented and torn and oh so mixed up. "I don't think I could handle losing someone again, after..." after everything she's gone through, the family lost, an entire life down the drain. For all that she's experienced, she's so new to this. "We can't guarantee anything, Milo, how am I supposed to know I won't have to go through that again with you? Or that I won't put you through it? I know you think you'll be fine but... I already feel like I couldn't stand it-" a strangled breath cuts her off and she stifles it as best she can.
The truth is that she's as confused as he is, her gaze lowering again, but she's rooted to the spot.
She knows this isn't his fault. It's hers, really. Why would she do this to him, let alone herself, if she knew in the end that it wouldn't last? Couldn't last. That she couldn't let it go on because one of them would end up dead eventually, dead or gone.
Everything that happened to Nate and Sunjata, with the trial and thinking he was gone, it all brought up these concerns and doubts for her. Nate might call her a hypocrite for what she's saying now, and she feels guilty for that. She feels that she's not being true to herself, like she's punishing herself and Milo. She doesn't know what's more selfish at this point.
It's not all it is to her, that's not all he is to her. She wants to tell him he's so much more, that he's everything, that if he really wanted her to stop seeing Maeve she would, that if he asked her to stop fighting she would, that if he asked her anything... but the words fall apart before a single syllable of them can part her lips.
She just needs to rip it off like a bandaid. Just say yes. Say yes. Say yes and leave. But deep down, she still hasn't asked him what she wants to know. Needs to know.
"Why me? Why am I different? You should have someone that won't carry the kind of baggage I do. Isn't that what you'd want? You really think you could stay with me? Really?" Her gaze wavers up at him now, fragmented and torn and oh so mixed up. "I don't think I could handle losing someone again, after..." after everything she's gone through, the family lost, an entire life down the drain. For all that she's experienced, she's so new to this. "We can't guarantee anything, Milo, how am I supposed to know I won't have to go through that again with you? Or that I won't put you through it? I know you think you'll be fine but... I already feel like I couldn't stand it-" a strangled breath cuts her off and she stifles it as best she can.
The truth is that she's as confused as he is, her gaze lowering again, but she's rooted to the spot.
the moon lives
in the lining of your skin
in the lining of your skin
