you swallowed my heart and fled, but I want it back now, baby
Nate feels absolutely ancient. Exhausted still from his becoming, and dragged down with the weight of all this drama, all this stress that he hadn’t been prepared for. He should have been. He knows that this is just how their lives are. Even if they did ever get a moment to breathe, it’s not like he would know how to use it.
Focusing instead on things he knows, things he can feel and hold, Nate hums, feeling Hotaru nod against him and letting himself settle a little with it. This isn’t the time or the place for one of them to be taking the reins and running, not when that’s the very issue they’re trying to fix. ”I’m not going anywhere.” It’s a solemn promise, loud enough to reach across the room for Sunjata’s ears as well. His own brand of selfishness, as if anyone but him would call it selfish to try and hold onto the one good thing he still had.
When he speaks next, Nate hardly recognizes the voice that leaves him, the steadiness of it. He doesn’t know how he manages to keep up the facade, though it probably has something to with the way his gaze slips away from Sunjata again, and with the weight of Hotaru in his arms.
Once it’s out of him though, Nate feels himself deflate, leaning in to Ru to hide his face away, to let her take the wheel for a little while. He can feel a telltale prick at his eyes, and tears are something he wants to avoid at all costs. Still, the retreat doesn’t stop him from voicing his irritation at the whole situation. ”Its all a run around. Safrin gets exactly what she wants, and then she gets to say there’s nothing she can do about me.” The house always wins, doesn’t it? His arms tighten around Hotaru again, shifting the pair of them so they sit more comfortably, so Nate can hide more completely behind her sharp tongue.
Focusing instead on things he knows, things he can feel and hold, Nate hums, feeling Hotaru nod against him and letting himself settle a little with it. This isn’t the time or the place for one of them to be taking the reins and running, not when that’s the very issue they’re trying to fix. ”I’m not going anywhere.” It’s a solemn promise, loud enough to reach across the room for Sunjata’s ears as well. His own brand of selfishness, as if anyone but him would call it selfish to try and hold onto the one good thing he still had.
When he speaks next, Nate hardly recognizes the voice that leaves him, the steadiness of it. He doesn’t know how he manages to keep up the facade, though it probably has something to with the way his gaze slips away from Sunjata again, and with the weight of Hotaru in his arms.
Once it’s out of him though, Nate feels himself deflate, leaning in to Ru to hide his face away, to let her take the wheel for a little while. He can feel a telltale prick at his eyes, and tears are something he wants to avoid at all costs. Still, the retreat doesn’t stop him from voicing his irritation at the whole situation. ”Its all a run around. Safrin gets exactly what she wants, and then she gets to say there’s nothing she can do about me.” The house always wins, doesn’t it? His arms tighten around Hotaru again, shifting the pair of them so they sit more comfortably, so Nate can hide more completely behind her sharp tongue.
NATE
