NATE
As soon as hands touch him the tension all bleeds away into a tremble, a wounded sound dying in Nate’s throat as he crumbles fully and collapses into Hotaru, his head pressing in against hers. She comes closer, the distance between them shrinking slowly, and Nate reaches out to wrap arms around her, trying to not squeeze her too tightly, but needing to hold her and never let go. Does that make him selfish? Does he even care if it does?
”I’m not... I’m not angry.” He lies weakly, the truth too complicated to put words to. It’s not Hotaru, just as much as it is her. Just as much as it’s everyone, though not nearly as much as it’s him. ”Not at you. I... o get it. I understand. I just... I fucking hate it. I hate it all so much.”
He can’t argue with what she says. No matter how he might want to deny it, every word that drops from her lips is true. His sullen blue eyed gaze focuses on her chin, not daring to move up higher while guilt still clouds his face. ”I don’t want to hurt you.” The words are quiet, earnest, almost managing to mask the apologies dripping off every syllable. Nate leans in close again, this time to press their cheeks together, if only so she can’t see the tears growing in his own eyes. ”I love you Ru.” He murmurs against the beat of her heart, his brows pinched. It might make him a coward, might make him a bad person, but even now he can’t bring himself to actually say ’I’m sorry’, even if it’s obvious in the way his face is twisted against her skin, in the desperate squeeze of his fingers.
”Can I...” The words start and stop in a breath, lips brushing against the ghosts of scars he’s left on her. ”I want to kiss you.” Nate shifts back, brushing his nose across Hotaru’s cheek until he rests against hers, too close to really see if one or the other is crying. The choice is left entirely up to her, Nate not sure where the lines between them are drawn anymore, if they even exist at all.
”I’m not... I’m not angry.” He lies weakly, the truth too complicated to put words to. It’s not Hotaru, just as much as it is her. Just as much as it’s everyone, though not nearly as much as it’s him. ”Not at you. I... o get it. I understand. I just... I fucking hate it. I hate it all so much.”
He can’t argue with what she says. No matter how he might want to deny it, every word that drops from her lips is true. His sullen blue eyed gaze focuses on her chin, not daring to move up higher while guilt still clouds his face. ”I don’t want to hurt you.” The words are quiet, earnest, almost managing to mask the apologies dripping off every syllable. Nate leans in close again, this time to press their cheeks together, if only so she can’t see the tears growing in his own eyes. ”I love you Ru.” He murmurs against the beat of her heart, his brows pinched. It might make him a coward, might make him a bad person, but even now he can’t bring himself to actually say ’I’m sorry’, even if it’s obvious in the way his face is twisted against her skin, in the desperate squeeze of his fingers.
”Can I...” The words start and stop in a breath, lips brushing against the ghosts of scars he’s left on her. ”I want to kiss you.” Nate shifts back, brushing his nose across Hotaru’s cheek until he rests against hers, too close to really see if one or the other is crying. The choice is left entirely up to her, Nate not sure where the lines between them are drawn anymore, if they even exist at all.
I am tasting myself
In the mouth of the sun
In the mouth of the sun
