you know you’re nobody’s fool

SuNjATA

the flood

Sunjata had spent years trying to prove to himself that he wouldn’t ever become like Shaju, and it wasn’t until the people of Torchline got to see their father in all his brutish glory did it finally register to him that he’d never be like that. He’d have his moments, sure, but he wasn’t going to become their father.  

But the conversation shifts to the races and power and magic and people that were half human half bionic, and Sunjata offers a brief explanation of what exactly an Attuned is, before he’s shaking his head to her question about Nate. “No… Nate’s Ascended. He’s one of those bio-organic people.” He explains, pausing to offer a smaller smile. “He chose to Ascend after coming here. He doesn’t have blood like ours and they don’t feel pain. Their bodies don’t tire out or anything. And they have fangs… Where if they take some of your blood they can borrow a shift or magic.” He pauses to make sure she’s following along before he continues. “He’s a demigod, too.” He offers a bit quieter, before he’s trudging on.

“Ascended bleed this kind of opalescent fluid and they have to go to a shrine to get reupped on it. Abandoned are the ones with magic and… You can’t really tell unless they use it. Same with Attuned.” He shrugs his shoulders a bit, the wing shifting as she touches it to press in toward her. “Accepted is what I came in as. You don’t really have much other than the favor from the Old Gods and the New Gods.” And he had chosen the Old Gods while Nate had chosen the New Gods.

“She is. One of them, at least. Safrin is the herald for Vi, the god of life. She’s… The goddess of the stars and skies.” He lifts his arm to show her the wave sleeve tattoos on his arms, the starry galaxies within the waves that shift and move ever so slightly. “She’s… Also Kamaria’s mother.” He works at his jaw, muscles feathering within it, before he continues on.

As for what he can turn into? A myriad of things. “I can fly, yes. And I can be a macaw, a panther, a cobra, a nyala, a bat, an orca, a dragon, a pegasus, and… A secret one I have that only those closest to me know about, which is a dog.” He pauses to regard her a bit more carefully, given the information dump he’s just given her. “Do you want to see one?”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

Attuned. Ascended. Shape-shifters.  Bio-organics. None of it made sense and yet Sunjata was living proof that shape-shifting was a thing and he was one of them. He launched into an explanation about what Nate was and her brow furrowed again. Not feeling pain would have been useful for them growing up the way they did to an extent. She already assumed that the pain Nate couldn't feel was physical because he had displayed emotional pain. "Is it only pain they can't feel?"  She asked suddenly. "What about pleasure? Or anything that feels good?" But the explanation didn't stop there. "A demigod?" she repeated. Leave it to Sunjata to marry a demigod. "Wow. That's … unreal."

Of course there was another -- abandoned. The ones who could use magic. It came as no surprise that telling who was what wasn't possible unless their abilities were on display.  Old gods, new gods. Saartjie really didn't think that it could be any more complicated. Trying to sort through the overload of information dumped on her was … overwhelming.  She stepped away from Sunjata and dropped back into her chair at the small table. "How did you figure all of this out?" She asked. "How did you know you wanted to attune? Why not ascend? Why not choose magic?"

Oh, Safrin. The goddess that her brother had struck the deal with. The goddess that was the mother of his child. "Why?" she caught herself asking. "Why did you have a child with her?"  What about the promise to Luci? Nate had not elaborated on the topic the night he had found her and she had not pressed him not had she brought it up to Sunjata, but now that he had brought it up why not ask?

There is a look of wonderment that flashes across Saartjie's face at the knowledge that her brother can, in fact, fly. "What's it like?" she imagined that it had to be a very liberating experience. The ultimate freedom. He listed the animals that he could change into and asked if she would like to see one. Of course she would. She wanted to see all of them, but that felt like it would be asking far too much. "The macaw."

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

you promised me sunshine, why's it gloomy? we'll wait 'til the night to catch the moonbeam

“No. They can’t feel much at all, physically, that is.” He frowns lightly. “They can feel it when they bite, though.” A hand gestures to the dozens upon dozens of silvery scars that fleck his neck, a small awkward smile crossing his face as he regards his sister. As for how he figured it out? Well, it took a lot of time and a lot of explaining. “Uh, well, it took a while. But I’ve been here a few years now so it’s all just… How it is now, I suppose.” He admits. As for why he Attuned and didn’t Ascend, that’s something that certainly causes a flush to creep up his neck, an awkward blush covering his cheeks for perhaps the first time in years.

“Oh, uh, I…” He laughs, trying to figure out how to say he liked having a working dick as opposed to fancy teeth, but he falls short. “It didn’t… Really appeal to me.” He had thought about it, of course. “You can’t just get magic, though. Those with it here are cursed to have it.” He certainly doesn’t seem the magical type anyway.

When Saar’s voice takes on a different edge, though, a different tone in regards to Safrin, it causes him to falter a bit, to swallow hard. He knows the promises he made and those he had broken, and his lips quirk in a small frown. “Because war is coming. Between the Old Gods and the New Gods and I have to fight in it. I have to fight for Safrin and Nate? Nate has to fight for the Voice… And I bargained with Safrin to… Save Nate if the Voice was destroyed.” He sighs, his body shifting to something akin to the Korofi enforcer, enhanced with a stillness from his multitude of shifts. “I would raise Kamaria and if the time came, she would save Nate. But, like I always do, I ran into the decision too fast. Broke a lot of promises to do it.” A hand rises to run through his curls, as he shakes his head, accepting the blame for all of his shortfalls.

He’s a bit more muted now as she asks about his shifts, and he takes a moment to try and figure out how to describe it. “They affect me in some ways. The dragon makes me more protective, act out a bit more aggressively. Little things like that.” But she’s asked to see the macaw and Sunjata nods in agreement, pulling the wings of the Pegasus shift back into him and letting the macaw shift fill him. It changes and warps his body until the navy blue avian is flying toward the table, perching up on the edge and peering up at her with dark eyes. “See?” He chimes in a croaky, birdlike tone.

SUNJATA

Saartjie

"They can feel it when they bite, though."

"Uh huh." Saartjie hummed as she looked at the scars that dotted his neck when he gestured to him. Not being able to feel anything at all would have been useful back in Korofi, especially when she had to tend to her wifely duties with Gaal. She didn't fail to notice the blush that crept up his neck and colored his face. It was cute and reminded her of when he was a much younger and first becoming interested in girls. "Being ascended in Korofi would have been helpful," She began. "I know a few women who would have preferred to feel nothing when their husbands touched them." Herself included, but she trusted that Sunjata would make that connection.

As their conversation progressed, Saartjie leaned toward the table and set her elbow on it and rested her chin in her hand. The hint of a grin tugged at her lips as he began to stumble over his words to try and explain why he had chosen to attune and not ascend. "Didn't really appeal, huh?" The question was asked with a raised brow and a knowing smirk. "You could just say that sex feels too good to not feel it anymore." She let that sink in for a bit, knowing that it had to have her brother wanting to crawl out of his skin, before she spoke again. "We've been apart for four years, broer, but I still know you." She still knew what embarrassed him and, being the younger sister, she had to give him at least a little bit of a hard time about it.

"Cursed?" As much as she would have liked to continue on with teasing him, she could let it go for now. "What do you mean cursed? Like ... sell your soul kind of cursed?"

War is coming, he explains and it sends a shudder through Saar's slim body. War had been a way of life in Korofi and she didn't want anything to do with it anymore. "Do you have to fight?" Hadn't he fought enough in his short life? How many times would he have to put his life and his body on the line for everyone else? It wasn't fair to him. But the explanation of why he had chosen to strike the deal with Safrin made sense and she couldn't fault him for it. "You made the decision you thought was right." While she might not fully agree with what he had done -- raising a child was a huge responsibility -- she understood. He was trying, as he always did, save everyone. She just hoped that he would remember to save himself, too.

Soon they were talking about his shape-shifting again, and she watched with growing amazement as his body morphs into that of a bird. "...amazing." She murmured as he flew to the table and landed on it.  Saar reached out, her fingers brushing against the dark blue feathers. "I want to fly." Her very spirit yearned for that freedom after decades of being locked away and oppressed by others. "Does the shifting hurt?"

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

SuNjATA

the flood

As always, Saartjie sees right through him. All he can do is nod, hum a quiet agreement to the idea of being Ascended back where they came from, the connection made and yet, part of Sunjata didn’t want to think about that, didn’t want to think about her and the duties she was supposed to do. Luckily for him, though, her bluntness cuts through with a wolffish smirk and Sunjata’s blush flushes a bit darker as he scoffs a laugh, a shake of his head. “You don’t have to say it so bluntly, Saar.” He mutters, the shyness and awkwardness overcoming him in such a way that it hadn’t in over ten years. “But yeah.” Shaking his head, his hand rises to wave her off from it.

“Like cursed as in all the gods dislike you for it.” He explains a bit bluntly, settling in and swallowing hard for the explanation of war and what all of that entails. How it calls for him to fight once again. “And yes… I have to fight. I’m one of Safrin’s chosen. I’m one of the strongest Attuned’s.” The frown deepens and he’s sure that she can see through it, see that he doesn’t want to fight but how he has to, how he can’t find a way to get out of it, how he’s stuck just as he was for the Trial when he turned seventeen.

To hear her not chastise him for the decision he’d made, means a surprising amount to him. It’s so surprising that there’s a soft edge of a smile that crosses his face, the raise of his brows that pairs with it. “I should have talked to them first… But, I didn’t. And there are things I regret about it.” But he doesn’t regret Kamaria, doesn’t regret his daughter one bit.

And then? He’s a bird, shifting and contorting to his first shift, hopping on the table in front of her where she reaches up to run her fingers along his navy plumage. His head tilts a bit for where she scratches, feathers ruffling slightly as he enjoys it, until she’s asking him questions and he has to focus on her words. She could fly too. She could sit upon his back as a Pegasus and they could fly together. He would do that for her, any of it.

But he croaks out a “no” when she asks if the shifting hurts, before he’s hopping off the edge and shifting into a bat to fly over to her bed, where he shifts back into himself in the blankets. “It doesn’t hurt.” He rumbles, leaning back so his spine rests against the wall as he watches her. “You could fly with me if you wanted… On the back of the dragon or the pegasus shift. You could fly.”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

She didn't have to be so blunt? A qiet laugh slipped past Saartjie's lips and she shrugged. "I like to think of it more as .... bluntly honest." The darkening blush and the shyness and awkwardness that radiated off of him was a bonus. It almost felt like they were kids again, still naive and clueless about the way the world worked. Hopeful that they would be able to escape the oppressive force that was their father and  make a life of their own that was all their own. No one to make decisions for them, no expectations that they didn't want to meet and couldn't meet. She had missed this so much.

Of course he was one of Safrin's chosen and one of the strongest attuned just as he had been one of Shaju's strongest. It suddenly seemed like he was doomed to be a warrior and a protector no matter where he went, but who protected him? She could see it etched into the grim set of his mouth and she could see it in his eyes that he didn't want to fight. How would he do it, kowing that he and the man he loved would be on opposite sides of the fight? Would he be able to fight Nate one on one if it came down to that? No, she decided almost immediately. He would sacrifice himself if it meant saving Nate. "Promise me something, Jata." Her voice held a serious tone, all joking and teasing gone. "Do what you can to survive whatever war is coming," She looked up, her eyes fixed on her brother's face. "When its over come back to me. To us. Don't leave us here alone." She needed him. His daughter needed him. Nate, the man he had bargained with a goddess to save, needed him.

It was natural that he would have regrets, every decision came with them regardless of what you chose. "Regrets are a part of life," Saar replied. "You just have to ask yourself what the bigger regret would be -- the ones you have now, or knowing you could have done something to save Nate and didn't. Which regret could you live with?" Knowing her brother, he wouldn't have been able to handle knowing that he could have saved Nate and didn't. Like he had said earlier ... he cared too much.

He didn't say as a macaw for long before he was shifting into something else and flying over to her bed. As soon as he landed on the bed he shifted again, this time going back to his natural form. Fly with him? "I... would love that, actually." The very idea of soaring through the sky with the wind in her hair was exhilarating. A bright smile lit up her face and she stood to walk over to where Jata sat on her bed. "I want to fly up high." She said, stretching her arms up over her head for emphasis. The motion lifted her shirt enough to reveal a small bit of dark ink on her ribcage. "Through the clouds." Her arms dropped back down to her sides and she turned to look out the window, wondering if the storms would ever let up so they could fly.

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

SuNjATA

the flood

Bluntly honest absolutely brings a roll of his eyes, a huff of laughter that’s soon enough dragged into darkness and sadder tones. He was chosen, a fighter, a soldier as he was always supposed to be even if he wanted to do anything but. He didn’t know how not to fight, anymore. And when she requests that he promises her something, it fractures through his face, in the deepening frown and the tilt of his head, the shadows that encompass his steel gaze. “I break my promises, Saar.” He says quietly.

This was a promise he didn’t want to break, so he tries to smooth it over. “I will try, suster. But I can’t make a promise.” He admits quietly, settling in as she continues on, as she explains about regrets, and how Sunjata’s span the majority of his life. What kind of man would he be if he didn’t have to fight every inch of the way? “I made the bargain when Nate became a demigod. I don’t… I don’t even know if it’s possible, now.” And that’s where the biggest crux lay. That and Nate not wanting to be changed or fixed by the end of the war.

That would destroy him too.

So then in an effort of sailing into smoother waters, he makes a show of his shifts, of his bat and macaw, until he’s back as himself sitting on her bed, watching as she approaches and offering a small smile as she agrees to flying. He watches her stretch her arms up but something catches his eye, his head tilting, scarred hand reaching out to poke at her side. “What is that?” He asks, knowing it couldn’t be a birthmark or scar. It had to have been a tattoo or perhaps another bruise, but Korofi nobility (let alone noble women) weren’t allowed tattoos unless…

His gaze lifts to her face, something hardened and a touch sad in the storm clouds of his gaze.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

The reply she got wasn't the one she wanted, but she wouldn't force Sunjata to make the promise. It was then that the decision was made for her -- if he wouldn't promise to do everything he could to return then she would join him on the battlefield. She would watch his back and she would make sure that he returned to his daughter. She would make sure that Kamaria grew up with a father who loved her. "Okay." she finally replied.

Saartjie didn't know what to say when he expressed his doubts about if Nate could even be saved now that he was a demigod. In the end he would just have to have faith that Safrin would keep her promise and not screw him over. Of course saying have faith felt strange and wrong as did hope for the best. So, instead of saying anything at all on the subject, she chose to remain quiet.

The sudden question and the poke at her side had Saartjie drawing back. Her tattoo had been there for so long that she had forgotten about it. There was no way that Sunjata didn't know what it was -- Korofi nobles didn't get tattoos and Korofi women were forbidden. Those that tried to get them were captured and punished. The only tattoos they had were meant to shame them… but Saartjie was not ashamed.

"Tattoo." her answer was simple and even though she figured that Jata already knew what was going to be there, she lifted her shirt enough to reveal the three circle marks tattooed on her side. There was no look of shame on her face as she stood there, looking at her brother. There was only pride. "Imagine Gaal's disappointment when all his strategizing and planning to gain Shaju's favor and get me was all for nothing. He had no heir in Korofi." and she was proud of herself for making sure that happened.

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

SuNjATA

the flood

There was so much more they could go over later, so much more information that needed to be shared and compiled, but for now? Now he’s content to let it lie, to let her agree or remain silent with what he says, until it comes up to be spoken of again.

And for him? The tattoo distracts him, more so than the pride that crosses his sister’s face. The shirt lifts a fraction and he spies the marks inked into her skin, reaching up to trace them as if he doesn’t quite believe it. His gaze lifts to her, then, brows drawn in confusion and sorrow for her. “Gaal’s disappointment is… Was dangerous.” He replies quickly, withdrawing from her to run a hand through his hair with a heavy sigh. “Was it intentional or… Is it true?” He asks, unsure if he wants to know the answer.

At least Sunjata was able to have a choice, the want to have kids versus not having them because of how they grew up. But if the choice was made for Saar? If it truly were true? He hasn’t talked with her about it, but with how well she’d become a crutch for him in Korofi, he always imagined she’d make as good of a mother as they had. One that tried anything to protect them even if it meant going against the rules. Even if it meant getting killed in the process.

“His daughter here is named Melita. I took her in… Taught her Korofi. She isn’t like him and actively despises him.” He explains quickly, pausing to look past her to the storms outside. “She’s on a smuggler ship right now. They come back at the start of Longheat.” The steel of his gaze rises again to meet Saartjie’s face. “She’s incredibly upset at me right now, but I think she’d like to meet you… If you wanted to.”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

It was true that Gaal's disappointment that she failed to give him any children was dangerous -- noble women that were unable to bear children were useless and usually cast aside. Gaal had not been willing to toss her aside so quickly and though she had been marked no one else had known besides her, Gaal, and the man that tattooed her. It was his anger and frustration with the situation and her lack of upset that had brought on the mark. He was trying to draw some reaction from her, trying to shame her and it still had not worked.

"Gaal would not have cast me aside." Saartjie assured her brother. "He didn't want Shaju to know that we couldn't have children. In his head he thought that having a son, giving Shaju a grandson, would win him more favor. So … he began sleeping with other women. Poor women who were not from noble houses. If they fell pregnant and suddenly disappeared after their baby was born who would question it? He wanted to pass off that child as ours, but it didn't work." Unfortunately for Gaal, the poor women he had been sleeping with had easier access to birth control -- something that noble houses new next to nothing about.

Saartjie sighed heavily at her brother's question. Was it true? Was she unable to have children? "No, not really," she began as she crossed the room to the bed, "I did end up pregnant, but I didn't want to be. I didn't want to have children at all. Not with Gaal. Not with anyone as long as I was stuck in Korofi. I didn't want my children to grow up like we did." She sat down next to Sunjata and leaned against him, her head on his shoulder. "I didn't want to end up like mom." She was silent for a moment before continuing. "I bought this stuff and forced a miscarriage. Gaal was angry and I was relieved so he marked me." But there was more and Sunjata would know it. The tattoos were a series of three for the woman and it was something all Korofi noble men knew about.

"Do you remember Gazali?" She asked next, hoping the name would ring a bell from Sunjata's time in the rebellion. "I was able to get in touch with him and got these birth control pills to keep myself from getting pregnant again. I took them right in front of Gaal." Noble men were surprisingly stupid when it came to anything involving conception. All they really knew was that sex was required. "I told them they were supposed to increase my fertility. When I didn't fall pregnant even with the fertility pills he was angry and just completed the mark."

Saar reached for Sunjata's hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm not ashamed of this tattoo. I'm proud of it." it had been her own personal act of rebellion and the first step in trying to take control of her life.

"Melita." She repeated. Her first instinct was that she didn't want to meet the girl, but hearing about how she felt about Gaal changed her mind. "Okay." she agreed. "I'll meet her when she gets back"

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

SuNjATA

the flood

Her confidence in Gaal not casting her aside does bring a quiet sigh of understanding in the fuller aspect of things. That it was mostly because of her that Gaal had strove so far into their father’s territory that it became… Insane, wrong, horrible. So she explains further and his lips flatten into a frown, tugging at the scarring on the side of his face as he regards his sister. “His red hair would’ve transferred, I think. It did with Melita.” Perhaps it’s a cross between a warning and a comment, one that hopefully wouldn’t surprise her when Melita came rampaging home.

One that had surprised him when he’d gotten sick and lost his mind and actually thought the honeybee girl was her father, one he doubts she’s ever forgiven him for. But that’s neither here nor there, something the two of them still needed to work on.

Saartjie’s sigh when he asks about whether she could have children has him perking up, wishing he could pull back the conversation. But he watches her regardless, nodding along and when she sits beside him, his arm comes up to wrap around her shoulders just as they had done as children, and he rests his cheek against the top of her head. “So he didn’t know you purposefully did it?” He asks quietly.

The mention of Gazali has a hum leaving his throat, a brief flickering of a smile. “Ahhh. Gazali.” He hums gently as she continues, his head tilting to peer at her. “Aren’t you quite the little spy. I suppose you’re lucky he trusted you enough that he didn’t double check what they actually were.” He says softly, and when she reaches for his hand he offers it easily, squeezing her own back.

“The only ones that know what it means here are us.” He rumbles quietly. “And if you’re proud of it, Saar, then I am too.” His steel gaze is the softest it’s been in some time, something closer to his old boyish nature, before rebellions and wars, before trials and grief. "When the storms let up, we'll go flying. We can go to the beach like we used to. I might even be convinced to braid your hair for old times sake." A glimmer of mischief comes across his face, the hand around her shoulder rising to tug at the dark locks that match his own.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

"His red hair wasn't so bad." It had actually been rather pretty, in Saartjie's opinion. Whenever the sunlight would hit Gaal's hair she could see the different shades of auburn and gold that made up the unique color. "It was everything else under that mop of red hair that was terrible." Talking about it, though, she couldn't help but try to imagine what her kid might have looked like had she actually had one. Sons usually came first so she imagined a boy that looked similar to Sunjata when he was young, but with Gaal's red hair and his eyes. Surprisingly, there was a pang of longing and she shoved it and the image of the child away because it wasn't going to happen.

"No, he had no clue." She was thankful for the question because she could concentrate on that and not try to analyze she had suddenly felt the longing for a child. "If he had known that I purposely ended a pregnancy ... I would have gotten far worse than a tattoo." Far worse than a beating, even. There had been many times over the course of her short marriage -- thought it admittedly felt like it had lasted an entire lifetime -- that she'd been confined to the house because of the bruises on her face that even makeup could't completely cover.

A very unlady-like snort came from Saartjie. "Are you kidding? He didn't trust me one bit." The moment she had come home with the pills he had begun asking her what they were and demanding to see them. "We thought of that. Gazali forged a prescription label to make them look legit." If he wouldn't have then there was no way Gaal would have allowed her to take the pills and she would have had to sneak and risk getting caught. The concequences for that ...

It did give her some comfort that Jata did not see the shame in the tattoo that everyone else from their home did. "Thank you." It represented the first step in taking control of her own life and not letting someone else dictate it for her. "What's it like?" the question was sudden, but as she asked it she looked up to study her brother's face. "Being married to someone you love? Someone who loves you?" The only marriages she had ever seen had been arranged as her own had been. Gaal claimed that he loved her on occasion, but she wasn't stupid. She knew the only thing he loved was the fact that his marriage to her was a stepping stone to getting the power he wanted. After the experience she'd had with him she wasn't sure if she ever wanted to be married to anyone again let alone be in any sort of relationship.

A smile spread across her face when he promised that they would go flying and to the beach. "I haven't been to the beach in so long." Whenever Gaal would suggest going to the beach she would come up with some excuse about why she couldn't go. The beach was a special place to her and she didn't want her memories of it tainted by Gaal. "I haven't let anyone else braid my hair since you left." It was yet another memory that she hadn't wanted anyone else to taint. "Have you braided Kamaria's hair? I think she would like it."

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

SuNjATA

the flood

Surprise does cross his features a fraction with Saar’s admission over Gaal’s red hair. It had been the one thing Sunjata associated with the horrible man, brought back to life by Melita and how very much she wasn’t like him that helped alleviate the fears of everything else. “Fair enough.” He comments with a soft sound that slips from his throat.

She comments that Gaal had no clue and his lips form a tight line, a slight grimace as he breathes in a long slow breath and exhales a heavy sigh. “Far worse from him and Father.” The scar along the side of his face tugs with the frown that finds its way there, one that’s fixed quickly with the mention of an old friend. “I’m glad Gazali was still willing to help you.” His head tilts toward her from where his arm is wrapped around his sister’s shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze.

What’s it like, though? This question takes a moment for him to figure out. He’s never been good at his words, never been good at explaining just how much something meant to him for fear of it being taken away. Saartjie, though? She’d understand. She always did. “It’s… Great.” A small smile blossoms on his face. “It’s like… spending the rest of your life with your best friend. There’s no fear or anxiety or anything. Granted, I fucked up, so… We’re… Rocky. But nothing like Mother and Father.” He pauses, leaning back to rest his head against the wall. “I love him so much, Saar. I can’t imagine living without him. It hurts too much to even think about.”

But soon enough he’s promising the beach and how he might be convinced to braid her hair again and a crooked smile crosses his face when he looks back to her and her own bright gaze. “I always braided it the best.” He says with amusement, an air of playful confidence. “I haven’t braided Ria’s yet, though. You’re right… She’d probably like that.” He half mutters, lost in thought suddenly.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

There wasn't much that Sunjata said, but Saar felt that there was more that he wanted to say and didn't. She could hear it in the slow inhale and the heavy sigh that followed. She wondered if he didn't agree with her method or thought poorly of her for forcing the miscarriage. Or perhaps he was just the fact that she had put herself in a lot of danger by doing what she had. If she had to live through that part of her life again, though, she would still make the same decision.

"I know you probably don't agree with what I did." Her voice was quiet as she spoke and she paused a moment, as if trying to choose her words. "I would do it again." Whether or not he would understand, she wasn't sure. "We did not have a good childhood, not with the father we had and all the expectations he had." The only bright spot had been their mother and even she hadn't been able to shield them from much. "It would have been worse for any children I had. Gaal ... I think he would have been worse than Shaju was to try to impress him. And Shaju as a grandfather..." it sent a shudder through Saartjie's thin frame. "I didn't want my kids to grow up in fear like we did. I wanted my kids to have a father that loved them and would protect them." And that was not something that she could provide or guarantee while in Korofi. "I did what I had to do." It hadn't been easy and she hadn't made the decisions she had lightly.

The gentle squeeze around her shoulders gave her some comfort after talking about something so uncomfortable and personal. "Gazali wasn't too willing at first." One would say she'd had to talk some sense into him, but it was more like she'd had to shout some sense into him. "Shaju had everyone believing you were a double agent and that all of your work with the rebels was just so you could capture Luci and have her executed." One of the benefits of being married to Gaal was being able to eavesdrop on him and Shaju. Being write down what she heard them talk about and bring that to Gazali had helped, but not much. He had still been angry and she'd still had to argue with him before he finally agreed to help. "I told him that they were just as stupid as Shaju thought they were if they believed you would do anything to hurt Luci." After that Saar continued to provide Gazali with warnings whenever she could ... until she left. She just hoped that he and his friends would be okay and would be safe.

Listening to Sunjata talk about being with someone he loved and who loved him was nice, though it made it even more clear to Saar that it was something she'd never had. It made her sad that their mother had never gotten to experience it, either. "Nothing like me and Gaal, either." She murmured, though that was more to herself than to Jata. As he leaned back against the wall, Saar turned so that she could sit facing him, listening in silence as he went on to say how much he loved Nate.  "I'm happy for you." And she truly was. With everything he had gone through in Korofi at the hands of their father he deserved the happiness he had found.

Of course he would claim to be the best at braiding her hair, but it wasn't far from the truth. "You always picked out the best flowers to put in my hair." When the conversation shifted to Kamaria and braiding her hair there was a change in him and she could sense it. "What's on your mind?"

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile