you know you’re nobody’s fool

SuNjATA

the flood

“I never said that.” Sunjata replies swiftly, his gaze snapping over to his sister with a raise of his dark brow. “Never did I say that or think that.” The only reason he wouldn’t have agreed was given how dangerous it was. But she was here and safe now. She did what she had to do to survive, just as he had to do what he had to do to survive. But he lets her explain, regardless, watching her and nodding as she comments the similar thoughts that have ran through his head day and night.

Truthfully, he can’t imagine their father as a grandfather – how horrible of an upbringing that would be. It would either be Shaju attempting to make another small soldier or simply casting them off as useless, born of bad blood. “I want that too, Saar.” He says gently. All he’d ever wanted was to give Kamaria the kind of life he never had. The kind of life she deserved. And when Saar mentions that she did what she had to do, it resonates with him too. “I know you did.”

He squeezes her shoulders and listens as she speaks of Gazali, though, huffing a sigh of annoyance at the mention of becoming some sort of double spy – as if Lusea hadn’t held his heart in her grip for years. As if the child of fire for the rebellion still didn’t hold a place in his heart. Something Nate had understood and had never begrudged him for. He still had her lantern here in the house – something Nate had saved from the last house fire.

And there was still the bar back in the Grounds, the VlamVloed, named for both her and him.

The low hum slips from his throat as she continues, though, before he launches into his explanation of what it was like to be married to someone that you loved. Someone you’d be willing to do anything for, even if it seemed questionable at first. Sunjata’s always been a man who often paved the way to hell with good intentions… At least, he’d tried to be. “Thanks, Saar.” He murmurs gently, a small boyish smile given his sister’s way.

But then he can’t help but to brag and boast a bit over the braiding skills he possessed only because of the woman sat beside him, until his thoughts pull him away and she catches onto that quite quickly too.

He pauses to chew on the inside of his ruined cheek, the muscles feathering in his jaw. “I was… Terrified. About having children. I’ve been married twice, actually. The first one was… A lot like a Korofi wedding in terms of my terms but not hers. We… Almost had a child. She miscarried it, though. I was so relieved.” He sighs, leaning his head back against the wall to close his eyes. “And I’ve been so scared of having them because I thought… Maybe, I’d become just like him.” His eyes open and he stares at the ceiling. “And with Kamaria, when Safrin brought her to my door and told me to come meet her, it was like – like she was the only thing that mattered. I see myself in her and all I want to do is protect her and be a good person for her. I can’t… Understand why Father didn’t see that. Why he couldn’t see that, that he didn't want to protect us.”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

After the way they had both been brought up it didn't surprise her when Sunjata confessed to being terrified about being a father. The dread and fear she had felt when discovering her own pregnancy had made her heart race and her blood run cold. It had taken her far too long to stop trembling and gather her wits to even begin trying to figure out what she was going to do about it. What did take her by surprise was that he had been married before Nate. Her head tilted and one delicate eyebrow lifted. "Twice?" Of course that brought forth more questions, but those could be saved for later when they were on a less serious subject.

"You're not him." Saartjie murmured, but she'd held the same fears and worries. No matter how much they ran neither of them could run away from the fact that Shaju was part of who they were. His blood ran in their veins. His teachings were engrained in their minds. Even though he was dead he still affected their lives. There had been times when she'd seen Sunjata's anger turn into rage, but even the he fell far short of Shaju. There was no way that she could ever see Jata turning into the man that had terrorized them for their entire lives. Their mother's influence and the love she had given them had saved them from becoming monsters.

A heavy sight slipped past Saar's lips and she looked down at her hands, not realizing that she had clenched them together as they had begun talking about Shaju. The questions that Jata agonized over were the same ones that Saar did. It was heartbreaking as a child to wonder what you had done so wrong that your father hated you. Admittedly, even as an adult it hurt to know your father didn't love you and still not know why. "I don't think he knew how to love anything." She finally said. Maybe it came from the way he was raised or maybe he was the narcissistic sociopath she believed him to be.

"I don't know why he didn't love us, Jata. Or why he didn't want to protect us." She finally looked up from her hands and to her brother. Really, she wished that she could give him an answer to soothe his soul, but she really didn't know. "But you're nothing like him, Jata." This was said with a fierceness that was typically absent in her voice. "Nothing. Like. Him." She said again, just to drive the point home. Reaching out, Saartjie placed her hand on Jata's arm. "You're more like mom than you realize." Her head tilted and she smiled. "You smile just like her. And your eyes almost sparkle when you laugh, just like hers did. You even have the same gentle touch she did and the same comforting aura." There were many times when they would sneak out at night and something would startle her or she would fall and scrape her knee and Jata would tend to her.

Her hand moved from Jata's arm to his chest and she could feel the steady beating of his heart. "You have a beautiful heart, Jata." She said earnestly -- and he did. He was always trying to protect everyone and always trying to do the right thing. "Mama taught us how to love and to follow our hearts. If you hold onto what she taught us, to her, you'll never be the kind of father to Kamaria that Shaju was to us."

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

SuNjATA

the flood

A dip of his head is confirmation to the announcement of being married twice – but magical healing had taken away the scar from the first one in order to pave the way for Nate. “It’s a long story.” He offers her with a soft, apologetic smile, sure that they’d round back to it. Because right now? Right now he’s offering admissions as to what it felt like to be a father, what he felt when he sees Kamaria – how he’d do anything he could to protect her and love her the way a father should, the way his daughter deserved.

Her murmur does help at first, but when the words finish and she picks up, his attention turns from the ceiling over toward her. There’s a sound that leaves his throat that’s in part agreement and in part something… Else, something even he doesn’t know what it means.

There’s storm clouds in the steel of his eyes when he watches her, hears the fierceness in her voice, something about it resonating just like it did when their mother would make her own quiet little vows to them in secret. That thought alone sparks Saar to speak of their mother, the hand that rests on his arm draws his gaze as well, before it moves to her face when her hand finds its way across his heart – one that has lightning strike scars that stretch for it.

“You sound like her.” He says softly, managing a small, somewhat sad and relieved smile. “I couldn’t ever become like him. I know that now… But it took me a long time to get there.” It’s easier, perhaps, given that Saartjie knew what it was like to grow up in Korofi, every single thing they had to deal with and still had faith in him that he wouldn’t become like that.

He takes a deep breath, reaching over to tug his sister into his arms, in a tight hug again. “I’m so glad you’re here.” He rumbles, every ounce of his relief poured out through the tones of his voice. “Do you want to go see the rest of the house?” He asks as he pulls away.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

Saartjie

"You sound like her."

It was, perhaps, the best compliment anyone could have or had ever given Saartjie. In her eyes, her mother was a saint. She hadn't had any choice in marrying the man she had -- not like any noble woman really did -- but she hadn't let him destroy her spirit. Everything she did was for the benefit of her children. The woman had taken countless beatings all so that the worst of Shaju's rage wouldn't be focused on them. She hadn't even shown fear when she was staring death in the face. There wasn't a single woman in any noble Korofi house that had been stronger than Sanem. She just hoped that she could make a new life for herself in Caido that her mother would be proud of.

Hearing him say that he could never be like Shaju brought a feeling of relief over Saartjie. She knew exacty what it was to worry about turning into him. Her last night in Korofi had brought out a side of her that was so much like Shaju that it was unsettling. and had actually scared her in the aftermath. She wasn't where Jata was quite yet with being confident about not becoming like their father, but she would get there. Being away from Korofi and the stress that came with that way of life would definitely do her good.

Saar was still lost in her own thoughts when she was suddenly pulled into a hug. It surprised her, but she quickly settled in and nestled herself against Jata, her head resting on his chest. Her eyes closed as she listened to the steady thump of his heart, much like she did when they were younger. She could remember quite vividly, being huddled up against Jata, trembling and terrified, while Shaju screamed at and beat their mother. All her life he had been there, protecting her from the man who was supposed to protect her. It made her sad that he hadn't had someone to protect him. Tears welled in her eyes and she sniffled.

"Me too." Honestly, she had never thought she would ever see her brother again and there were times when she woke up in the morning thinking it had been a dream. "I missed you so much." Too soon, though, he pulled away and she wiped her eyes before nodding. "Yeah, I'd like to see the rest of the house." She paused a moment before speaking again. "...and maybe I could meet Kamaria?"

but close my eyes for a while
and force from the world a patient smile

SuNjATA

the flood

She had gotten all the cunningness and quick wit of their mother – something that despite everything Sanem went through with their father, it protected all of them until Sunjata had pushed too far. She had protected them from the start, from when she’d sneak those blackberry pies for Sunjata’s birthday – a secret for just her and Saar and him, unbeknownst to their father. She protected them with the ability of having a safe haven in the gardens of their mansion home, away from cameras where they could talk without anyone finding out.

And the most important part being how she’d managed to get them access to the restricted section of their library, where Sunjata had hid away with Saar’s help to pour over the books for the previous rebellions and compare what had come close to working and how they’d fell.

Truthfully, after Sunjata’s Trial, there was no coming back as that boy he once was. He was still there, somewhere beneath it all, hidden upon layers and layers of steel and iron and fear and sorrow – only brought out with her and the memories she brings with her.

Still, he doesn’t expect her to cry when he hugs her, and he holds her a bit tighter – realizing what she might be thinking in a position like this. Her head rests against his scarred chest and his head rests on the crown of her head, exhaling a long slow breath as he did when they were young. “It’s okay, Saar.” He hums gently, just as he always had.

In those instances where Shaju had taken out his aggression on their mother and Sunjata had been there to protect Saartjie, it was all because the boy had experienced it firsthand himself. They’d make it out. He knew he’d find a way to get them out. And it seemed the Voice simply had bigger plans for them when she’d plucked him from the edge of Korofi and dumped him here in Caido. It seemed the Voice had saved Saartjie from certain death, too, when she’d been brought in too.

And now they were together – could start that new life, that cabin that was homey and wonderful in a family that was full of love and happiness.

He pulls away but doesn’t go far from her, his lightning scarred hand lowering to grasp her wrist gently, offering her a bright smile. “I missed you too, sister.” He says softly as he moves to stand and tug her with him. “And of course you can see her. She’d love to meet her aunt.” He brightens with the thought, moving toward the door to open it and slip up the hallway toward another living space, one that at its center held a beautiful and large piano. Various rooms are spread out on either side of it, toward the end where one of the biggest ones, the door remains cracked open a bit and darkness pours in from drawn drapes. That one is his bedroom.

The rest, though, a sprinkling of rooms for Bart and Melita – the honeybee girl’s room sits empty while she’s off adventuring across the ocean – and the other closer to Saar’s own room where it’s been decorated with seashells for Kamaria’s room.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?