From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Finn frowns as he considers Tobi's words; he's felt it before, multiple times, so he can only nod and trust that he'll know when the time comes. And as for the rest? That's also something they'll just have to deal with - at least he can get up and get dressed now. "You are?" He smiles openly. "Yeah - me too."
Drawing back the covers, Finn rolls his shoulders and wiggles his toes before testing himself on his feet. The snapdragon swamps away the remnants of the dreamdust, and the man who sweeps across to his closet is drawing his shirt over his head as he goes, focused and uninhibited and, to the untrained eye, carefree.
"What do you feel like eating?" he asks as he selects a shirt and a pair of pants, not stopping there when it comes to stripping off. "I'd quite like something warm. Torchline served a lot of fruit and fish. I miss bacon and cheese."
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
"That's a good sign." Tobi says with a grin (if only she had a toothbrush, but then, having a toothbrush in this of all places, was absurd). Looking down at her feet as Finn dresses, her toes softly tapping out a rhythm on the floorboards, she tries very hard not to let her mind conceive of what not!Finn might have been like in Torchline. It's almost impossible, as she can make out the shape of him through her peripheral vision, and her mind whispers in lewd detail all the ways he might have been like.
"Mmmm, maybe one of those breakfast bowls? With potato and cheese, and beans and corn and things thrown in." Her stomach growls, her mouth waters, and Tobi winces as a foot kicks inside of her. Now that her morning sickness phase has subsided, the doctor finds that she's hungry all the time. For everything. Having a canine shift likely doesn't help with that, given how readily-able she can stomach just about anything.
Rising to meet Finn at the door and having forgotten all about throwing away the letters she'd stuffed under it, Tobi kicks them to the side before giving Finn an amused look. "I look terrible compared to you." She observes with a laugh. Other than the length of his hair, Finn looks alert, tanned, and entirely put together, whereas Tobi is wearing mismatched clothing that doesn't belong to her.
Finn feels alert, tanned and put together. Buttoning his shirt as he follows October down to his front door, he raises an eyebrow at the letters she kicks to the side, before leaning to pick them up, shuffle them into a small pile, and set them down on a side table. "I'll get to those later," he says with an easy smile, reaching out to unlock the door and hold it open for her to go first.
She says she looks terrible and he tilts his head, quietly charmed by the idea. "I don't think you ever look terrible, Tobi," he says. "But do you want to head down to your apartment before we go out? I'm not sure of the time, but I think those breakfast bowls will still be there by the time you get a little more comfortable." He steps out and clicks the door shut behind them, before leading the way down through the Tower.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
"Oh, no you don't.." Tobi tries to argue, her smile uncertain and uncomfortable as she recalls all the stupid things she'd written to him over the past few weeks. "They're all...it's a lot of puns." She manages at last with a crooked grimace.
His suggestion is a good one, and it's just as surprising as the easy compliment he offers her. Blushing, but feeling all the more unsettled for how at ease Finn seems, she nods a touch distractedly. "Maybe just quickly? If only so that I can brush my teeth." Laughing slightly as they begin to descend the steps, she suddenly feels the need to clarify. "I hate when they feel fuzzy." Which is true, but she also doesn't want to imply that Finn might be near enough to her to smell her morning breath or...you know, anything else of that nature.
Reaching her door, Tobi quickly unlocks it (it has a combination lock, rather than a key). "Wait wherever you like." She sings out, before disappearing into another room where she frantically tries to find something to wear that's both appropriate and baggy, without taking too long lest it seem as though she's trying to impress Finn. But gods if that isn't hopelessly what she is doing, even now.
Opting to brush her teeth instead of her hair, Tobi emerges wearing leggings that end at her calves and a very flowy off-the-shoulder shirt with enough of a geometric pattern on the front of it that she hopes it disguises the press of her belly against the fabric. "That feels much better."
"Then I look forward to misunderstanding them. I'll take notes and have my questions ready for you by tomorrow morning," Finn says easily as they head downstairs. It's only the fact that there are so many floors to walk that prevents him from offering out his arm for Tobi; they'd only end up stepping out of pace, and that would ruin it. "Oh - sure," he says, nodding and following her now towards her apartment.
It's a place Finn has never been, and in any ordinary circumstance he'd have likely made it into a Big Deal in the way that the Spyglass is prone to do. But right now, with snapdragon crackling through his blood? Everything feels brighter; his steps come with more of a spring in them, and even stepping through her doorway brings with it a sense of euphoria.
"Sure," he calls back to her, finding himself meandering around the lounge before pausing before a bookcase. By the time Tobi returns, the Spyglass will accidentally be alphabetising the books on the shelf at his eyeline, turning to smile lopsidedly at her and straighten up. "You look lovely," he says, stepping towards the door before pausing suddenly, glancing back at her. "Oh - you said you had something to tell me yesterday. I think I'm ready to hear it now." He smiles.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
It's both an entirely Finn response, but also isn't. What Tobi would have expected from Finn was a quietly puzzled but polite nod. What he says isn't out of character it's just...it's on the farther end of the spectrum that Tobi has ever seen from Finn, and perhaps it's because she doesn't feel that she deserves it, that it strikes her as so strange.
Case in point, it's fine that Finn is in her apartment, but she'd have expected him to just linger outside of the door. That he's reorganizing her shelves has her falling to a halt on the other side of the room, frowning at him despite the butterflies his presence inspires. 'They're organized by topic.' She points out, as if justifying when they're 'out of order'. Whatever else she might have said (maybe she'd threaten to organize his books by colour if he didn't leave hers alone), is lost in the wake of Finn unknowingly opening up a can of worms that would forever change things between them.
"Oh...right. I did say that." Biting the inside of her cheek and trying on a smile, Tobi nods at her couch. "You..are going to want to sit down for this, I think."
"It's alright - I just alphabetised the books in their topical clusters," Finn assures her with an amount of ease that would be strange if Tobi had just run into him that morning. (Un)luckily for her, she has been able to see this progression right from rock bottom to here. And the road ahead is bumpy to say the least. He's about to open the door and lead them out of her apartment when she says he might need to sit down for the conversation they're about to have.
Raising his eyebrows, Finn nods and heads back into the lounge so he might sit down on the sofa. "Is this something bad?" he asks. "I'm sorry, if I hurt you when I left. I know you didn't deserve that from me, and I wish I could have told you more than I did."
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
"And what makes you so sure you know where the clusters begin and end?" Tobi wants to know with a challenging smile. What fun they might have had, breaking down the ways in which Tobi had sectioned off her books. If only she wasn't pregnant.
Following him, Tobi stands awkwardly in her own living room, unsure where to sit or if she'd prefer to stand. Deciding that no, she needed to sit down for this conversation as well, she sinks down onto the couch, grabbing a throw pillow which she holds in front of her stomach. "It...I don't think it's bad. But you might." She replies cagely, trying to smile but only looking all the more upset for it.
'Oh, no Finn, it isn't that at all. You couldn't help that." Her hand reaches out as if to give his a squeeze before she remembers herself and tucks it beneath her leg instead. "I want you to know that, I don't...I mean, that I'm not..." Trying and failing to find the words to reassure him prior to the BiG ReVeaL, Tobi swallows back a whine of distress as she looks down into her lap.
"I'm..." The room doesn't spin, her heart doesn't even really race. It speeds up, but there's no pounding in her ears. Her fingertips don't turn to ice. It's all perfectly ordinary in a way that's just as subtly off as Finn's new confidence. "..pregnant." She says after a moment, or ten; Tobi has lost track of time.
And because this is Finn, large pupils or not, she's forced to add: "...it's yours."
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
"I organise my books in a very similar way, so I ought to be aware of it." Finn says knowledgably, but unfortunately this banter is not to be. He finds himself seated on October's sofa, taking in the details of her apartment without really meaning to; the patterns of the wallpaper, the texture of the fabric beneath him, the smell of books and a sweetness that he can't quite place. Finn's mind is whirring more quickly than he's used to, and everything brings a sensation of pure pleasure - he's not sure if there's anything she could say to him that would ruin his mood.
And then she tells him that she's pregnant. And it's his. "I'm sorry?" He blinks, unsure if he's heard her correctly. But neither Spyglass nor doctor are stupid, and he knows Tobi hasn't misspoken. He knows he hasn't misheard. Finn swallows through a mouth made dry by drugs as well as the news, and he stares somewhere beyond the edge of her bookcase. "You are having a baby. A... ours, yours and mine? We only..."
It doesn't matter if it was only once. Doesn't matter if they weren't ready. Doesn't matter if Finn is barely keeping his sanity above water, and that's only because of a cocktail of drugs that he needs to come off. Especially now, especially if he's going to...
If he's about to become...
"Are you okay?" he whispers. "Is... I mean, is everything okay with...?" With the baby. With the baby she's carrying that's half Finn, half October.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Tobi doesn't reply at first, keeping her eyes trained on the pillow in her lap as if she's somehow guilty of something. It's a misplaced notion to be sure, that because she's the woman that this child is somehow her fault. The way he shifts from ours, to yours and mine makes her want to flinch. You've had weeks to process this. He's just hearing it for the first time now, she tries to reason. It helps soothe her mind somewhat, but it does little to untie the knots in her stomach made all the worse by the child within happily pounding on ever organ within reach.
'I know.' She softly agrees. It was only once, but now the sweetness of the memory is forever changed in a way she's already mourned. Setting the pillow to the side, it offers her absolutely no comfort in the wake of this, Tobi softly places her hands on her belly. Especially sitting and with her fingers helping to contour her new shape, small frame or no, it's quite obvious that she's pregnant. 'Yes. All perfectly normal so far. I...have an appointment next week for another checkup. To find out the sex too, if.." I want? We want?
Her fingers glide over the strange roundness of her stomach. Tobi has always been thin, and from behind you'd still hardly know she was pregnant. Looking anywhere other than her breasts and her stomach it would still be hard to know. "I...am going to keep it, of course." She manages, still biting at the inside of her cheek and hazarding a glance somewhere near Finn's knee. "But you..." That Tobi hasn't started crying yet is a miracle in and of itself. "..I know we aren't..." Pausing for a breath that shivers over her lips, Tobi softly raises her eyes. "..I mean, whatever you want...however much you want to be involved..or don't...it's up to you."
05-02-2021, 08:24 PM (This post was last modified: 05-02-2021, 08:27 PM by Finn.)
when you bury your pain
Finn can't tell whether he's holding his breath or breathing too much. His lips are numb and his fingers are getting that way too; he can feel it though, with all of the uppers in his system, the way his brain panics and slams down shutters to dissociate itself from whatever parts of the news might throw him over the edge. It's a blessing in disguise, at least for now, and the Spyglass might not have known it, but he has chosen an ideal time to receive this bombshell.
Still, as his blue eyes flick back to her, as he spots the very obvious signs that she's pregnant - with his child, he's reminded - a spear of guilt shoots through him. "And you've been walking up to my attic and back, and sleeping at the end of my bed?" He raises his eyebrows, clearly finding his own behaviour unacceptable, regardless of the circumstances. "I... Would I be able to come with you...?" He almost whispers it, like she might tell him to get the hell out of her apartment just for suggesting it.
It's something he glazes over, the how much he wants to be involved - that can come later. For now the Spyglass lets out a shuddering breath and rakes his fingers through too-long curls, very obviously relieved to find out that everything is progressing normally with his - with their child. "Can they tell if..." Shaking his head, he drops his gaze to the floor and tries again, fidgeting with the Order ring on his thumb. "What if they end up like me?" he whispers.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
It's the most sweetly unimportant thing, and Tobi finds herself laughing despite the terseness of the moment. "I'm pregnant Finn, I'm not dying." She says, feeling guilty for how readily she wants to sink into the smile on her lips and the lightness it brings with it.
'Of course, Finn.' Tobi says without hesitation. Perhaps it's because she's a doctor or because she's already walked her way through every path she thought this conversation might go, that she's so easily able to answer. But it isn't just that he's allowed, and so with a warm smile she adds, "I'd like it if you did."
In all her various imaginings where Finn proposes on the spot, where he storms out and calls her a whore, where he denies that the baby is his and where they stay in bed all day and read together, he never asks her what if they end up like me. 'What do you mean?' Tobi wonders, her brows coming together as she shifts slightly on the couch that she might more properly be facing him.
"That still doesn't make it okay," Finn objects, frowning to himself as if making a mental note to ensure that he doesn't cause Tobi any more stress than necessary (because much as he wants that to be zero, he knows that in their current circumstances that's all but impossible). There's no smile on his lips, the Spyglass very much still processing everything, and he shifts to sit with his elbows braced on his knees, his thoughts all but whirring through his mind.
But she says he can come with her - that she'd like him to come - and he feels a fraction of something relax in his shoulders. Nodding, he risks a glance back up at her, seeking out her eyes for perhaps a fraction of a second, nothing more. "Like me," he repeats, as if that alone will be enough for her to get it. It's obvious, at least to Finn.
"Look at me," he mutters, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't lack self-awareness - I know how problematic I am, how fragile my mental state is. I don't deal with social situations well, I barely sleep, I can't handle change, I see things that other people don't..." He shakes his head, cheeks flushing. "I don't want that for any child."
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
"It didn't feel right to just...sleep beside you." Tobi murmurs, unsure if this is opening the door to yet another part of the conversation that might best be saved for later, or if it tracks with his current concerns. "After what you'd just come back from...how we left things.." She shrugs slightly, watching as he hunches forward, and wishing they could go back to a time where she had the ability to make things better for him, instead of worse.
"I am looking at you." She listens to what he has to say, but nothing that he does changes her convictions. "And I have been. For years now." Tobi adds; the wool hasn't been pulled over her eyes, and as his doctor, she's privy to more details than anyone else, save for Falke and Cian. She knows exactly what Finn is, and what he isn't. "I can't think of anyone who has lived the life you have. And you've come out the other side kind and gentle. You're clever and sweet and you're good, Finn. So if our child is like that.." Tears shine in her eyes, but these aren't the kind that hurt. "..I would be grateful."
Reaching out, Tobi puts her hand on the couch between them. A gesture, if he wants to take it. And if not? That's okay too. "Don't let people like Cian trick you into thinking only perfect things are worth having."
