From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"If it makes you feel better, I would barely have noticed you were there," Finn mumbles. The dreamdust would ensure that he slept through almost anything, and peacefully at that. "But I... thank you, Tobi. For considering me. For always considering me." For asking if he's comfortable, for checking that things haven't gone farther than he imagined they would. She's always there for him in that way, and in the back of his head he knows that's precisely the sort of reason you shouldn't get this close with your doctor. And yet... here they are. He doesn't care.
Her hand reaches out across the couch and Finn takes it, more readily than ever before. His hands are cold, and he squeezes her fingers gently, as if to tether them together. You don't have to say it to be kind, he wants to tell her, but when his lips part he can't make the words come. So instead Finn turns overbright eyes back to Tobi and nods once, a silent acceptance of her appraisal.
"Thank you," he mutters. "I... I don't know if..." If I can be a good father. If I can do all the things that fathers are supposed to do. If I know where to start. Finn shrugs helplessly. "But I don't want you to do this alone. I'll be there for you both, as much as I know how to be."
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
It doesn't make it better, because she hardly got any sleep and woke up sore, but Tobi only smiles. "Always." She says with all the solemness of a promise. Because even when she's acting as his friend and not his doctor, she'll always still put him first.
Her fingers are warm against his, her body having turned into quite the furnace as of late, and as he turns to look at her, Tobi does her best to see past his overly-large pupils and to the man she knows lingers beneath the bruises and the snapdragon. The one forged by trauma and duty, and who has absolutely captured her heart at the most inconvenient time for them both. "Thank you, Finn. You'll...you'll have to try and tell me what you want when it comes to all of this." Her thumb absently drifts across part of his hand as she shakes her head slightly. "..I don't think I'll be able to guess, if you don't." When it came to stories on her couch and holding hands and pushing him to run through the snow, there, Tobi had some idea of boundaries and expectations and what may or may not be good for Finn. But with a baby? Gods, she has no idea.
With a groan that has her hand leaving his, October places it against her side and wrinkles her nose. "It isn't doing any reading in there, I can tell you that." She manages breathlessly. "Do..you want to feel?"
He lets himself smile a bit, to hear her reaffirm that she's there for him. It helps more than he expects it to, and even if his heart is pounding hard in his chest, he still feels in control. Or at least, more in control than he has done recently.
"I will do my best," he says, nodding to her and letting out a shivery sort of sigh. "There will be enough to do without my making it more difficult." He won't always be able to help it, and the storm brewing on the horizon of his come down from the snapdragon is enormous and terrifying, but that's not a problem for right now.
Speaking of which... "I will need to detox more quickly than planned," he mumbles. "How do we arrange that?"
Only Tobi is asking him something completely different, and stormy eyes shift from her face down to her belly. "Oh, is it...? I... yes, okay." It's the drugs that make him agree, but before Finn knows it he has shifted to sit closer, offering a small smile as he holds out his hand for her to place it. "After this, are we still going for breakfast?"
Because obviously that is something his routine is still expecting.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Blinking in surprise at what feels like a sudden and abrupt change (though if she thinks about it, she'll see how he reasoned his way there), Tobi gives the Spyglass a perplexed look. "Wh...are you sure?" There's no easy way to go about it whatever they decide; either Finn is medicated but easier to deal with while she's pregnant, but then still taking drugs daily around their newborn, or he detoxes now, meaning he'll likely not be in a position to do much of anything during the last who cares about time of her pregnancy.
Perhaps it's a good thing that Tobi doesn't know how much of what Finn does is influenced by the drugs. As it is, his reaction makes her smile warmly as she guides his hand onto her stomach. Round and feeling slightly rubbery, October shifts slightly and in her belly, their baby presses his head up into Finn's hand. "That—" She groans slightly. "—is the head."
Leaning back and huffing out an amused sigh, Tobi just raises her brows and nods. "I am eating for two now. You think I would skip breakfast?" She laughs. "So ... you're okay with me being around? Even now?" In most of her imaginings of this conversation Finn ended up needing time on his own to process. That he'd just fired her as his doctor and relegated her to friend made it all the more likely to assume he'd want some time away from her.
"I'm sure," Finn responds, his voice gentle but firm. "I know that it will be... however it is, regardless. I think I should get clean while there are still only two of us." It's a curiously lighthearted way of looking at it. Perhaps this might have been Finn, if the world had been kinder to him. As it is, these moments are a carefully orchestrated mix of toxins that he's just vowed to give up. Once again, life is cruel to be kind.
His hand presses against her stomach, and he does a very good job not to fling himself away at the sudden shift of something else in there. No, Finn merely jumps a bit, blinking across at Tobi with wide eyes. A number of things go through his mind: that is the weirdest thing I have ever felt, or how do you know it's a head or why is it doing that to you? In the end, though, Finn settles on, "Looks like it already doesn't know when it's supposed to sleep." He even has the decency to look warmly apologetic.
He removes his hand, glad to know that their morning routine remains undisturbed, and shifts to look down at her. "Why wouldn't I be...?" he asks. "I... I think I need you right now, Tobi, as well as wanting to be around you. It is hard to explain... You make me feel safe, a lot of the time. Without you, it's just me and my thoughts. And they are more dangerous for me than anything in this Tower."
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
"Okay." Tobi agrees, setting aside time later to try and process what it will be like to be nearing the end of her pregnancy with the father of her child in a pool of his own sweat and vomit.
Beaming at Finn for that, Tobi laughs breathlessly as her cheeks grow rosy and round. "Well, that's likely as much to do with me as it is you." She counters with a slight tilt of her head. When it came to sleep, both doctor and Spyglass had terrible habits. It was to the point where a newborn who needed attention every few hours would probably only disturb their work, but not their sleep.
Opening her mouth to answer, Tobi is silenced by the remainder of what Finn has to say. It hurts a little to hear, though by no means is it unexpected. This is one of the most unlikely and best of all scenarios she'd considered, and Tobi immediately feels disappointed in herself for wanting more of Finn. Still, it would be nice to be wanted for her, and not because of the safety her presence could provide. But then, Tobi had spent the last month pining over Finn and writing him puns, while he'd been all but raped a thousand miles away from home. So perhaps she was right to feel disappointed in herself. It had only been a day.
"Only a few people know that I'm pregnant, but I won't be able to hide it for much longer. Are...is it alright if they know it's yours?" Tobi asks as she edges herself forward to make it easier to get off the couch
"That is true, I suppose. I hear that newborns wake every few hours anyway, so I suppose there will always be someone to give it attention." Finn smiles softly, though it hasn't really sunk in yet, what that will mean. What that attention will be. And unlike Tobi, he doesn't know if there will be time later to try and process things, not in his state of medicated sleep.
Oblivious to her mental gymnastics, Finn instead moves to rise to his feet, offering out a hand automatically to help her up off the couch. It's easier to offer assistance when he is aware of it, and Finn has always been able to reach out to people when it's for the sake of helping them.
"Hm...? I... I suppose I haven't given it much thought. Would it make it better for you?" he asks softly. "I don't know if it will be better or worse if people know that it's mine."
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Accepting his hand gratefully, Tobi heaves herself to her feet with a winded sigh as she brushes a bit of hair away from her forehead. "No, I suppose you haven't." She chuckles. "Either way it'll be a bit..." Awkward? Uncomfortable? Sad? Tobi shrugs. "Either I say I don't want to say who it is which would cause wild speculations, or...I say it's you, and have to explain that we...you know." He probably doesn't know, but Tobi finds herself silenced by the heat she suddenly feels on her cheeks and creeping up the back of her neck.
Walking toward the door, the worst of the conversation likely past such that they can probably get breakfast safely now without anyone needing to sit down, now it's Tobi's turn to hold the door open for Finn.
"I don't want to cause any embarrassment for you," Finn says softly. "So please, tell people whatever would make you most comfortable." Because in the Spyglass's mind, he wouldn't blame Tobi for not wanting to say they'd slept together. Finn is Finn; either he's seen as far too awkward not to be a virgin, or he's an ex-whore who has been with far too many people for it to be sanitary or enjoyable. The Tower can take their pick.
Finn murmurs his thanks as he steps out of the door, but when he turns back to face Tobi he can't help a small and private smile to himself. "I can't believe I never realised," he says softly. "I'm sorry. How are you feeling?" Now, and in general. He thinks she seems a little brighter, at the very least.
05-02-2021, 10:18 PM (This post was last modified: 05-02-2021, 10:19 PM by October.)
October
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
'What?' Tobi blinks, her dark eyes widening. "Embarrassed? No, I'm not...not at all." She adds with a quick and intentional shake of her head. "I just didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression, that..." Swallowing and wishing she could rub the colour from her cheeks, Tobi sags somewhat. "...I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to...trap you with me. If I say it's yours, people will think we're together, and...whatever it was before, I know things have changed now." Because Tobi is pregnant and Finn is only days from once again being an abused whore, and as much affection as Tobi feels for the Spyglass, and much as she knows she could overlook it all, she also knows he can't.
'Mm?' Looking down at herself, Tobi smiles crookedly. "My scrubs do a really great job of hiding it" She admits. As for how she's feeling? "Well, right now I'm hungry. Starving, really. And relieved. That...was not how I imagined that conversation would go, but I'm glad it didn't send you storming out. And.." Tobi hazards a small smile over her shoulder, not minding at all if Finn doesn't look to see it.
"Oh. Oh, I... alright." Finn chews at the inside of his cheek, visibly frustrated that he can't simple be more, be alright for Tobi at what is arguably a life-changing time for her. For both of them, but Finn doesn't have room in his head at present to squeeze that in as well.
"I don't feel as though you have trapped me anywhere. And I don't... well. I don't care what anyone else thinks." It isn't the same as the ego flex of someone with overconfidence. Finn says it with soft truth and sad understanding of himself. He doesn't have the capacity or the social awareness, for it to matter what impression he is making on others.
Still, it does make something grow heavy in the pit of his stomach as he thinks about what might have been. They continue walking, and Finn swallows hard. "Maybe one day we can meet at the Celestine, like we planned?" he asks quietly, hopefully.
And then as she speaks further, his steps slow a bit, Finn falling to a halt. "Thank you, Tobi. It's good to be home."
He silently holds out his arms for her, and whether he needs it more or Tobi does is beyond him.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
'Well...if you don't feel that way...that's all I care about.' Tobi replies softly, though it does release a weight from her shoulders to hear that Finn doesn't think he's being bound to her just because of the life in her belly. 'I don't care either.' Because she does like Finn, and is now accidentally pregnant and you know what? That happens. Even to clever doctors.
His suggestion has Tobi biting at the inside of her cheek as if she might catch the smile that's running away with her. "I would really like that. Although, the sooner the better, or else you'll have to find a cart to pull me in." Laughing, Tobi presses a hand to her belly now that her secret is out and she can satisfy all her maternal inclinations without worry.
Not realizing he's stopped until she's a step or two ahead, Tobi's expression is one of worry when she turns toward him. Her concern melts away into unfettered warmth though, and without hesitation, she's in his arms. Tobi's body is turned slightly to make room for her belly, but willowy as she is, she's more than capable of sliding her arms around Finn. Her hands are soft and gentle, and as she sighs against him, it's with as little force as she can manage while still calling what she's doing a hug.
"If I wait even longer than that, we'll just have to take a stroller with us." Coming from anyone else, it might almost sound sweet - Finn and Tobi and their baby going for a meander through the Celestine on some nice, sunny day. But for the Spyglass it's just cold logic and they both know it. So off they go towards the front doors to the Tower - the sun is already beaming in through the windows, and it's setting up to be a bright, hot day. And neither of them care about what people think of them, so that's... fine. It's all fine.
She folds into his arms - arms that hold her much more securely than she does in return, and he smiles and carefully tucks a lock of her hair back behind her ear. "We will make this work," he says, sounding more sure about it than he feels. "I know I'm not... what anyone might imagine, for their father. But I'm going to try my best."
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
They do both know it, and so it's with a somber and sad smile that Tobi tucks her chin toward her chest in a nod. It feels like a metaphor for the pair of them; now won't work, and later will be too late. Looking back in moments that hold more clarity, Tobi will probably realize that it was in precisely this moment, that she really knew there was no future for she and the Spyglass.
Later, because right now she's sighing against him, tightly pressing her eyes closed that she might imagine away the foreboding and doom that wants to rise like a scream in the back of her throat. 'We'll make it work." She agrees, nodding her head against his chest. Pulling back, Tobi offers Finn a bright smile she doesn't quite feel all the way down to her bones, but that's good enough for now.
