when you bury your pain
"I organise my books in a very similar way, so I ought to be aware of it." Finn says knowledgably, but unfortunately this banter is not to be. He finds himself seated on October's sofa, taking in the details of her apartment without really meaning to; the patterns of the wallpaper, the texture of the fabric beneath him, the smell of books and a sweetness that he can't quite place. Finn's mind is whirring more quickly than he's used to, and everything brings a sensation of pure pleasure - he's not sure if there's anything she could say to him that would ruin his mood.
And then she tells him that she's pregnant. And it's his. "I'm sorry?" He blinks, unsure if he's heard her correctly. But neither Spyglass nor doctor are stupid, and he knows Tobi hasn't misspoken. He knows he hasn't misheard. Finn swallows through a mouth made dry by drugs as well as the news, and he stares somewhere beyond the edge of her bookcase. "You are having a baby. A... ours, yours and mine? We only..."
It doesn't matter if it was only once. Doesn't matter if they weren't ready. Doesn't matter if Finn is barely keeping his sanity above water, and that's only because of a cocktail of drugs that he needs to come off. Especially now, especially if he's going to...
If he's about to become...
"Are you okay?" he whispers. "Is... I mean, is everything okay with...?" With the baby. With the baby she's carrying that's half Finn, half October.
And then she tells him that she's pregnant. And it's his. "I'm sorry?" He blinks, unsure if he's heard her correctly. But neither Spyglass nor doctor are stupid, and he knows Tobi hasn't misspoken. He knows he hasn't misheard. Finn swallows through a mouth made dry by drugs as well as the news, and he stares somewhere beyond the edge of her bookcase. "You are having a baby. A... ours, yours and mine? We only..."
It doesn't matter if it was only once. Doesn't matter if they weren't ready. Doesn't matter if Finn is barely keeping his sanity above water, and that's only because of a cocktail of drugs that he needs to come off. Especially now, especially if he's going to...
If he's about to become...
"Are you okay?" he whispers. "Is... I mean, is everything okay with...?" With the baby. With the baby she's carrying that's half Finn, half October.
THE SPYGLASS
you only strengthen its roots
