[SE] summer days drifting away

I am magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment

The birds were hungry, but not stupid. They took off under the assault, but did not go far. Settling on rocks and shoals a ways off, their hungry eyes followed every item of food as it was unpacked and set down. Surely there would be scraps. They could wait.

Seren took a trip along the beach to gather up any scattered belongings while Maeve unpacked lunch. Returning with discarded sunglasses, shawls and a big conch shell - dark pink rather than black, but maybe it counted towards their game anyway? - she settled them down beside her friend, then flopped down on the blanket herself. Quick fingers nicked a pastry almost immediately, and the grin on her face dared Maeve to complain about it.

"If you want to share, then yes" she replied simply. "I don't have to understand everything to listen." Biting into the treat, she let her eyes trail off to the horizon, leaving Maeve with all the space she might need to think and gather her thoughts.

Seren

Maeve

Maeve drew in a breath, cracking open the bottle of mulled wine because she's going to need something to get through this. She took a long swig, cradling the bottle in her hands as her toes buried themselves in the sand. They're left to sit in silence. Nothing but the crashing waves to and the occasional cry from the Hels to keep them company. Finally, she spoke, voice seeming softer than it was before. The Madame more resigned than the starchild has likely seen her before. "Where do I even start..." She muttered more to herself than Seren.

"Well, I- I kind of was involved with Sunjata. It started sometime before the monsoons when Nate left. Right before your sister got here." Maeve pursed her lips, bringing the bottle up to take another swig. "He was going through a hard time. I was a distraction. Something to take his mind off of things and to help with Kamaria. Except I kind of fell in love with him. Wasn't supposed to. It was never supposed to be more than what it was." Her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes found the horizon, bottom lip caught between her teeth as the ache in her chest grew. A bitter laugh pushed past her lips and she dropped her eyes to the bottle in her hands.

It hurt to say it out loud. To finally admit it, but she needed to if she was going to move on. Seren was the only person she's admitted it to and she planned to keep it that way for the time being. "He doesn't know. Locke doesn't know. Know one does. Except maybe your dad and Remi." She shook her head, bringing the bottle back up to her lips, "Well, I got back from Stormbreak and it kind of went to shit from there."

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness

I am magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment

The sun warmed her back and shoulder as Seren stretched out, making herself more comfortable. Every breath filled her lungs with scents of sea and sand, teasing the senses. Sugar from the pastry crackled between her teeth; it was a fine backdrop, but her attention was only really focused on Maeve. Maeve who clutched a bottle like it was a lifeline, and whose laughter had come to sound like a grate, or a scraped knee.

Seren had many questions, but they could wait. Her initial shock and bewilderment didn't reach past widening eyes, and if she had any reservations... at least they did not show on her face. Instead she reached for the bottle, to steal it when Maeve had taken a sip, and moved it to her own lips. The wine tasted sour to her, even with the lingering sweetness of the dessert. "What happened when you came back here?" she asked softly, and offered the bottle back.

Seren

Maeve

Maeve was too caught up in her own heartache to notice Seren's expression. Even as the youth took the bottle from her, the Madame didn't pay her much mind as she tried to find the right words to explain what had happened exactly. "I- I went to see him, but Nate was there." Her voice dropping into something bitter and she hated that she was still upset about it. That he still had any sway over the way she felt despite the conversation with Sunjata. "Let's just say it didn't go well. We... We both said hurtful things, but- but I think he was the victor in that conversation." Not that it was really a conversation.

A heavy breath pushed past her lips, brows knitting together as she brought the bottle back up, taking a long sip from it, letting the sour sweetness of the wine wash away the bitterness from her tongue. "And I was going to stay away from both of them. Just make things easier, you know? Sunjata was never going to love me and Nate... Nate is likely never going to accept me as a part of his life. So I figured that would be easiest. A clean break. Even if I wanted to remain freinds." Her expression twisted into something unreadable and she drew her knees up to her chest, dropping her chin to rest on the top of them. "Of course that didn't fucking happen. Jata and I ran into each other. It- It wasn't really a fight, but.. but things aren't the same as before. Not that they would be like that, but there is a wall between us now."

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness

I am magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment

Listening to the end, the young woman lay silent for a while, processing the story. There were details left out that made it difficult to follow in places, but Seren suspected that the exact words and who said what first didn't really matter. The real issue was that Maeve was hurting, and that there was no easy solution to solve this problem.

Brushing crumbs off her hands, Seren eased up on her knees and shuffled over to Maeve where the woman sat, bundled up into herself. Settling down right next to her, the star-child reached out and pulled all of her friend into a hug; this time she was the one to rest a cheek against dark hair, while gentle fingers brushed lightly against a pale cheek. The grip was light, in case the close proximity was not wanted, but caring all the same.

"I am sorry that it became like this," she murmured quietly. "You were right, it does sound complicated. Is that what hurts the most? That it feels like you are not friends anymore?" They had spoken once of fun that turned to love and hurt, and Seren realized now that Maeve knew all about that. Yet she seemed to be aware of where it went wrong too... which probably did not help.

Seren

Maeve

Seren's skin was warm from the sun, pressing against hers as she drew Maeve into her gentle embrace and Maeve leaned into her heavily, not bothering to deny herself the comfort that Seren was so willingly offering her. She tucked her head beneath the starchild's chin, nuzzling into her and inhaling the salty sweet scent that seemed to cling to the other woman's skin. "We are friends... It's just-" Her words cut off, caught in the tightness of her throat, "It's just not the same as it was and it won't ever be. He said he doesn't think the same things about me that Nate does. I believe him, but... It's just a lot." Maeve doesn't know that she's making any sense. It's hard to put words to the feeling swirling in her chest. To the ache she still feels.

"It was fun before this and it would have still been fun if I hadn't fallen in love with someone who wouldn't ever want me. You weren't wrong when you said that it could hurt before." She murmured, not bothering to pull away from her embrace. She didn't want to. Not when it was so comforting and warm. Not when she felt safe and able to break in her arms. "It's part of why I'm trying so hard with Locke... He wants me. All of me. He doesn't have anyone else he wants to pick. I'm his first choice and he- he doesn't even know that I had those feelings for Sunjata. Not how deep they went." She should tell him everything, but the fear of losing him too outweighs the guilt. Perhaps she's too selfish of a person, clinging to the one thing she has to cling to.

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness

I am magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment

Humming thoughtfully to let Maeve know she was listening, Seren stroked her hair and tucked unruly coils of it behind an ear. "This is just a theory of mine, so take it with a pinch of salt, yeah?" she said after a while. "The reason why it's not fun anymore... isn't it because you are expecting things to be a certain way? You are in love, and so you want things from Sunjata. His attention, and a place in his life, and for him to love you back. But he can not, or will not give those things to you." Though the words might be a little blunt, Seren spoke them with warmth and understanding.

"Love in itself is never a bad thing. It is the expectations and subsequent disappointment that make it painful. If you can let go of those, I think everything will become clearer for you." Which admittedly was easier said than done. Seren had no personal experience on the subject, but love she did know well. It was part of her, colored how she viewed the world. If her thoughts could be of any help to her friend, that was a good thing.

Seren

Maeve

"But I'm not really in love. Not anymore. I- I think that ended the day I went to Stormbreak. It started to at least. The feelings are there and I'm working to untangle myself from them, but I'm not in love with him still." And she really isn't. There was a truth to her words that make it impossible to really question if she meant them. Maeve wasn't in love with Sunjata anymore. Any chance of that truly ended on the day she came home. The day she cried to Locke on the beach. "I do want a place in his life. That much is true. I don't want his love, though. I really don't." Maeve stressed the words, shaking her head slightly even as she remained tucked against Seren.

The Madame drew in a harsh breath, pursing her lips as she tried to sort out the feelings in her head and her heart. "I really fucked this all up, Seren. I don't want to feel anything like this for him anymore and the fact that I still do... Gods." She pulled back, running a hand through her hair and trying to make herself breathe as her chest grew tight.

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness

I am magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment

Seren let go when Maeve sat up, granting her whatever space she needed. To her, it sounded very much as though the woman was trying to convince herself that what she felt was in the past. But she did not argue, because what good would that do? Only add more difficulties to someone who already struggled.

"What do you want?" she asked instead, and reached for a slice of melon. "In a perfect world, if you could dictate exactly how it should be. You want to be Sunjata's friend, yes? And be part of his life... What else?" Biting into the fruit, she caught a droplet of juice before it could escape the lips and chewed slowly, savoring the fresh taste. It had warmed in the sun, but that only brought out more of the flavor.

Seren

Maeve

Seren might be right. What Maeve felt wasn't completely in the past, but the woman was desperately trying to put it there. It hurt too much otherwise. If she acknowledged that her feelings still existed for him. Especially when she didn't want them anymore. Why would she? Why should she?

Leave it to the starchild to ask such a loaded question. Had she asked her that when they first met, Maeve might have said that she didn't want Nate to come back and that she wanted Sunjata to herself. Except that was weeks ago. That was before Locke. As twisted as it all is, he's a part of her wants too. A part of her needs. That's something she's only just starting to realize, but she was realizing it all the same. Maeve drew in a breath, considering her words carefully, not wanting them to be misconstrued. "I want a civil relationship with Nate if only for Sunjata's sake." Because it would make it easier to be his friend. It was an entirely selfish reason, but it was valid all the same.

Green eyes focused on the horizon, watching the waves roll and crash against the shore, white foam bubbling up to kiss the sand before retreating again. "I... I want the love I still feel for him to fade or change into something else. I want to love him in a way that doesn't affect Locke." Her throat tightened, jaw feathering as tears threatened to fall and she refused to let them again. She was done crying for a man who didn't want her. No, he wasn't worth this. "I want a relationship with Locke. I need Locke and I want to make him happy."

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness

I am magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment

Her friend was altogether stubborn. Seren sort of admired that, but in this case it did not help at all. "Do you really want that? Or do you just feel as though you should make up with him, because it makes it easier?" Seren knew both the men. Had grown up around them, yet despite that she had no qualms about setting them aside from this equation. "If you don't want to, then you really do not have to. If Jata wants your friendship he will respect that you do not get along. Of course, you might also have to respect that not being friendly with Nate is going to close doors for you. Either way, no one will be happy from pretending."

Reaching out, Seren poked a sticky, melon-smelling finger at Maeve's cheek. Gently, as if to urge her to let out whatever it was she was fighting so hard to contain. "And I wouldn't worry about the feelings. If the love is real, it will never fade, and you learn to live with it. If it was only a passing thing, it should go away in time. One day, you will wake up and this pain will only be a memory." Either way, having the capacity to love was never a bad thing. Loving another person was not bad. Even if they were not a good person. Even if it hurt. "The only way this could affect Locke in a bad way is if you chase daydreams and 'what if's and forget to look at him. Your heart is not so narrow that it can only hold one person in it, right?" She smiled, confident that this was not the case. Just look at how easily Maeve had embraced her.

Seren

Maeve

Maeve was ridiculously stubborn when it came to things in her life. Never really seeing it that way. She huffed out something akin to a laugh, shaking her head, "No. I really don't want to. I would rather avoid him at all costs even if it makes me look like a coward, but Jata said that if he can be civil with Remi then I can do this. It's... expected." Hence why she was going to try. Not right now with all the wounds still fresh. Not when she told Locke that she picked him and was going to try and move on from Sunjata. It didn't seem like the best time, but eventually.

Her nose wrinkled as Seren poked her cheek, leaning away slightly if only to escape the stickiness before trying to wipe it away. For being so young, Seren seemed wiser than the Madame had originally given her credit for. Perhaps it was the side effect of having a goddess as a mother. She didn't know. "It already affected Locke. I- I think we're okay now. I told him I chose him. That I wanted to be with him, but... but I hurt him too." It wasn't that her heart wasn't big enough to hold more than one person. It was that she had been so focused on the way it ached for Sunjata to miss how Locke tried to cherish it.

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness

I am magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment

"It appears you have a plan of action, then," Seren murmured, not without approval. Being sad was alright, and she would be there to listen whenever Maeve needed to vent. But she was still pleased to see that her friend was not going to merely bemoan her unfortunate fate, without actually doing something about it. That was good. "Let me know if you need anything. I will try to help however I can." She could be a wingman, or an excuse to come along for a visit, or merely a quiet support in the shadows. Whatever Maeve needed at the time.

As for Locke... there really was not much Seren could do there. Just sling an arm around the Madame's slender shoulders in quiet sympathy. And offer up a pastry, that she really had planned to eat herself, but... Maeve really needed it better. "At least you know where you both stand," she offered. "It can only get better from here." Or break, but she didn't say that.

Seren

Maeve

Maeve took a deep breath as she accepted the pastry from Seren, taking a large bite and humming as the sweetness spread over her tongue. That was absolutely what she needed. She chewed slowly, swallowing it down before looking over at Seren, "Thanks for listening, little star. How about we put this all behind us?" Maeve was ready for some fun like they were having before. With the reminder of food, Maeve dug in, eating way more than it seemed like she should be able to before brushing off her hands.

"How about that shell competition? Maybe hopscotch? Marco polo in the shallows?" She asked, arching a brow as she straightened up, bringing back the bubbliness from before.

Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothin' scares me anymore
Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness