Aurelia
'cause not everything means something, honey
so say the unsayable, say the most human things
so say the unsayable, say the most human things
Sunjata draws into himself and fuck, if that doesn't hurt; if she can't relate to the pain she can see in his eyes. She'd wanted to withdraw, too, but had forced herself to stay present - even if it means her anger is the only thing keeping her going. Her own gaze drops to the lantern, too, but it does little to quell her hammering heart.
Her eyes lift back up to him quickly when he says he doesn't get forgiveness. Swallowing, she shakes her head.
"You don't need forgiveness, Sunjata," she assures him. She sighs heavily, trying to gather her thoughts because they are so utterly scrambled in all directions at the moment. "It wouldn't change anything, in the end, if you can't forgive yourself. We all have to live by the decisions we make. But you have a good life here, you have a family, a daughter... you started something for yourself that you deserve to have. You've done more than most even could in your situation and that means something... If other people can't see that, then... then they don't matter." And that's it. It is that simple because it has to be.
Maybe it's not the call to arms he wants, but it's real and it's raw. It comes from a place of personal understanding. Sunjata doesn't need to tell her everything in order for her to know that he blames himself. She does, too, but she'd rather pull him up from that low place than let his wounds fester. Even if it's hard for her to take her own advice most of the time..
This is what she hopes people would do for her. And to be disappointed by the majority of them is apart of life but, there are always those few that do matter at the end of it all. Sunjata is one of them, she thinks.
"So..." her back straightens and she crosses her arms over her chest, chin lifting, "go and do what you have to do, Governor, for yourself - and I'm right there with you even if no one else is."
Her eyes lift back up to him quickly when he says he doesn't get forgiveness. Swallowing, she shakes her head.
"You don't need forgiveness, Sunjata," she assures him. She sighs heavily, trying to gather her thoughts because they are so utterly scrambled in all directions at the moment. "It wouldn't change anything, in the end, if you can't forgive yourself. We all have to live by the decisions we make. But you have a good life here, you have a family, a daughter... you started something for yourself that you deserve to have. You've done more than most even could in your situation and that means something... If other people can't see that, then... then they don't matter." And that's it. It is that simple because it has to be.
Maybe it's not the call to arms he wants, but it's real and it's raw. It comes from a place of personal understanding. Sunjata doesn't need to tell her everything in order for her to know that he blames himself. She does, too, but she'd rather pull him up from that low place than let his wounds fester. Even if it's hard for her to take her own advice most of the time..
This is what she hopes people would do for her. And to be disappointed by the majority of them is apart of life but, there are always those few that do matter at the end of it all. Sunjata is one of them, she thinks.
"So..." her back straightens and she crosses her arms over her chest, chin lifting, "go and do what you have to do, Governor, for yourself - and I'm right there with you even if no one else is."
if everything is temporary
I will bear the unbearable
I will bear the unbearable
