the precipice of all we know

HOTARU

She's in a long black coat tonight
Waiting for me in the downpour outside

What is there to say to that? It’s only proof of their bias. That they see what they want, that her words hold no weight. So why speak them at all? Deaf ears will not deliver her from their blind eyes.

Her tears are salty against her own lips, eyes squeezed shut. She is somewhere far from here, she tells herself. Back in the fields of her childhood that Remi’s magic had shown her.  It helps dull the piercing nature of his words, like cotton in her ears. Never fully effective, but enough. “I didn’t do it,” she whispers, strained, but why keep trying? This isn’t about the fire anymore clearly even though she wishes it was. At least then her heart wouldn’t hurt so. “I didn’t know what else to do.” If it isn’t already clear, she doesn’t think things through when her well-guarded heart is razed to ash. Her hands push into the roots of her hair, palms pressing against her temples. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just wanted something to remember you by when you left me.” Her head shakes listlessly, hiccuping. Sunjata she can be angry at. Her love feels buried deeper for him. Nate she cannot. “Please just go. Please.” Because she can’t force him to do anything right now, and begging is all she has left.

singing "Baby come home" in a melody of tears
While the rhythm of the rain keeps time

- NATE -

Got my own monster
Nobody but me

It’s impossible to tell what finally does it, what touches that pressure point and makes him crack. All Hotaru will see is the snap, Nate surging to his feet so quickly he sends the chair flying behind him, clattering too loud in the space, and yet somehow not nearly enough to drown out his voice. “You did! Just say it!” There’s a hysterical edge to Nate’s voice, faux arms crackling into existence just to hold him back, to gesture and accuse. “I left you. I didn’t say anything to you. Fucking say it.”

This is about far more than the fire now. “To remember me?!” Nate tips his head back, a cold laugh leaving him, cutting off only when he turns to kick the chair into the wall. “What do I get, huh?” He spits over his shoulder. “Cold spot in my bed? Two buildings burnt? That’s how I get to remember you?”

Nate shakes his head and steps towards the exit, something that sounds suspiciously like “Selfish bitch.” dropping from him while he goes. His retreating footsteps are nearly silent, though it’s still obvious when they pause at the end of the hallway. “At least a week, Hotaru.” He shouts down the hall, slamming the door after his words and leaving her in solitude.

Done ;~;

I would never call him enemy
He's the bad god I need