my held breath fills the room with blood
hurting in ways I can't describe
“I know exactly why. But do you think spurning them is the right answer? Making people feel lost and forgotten? That only creates breeding grounds for resentment. For people to turn to The Voice, who uses her kindness as a weapon of its own. The reason she has so many followers is because many of them were spurned by Old Gods in the first place. That is very dangerous. And I’m not saying I don’t understand why they chose to do it with all The Voice destroyed, but am I not living proof?” Shifting to face Seren a bit more straight on, Hotaru takes a deep breath to collect her thoughts.
“The Voice was the first to ever answer me - not with a visit, but with a presence. I was so desperate, I would have taken anything, even when someone just like her killed my children and destroyed my homeland. I Attuned to Frey because they were the only one to truly give me a chance by appearing physically.” And if they hadn’t, Hotaru may well have Ascended. It’s a terrifying prospect but one she hopes impresses the gravity of to Seren. “In contrast, I don’t find them judging a race of faithful people by one person fair either for all I accepted it and tried to show my faith despite it. It’s an impasse.”
Seren clearly misunderstood what she had said, and Hotaru interjects, shaking her head and holding up a hand immediately. “No. I never said I was above her or that I needed to forgive her. I meant that entirely for my old goddess; and even before I forgave her, I understood and believed her when she said their deaths were for a greater purpose. I had my faith, even in my grief.” Is that not the ultimate test of faith? Of loyalty? To look past the worst kind of pain, of personal attacks, and still believe it happened for a grander reason? “I said that Safrin may never forgive me, for the way I view Sunjata and always will. But even if she hates me eternally, I will still respect her. Love her. I cannot force her to change her mind, but it will not change mine.” Hopefully that would make things clearer for the girl.
“You know nothing of my ruling style Seren. And little of me, realistically. You’re making many assumptions based on the lowest point of my life.” And she is too maternal to feel hurt or betrayed by that. Seren is still young, for all the weight of the mantle on her shoulders. “I have never been, and never will be, that flippant with the lives of my people. There is no matter of changing my ways. I defend my people with my life. I support them from the ground up, not sequestered away in a palace. I give them everything of me, and want to see them grow into the best versions of themselves. To be united as a kingdom. I have ruled more years than you have been alive my girl - I did not keep my throne by being a foolish leader.” The comment about Atlas does make her turn away however, jaw feathering as she fights for restraint.
“You are being intentionally cruel with your words. Atlas was there to prevent anyone from entering and being harmed. To ensure the building that burned would be empty. Do not belittle his sacrifice, or me for my mistake. He was a soul like any other.” Shaking her head she grits her teeth. “Politics are very different from personal betrayals, and I would not react the same way. You must make your judgment based on what you already know of me. Promises mean nothing when I could just as easily be lying to you.” Which leaves the ball in Seren’s court.
“The Voice was the first to ever answer me - not with a visit, but with a presence. I was so desperate, I would have taken anything, even when someone just like her killed my children and destroyed my homeland. I Attuned to Frey because they were the only one to truly give me a chance by appearing physically.” And if they hadn’t, Hotaru may well have Ascended. It’s a terrifying prospect but one she hopes impresses the gravity of to Seren. “In contrast, I don’t find them judging a race of faithful people by one person fair either for all I accepted it and tried to show my faith despite it. It’s an impasse.”
Seren clearly misunderstood what she had said, and Hotaru interjects, shaking her head and holding up a hand immediately. “No. I never said I was above her or that I needed to forgive her. I meant that entirely for my old goddess; and even before I forgave her, I understood and believed her when she said their deaths were for a greater purpose. I had my faith, even in my grief.” Is that not the ultimate test of faith? Of loyalty? To look past the worst kind of pain, of personal attacks, and still believe it happened for a grander reason? “I said that Safrin may never forgive me, for the way I view Sunjata and always will. But even if she hates me eternally, I will still respect her. Love her. I cannot force her to change her mind, but it will not change mine.” Hopefully that would make things clearer for the girl.
“You know nothing of my ruling style Seren. And little of me, realistically. You’re making many assumptions based on the lowest point of my life.” And she is too maternal to feel hurt or betrayed by that. Seren is still young, for all the weight of the mantle on her shoulders. “I have never been, and never will be, that flippant with the lives of my people. There is no matter of changing my ways. I defend my people with my life. I support them from the ground up, not sequestered away in a palace. I give them everything of me, and want to see them grow into the best versions of themselves. To be united as a kingdom. I have ruled more years than you have been alive my girl - I did not keep my throne by being a foolish leader.” The comment about Atlas does make her turn away however, jaw feathering as she fights for restraint.
“You are being intentionally cruel with your words. Atlas was there to prevent anyone from entering and being harmed. To ensure the building that burned would be empty. Do not belittle his sacrifice, or me for my mistake. He was a soul like any other.” Shaking her head she grits her teeth. “Politics are very different from personal betrayals, and I would not react the same way. You must make your judgment based on what you already know of me. Promises mean nothing when I could just as easily be lying to you.” Which leaves the ball in Seren’s court.
my heart bends and breaks
so many, many times
HOTARU
